I had no idea how to react when Hanna suddenly confessed to me so I pretended to be sleeping. Yes, I was drunk, but not dead drunk. Hanna and I had always maintained a cat and dog relationship. We grew up bickering and rarely showed affection to each other which was why I was stunned when she kissed me on my lips. This was wrong. We were siblings! Since when did she start developing feelings for me? Why hadn’t I noticed any signs? This was so damn confusing! What should I do?

She love me…as a man. But I love her only as a little sister. How did things get so out of hand? She shouldn’t…mustn’t love me romantically. I have to wake her up or I would only destroy her future if I continued to mislead her. But how? Damn! Why now when my life was already screwed up enough?!

I couldn’t come up the right words to break the news to her. She acted as usual and there were no signs of her…love towards me. I was afraid of facing this Hanna. I was clueless as to how to deal with this situation so I escaped. I packed my belongings and lied about being summoned by sajangnim. I needed time to think. Forgive me Hanna…for being a coward oppa.

After days of cooping in my room to “reflect” on my misdeed, I came up with a brilliant idea to make things better. I asked my university friend to pretend to be my girlfriend and brought her to meet my family. We acted lovey dovely in front of them. I would purposely involve Hanna in our conversation and gauged her reaction. Only when I really paid attention to her did I notice how tense she was. During dinner, she was smiling politely even though she made no efforts to join in the conversation. Whenever I picked up dishes for my “girlfriend” she would bite her lips and looked away. Her infatuation was so obvious so why was I so oblivious all the time?

My heart tightened with guilt when she excused herself to her room immediately after dinner. Her eyes…they were teary. She must be crying in her room now…because of me. Did I cause her that much pain unknowingly? I started to regret. Perhaps there was another gentler way. Another method that would not hurt her so much.

No Lee Seunghyun. You are her oppa. You have to take responsibility and finish up what you started. Hanna, forgive oppa for being cruel…but you cannot love me. This is the best for you and me.

After I sent my friend back, I returned to my family house instead of the dorm. I needed to finish it up. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before knocking on Hanna’s room. “Hanna, are you awake?”

There was no answer and I was about to sigh in relief when she quietly opened the door.

“What?” she asked in a grumpily.

“Ah no. I just want to ask you for your opinion.” I laughed nervously as I pushed her into her room.

“Don’t turn on the lights! I mean it’s hard for me to adjust to bright light now and I want to sleep after your oh so important question that makes it fine for you to interrupt my beauty sleep!” she explained nervously.

But I knew better. Her eyes must have been so swollen from crying. Hanna…

“Yeah yeah. You won’t turn pretty overnight. You would have to change your genes to achieve that. Let’s be serious. What do you think of her? She is perfect for me right?! So pretty and smart! She’s good at cooking too. Most importantly she understands me well. We just click right from the start. What do you think?” I acted excitedly to make it more convincing. I have to act well. There was no room from NGs.

Hanna hugged her pillow tightly. “You must have really love her huh?” she whispered softly. She looked so painfully fragile. I wanted to throw my arms around her to comfort and protect that like what any older brother should but I can’t, so I continued.

“Yeah. I have never love someone so much before. It feels like we are fated to be together. I want a family with her. Not now though…in the future when we have both matured.” I have prepared my lines beforehand.

Hanna laughed bitterly. It sounded so sorrowful to my ears. “Then go for it oppa. If she can make you love her like this then she must be the right one for you. Now get out of my room. I have enough of your nonsense.”

She pushed me out of her room and slammed the door in my face. I was still overwhelmed by the feeling of heartbreak, pain and despair radiating from her. I stood numbly outside her room, listening to her painful sobs. Hanna...forgive oppa. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I should have notice your feelings earlier and stopped you before you fall too deep. Why me? Why are you loving someone like me? There are thousands of guys that are hundred times better than me so why? Why hurt yourself so much for a useless brother like me?

Hanna be strong and move on. Until then, I would step out of your life. Please understand Hanna. I knew i was doing the best for her so what is the ominous feeling in my heart?