Yoongi was sitting at the sofa in their shared dorm, sipping a now lukewarm tea. He felt sour. It might not have been the proper feeling to experience at the moment, but well, he already accepted that in the past weeks he wasn’t quite in control of his emotions.

The TV was on, but he didn’t pay it any attention, it was only to provide a distraction from unwanted thoughts. Jin was in the kitchen, only muted sounds of chopping resounding from the room time to time, so the stereotypical voices filled with faked emotions didn't really serve their purpose in the empty room.

It was about time, when the boys should be normally returning from their practice. After his check-up, Jimin let them all know in a group chat that the doctors found nothing wrong with him, he was feeling great again and he would be returning to join them at the practice again. Yoongi also received few messages asking him about his visit in hospital but he didn’t really feel like responding. He didn’t feel like speaking with anybody. He knew, that Jin has told them something to calm them, judging from how everyone’s but Hoseok’s last messages were from more than hour ago. The said boy kept sending him random pictures of everything he laid eyes on; the floor in the training room, Namjoon sprawled on floor, taken from angle in which the leader's head doesn’t show; Hoseok’s feet even.

Yoongi didn’t bother to open the messages, but he still saw the pictures every time his phone alerted him about new notification. As it did now. Yoongi didn’t manage to catch what was the new snap, so he thoughtlessly reached to grab the device and proceeded to unlock it.

From his screen, a firm, with grey sweatpants riding high up the crack, Jibooty was staring at him.

‘This kid. I’ll never understand how the air head of his works… maybe that's better actually’

If he wasn’t a hair’s breadth from a mental breakdown, he would probably snicker and save the photo for possible future use.

---

After about 30 teleshopping ads later, a sound of doors opening, followed by loud voices, could be heard. Yoongi automatically straightened up his back. He might have been telling himself, that this is all his own problem and others didn’t need to know, but it was still bugging him from somewhere deep in his brain. Although he always kept a lot of secrets, he never liked doing it and it always took some time to get used to having a new one. Right before the first, orange head popped up from behind a corridor wall, Yoongi noticed his purse, laying in the mess of his things he threw at the sofa after their arrival. He reached for it quickly and hid it in his pocket as a kid trying to steal sweets from a jar behind mother’s back.

“Oh, hey Jimin! How are you doin’?” he asked the boy, who now fully entered living room, others following right behind. He added a stiff smile.

“Hey, hyung? You’re asking that to me? I wrote on kakao, that I’m fine. But you” Jimin pointed at Yoongi, flipping his hair expressively as he spoke “you couldn’t message us an assuring text during the three hours we were trying to reach you! We were so worried!” Jimin folded his arms on his chest, he was failing to look angry as he have intended due to his baby face. There were few affirmative nods as to stimulate Yoongi to explain himself. During Jimin's monologue, Jin exited the kitchen and was now standing by a wall, in half the way between the two parties, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

But Yoongi didn’t spare him a side look. He was glaring at Jimin, his mind now awakened from apathy it fell into after coming home and now racing like crazy. He was not going to deal with people shouting at him today. Although he figured Jimin haven’t meant his angry tone seriously, he’s picked a wrong day to raise his voice at Yoongi. Even Jimin noticed that, however a moment too late.

“No one asked you to worry about me! Do you think I go around telling you I’m fine because I want you to follow me around and take care of me? Because no, I’m an adult, so are you and I only want you all to mind your own ing business and let me live my own life. I’m not obliged to tell you about every trouble I have, because we would be sitting here till tomorrow then!”

Yoongi naturally stood up during his rant, he saw red now and he even failed to notice alarmed Hoseok, who moved to stand by his side and put hands on Yoongi’s shoulders in hope to calm him down even little. If others entered the room with half faked expressions of offence on faces, now he could only see shock. He was being unreasonable and felt slightly regretful after the words left him, in the end, they’ve only tried to express their concern about him, but teasing wasn’t the way to go around it, it had only pulled the half-released trigger in Yoongi.

“Ah, h-hyung… I didn’t mean to-“ Jimin’s eyes were as big as lakes. 

“What is wrong with you, hyung? Last time we saw you, you were crouching on floor, crying from pain and now you bawl us out because we’re freaking worried? We’re not exaggerating anything here, it’s exactly because we’re adults, that we speak about our worries and thoughts and try to discuss and solve them together. I’m sorry you see it this way because it means I have made a mistake as a leader, but please, at least don’t vent on the kids.” Namjoon spoke almost calmly, the edge showing only in his lifted eyebrows.

Yoongi gasped as in to speak few times, but nothing came out. Hoseok’s hands on his shoulders squeezed him a little in consolation and Jin took a step forward from his almost forgotten place.

“Yoongi, please, don’t shou-“

“The doctor said I have overworked myself. Thus the stomach cramps.” He said, turned in place and headed straight to his room, followed only by thick silence.

---

As he laid down, he realized he’s trembling. It wasn’t rage anymore, he was simply afraid. ‘This is too much on a single person…’ After few minutes of staring at nothing, the whole situation started to dawn on him finally. He felt terrible about shouting at person as sweet as Jimin was; about every member, that had to hear about his insecurities and became a target of his frustration; he felt so scared about what will happen next. So far, he’d tried desperately not to think, that his future might look different than how he’s always tried so hard to make it. He’s went through so many hardships to get to the place he was now, all the belittling he had to endure with mouth shut tight, and then he’s finally made his way in the world, one, that he could be proud of. But there still so much space for improvement. And he’s got great plans on how will his life, meaning basically career, look in the future.

He loved the members of Bangtan and he was sure, they knew it. He liked to tell himself, that after the years together they understood how complicated persona he was, and respected his sometimes seemingly cold attitude towards them. It was his defense system he worked on setting up ever since his early days back at home. He was just too prone to emotional damage and he hated his vulnerable side.

Although sometimes, he selfishly wished the members were maybe just slightly more forceful in their tries to make him open up. Sometimes, they couldn’t or wouldn’t guess right, when he needed them to be there for him. And he wouldn’t push, because he’s used to being alone. But that doesn’t change the fact, that his inferior social skills have failed him once again.

Yes, he could imagine himself staying a part of Bangtan until they all happily marry, have children and either move on from the life of fame, or continue working together.

But what he couldn’t imagine, was him, in his 20s, giving up music, the first relationships he’s ever established, and turning into single-father who spends their day changing diapers, making baby food and doesn’t get a wink of sleep because of worrying about another human being.

A tiny human being.

Inside him.

It wasn’t a hard kick of realization this time, he only felt warmth spread through him, a feeling similar to a nervous blush, before it was gone.

He positioned himself on back and grabbed the hem of his sweatshirt. He hesitated briefly before rolling it up and revealing perfectly flat, pale tummy.

‘Well, not like I expected to find a baby face sticking about of my stomach, right…’ He didn’t even find time to check himself in private yet. Seeing, that his tummy looked like always was reassuring and he immediately pulled his clothes back down, as if his stomach would suddenly inflate right before his eyes if he stared at it only a second longer.

‘A baby…’

Then he remembered the wallet he picked up back at living room and reached for it to one of the pockets his sweatshirt had. He opened it and few small, paper-like objects dropped onto his stomach. He picked the first one, a simple plastic card, with inscription “Hello! I’m pregnant: Min Yoon Ki”, his name neatly written with a permanent marker. He cringed at it and was about to throw it right in to the trash bin next to his bed, but stopped before his arm finished the move, and wedged it behind some non-employed cards in the wallet. ‘Better safe, than sorry, huh.’ Explaining this was the second last thing he wanted to do.

Next was a double-sided time table with free boxes to eventually fill with dates of check-ups to come. There was only one date, a date 7 days far from today. He stuffed that back as well.

Last was a picture from ultrasound. Yoongi stretched his arms up, holding the photo over his head. He stared at it for few second before bringing it back near his face. He squinted eyes at it, but no.  

‘I see nothing humane on it’ and placed it behind some months old bills, like that could deny the reality a little.

Before dozing off, parts of the earlier hospital visit came back to him.

---

When he came to, Jin’s face was the first thing that greeted him. He gasped.

“I saw you started wriggling, so I decided to check on you.”

“Oh, I fainted, didn’t I.” He more stated than asked.

“Yea, we moved you on this unoccupied bed. So how are you, um, feeling?” Jin asked. Yoongi gave him a small glare.

“Not pregnant, if that’s what you ask.”

“Ah… y-yeah... Hey, Yoongi… I’m really really sorry about how I reacted before. I should have been the calm one, but…” While speaking, Jin clasped Yoongi’s hand in one of his, probably both to calm himself and the lying boy.

“I don’t even remember more than blood running to my head, to be honest, so don’t apologize. And, huyng?”

“Yeah?”

Yoongi lifted their connected hands “that’s gay.”

Jin’s eyes grew wide and he let go of the younger’s palm. He was clearly contemplating about what to answer, so Yoongi made it easier on him.

“Ehm, I guess, it’s a wrong time for these jokes?” He smirked. Then the corners of his mouth slacked again as he added, very quietly, but with firm voice: “Are you disgusted?”

Jin shook his head. “No. It’s strange how I never actually thought about these things, like different kinds of uality. Probably because I’ve never met anyone not exactly… straight. But no, I think I’m okay with it.” Jin gave Yoongi a smile that was probably meant to be encouraging.

Now it was the blonde’s eyes that opened wide. He blinked dumbly at Jin, not minding his ‘emotionally dead’ image getting ruined. Somehow, his eyes started to sting.

“WHA- I’m sorry, Yoongi! I really meant it, I cannot speak for others, but I’m gonna support you though this. I don’t care if you’re gay, different or alien for all I know, just… are you okay?” Jin was getting more and more confused every second. Yoongi's eyes were now legit wet. And he was laughing.

Just how lucky he was, to meet people like them.

---

Doctor Son called Yoongi in right after dealing with his last appointment, hour or so later. Jin naturally joined him. Doctor showed them a smile as they sat down.

“Well, Mr. Min, first I need to say I have operation planned in half an hour so I will need to cut this short. It’s unlucky, but we need to deal with the short time we have”

Yoongi nodded. Staying in the office for too long wasn’t in his plan anyways. The doctor was about to speak again, when Yoongi’s voice sounded through the room.

“I want to abort it.” He said quietly, but without stammering.

The man’s face didn’t flicker and Jin’s loud gasp brought everyone’s attention to him. Yoongi gestured with eyes, that he doesn’t understand his huyng's reaction. There wasn’t a different option to begin with, he thought.

“Yoongi, that’s-! You can’t do that.” Yoongi was caught slightly off guard.

“What? You want me to keep it and run around the world pregnant? A gay, pregnant idol? Hyung…” he gave Jin a you-cannot-be-for-real face.

“Yes. Ah, no! But you cannot just… kill it, Yoongi. It’s your blood… child… a gift...?”

Yoongi didn’t know what suddenly flew over the usually very rational hyung’s mind, but he didn’t have enough time to bother, so he choose to ignore the statement and switched his attention back.

“So please give me a date.”

“It is not that simple. But to help you calm your friend here a little, I will say, that as a doctor, I was obliged to suggest abortion as well. Abortion is illegal in our country, but your pregnancy, Mr. Min, would be highly risky and could damage your body in an irreversible way, and therefore it is possible to perform the surgery as it is a special case. A man’s body and whole physique is not suitable for this kind of condition. So if you decide to undergo the termination, I can prepare the documents, but you will still need to undergo the examinations, that we didn’t manage to finish today. We will schedule our next meeting, and after it, we shall handle the documentation. Does that sound alright?”

“Yes.”

“Feel free to ask me any more questions, then.”

“How dangerous is the intervention?”

“There is a chance you might not be able to produce any children in future, but it is not life-threatening. Oh, and you will need to bring the second parent. There is a law, an old, unfortunate one which is contradicting the whole idea, but nevertheless it is still effective; it states, that both biological parents need to sign.”

Yoongi started to cough from the blow. Jin wasn’t quite there to pat his back. “Both parents? I’m sorry, Doctor Son, but it is not possible. Is there any other way?”

“A parent of partner could sign as well if authorized to do so, and” doctor sighed “there is also an illegal way, which I’m supposed not to tell you about, but as I said, the law is unfortunate and I cannot agree with it in this modern time. There are no DNA tests requiered, so basically anymore can sign as second parent. But if there are no important questions, you will have to excuse me, I need to get ready.”

“Ah, yes…”

“Well, nurse Kang will need you to register and will fill you in on some details about your condition. I’m sorry again, and goodbye.” The doctor shook hands with both Yoongi and Jin and disappeared into the room.

So Yoongi spent another 15 minutes with nurse Kang, who handed him various guides, a card which authorizes him to be treated as a Person with special needs, vitamin prescriptions and a picture of the ‘baby’. Yoongi confirmed, that his pregnancy started 4 weeks ago and they registered him into system.

---

After that, he and Jin rode home in the most awkward silence that has even occurred between them. The only thing that was said, was Jin’s: “I’m not helping you sign that”, which was met with a silence. Yoongi might or might not had been sleeping.

---

Yoongi didn’t realize he’s fallen asleep but he woke up in the middle of a night due to the calling of Mother Nature. Sleep took some of the negative feelings away, but even in his sleepy state, he couldn’t not notice how heavy his chest felt. He opened eyes and spotted a human-like figure, limbs sprawled over his side. 'Too. Damn. Close.' After quick examination, he recognized Hoseok. He let out a defeated sigh and leant over Hoseok to get up.

“Hyung?”

“Hobi. Do you know where you are?””

“Um, at home… or…. “

“Yes, but I mean where exactly?” he put emphasis on the word ‘exactly’.

“Ah.” Hoseok understood now. He rolled on the bed silently, not making move to leave “Hyung, you were crying in your sleep.”

“I was what again?”

“Well, maybe not crying, but whimpering. I tried to ‘shoo’ at you and pinched you but you wouldn’t wake up.  So I tried… well…” the words didn’t seem to come easily to the dancer.

“You tried what.” Said Yoongi, trying not so sound too intimidating, but failing. Hoseok was unfazed, though.

“I… petted your hair. And well, fell asleep in the middle of it. But at my defense, you calmed down!”. Yoongi shook head and with “Go to your bed” left the room. He couldn't be angry at the boy, even through he might be ignorant sometimes, he could see how hard was Hoseok trying to lift Yoongi's mysterious, bad mood up.

When he came back after doing his thing, Hoseok was indeed lying on Yoongi’s bed, sleeping peacefully. The blonde just sighed, rolled Hoseok to side to reclaim at least half of the bed, and fell asleep to rhythmical breathing sound of the other.