Stalker - Noun

stalk·​er | \ ˈstȯ-kər \plural stalkers

: a person who closely follows and watches another person for a long period of time in a way that is threatening, dangerous, etc.

...

Psycho - Noun

psy·​cho | \ ˈsī-(ˌ)kō \plural psychos

: a deranged or person —not used technically

Synonyms:

bug, crackbrain, crazy, fool, lunatic, maniac, nutcase...

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The first time I saw  you was on the first day of classes of high school. I was on the school grounds when there suddenly girls screaming. I turned around and then... there was you. 

And you know what? I think I finally understood what love at first sight means. The erratic beating of my heart... I can't take my eyes off you... my world stopped...no- my world slowed down. 

I know right there and then I know... I was in love...

From then on, I can't help but seek you out every time we're in school. Before I go to my class, I will always go to yours first just so I can have a glimpse of you face. Then after school, I will feel that I miss you. And that was enough. For a long while, it was enough. 

One day I find myself on my room writing my first love letter to you. Looking back, it seems pretty silly. But it's the only way I can make myself known to you. I will write to you every time my heart felt full of my love for you. It was overwhelming. Every morning I will go early to put in my letter and hide when you're around. Watching you read them makes me smile. 

Of course, you're not always in a good mood that you won't read my letters at all. That's fine. As long as you don't throw them out (or at least I don't see you throwing it out, anyway.)

And then i grew close with your friend Jongin. That's probably the happiest moment of my life. Because finally, I can meet you and talk to you up close. I make sure to put my best smile whenever I see you and greet you. 

You don't return the favor, obviously. You don't smile back. You don't return my greetings. You don't even talk to me. And I feel jealous whenever other girls flirt with you and you talked back. It hurts. But it's fine. I understand. I will always understand. 

My eonnies  keep telling me to stop. Stop sending letter. Stop loving you. But I can't do that. I can't confess yet. I told myself I was not strong enough yet. So I didn't. 

And lately, I suddenly felt a horrible feeling. 

I'm feeling tired...

I found myself crying at my bed. it's so painful I can't even began to describe how it felt. I can't breathe. I can't eat. I can't see because of blurry eyes. I can't even think. I'm losing focus. 

I realized, I became what you hated the most: a Stalker. 

You make me feel like a psycho, a fool who's in love with you. I hated myself. I felt disgusting. I felt so sick that it makes me sweat bullets and faint. I need to stop. I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess. 

I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I'm sorry from the deepest part of my heart. 

I will always love you. 

I love you

I love you 

I love you

I'm finally letting you go. I genuinely hope you find your happiness.

This will be my first and last letter signing off with a proper name. 

Goodbye Sehun oppa. 

Love,

Park Sooyoung