His apartment had become messy. The lack of a woman’s touch had steadily resulted in its current state. The fact that he was spending most of his time with Nana and hardly spending any time in his residence also attributed to the chaotic environment.

His eyes glanced over to the orange calendar hanging by the kitchen table. Days of the month were crossed out with a bright, red X and led up to the big day: Heize’s return.

One more day left.

At the thought of his girlfriend wanting to come home to a sanitary environment, he whipped out his cleaning supplies and started the big task of cleaning every nook and corner to perfection. Embroiled in the housework, he hardly noticed the time pass by and before he knew it, the sun had left the sky and his phone has several missed calls from Nana.

Panic set in as he rushed to dial Nana’s phone number. She didn’t pick up the first time and Chanyeol’s automatically became clouded with negative, alarming thoughts, and as a result, adding to his ever-growing anxiety.

He held his breath as he dialed the number again.

Again she didn’t pick up and he was frantically fetching the keys to his apartment, and putting on his old boots.

“Hello?” Her calming voice was muffled with a cough when she picked up.

He relaxed a bit, dismissing any extremely disturbing thoughts that had taken shape in his mind.

“How are you?” she asks. She then throws a coughing fit, and he assumes that she herself is probably not that well. He explains his house cleaning project and although he complained about the lengthiness of the chore and how tired he was, the tone of his voice gave away the excitement for his girlfriend’s return back to her country.

Reason encouraged Nana to be happy for him to have found a seemingly healthy relationship with another woman. Her heart, however, intruded upon any positive thoughts and forced her to acknowledge the jealousy lingering inside of her.

“You’re probably busy then,” she concluded, lowering her voice as well as any expectations she had of meeting him today.

Another cough escaped her and she heard Chanyeol’s enquiries about her health - if she was eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep.

“I can kill some time,” he assured her, as he walked out of the sliding doors of the building.

Heize returned home early. It was midnight and her plane was supposed to land the next morning but she caught an early flight to surprise Chanyeol. As soon as she flicked on the dim lights, she was astounded at the sparkling and tidy apartment. In fact, even the dishwasher had been emptied and the culinary sets had been put away. Genuinely surprised, she made her way to his bedroom and found him sleeping on his side.

Overcome with emotion after witnessing his serene face, she bent down and planted a kiss on his soft cheek. She hoped that he would always emit such a peaceful glow.  

When morning came, Chanyeol woke up early to get ready to head to the airport but he was astonished to find Heize sitting in front of a beautifully laid out breakfast, consisting of oozing sunny-side-up eggs and soft chocolate chip pancakes. Although she had taken a western approach to the breakfast, she had included rice as well as some typical Korean side dishes.

Before satisfying his rumbling stomach, he had the urge to lift her in his arms and shower her with kisses.

“Woah, woah. Slow down there,” she chuckled, and he put her down.

“It’s so good to see you.” He smiled ear to ear and planted another kiss on her cheek, before joining her for breakfast.

They spent the whole day cooped up at the apartment, talking about her tour, about his life back at home, about Nana, about the upcoming album. It was in its final stages and Chanyeol could not wait to show the world his true musical colour and talent.

A week later, his life had resumed to the way it was before. He would only hardly visit Nana, and although he felt guilty that he wasn’t as present for her as he was before, he couldn't afford to hurt Heize. Besides, he convinced himself that he needed to focus solely on his album. Everything else was a distraction. With that resolution in mind, they spent their days bobbing their head and drumming their fingers to the sound of their voices bouncing off of the small studio. Some of the songs were co-written, and some were written by Chanyeol himself. Heize had offered to write their collaboration track in which she was featured in, completely by herself.

“I put my heart and soul into it,” she reveled as she handed him a copy. Chanyeol didn’t miss the tremors in her hand when their fingers touched. He found it odd that she was suddenly nervous as normally, her self-written songs were fantastic and she was very well aware of her skill. 

Brushing this thought aside, he read through her work quietly. The lyrics were about a girl who was not happy in her relationship. There was confusion, insecurity, fear and guilt in the girl’s heart and she mentioned being in love with someone else. The chorus repeated with the girl telling her love goodbye. 

Chanyeol looked up confused.

“I thought this song was about us.”

Heize looked away, closing her eyes in preparation for the hardest and harshest revelation, and bit her quivering bottom lip. 

Seconds passed by slowly, moving like thick molasses in the tense atmosphere, and as time ticked away, he felt like they are drifting further and further apart.

Her gaze finally returned to him, and with glazed eyes, furrowed eyebrows and downturned lips portraying the saddest look in human existence, she uttered with certainty:

"It is about us. I'm breaking up with you."  

“Coming!” Nana ran to the apartment door in her nightgown.

When she opened the door, she was faced with a sullen, teary-eyed Chanyeol.

She wasn’t expecting him at this hour nor was she expecting him to dejectedly fall onto in what seemed like an embrace. His arms were wrapped around her, and his hands clung onto her desperately, as if he let go, she would run away. Seeing as they were hugging in the doorway of a public apartment, she maneuvered him into her home, awkwardly sidestepping while still in his hold. He let go when they reached the sofa and slid down the sofa despondently.

She looked at him in concern, sitting across from him on the other sofa. Minutes passed by and Chanyeol did not say a word so Nana offered to make tea and quickly darted towards the kitchen. Other than the whistling of the boiling kettle, the room was quiet but Chanyeol's mind was loud with his thoughts. He wondered how he had managed to break up twice in under a year.

Tears fell down his cheeks as he thought of what had gone wrong. The insecurities that he had hid underneath his confident boyfriend camouflage were bursting inside the walls of his heart, desperately searching for a breakthrough, for someone to heal his pain and his vulnerable heart.

When Nana returned with green tea, telling him it had a calming effect, Chanyeol thanked her and then apologized for hugging her without her consent.  Of course Nana had no concern about that, but she was worried about him.

“What happened?” she asked carefully, stirring her tea with quiet gentleness.

“She broke up with me.” He uttered the words so slowly and weakly, almost as if he was not sure himself.

His answer did take Nana by surprise but she sighed in relief that it was nothing too tragic. She walked over to where Chanyeol sat and held his hand in a comforting manner.

“You’ll be okay. You got over me, right? You’ll get over this too.”

She sensed Chanyeol’s body grow tense at her words. He abruptly withdrew his hand from hers and slid away from her too. The sudden change in attitude was not called for and it hurt.

“What’s wrong with you Chanyeol? I’m only trying to help-” she yelled.

“I never got over you,” he cut her.

Nana’s eyes grew wide in shock. She hoped she had heard wrong.

“What?" She had wanted to give him a piece of her mind but now the tirade was clogged in , pushed back down by his statement. 

“I’m still in love with you.”

And just like that, everything he had been holding in came out in the form of big, endless tears, his body shaking uncontrollably. Confusion was an understatement. Everything in his life had lost its place and he wasn’t even sure what he was living for anymore. He did not know what he wanted or who wanted him. He did not know if he was crying because of the pain of being dumped or because he knew he still loved Nana and Heize saw right through him. He felt guilty that he kept a relationship for his own personal validation and perhaps just for the purpose of feeling whole that he had someone. Although he loved Nana, although he loved Heize, he was always looking for something better, in music and in love to fulfill him. And it ultimately led him to the position he was in now. 

“I’m all alone,” he said through hiccups.

Nana, who had been in shock all this while, was struck by his proclamation of loneliness and self-doubt. Her love for him overrided any confusion or anger she felt towards him for telling her now that he still loved her.

She opened her arms wide for him and attached her arms around his neck. He nestled his head in the crook of her neck and wept, the tears being absorbed by her new white dress.

“I’ll always be there for you,” she assured him. “You’re not alone."

Intense morning rays poured through the large windows of Nana’s apartment, striking Chanyeol in the face and awakening him from his deep sleep. He found himself curled on her small sofa, his head resting on his now numb arm, and a white blanket was carefully draped over him.

He pulled the blanket up to his nose and took in its lavender scent, smiling to himself. Sometimes, small acts of generosity and kindness were enough to fill one’s heart.

After he took a quick shower and freshened up, he strolled into the kitchen with the expectation to find Nana there. But the kitchen was untouched.

Odd, he thought.

He quietly made his way to her bedroom and found Nana sleeping on her side, in her sleep and with fever medication by her bedside. The sight of it all pained his heart and he blamed himself for her current state, seeing as he had burdened her when she was already coming down with something the night before. So Chanyeol did what he did best; he made vegetable soup and brought it to her along with a big mug filled up with ginger tea. Chanyeol quietly nudged Nana and asked her to drink her tea and soup, and she complied. He tried to make small talk with her but she couldn’t focus on anything in her drowsy, medicated condition. As soon as she was done eating, she fell back asleep. He then proceeded in taking her temperature and putting wet towels over her forehead. Feeling tired himself, he brought over the blanket which now held sentimental attachment and decided to accompany her in bed.

Later that day, Nana woke up feeling rejuvenated from a 3 hour nap. As she stretched her arms and legs, her arm came in contact with a sleeping Chanyeol, resting his head on the bed’s backboard. The sight alone put a smile on her face. She quietly removed herself from her quarters and fetched the delicous soup Chanyeol had prepared for her. She was impressed to find that all the utensils had been washed and put away and that no glassware had been broken in th process, something she had not expected from the clumsy boy. 

That evening, she was well enough to come to the living room to watch a movie with Chanyeol. The size of the sofa called for occasional skinship and eventually her toes were resting on top of his, which he didn't mind. 

Over the past few months, Chanyeol’s hair had become messy and unruly and it had had begun to bother Nana. So much so, that she found herself reaching across to tuck a lock of hair behind his ears. It immediately shifted his attention from the mediocre romcom to the interesting woman who was casually touching his hair, sending his heart on a fluttering rampage. Nana didn’t think anything of it but she didn’t fail to notice a blush creeping onto Chanyeol’s cheeks. 

“I don’t want things to change. I like us like this,” he shared quietly halfway into the movie.

Nana nodded. It was nice like this, this platonic friendship they had. She was there for him, he was there for her. Maybe they were meant to always be friends and nothing more. Maybe it was better this way.

But unbeknownst to Nana, that is not what he meant. Chanyeol wanted to be around her, whenever and wherever. The media had recently leaked Nana’s pregnancy and Chanyeol was worried that Jonghyun would show up any day at her door, and would kick Chanyeol out of this comfortable environment that Nana and he had created.

For a while neither spoke, and as the awkward silence pursued, it convinced Nana that it was the perfect time to address the “incident”.

“I know that we never talked about that day but you should know that I have forgiven you and I am not mad at you about anything.” Chanyeol gulped. They were really having this conversation. Nevertheless, he needed to hear this. He needed his closure. He turned his full attention towards Nana and faced her.

“You never did anything wrong, Chanyeol,” Nana continued.

“Loving music was not wrong. You inspired me too, to find my own style of music. To strive to be an artist rather than a puppet idol,” she sighed. “Loving music was not wrong but it became wrong when you forgot about me. At the time, I was so lonely and struggling with the public and I just needed full attention from you, your shoulder to cry on, a listening ear.”

She paused to sip her ginger tea and then set the distraction on the table before she carried on.

“I really did want to make it work. I gave you many chances. And that day you left me waiting in the rain was D-Day. It validated any doubts I had about breaking up with you.”

Chanyeol didn't respond, just continued to stare and nod, taking it all in like a punching bag.

“You can call it selfish and rash but I knew that as time went on, it would never be the same. I would feel unfulfilled whenever you got your fill of music. I actually started to dislike music - music that my career was built on, music that sustains me, calms me, and unnerves me. When it came in between us, I knew that I needed to let you go and I needed to find love again with someone who wasn’t an idol.”

“Unfortunately, Jonghyun was not that person but…” she smiles kindly as she reaches out for his hand, “… I will have his child and I will find love again. So will you.”

1

She watches him silently.

2

She waits.

3

She closes her eyes in preparation for his obvious answer. 

“I have,” he proclaims, insisting on his confession from yesterday.  

She doesn’t ask him to repeat himself this time, in order to avoid humiliation on his part and guilt on her part.  She just holds her breath, and she hopes he will let this go. Everything these past few days had been so confusing for her and she just wants to take a break to analyze the conversation, what did he want, what she wanted.

A flustered shriek escapes her when she looks up again to find Chanyeol’s face inches away from her’s.

Her face starts to draw in some colour and she feels herself getting unbearably hot and agitated.

 “Chanyeol...don’t,” she murmurs as he begans to lean in closer.

“You’ll get si-” but her warning is too late. Chanyeol’s lips lightly press against her rosy ones. It's like kissing a hard wall. There is no movement and there is no opening. He pulls away, quietly examining her reaction. She stares at him in shock, not quite sure how to proceed.

Never in a million year had she imagined that she would be kissing a man while carrying another man’s child. Nana had always imagined herself to be a traditionalist with the idea of a perfect family. She had dreamt that she would date someone when she would reach the peak point of her career, and when the time was right, when they had their families' and their fans' blessings, she would marry him in a sequined, mermaid dress. Her group would come to her wedding and they would perform their best hits. And a year or two into marriage, she would have her first child. And not one single thing had gone that way. She was not married, her relationship was revealed via a media outlet at the most inconvenient time causing a lot of backlash on her part. She was now carrying a child out of wedlock, putting herself at the center for public scrutiny, and if that wasn’t enough, she was loved by a man who wasn’t the father and happened to be one of the most popular idols of the current kpop wave.

She didn’t know what to do. It felt so wrong, and thinking about the situation and Chanyeol’s place in all this, really made her guilty. She had tried not to lead him on, tried not to be transparent about her unsure feelings but is seemed like her act had failed. She looks into Chanyeol’s big brown orbs staring into hers, patiently waiting for her to say something, to reciprocate her kiss, to let him know that what he was feeling was not rejection. And for some reason, she realizes that maybe he might be the only right thing in this messy situation. Maybe Chanyeol had been the only person to keep her from breaking apart in this chaos. Maybe Chanyeol was the reason she woke up with excitement every morning, knowing he would walk through the apartment door at any minute. Maybe...she did harbour feelings for him, new and old, that could go beyond friendship.

Nana gets up from the sofa and Chanyeol gives up on any hope that still lingered. Therefore, he is completely baffled when Nana slowly yet deliberately climbs onto his lap and places her slender legs on either side of him. Her daring move fuels embarrassment and she avoids his gaze to evade further embarassment. Chanyeol, although strongly surprised at her sudden resolve to straddle him, is not embarrassed. Carefully, he reaches for her face, and presses a warm palm to her cheek, in hopes of creating a comfortable space for her. He slowly tilts her chin towards him and her eyes mirror his emotions of fear and uncertainty.

Chanyeol is patient and the gentle look of understanding that he conveys, accords her with the necessary courage to make a move. Hesitantly, she wraps her arms along his broad shoulders, closes her eyes and leans in until their lips meet. Nothing happens at first - neither of them wanting to discomfort the other - but then she begins moving her lips against his, fervently. Chanyeol tries to keep up with her, parting her lips with his tongue and bringing her in closer to this body, her bulging stomach as the only obstacle between them. The kiss is exhilarating, gentle yet rough, hinting at a larger animalistic desire that neither of them are ready to dip their toes into. 

She eventually releases him to gasp for air, a feeling of light-headedness overpowering any will she has left.

Chanyeol stares back at her, flushed but ready to plunge in for round two. His arms make their way to her back, digging underneath her shirt to find her smooth, porcelain skin. His hands trace along her side and then rest on her bulging stomach, the intimate touch eliciting a quiver.

“Relax,” he murmurs, rubbing her stomach now with the pad of his thumb. He hopes she is comfortable and when she nods to his reassuring instruction, Chanyeol kisses her once more. 

She breaks the kiss abruptly when the phone begins ringing. They exchange a confused look and she shakily gets off of him in order to pick up the phone. 

“Hello,” she begins, hoping she didn’t sound breathless, and hoping that the caller would make it quick.

“Jinah, is that you?”

Her body goes still at the sound of the familiar voice of her ex-boyfriend. He could only be calling for one reason, and that reason alone was enough to ruin what she had built with Chanyeol.

“What is it?”

She wasn’t surprised when and apology came out. She didn’t want any reason to forgive him, to forget the resolve that she had already made. 

“Please give us another chance. For the baby.”

The inevitable words that she was dreading rang as loud as thunder in her ear. She looked at her stomach and the guilt was unbearable when she glanced at Chanyeol. A worried Chanyeol dissipated into a blur as she began crying.

A/N: This the longest chapter so far! We are nearing the end of this fic. To those who still support this fic, thank you so much.