graphic cr: unspecified k-drama; edit by me

Tears in the Rain

It was a quiet night at the Red Velvet dorm.  Irene had gone to sleep early, having been worn out from a long day of photoshoots and performance rehearsals, and Seulgi was in the kitchen making custard.  The three youngest members were on the floor in the living room, playing cards.  EXO’s latest album streamed from the stereo.  Outside, the rain fell steadily, gently rapping against the roof and windows.

            Yeri lay on her stomach, swinging her feet back and forth.  She seemed pleased with the hand that had been dealt to her.  Joy lay on her side, head propped up by a fist.  She seemed a little less than pleased with her cards.  Wendy sat cross-legged.  She stared at her cards, trying to maintain her poker face.

            “I’m so going to win.” said Yeri, matter-of-factly.  Joy glanced at her lazily.

            “We’ll see!” said Wendy, raising an eyebrow at her dongsaeng.

            Yeri glared at Wendy playfully. “Alright, let’s bet on it.”

            Wendy snorted.

            “If I win, you have to answer truth.”

            “Deal.” said Wendy, with a haughty sniff. “And if I win, you do the dishes tonight.”  Yeri curtly nodded her agreement.  Joy smiled.  She didn’t care for games very much, but she enjoyed witnessing the competitiveness of her members immensely.

            The round passed by swiftly, on account of Yeri possessing one the most uncommon and thus most unbeatable hands in the game.

            “Ah, chinja...” Wendy said, quietly, after she had realized that she had lost.

            Yeri stood up and did a little dance, pointing at Wendy. “Ha! I told you I would win!”

            “Pabo, sit down.” said Wendy.  Yeri sat back down with a loud thud and a smug grin.  Wendy collected the cards and shuffled the deck.

            “Well, go on then, little miss winner.” said Joy, rolling over onto her back.

            “What?” said Yeri, completely forgetting the conditions of her win.

            Joy rolled her eyes. “What did you want to ask her?”

            “Oh!” The maknae stood up again and sat on the sofa, hugging a pillow to her chest.  Wendy and Joy eyed her curiously.

            “What are you expecting? Story time?” asked Wendy.

            “What I really want to know, unnie, is what your first kiss with Jongdae-oppa was like.” said Yeri plainly.  Over in the kitchen, Seulgi had looked up on account of the new topic.

            The memory sprang to Wendy’s subconscious mind immediately as she quietly finished shuffling the cards.  She remembered it all, context and sensory, in vivid detail.

            “I... Aish...” was all she could say.

            “I’m not really sure that that’s any of your business, Yerim.” said Seulgi from the kitchen, pouring hot custard into molds. 

            “But--“

            “I’m interested in hearing about this, too, honestly.” chimed in Joy, sitting up and leaning against the sofa. She pulled and twisted her long black hair into a messy bun.  “Do tell, Seungwan-unnie.  If you really want to, of course.  I’d love to hear about it.”

            Wendy looked back at Seulgi.  Her expression asked for help.  Seulgi shrugged noncommittally.

            “Well.” said Wendy, taking a breath, “It’s gonna be really difficult to tell this story without it sounding cheesy or melodramatic, but I’ll try, I guess.  She looked up, past the top of Yeri’s head and out the window.  The rain fell a lot like it did on that day, over a year ago.  It was amazing, Wendy thought, how much time had passed already.  How much had changed, and how much hadn’t changed at all.

            “Now, believe it or not, our first kiss occurred quite a while before we were actually dating.” informed Wendy.  She picked at a loose seam in her pajama shorts. “It’s been almost a year and a half now.”

            “Ooh, really? Omo, this is going to be good.” said Yeri, hugging the pillow to her chin.

            “It was a rainy day, like today.” continued Wendy, slipping into her memory. She stared blankly at the carpet. “A very rainy day in Seoul, the night of the first SMTOWN Live concert of the tour, October two-thousand and fourteen...”

SHINee had just finished their performances.  The crowd of thousands roared with thunderous applause that shook the domed venue.  Backstage, we prepared ourselves for the next act.  We were up next, and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.  I had felt okay during the Happiness performance, but now, something new and terrifying had come over me like stormy waves.

            I’m so nervous, oh my God.  Oh my God, I can’t do this.  Doubtful thoughts raced through my mind.  My heart pounded in my chest and my stomach had risen so high in my chest that it threatened to choke me to death.  I’ve never performed like this before.  I’m going to screw it all up and let my sunbaes down.  I’m not ready for this performance.

            I’m not ready.

            Henry-sunbae passed by me, patting my shoulder affectionately. “You ready, Wendy?  Of course you are.” he said, in over-enthusiastic English. “Let’s do this, then! Woohoo!”  How could he be so insensitive?  Could he not tell that I was completely losing my ?  Either my acting skills must be top notch, or Henry is just plain foolish.  I shook my head for thinking such a disrespectful thing, but I couldn’t help it.  I was more nervous at that moment than I had ever been in my life.

            I followed Henry towards the stage entrance.  Luna-sunbae came to my side and held my arm for a brief moment.  “Hwaiting, Seungwan.” she said pleasantly.  I smiled at her as she passed, but I’m not sure how sincere that smile looked.

            “It’s just another performance, dongsaeng.” said a voice from behind me.  It took me a moment to realize who it was; Chen-sunbae, of EXO, who was the final member of our special quartet, arranged for the English cover we were to perform. “Treat it like every one before, and you’ll be just fine.”

            “Gomawo, sunbaenim.”  I said, quietly.  I hadn’t known him very long, but I liked his personality, and his words made me feel quite a bit better--at least for a few seconds.  On the stage, the emcee was announcing that the next performance was about to begin.  The audiences roared with excitement.

            I felt my body shake and I tried to stretch it off.  I looked down at my feet; they trembled slightly in their black high-heeled pumps.

            “You okay?” whispered Chen.  He was by my side then.

            “Yeah, I’m excited.” I said immediately, nodding at him.