Even though I can’t say it right now

 

 

 

It was their 4th meeting for their project and it wasn't awkward anymore, but there's a gap between them.

 

 

Junhyung has learned to accept the fact that even though Doojoon is very open with his emotions – he’s like an open book – that doesn’t mean that Junhyung will show him his. There’s still a brick wall in between him and his gazillions of feelings for the older boy.

 

 

He’s not ready to delve in deeper into that emotion just yet, let alone show it.

 

 

Anyway, Junhyung knows that Doojoon’s an open book – with the older boy’s very expressive face and inability to actually make an effort hide it – Junhyung knows that Doojoon likes him. Like, really, really like him.

 

 

But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t surprised when Doojoon whispered an, “I love you, Junhyung-ah” at him while he was reading a book.

 

 

“What?” His heartbeat skyrocketed as he peered over his book and asked, “Did you say something?”

 

 

Junhyung hoped with all his heart that Doojoon will say it again and again and again to his face like a mantra.

 

 

But when the older boy just shook his head, smiling a bit and said, “Nothing.”

 

 

Junhyung just took a deep breath, calming himself a bit, willing himself not to scream and yell at Doojoon to just ing say it again.

 

 

Because…

 

 

I love you too, Doojoon-ah.

 

 

 

Even when I keep getting nervous looking at you

 

 

 

Junhyung was a mess, pacing back and forth as Dongwoon watched him through Skype, the laptop was on top of the former’s bed.

 

 

“Jun,” Dongwoon said carefully, “Are you freaking out?”

 

 

Junhyung froze and stared at Dongwoon, “I am not freaking out.”

 

 

He really wasn’t. Nope. He just ing admitted to himself earlier that he’s in love with Doojoon. So, of course he’s not freaking out.

 

 

He was just having a mental breakdown and he thinks that his brain just left him and now it’s his heart that’s taking control of him. But he is so not freaking out. Really.

 

 

“Breathe, Jun. Breathe.” Dongwoon said panickly; he must’ve noticed that Junhyung wasn’t breathing properly.

 

 

Junhyung closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

 

 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe.

 

 

“You okay now?” Dongwoon asked after a few moments. Junhyung nodded, smiling shakily, “Yeah. Thanks, Woonie.”

 

 

“Hey, no problem.” The younger boy said,”You gonna tell me now what’s got you to go freak out on me?”

 

 

Junhyung visibly winced, not really ready to admit that he actually liked Doojoon – that he actually loves Yoon Doojoon.

 

 

“Doojoon?” Dongwoon asked cautiously, although he knows that he’s right. Doojoon’s the only dude that has always been bothering Junhyung’s mind these past days.

 

 

Junhyung nodded and sighed.

 

 

“Did he do something wrong?”

 

 

Junhyung kept quiet. Doojoon did nothing wrong. It’s the way Doojoon makes his heart beat so fast that’s wrong. Juhyung looked down at his chest and glared, blaming his traitorous heart for everything.

 

 

“You like him.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Dongwoon was sure he was right.

 

 

Junhyung blushed, “I don’t.”

 

 

“Uh-huh. Sure, Jun. Keep telling yourself that and you’d –“

 

 

“I love him.”

 

 

“—end up… WHAT?!”

 

 

Junhyung turned his gaze from his chest to Dongwoon, flopping down on his bed slowly and carefully so that his laptop won’t fall, glaring at the latter half-heartedly.

 

 

“Don’t act as if you didn’t know that. Don’t act so surprised. It’s your fault in the first place.”

 

 

“Hey! It’s not my fault that you’re in love with him.” Dongwoon grinned cheekily, “I just helped.”

 

 

Junhyung groaned, “I can’t handle this right now.”

 

 

“You can’t handle the fact that you’re in love with Doojoon? Or the fact that Doojoon seems to love you too?” Dongwoon teased.

 

 

Junhyung feels like the whole world just made a home on his shoulders and it’s not leaving him any time soon.

 

 

“Both.”

 

 

 

I always think of you

 

 

 

Only three more meetings left and the project will be finished.

 

 

They’ve decided that their project would be a miniature solar system. They have already placed the tiny balls in the correct order from the sun to Pluto; the only thing left is painting and putting a little bit of decoration to it.

 

 

Doojoon yawned as he stretched quietly, and Junhyung just rubbed his eyes. It was time to go home.

 

 

“Um,” Junhyung started, clearing his throat, which instantly perked Doojoon up. “I guess we’re done here.”

 

 

Doojoon’s face scrunched up, as if he was expecting something else from the younger boy. Junhyung mentally winced, it doesn’t matter how much he wanted to talk to Doojoon some more, he can’t just risk anything just yet.

  

 

Junhyung was about to grab his things and leave when Doojoon cleared his throat. 

 

 

“J-Jun?”

 

 

Junhyung paused and looked at the older boy, willing his heart to kill any hope that instantly flooded in.

 

 

“Wanna--” A pause. “Wanna--”

 

 

“Wanna-wanna?” Junhyung repeated, looking honestly confused.

  

 

“Shamalamadingdong?” Doojoon finished lamely, flushing hard at the stupidity of what he just blurted.

 

 

Junhyung stared at the older boy and then a bright idea popped in his mind.

 

 

“Wanna-wanna shamalamadingdong.” Junhyung said with a bit of tune, smiling a bit.

  

 

“Wanna-wanna shamalamadingdong.” Doojoon followed the tune, a big stupid grin on his face.

 

 

They were suddenly singing and dancing and laughing.

 

 

And it feels oh so good for Junhyung to be able to express himself– to sing, to dance, to laugh, and to love – it feels oh so fresh, giddy and free to do this things with Doojoon.

 

 

And if Junhyung was being honest, if he has the courage to admit what his heart really wanted –

 

 

He’d never want it to change.

 

 

 

You don’t know yet, you don’t know my love

 

 

 

“You look stupid right now.” Dongwoon said, staring at Junhyung as if he was really right there with him.

 

 

“Your face is stupid,” Junhyung shot back, his immaturity showing, but he didn’t hide his smile.

 

 

Dongwoon occupied the monitor of his laptop with his face and stuck his tongue out. Yup, this is why they’re best friend.

 

 

Junhyung laughed as Dongwoon continued to make faces on the screen.

 

 

“Oh my god, you’re laughing. This must be the end of the world.”

 

 

The older boy just rolled his eyes. “Ya, Woonie, that was mean.”

 

 

Dongwoon shrugged totally ignoring the pout of the older boy, “It’s just really rare to see you this happy, Jun.”

 

 

“I – “ Junhyung took a deep breath. “I know.”

 

 

They were quiet for a minute until Dongwoon whispered, “He’s good for you, you know.”

 

 

Junhyung bit his lips, knowing that Dongwoon was right. Doojoon is good for him.

 

 

Because he can’t imagine his life without Doojoon now.

 

 

 

I just need you

 

 

 

Doojoon stayed still as their teacher makes her way around to look at the class’ projects as Junhyung fidgets beside him, anticipating their turn.

 

 

 Doojoon stayed still as their teacher stops at their project, eyeing every angle, turn and detail.

 

 

He stayed still when the teacher gave them a tiny smile and said a soft, “very good,” to the both of them. 

 

 

Junhyung let out a big breath and looked at the older boy with a big smile, “Congratula—“

 

 

And out of the blue, Doojoon just lifted Junhyung up and twirled him around while laughing out loud.

 

 

 

To say that Junhyung was surprised would be an understatement. He couldn’t say anything as a blush came crawling all over his face as Doojoon ignored the looks and wolf whistles of their classmates and just continued to twirl him.

 

 

Junhyung couldn’t tear his gaze away from Doojoon, his heart suddenly bursting with so much emotion – his feelings for the latter. He was elated with a happiness that hit him with a bang that he joined and laughed with the older boy.

 

 

And as Doojoon looked up at him with eyes full of happiness and love –

 

 

Junhyung can’t help but fall deeper in love with him.

 

 

 

 

 

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Author's note: Guys, I know I don't reply to comments and stuff, BUT I DO READ THEM. And it really helps with the writing. Send me criticisms, comments or compliments, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. I wanna be a better writer. Thank you <3

Sorry for the mistakes ><

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