He groaned as he turned over on his other side, reaching out his arm to touch you. But his hand fell on the cold and empty spot beside him, telling him that you had never laid there and that he had been alone all night. Without any further thoughts he woke up from his sleep and shot straight up in bed, opening his eyes and staring at the mattress beside him. It was almost as if he had forgotten what had happened, as if he had thought that it had all been a horrible dream and that now that he was awake, it would all be over and the two of you could move on with your lives. But the empty spot beside him on the bed was very confronting, it was like a slap in his face. It was another prove of what had happened, that you weren’t with him and that he had no idea when you’d ever be with him again, if you would ever return in the first place. 

What if you would never remember him again, all the great times you had had together, all the memories you had made. How much he had loved you and all the love he had gotten from you over the past few years. He couldn’t accept that it had all just faded like this, those feelings weren’t some that could disappear over night. But it seemed like sometimes life just wasn’t fair, and it could take anything away from you if it wanted, even the strongest feelings in the world. He leaned back against the wooden head board of the bed and knew that he had to get up, that he had to go to work and that he had to get his life back on track. He couldn’t keep using the excuse that you weren’t here to not go to work. But he knew he would never be able to concentrate, the only thing he would be able to think of was you and he would mess everything up and he would make it even harder for the rest to do their jobs. 

They didn’t mind him taking some time of for himself, they all understood that he was going through a hard time right now and that he wasn’t able to give a full hundred percent of himself. But he had no idea what else to do, he couldn’t just sit all day at home and do nothing, because then he would loose his mind. He had told you that he would visit you, but he was afraid that he would push you, that it would scare you off and that you wouldn’t want to see him anymore. The last thing he wanted to think about was loosing you, but the thought kept haunting him, it even came to him in his sleep. For the past few years his whole world had revolved around you, you had been more important to him than the air he had been breathing, and now you were gone. he felt completely lost and he had no idea what to do with himself. Who was going to tell him to have breakfast if you weren’t here? Who was going to tell him to remove his make up at night before he went to bed because it was bad for his skin? 

Who was going to cheer him up after he had a rough day at work and he wanted to give it all up? Who was going to help him fix things after he had done something stupid once again and someone was mad at him? He was going to be the one who was always going to support him, in everything he did and no matter what decision he would make? He had always asked for your opinion in everything, because he wanted you to be alight with everything he did as well. What you wanted was important to him, sometimes even more important than what he wanted himself. He had no idea what to do if he couldn’t ask you what you thought about something, you had been his back up, his secret weapon. But now, you couldn’t remember that you had ever been that much so him and he had no idea how he had to make you see how much you used to mean to him. If there was a way he could make you remember, he would do it, he would give everything if he could only have you back. But he had no idea where to start. 

Finally he found the strength to get himself out of the bed and he walked into the bathroom. He didn’t feel like getting dressed, but he knew he had to move on, he couldn’t give up. But when he looked in the mirror and saw his own reflection, tears welled up inside of his eyes. He was a mess, he didn’t remember the last time he had looked this awful. His hair was one big knit and it was tangles in a way that seemed impossible to get back in place. He had big bags under his eyes and there were red spots covering his face. He was quite sure he had been drooling in his sleep as well, since there was still some saliva on his cheek. He hung his head and shook it, he couldn’t believe it had come to this. It was as if he had lost the most important part of himself, as if there was a piece of him that was missing. You had taken it with you yesterday, when you had left him by himself at the hospital and he needed it back if he wanted to survive.