It had taken him days before he had finally progressed what had been going on. You didn’t remember him anymore, you had no idea who he was and about the things you had been through together. He had tried to explain you that he was your boyfriend, that you had been together for 7 months already and that your relationship was going great. He didn’t understand how you could forget something like that, such a big part of your life. The doctor said it was normal and that it would probably pass within a few days, weeks. Instead he said that he had to be lucky that it was only amnesia, after what you had been through it could have been a lot worse than that. But he didn’t get how it could get any worse than this, because the person he new didn’t even remember his name. 

The thing that hurt him the most was probably that you remembered everyone else and that you could pretend so normal around everyone, but when you were with him, everything seemed to be so difficult. You felt awkward around him, because you knew that you had once been close to him in many kind of ways and that you had shared a lot with him. Now you couldn’t do that because you had no idea who he was. He could also see that you felt bad because of the situation, that you felt sorry for making him through this but there was nothing you could do, you couldn’t just get your memory back like that. He was still wondering around the hospital, today was the last day and then you’d go home. He had been looking forwards to this day for such a long time, to take you back home with him. But now you had all agreed that it would be better for you, emotionally, to stay with your parents, at least until you had your memory back. 

It was so unfair, he had been through so much that past few days just to have you not recognizing him. He had had so much faith in the fact that you’d get better of that you’d day, but instead… He didn’t know which he hated even more, of course he was happy you were still alive because now he could still see you, hear you talk and he was so happy that you were still with him. But now you were out of his reach, you were there and you were so close but he couldn’t touch you or be with you. It was torturing him, that he just had to watch at the sideline and had to see you talk and laugh with others and he couldn’t do anything to make you remember the times you had with him. Well, at least he didn’t have to hang around in this hospital anymore because this place made him feel even more depressive. 

He let out a really big sigh before sitting down on one of the chairs in the hallway once again. This chair was giving him so many memories, this is the chair where he waited for the doctors to let him into your room. Those days had been horrible, but he didn’t know which days weren’t horrible anymore these times. He laid his face in his hands and tugged at his hair, feeling an emotional break down getting closer. He didn’t want to loose it right now, knowing that you could come out of your room any moment. After seeing you this hurt and confused he had told himself that he had to keep himself together, that he had to be the strong one, so that maybe you’d hold yourself up to that as well. But now, after so many days that he had been holding everything in and that everything had been piling up in his chest, he had the feeling as if he was about to explode. 

A wave of emotions was hitting him, so hard that it seemed as if all the walls around him were slowly cracking and were crashing down. He had no idea why his life had turned into such a mess but he didn’t know how much longer he could still handle this. He missed you so much, he wanted to be with you again, show you how much he loved you and he also wanted to hear how much you loved him. A sob escaped from his throat as he tried his best to make himself invisible while sitting here, knowing that there were many other people in here who might recognize him. He didn’t like to loose his control over his feelings like this in public, but it was already too late now. He tried to keep his sadness to himself, but everyone who passed him could see that he was crying, and not just trying to nap. He closed his eyes and tried to shut the outside world out, trying to be in a world where he was as alone as he actually felt. 

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter