‘Rain’, Taeyeon, (SM Station), [2016]

Street chases didn’t hold the same excitement that they once did for Bobby.

Even as he sat in the back of their jeep, driving down alongside the Han, not even on a mission, guns actually on safety for what seemed like the first time in forever, all Bobby felt was numbness. Be it the chill of the early spring air biting into him, or the marked change within himself, he didn’t know. Lately, he just didn’t feel the same.

At first, it was easy to ignore the fact that Song Nari was no longer a part of his life. He’d gotten on with the next missions like the good Muscle he should be; unafraid, determined, uncompromising. Even his Sunbaes had begun to worry that he was blocking out his emotions a little too much, questioning whether or not his sudden, newfound work ethic was a good thing or not. His brothers were worried, no doubt about it; Yunhyeong had bought him BBQ from his parents’ restaurant every week, Junhoe come out with his best one-liners, heck, Chanwoo even tried to psychoanalyse him on the sly. Yet Bobby pressed on, insisting he was fine. He told the lie so well that he even began to fool himself.

But then he’d see things –little things- that would remind him of her.

The other week they’d been assigned a protection detail at the City Hall, back where everything started almost a year ago – but standing in the same place where they’d both met, only made it seem like yesterday.

Now the boys were in their jeep, cruising obnoxiously alongside the Han with their music blaring and windows down, like ordinary youths of their age – except, whilst all the boys sung along to the tunes on the radio, for once carefree as people their age should be, all Bobby could think about, was how wrong this all was.

“Oh great,” Hanbin groaned as he slumped back against the edge of the jeep, the car coming to a slow halt besides a bridge, the cherry blossoms that lined the streets just starting to blossom, marking the new life, new potential, that flowed through the city. All the scenery, however, was near-ruined by the boys’ incessant shouting/singing sounding from the car. Passers-by looked at them as if they were from another planet.

“What?” Bobby asked as the traffic came to an eventual halt. Hanbin looked trouble as he stared over the edge of the jeep and over the river.

“I told myself I’d never come back here.”

“Where is here?” Bobby asked, sheer confused as to why Hanbin suddenly appeared so bleak.

Hanbin scoffed, turning back to his best friend, “You don’t remember this place?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow. There was nothing special about this place, with the bridge and small sandy shore leading to the river, and the blossom trees that lined the street. It looked perfectly normal.

Hanbin turned his head away from Bobby, concealing the sudden agony that twisted it, “That night that you got knocked out, the night where she-“

“What?”

Hanbin inhaled deeply before turning back to his best friend, his eyes pained, pleading, “The night I drove us away from Starship’s stronghold, and nearly killed you and Hyerin-sshi.”

If Hanbin expected Bobby to remember anything from that fateful evening that left his with fractured ribs, near-broken arm and a bad memory, nothing clicked. Bobby almost didn’t want to ask Hanbin what exactly happened, yet if one thing had to remain the same, it was Bobby’s relentless impulsivity.

Of course Hanbinnie's driving would put our lives in danger - Daebu even said this himself.

Hanbin chuckled at this, “I thought Hyerin was dead, Nari thought you were dead…I- I’ve never seen her that torn in my life…Her eyes- no, we should stop talking about this.”

“Hanbinnie,” Bobby pleaded, “I can’t remember anything from that evening…If- if it was so bad that I’m not supposed to remember- I just-“

Yet Bobby didn’t even know what he wanted to say himself. As the car started to move once more, his eyes remained on the peaceful site by the river; never would one think it to be a place where such an event took place, something that could’ve taken Bobby for good. Something that could’ve separated him and Nari for good.

Bobby suddenly felt sick.

“Look,” Hanbin sighed as they finally got further and further away from that dreaded place, “It’s been months since- since-“

Bobby knew what he was going to say, but Hanbin could barely bring himself to say it, “I know, let’s forget about it.”

“No,” Hanbin shook his head, “By all means remember it, because that’s the only true way to find closure.”

“What makes yous ay that?” Bobby couldn’t help but feel doubtful, “If that night was so bad I can’t remember anything, why should I?”

“Because, that night, when Nari held you in her arms, crying and- and thinking you were dead- I realised how strong Song Nari’s feelings were for you.”

Bobby felt bile rise in his throat at the revelation. At the time, he’d never understood why Nari had been so shifty around him after the accident, but it was just part of her defence mechanism – because she was falling for him. He remembered the rage he felt for her breaking his trust that evening, but the heart was