Taekwoon was awakened by an insistent bladder that refused to let him sleep any further without a trip to the bathroom, and he reluctantly opened his eyes to the sight of Sanghyuk sleeping in a position that wouldn’t be out of place in an interpretive dance routine. Suppressing a snigger at how cramped Sanghyuk’s going to be when he woke up, he heaved himself out of bed and opened the door, trying very hard to stay in the nebulous zone of not-really-awake so that he could hopefully easily fall back asleep after he relieved himself.

Someone was already in the bathroom when he padded his way to it, and he waited for either Hongbin or the guy he’d ed last night to come out. He hoped it wasn’t someone he knew because he’d had enough awkwardness to last him a lifetime at last night’s party without coming face to face with someone he’d have to talk to in tutorials or music society, knowing at some point during the previous night they’d had Hongbin’s in them.

While waiting for his turn and trying to snooze standing up his mind wandered far enough for it to occur to him that before leaving he hadn’t contributed to 613’s party fund – he saw they kept a mason jar next to their door for people to drop in some money as a sort of ‘thank you’ for the alcohol presumably so the parties could keep going and the 613 girls weren’t bankrupted – and he cringed. Maybe he could buy them some beer to make up for it. The embarrassment at how rude it was to have just left the party like that had the unwelcome effect of sobering him up and by the time he heard the toilet flushing and the door unlocking he was regretfully totally awake. However, as it turned out, even if him worrying about not giving anything in return for the beer and shots he’d had last night hadn’t done the job of waking him up the sight of the person coming out of his toilet definitely would have.

“Wonsik?” Taekwoon burst out, his voice cracking in his surprise.

Wonsik was wearing nothing but boxers – who even knew if they were his – and the moment he saw Taekwoon standing outside the bathroom he froze.

“Oh, hyung,” he said weakly, blush already starting up his neck. He swallowed and looked down at himself, but Taekwoon had beaten him to it. On his stomach there was – that was definitely – Taekwoon wanted to rewind time to two minutes ago when he didn’t know what dried come on Wonsik’s bare skin looked like. This wasn’t a thing he needed in his life. He didn’t even care whose it was, he just did not need to have seen that.

“Hyung?” came Hongbin’s alarmed voice behind him, and Taekwoon was actually scared to turn around, fearing what he would see.

Thankfully, Hongbin had grabbed a shirt and was pulling it on, hiding whatever needed to be hid, if there was anything that needed hiding. He threw a shirt at Wonsik, who caught it and fumbled in his haste to put it on. Taekwoon was feeling an almighty mix of Oh my god and Hongbin, you did NOT and Why did this have to happen to me and Is this a good thing??? and he didn’t know which one he was supposed to be feeling the most.

To make things worse, Sanghyuk chose that moment to shuffle out of Taekwoon’s room, rubbing one eye and looking generally adorably rumpled in Taekwoon’s clothes.  

“Sanghyuk?” Hongbin said incredulously, turning in shock to Taekwoon. “Seriously?”

“Kong sunbae?” Sanghyuk mumbled, Taekwoon knowing that that would make no sense to Hongbin. “Oh, Wonsik hyung.” Sanghyuk blinked a little at all of them staring at him, and then the penny dropped.

“Oh, Wonsik hyung,” Sanghyuk said, his eyes going wide the same moment Taekwoon realised the conclusion Hongbin had jumped to.

“No, nononono,” Taekwoon blustered, holding a hand out towards Hongbin. “No, no, we didn’t – Sanghyuk just stayed the night – but you did!”

Hongbin reached around Taekwoon to grab the Wonsik statue by the arm and pull him back into Hongbin’s room. “We’ll talk about this later, okay, hyung?” he said, indicating Sanghyuk with a meaningful look before shutting his bedroom door behind himself which Taekwoon thought was incredibly rich coming from someone who’d just done what Hongbin had done. He didn’t care if Hongbin thought Taekwoon had banged Sanghyuk – the main issue here was Wonsik and how the hell he’d ended up in Hongbin’s bed last night. Taekwoon remembered with a jolt the moan that had woken him up, hours before, and wondered how on earth Wonsik’s deep voice hadn’t been familiar to him.

He stared at Sanghyuk and Sanghyuk stared back at him, until Taekwoon remembered his bursting bladder and bustled into the bathroom with a curse.

*

Wonsik sat awkwardly on the edge of Hongbin’s bed as Hongbin stood fitfully in front of the closed door.

“Bin, sit down,” he said finally, reaching out for him and forcing him into a sitting position next to him. Hongbin moved away slightly once Wonsik let go of him, moving his leg that had inititally pressed into Wonsik’s own and Wonsik tried to swallow down the hurt.

“What’s the matter?”

Hongbin didn’t know what to say.

People weren’t supposed to find out like this.

I don’t know what to do with you now.

Please leave.

Please stay.

Stay away from Jaehwan.

You’re mine.

This means nothing.

Hongbin took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Of all the things to do, of all the ing stupid things to do –

Hongbin had watched Taekwoon leave with Sanghyuk more than two hours earlier, and the basketball friends he had been hanging out with had left too along with most people. A few small groups of people still stayed, nursing drinks and speaking in low voices, and Hongbin was trying very hard not to watch Jaehwan, Wonsik and Hakyeon who had gathered back on the sofa and were talking slow, their movements languid. Hongbin moved from the corner he was in, intending to toss his unfinished bottle of beer, go find the 613 girls – Hyorin and Soyou, who’d welcomed him earlier with warm smiles given how he was more or less a regular at their parties – and leave with his tail between his legs. He’d never felt so much like an outsider in his life.

His overriding emotion was anger – anger at himself, anger at Jaehwan, anger at Wonsik, anger at Taekwoon for always being right. So now he was best-friendless, and he supposed losing Wonsik only now after more than three years was somewhat of a bonus. He’d stuck around far longer than Hongbin had expected, far longer than any of the others had done –

Hongbin wanted to growl at himself, frowning sharply and forcing himself to his feet. Self-pity was such an ugly look on him, and he knew deep down it was absolutely nobody’s fault but his own that he’d ended up like this. Always too quick to cut and run, always too prickly on purpose to really let anyone in; congratulations, Lee Hongbin! You win again.

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected Wonsik to do. To grow old alone, waiting for Hongbin from year to year? Prove how much he loved Hongbin by waiting dumbly for acceptance that would never come? Taekwoon was right. Hongbin really was a bastard.

Hongbin let his bottle drop into the big trash bag in the kitchen, the sound of the glass hitting harshly against other bottles utterly satisfying to him in his bitter mood. He couldn’t find the girls, however, and so he dug out a twenty to drop into the Party Jar and stepped into the corridor, making himself take a deep breath and just stop thinking, stop feeling. He would go home, shower, and then sleep off the alcohol, and then in the morning when he was feeling slightly better he would promise himself to leave Wonsik alone for good.

The image of Jaehwan kissing Wonsik flashed across his mind’s eye once again and Hongbin tamped down savagely on the sinking pain in his chest. This is your fault, he told himself, over and over.

“Binnie.”

Hongbin the top step of the stairs, his heart sinking. Wonsik stopped a couple of metres away from him, and Hongbin could see he was probably just a couple of drinks away from being completely smashed.

“Go back inside, Wonsik,”Hongbin forced himself to say. “I’ll see you some other time, okay?”

“Binnie,” Wonsik shook his head, stepping closer. “Are we okay? I know – I know things are weird-”

“We’re fine,” Hongbin smiled, knowing Wonsik was too drunk to see that his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “We’re okay. Don’t worry about it. Go back inside to Hakyeon and Jaehwan, I’m gonna go-”

“I’m sorry,” Wonsik blurted out, and the words died on Hongbin’s lips. “Hongbin, I’m sorry.”

It hurt.

“No, Wonsik, it’s me who’s sorry,” Hongbin said softly, not able to look away, and he knew it was the truest thing he’d ever said to Wonsik.

Wonsik walked up to Hongbin and took Hongbin’s face in his hands before Hongbin could anticipate what he was going to do.

“You look so sad,” Wonsik whispered, and Hongbin tugged at his hands, finding to his horror that the alcohol in his system was making him too vulnerable for all of this right now, tears pricking at the back of his eyes for the second time that night.

“Wonsik, you’re drunk, let go,” Hongbin said, pulling Wonsik’s hands away and averting his face. Wonsik was too close.

“I love you, Binnie,” Wonsik breathed, and Hongbin’s hands stuttered. “You know that, right? That I love you?”

Hongbin raised his head to look at Wonsik with wondering eyes; he couldn’t help it. Wonsik had never said it before – never outright, not like this. He said it in the way he looked at Hongbin, the time he spent with him, how he’d always put Hongbin first – but he’d never put it in words, never forced Hongbin to confront his feelings like this. Hongbin swallowed, looking into Wonsik’s face and knowing it was the alcohol talking. This was why people drunk-dialed their exes, why they confessed all manner of things after one too many drinks; alcohol made you honest and loosened your tongue. Unfortunately, Hongbin wasn’t drunk.

“What about Jaehwan?” Hongbin asked after a moment, voice faltering.

“No,” Wonsik shook his head firmly, “Just you. Only you. Always you.”

Hongbin, hating himself, leaned forward and kissed Wonsik.

“Do you want me to go?”

Wonsik’s voice broke into Hongbin’s thoughts, and Hongbin hated himself even more at the look of miserable resignation on Wonsik’s face. Hongbin had kissed him, brought him home, let Wonsik touch and kiss and do everything Wonsik had ever dreamed about for years, and when they were done he’d held Hongbin as they drifted off to sleep; but now in the harsh light of day it was the same as it had ever been. Hongbin gave, and Hongbin took away.

I can’t lose you. “Wonsik-”

“It’s fine,” Wonsik said, getting to his feet and casting about for his clothes in order to distract himself from the horrible feeling welling up in his chest. “I – you know, you’d think after all this time I would have expected this.”

Hongbin’s head snapped up – Wonsik was never cruel – and Wonsik pressed the heel of his palm into one eye. His hangover was killing him, adding to the pain in his head. This hadn’t been Hongbin’s usual flirting, winks and smiles and lingering touches. This had meant something, and the more Wonsik thought about it the more it was starting to hurt more than he could deal with right now.

“Wonsik, just let me think, okay-”

“Yeah, okay, you think,” Wonsik answered, feeling very tired. All Hongbin needed to do to fix this was to reach out and make him stay. Put out a hand, stop Wonsik from leaving; kiss him again, tell him it had meant something to Hongbin as well, that Wonsik hadn’t just been a pity , or worse, just the latest notch in Hongbin’s bedpost. That Hongbin hadn’t taken advantage because Wonsik was easy, because Wonsik had been drunk and laid open and Hongbin was possessive and didn’t like sharing his things.

Hongbin stared at him from his position on the bed as Wonsik pulled on his jeans and buttoned them, knuckles almost white with how tightly he’d balled his fists, but he didn’t say a word.

Wonsik opened the door and walked out, hoping every step of the way that Hongbin would come after him. Any moment he’d feel Hongbin’s hand on his arm, pulling him back and telling him not to go – any moment.

He put on his shoes and his eyes snagged on the same pair of shoes Hongbin had sent him in a photo all those weeks ago – Sanghyuk’s shoes. Sanghyuk and Taekwoon hyung, huh?

Wonsik hoped they were doing better than he and Hongbin were, and closed the front door behind him.

*