A/N: okay this chapter is very late but school is back and as busy as ever...it's pretty short but it's action packed and i really hope you enjoy <3 BTW: after this chapter i've only got around four more to go :(

Hands tucked away comfortably in his oversized pockets, Jonghyun revelled in the gentle breeze which brushed against his face and through his hair with a content sigh. His feet travelled quickly, almost skipping down the asphalt sidewalk and stumbling every so often in his excitement, but it was fruitless to ignore the growing butterflies which occupied Jonghyun’s stomach. Kibum’s large, middle class house could be seen easily from a distance, but it was impossible to determine from where he currently stood whether or not the boy’s parents were home.

It was a Tuesday afternoon – closer to 4:30pm to save Jonghyun the embarrassment of crossing paths with Kibum on his way home from school. The plan was to surprise the younger at a place where they both felt comfortable, and most importantly, away from prying eyes. Jonghyun simply wanted to talk, something which was proving increasingly difficult with the way Kibum had been avoiding him the past week or so.

The house grew larger as Jonghyun neared, but he paused hesitantly before crossing a certain point to make sure that there were definitely no parents home. The driveway remained empty and the house seemed relatively quiet, however upon noticing a large tree by the side of the house, Jonghyun mentally shrugged.

‘Better to be safe than sorry.’

Taking one more cautious glance at his surroundings, Jonghyun carefully made his way towards the tree, looking at its branches with distaste. He’d never been the sort to climb trees in his spare time as a kid. He’d always opted for staying inside where the warmth was, covered in blankets as he poured his feelings into stories, poems and songs. So now, even though he was twenty-one, Jonghyun found he had absolutely no idea how to go about this, and awkwardly looked up the tree to make sure it looked strong enough.

He’d watched plenty of romance movies over his lifetime, and figured that no matter how uncomfortable and terrible he felt climbing the tree, it would be worth it to see Kibum’s surprised and ecstatic face at the end. Jonghyun grabbed onto the nearest branch and gradually began to pull himself up, ignoring his shaking legs and quivering heartbeat. Nerves wouldn’t have any benefits for him now – instead, he sought to turn his anxiousness into confidence.

Climbing up the tree itself seemed fine. But upon looking down to the ground below and observing the sheer distance which separated him and safety, Jonghyun felt his heart dropping to his stomach. If anything however, he was closer to the window, so continued on after another half-hearted attempt of reassurance.

Jonghyun cursed his affinity for romance as he reached the window, staring at it with a new bout of utmost anxiety. Should he knock? Perhaps wait for Kibum to open the curtains (which, much to his chagrin, were closed)? Open the window himself and surprise Kibum?

Nope, definitely not. He didn’t want to seem like some creepy ert or scare the living daylights out of his boyfriend. And so, with one last heavy sigh, Jonghyun reached forward and gently tapped on the window.

To be met with absolutely nothing in response.

Jonghyun looked around awkwardly. It would do no good for someone to him like this. He prayed to the gods that Kibum was actually home, and hesitantly, knocked again – this time, a little louder. Something seemed to rustle behind the curtains, the slight movement eliciting Jonghyun to hold his breath in anticipation. And then, in one swift movement, the curtains were pulled back to reveal Kibum, regarding Jonghyun with an emotion akin to both astonishment and slight anger.

The older of the two smiled sheepishly, and although he was tempted to run a nervous hand through his hair, he didn’t want to skew the hat on his head and ruin the dyed surprise. Kibum sighed deeply on the other side of the glass before, albeit reluctantly, opening the window.

“Jonghyun,” he spoke frantically, looking out the window to make sure his parents weren’t in sight. “What the hell are you doing here?” Kibum gestured for Jonghyun to slip through the window, helping his boyfriend in despite his initial anger.

Stumbling onto Kibum’s bedroom floor, Jonghyun’s hands fidgeted by his side. “I—just…W-Why haven’t you been talking to me? I miss you.”

Kibum sat on his bed heavily. “I’ve been really busy, Jjong, I—“

“If you were busy you could’ve at least replied to my texts. You’re ignoring me, ‘Bum. Why?”

Of course Jonghyun knew Kibum was grounded. He’d heard the words from the boy’s mother herself. But he wanted to hear it from Kibum, too. He wanted to hear Kibum’s side of the story.

“I just ran out of credit, okay? I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun could feel a slight burning behind his eyes but willed himself to push his tears aside. He couldn’t let his sensitivity and emotions get the best of him now. He inhaled shakily. “Why are you lying?”

Standing from his bed, Kibum frowned. “I’m not. What’s with you?”

“Me? What’s with me? I know you’re grounded, Kibum! So just stop lying and tell me why.”

Freezing, Kibum could only respond with silence, staring at Jonghyun with wide, sorrowful eyes. And it seemed that the silence was an invitation for Jonghyun to continue, cursing himself mentally as he felt the first tear threatening to spill.

“I know you have to lie to your parents sometimes…for your own good. To protect yourself. But me? Why are you lying to me, Kibum? What did I do wrong?”

Kibum shook his head softly. “I’m grounded…” he whispered, and Jonghyun had to lean forward in order to gauge what he was saying. “Because of you.”

“…What?”

“I said,” Kibum gritted, “It’s your fault.”

Jonghyun stopped, staring at Kibum in stunned silence. Already, you could feel the air thickening around them, but Jonghyun refused to give up, denying tentatively. “B-But I didn’t do anything wrong. I swear I never said anything, Kibum…”

Sitting back down, Kibum could only stare at his lap.

“C’mon, ‘Bum. Please—“

“I know you didn’t say anything, you idiot!” burst Kibum, head shooting up in anger. Water fell from his eyes, and judging by the way his hands gripped at the bedsheets, it was easy to tell he was still holding a lot in. “But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s all your fault.”

The older of the two watched concernedly as Kibum desperately swiped at his eyes in a fruitless attempt to quell his tears. “Everything was fine before you got here. My dad was fine before you got here!”

“You’re being unfair.”

Kibum shook his head. “It’s just too hard.”

Cautiously, Jonghyun shuffled closer, biting his lip to assure that his own tears didn’t fall. Scared to hear the reply, he asked cautiously and held his breath. “W-What is?”

“Being with you.” Kibum choked out. “Why is being with you so hard?”

Frowning deeply, Jonghyun took another step closer, ignoring the large droplets which slowly began to splash against his cheeks. “I don’t know.” he replied hoarsely. “But please…please don’t blame me, Kibum. I swear…we can work through this – whatever it is – together. Just please don’t shut me out.”

“We can’t just work through this, Jonghyun! Because my father and everyone else is never going to stop being homophobic, and I’m never going to stop being gay and I just—“ Kibum let out an ugly sob. “—can’t help but hate myself for it sometimes.”

“No…” Jonghyun muttered, “Please don’t say that.”

Kibum allowed himself to be wrapped in Jonghyun’s embrace, but made no move to return the gesture. His arms remained limp by his side, and seemed to ignore Jonghyun’s gentle whispers of reassurance. “Why would you even say that?”

“Because it’s not normal! Haven’t you realised that yet, Jjong? If it was normal, then we wouldn’t have to sneak around like we’ve been doing. If it was normal, t-then…nobody would give a if I held your hand in public. I wouldn’t be bullied, I wouldn’t be grounded…my dad wouldn’t hate me.” Kibum breathed out deeply. “Why can’t we just be normal?”

“Normal?” Jonghyun scoffed, using his thumbs to softly wipe away Kibum’s tears. “What’s normal? Because if normal means not being able to do this,” Jonghyun lightly pecked Kibum on the lips. “Or this,” he entwined their fingers together. “Then who gives a ?”

Slowly, Kibum’s cheeks grew pinker, and it was easy to see he was struggling to conceal a smile.

“Does this feel wrong, ‘Bum? Unnatural? Uncomfortable?” Jonghyun moved one hand to rest lightly against the skin of Kibum’s waist and leant forward to kiss him once again.

Kibum could only shake his head softly.  “No,” he mumbled. “Of course not.”

Grinning, Jonghyun tightened his embrace and rested his chin on Kibum’s shoulder. “I really like you, y’know? And I know it’s hard…I know you hate living like this sometimes but…it’s worth it, right? If you feel the same way I do, then…I hope us being together is worth it.”

“It is.” Kibum grinned softly, before a barely audible gasp escaped his lips. Jonghyun pulled away marginally in curiosity, but could only gleam with pride upon realising where Kibum’s gaze was directed. A hand reached forward to snag the hat off his head, followed by another hand running through the thick, dyed locks in awe.

“You dyed your hair.” Kibum acknowledged.

Jonghyun nodded and grinned bashfully. “Does it look alright?”

Allowing a loud, melodious laugh to escape, Kibum could only pull Jonghyun back into the hug and nod ferociously. “I love it.” he whispered.

Tightening their hug, Jonghyun breathed in deeply – content, but anxious to hear everything he came for. “S-So…When are you grounded ‘til, anyway?”

“Until I finish school.” Kibum pouted, “But it’s only a month away.”

Albeit disappointed, Jonghyun nodded understandingly. “That’s fair enough…Make sure you’re studying hard, okay?”

Kibum laughed loudly and rolled his eyes. “Not you, too.”

Chuckling good naturedly, Jonghyun kissed Kibum on the forehead affectionately. He began to hum an unintelligible tune under his breath, swaying Kibum back and forth in time with the rhythm. “I’ve really missed you, ‘Bum.”

“I think I’ve missed you more…How’s Roo doing?”

Jonghyun jolted in concealed excitement. “She’s really growing fast.” he spoke enthusiastically, trailing off awkwardly with an upturn of the nose. “But she keeps peeing on the bed.”

Snorting, Kibum slapped Jonghyun playfully on the arm. “You’re meant to toilet train her, you dunce.”

“I’m trying,” the older whined, “it’s really hard, Kibum…she won’t listen.”

“You’re too soft.” tutted Kibum indignantly, before kissing Jonghyun firmly on the mouth. “It’s cute.”

The singer smiled good-naturedly and made move to respond, yet paused suddenly in horror at the sound of movement downstairs. The stairs, despite their sturdiness, squeaked, and Kibum cussed aloud in panic. He took Jonghyun’s arm roughly and gestured to the wardrobe, giving the older male an all but gentle nudge to quicken his pace.

Jonghyun bit his lip worriedly, trying to speak to Kibum with his eyes.

Let me stay, they screamed. Let me help.

Kibum shook his head roughly before promptly shoving Jonghyun into the wardrobe, closing the door with haste and fishing his phone clumsily from his pocket.

“Yeah, Amber. I’m telling you, it’s due on Friday.” he spoke into the device, walking over to his bed and sitting down tensely. The door flung open and Kibum shot his father a casual smile, gesturing to the phone in his hand. “No, it’s just my dad. Nah...Yeah, I don’t know...I’m pretty sure…Mhm, I’ll call you back. See ya, Amber.” Kibum put the phone down and regarded his father with faux curiosity, ignoring the anxiety and fear which seemed to keep his limbs locked in place.

Breathing heavily, Jonghyun tried fruitlessly to calm his nerves, staring intently at a particular ray of light which drifted through a crack in the wood. He mentally applauded Kibum’s quick thinking and acting skills, yet no amount of talent could quell his apprehension. In an attempt to muffle his loud breathing Jonghyun clamped a hand over his mouth, butterflies leaping in dread as he heard the bedroom door close abruptly.

“What’s up?” came Kibum’s voice – low and absentminded.

“I thought I heard voices…”

“Yeah, I was on the phone to Amber. We’re just finalising our project.”

Silence, followed by a deep harrumph. “Better than that Jonghyun. And close the goddamn window, boy, it’s freezing in here.”

The window slammed close after a few seconds. “What’s your problem with him, dad?”

Jonghyun bit his lip harshly and prayed to the gods that Kibum would move onto another topic. Now was not the time to be defending him.

“My problem, Kibum, is the fact that he is a bad influence on you. All this disgusting behaviour started after you became friends with him. We should have sent you to a private school.”

Undeniably, the tension in the room began to increase at a rapid rate, Jonghyun struggling to breathe silently through his nose. The wardrobe was warm and lacked fresh air, and knowing that he had to stay quiet, Jonghyun was finding it increasingly difficult to sit still.

“Disgusting behaviour? Are you kidding me? I—“

“I know a when I see one, Kibum. And I don’t trust ‘em...Who knows what he’ll try to do to you if you’re left alone together.”

With fists clenched so tightly, Jonghyun was vaguely aware of the marks his nails were making his palms but chose to ignore it, too focused on the suspenseful conversation at hand. His own anger was slowly becoming more evident, but nothing could prepare Jonghyun for what Kibum would say next.

A light chortle escaped the younger male’s lips and he allowed himself to fall backwards onto his bed. “Who’s to say he hasn’t already?”

A resounding slap echoed around the room. Met with complete and utter silence.

Jonghyun struggled to stifle a gasp, feeling his eyes water immediately at the connotations the mortifying sound held. The image of Kibum’s beautiful, porcelain face being struck so mortifyingly by his own father made him shake with rage, never feeling such a strong sense of protection towards someone as he did in that moment. Jonghyun itched to reach forward and push the door open just an inch, create a distraction – anything to help. But Jonghyun also understood that this particular situation, as much as he hated to admit it, was out of his hands.

“Take a ing joke…” muttered Kibum eventually, any sign of humour having disappeared from his voice entirely.

“A joke?” the man roared. “Do I look amused to you, boy? If I hear anything else like that falling from your mouth, be assured that you’ll be getting a lot more than a pathetic little slap.”

“Get out.” whispered Kibum, staring absentmindedly at the wardrobe door across from him.

Nobody moved, the room becoming thick with tension. Jonghyun felt the vague urge to sneeze and tightened his clenched fists, praying to the gods that he could hold it for just a while longer. The chilling, gruff voice began to speak again, and Jonghyun held his breath.

“Don’t you dare speak to me li—“

The sound of something breaking shattered against the walls. “Get the out my room!” screamed Kibum, and then it was silent. A door clicked shut and a window slid open. Hesitantly, Jonghyun gave the wardrobe door a gentle nudge and peered around the corner. Kibum stood alone, a smashed lamp pooling by his feet.

Warily, Jonghyun exited the enclosed space and regarded the younger boy with concern, inching forward to check if he was alright. But, Jonghyun added mentally, that thought in itself was stupid. Of course Kibum wasn’t alright. “K-Kibum…?”

His hand reached forward to give Kibum’s hand a reassuring squeeze and to pull him into a hug, feeling his heart drop to his stomach as the younger boy shied away. “Please leave.” Kibum spoke.

“’Bum…I-I’m sorry—“

“It’s not your fault, okay?! Just please, leave!”

Jonghyun nodded solemnly, and albeit reluctantly, began to edge towards the open window. His throat was thick with distress, concern and trepidation, overcome with the inability to utter any other words.

“Stay safe…please, Kibum…my house is open whenever you need it.”

Kibum looked as though he was struggling to keep his tears at bay, nodding softly yet refusing to meet the older male’s eyes. His balled fists shook and Kibum appeared weaker than Jonghyun had ever seen him before. He wanted to hold him – reassure Kibum that everything was going to be okay. But Jonghyun wasn’t sure it was, and figured that despite how much he urged to comfort Kibum, the best thing to do would actually be to take action in making sure that everything was going to be alright. He slipped out of the window and shakily closed it behind him, watching with blurred vision as Kibum’s pent up tears of frustration, humiliation and devastation finally began to fall.

Jonghyun descended the tree hurriedly, tripping over slightly upon reaching the bottom and ignoring the twigs as they scraped roughly against his skin. His chest heaved with concern and fear, looking back up at Kibum’s window once before quickening his pace onto the pavement. Droplets of tears clung to his eyelashes and blurred his vision, the sleeve he was using to swipe at his face proving to no avail.

The words and noises he’d heard from his previous position in the wardrobe rang through his ears, and as Jonghyun’s worries increased, so did his heartrate. It was certain – Kibum’s father scared the out of him, and it wasn’t even him who the irrefutable malice and disgust was directed it. His gut churned for Kibum’s safety, the mere thought of any harm being brought to the younger boy setting Jonghyun off with another bout of sobs.

His body shook, but for the first time in a while, Jonghyun didn’t curse his fragile sensibility. His feet scuffed against the ground and occasionally he stumbled on a loose piece of asphalt but Jonghyun didn’t stop, tears not even dying when he reached his home and burst inside. With streaks of tears staining his face, red rimmed eyes and a heaving chest, the singer looked anything but okay, however ignored his sister’s exclamations of concern and continued down to his room, locking the door securely behind him.

“Jonghyun!” came Seodam’s shouts as she knocked on his door. “What happened?”

He refused to respond, merely shoving his face into a nearby pillow. “Nothing.” He blubbered incoherently. “C-Can you just bring Roo?”

A sigh sounded from outside his bedroom, followed shortly by footsteps which gradually grew more distant. Jonghyun’s emotions were getting the best of him, and while the situation didn’t affect him directly, he found that he was more heartbroken than ever. The resounding slap continued to haunt his ears, but Kibum’s lack of reaction was the real, underlying reason for his distress.

He just stood there, bearing it without even an utter of sound as though…he was used to it.

The door squeaked open marginally and in crept Roo, pawing at the bed desperately in an attempt to join Jonghyun. He rolled over and helped her up, smiling pensively as the puppy nudged at his pathetic figure and whined in worry.

“I’m okay, Roo.” he spoke, scratching her affectionately behind the ears before adding with a forlorn whisper. “But I’m not sure if Kibum is.”

With Roo lying over his stomach, Jonghyun plucked his phone from the nightstand and looked over his array of sent messages, scolding himself for ever having felt angry at Kibum. They all remained unanswered, but nevertheless, Jonghyun’s fingers began to move across the screen frantically.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Kibum…’

Nothing came in return except for a sunken heart on Jonghyun’s behalf. Instinctively – desperate for a response – his fingers began to type something else out, yet backspaced the three, authentic words as soon as they became something coherent.

‘I love you.’

It would do no good to let his emotions get the best of him now.