Europa’s debut came sooner than expected. I had canceled meetings with Kyungsoo many times because of the photo shoots and recording our first video. When our manager gave us the news that our debut was a success, he said that SM wanted us to push the debut stage earlier. Miyoung bought all of us Korean beef to celebrate.

   The day we performed on KBS, many of our sunbaes came to support us, including Kyungsoo. So many people in the crowd cheered for us and it was an amazing feeling. Backstage, everyone surrounded us with positive feedback and flowers. It was the best day of my life since joining my training period.

   “You girls were amazing out there, I’m proud of you,” Hoon yelled over the screaming new fans of Europa. I kind of want to go back on stage and see them again. There’s a tap on my shoulder and before I even fully turned around, Kyungsoo grabs my hand and takes me away from the crowd.

    We stopped in a near by hallway and my ears are trying to adjust to the volume change. There are a couple staff members around but they don’t seem to be paying attention to us. “Congratulations on your debut,” he says. His hand starts ruffling with the top of my head. “Yah, sunbaenim you’re going to mess up my hair~” I whine. We didn’t stay long since that’s all he wanted to say.

    Later, our manager took us back to the SM building along with a few EXO members, Amber, whom I’ve had the pleasure getting close with, Krystal and staff members that worked with us during the recording for a small party. The entire time that I mainly talked with Jimin and Amber, I could see that Kyungsoo would steal glances at me from the other side of the room. I, too, would catch myself occasionally look at him. And when our eyes met, I would start to blush.

    Right when I was about to walk to him, Nana, our maknae grabbed my arm. “Unni, let’s play!” There was a big TV screen that displayed Dance Dance Revolution and everyone gathered around to watch. Eh, why not, I thought. She hit ‘play’ and we started on the hardest level, knowing I wasn’t going to win. Nana danced amazingly, not the best dancer in the group but definitely runner up.

    Everything about tonight was perfect. My parents called and I could hear my mom crying in the background as my dad gives me a speech about how “happy I am to be your father, Eunsol.” I teared up as well. I miss them so much. Finally, everyone passed out at 1 in the morning. Europa has an interview in the afternoon and we need the rest. I close my eyes and repeat the same thing I’ve been asking myself before falling asleep: Do I like him?

    “Eunsol-unni, snap out of it.” Huh? Jihye snapped her fingers in front of me, “earth to unni, let’s go.” We arrived at the place that our interview was going to be. There were a bunch of fans waiting outside to greet us. Inside, the PD took us to our dressing room and gave us 40 minutes to get ready.

    When we stepped on the set, my hands started shaking about five miles a second. I’m so nervous about saying the wrong thing. Someone grabs my hand in theirs and holds it tightly. “It’s okey, everything’ll be fine,” it’s Jimin. “Take a deep breath and just relax.” I do as instructed and feel my heart beating close to normal.

    The PD starts talking to the crew, “Alright, we’re airing in 5, 4, 3, 2-” he points to the crew and the applause starts. Take in one more deep breath. I’ll be okey.

    The interview went off without a flaw. Training for this day was hell, but it was worth it. When we got back home, I texted Kyungsoo if he wanted to grab a coffee. Sure he texted back and left after changing into different clothes. I wanted to see him.

    10 minutes later I run in to see him there before me, as always. We talked about how my interview with Europa went and his future plans with EXO. I was amazed on the amount of things he had to do. The interviews, variety shows, performances and so on. It seems tiring but he makes it sound fun. Soon, Europa will be doing those things. “So now that you’ve debuted, it seems that you won’t need any more mentoring,” he says. The smile on my face starts to disappear slowly, but not completely. That’s right. I asked him for help so I could be good enough for debut and now that it’s happened, I don’t need him anymore. It made me sad to think about that. “That doesn’t mean that we can’t hang out, right?” Our friendship meant a lot to me and to just let it go because of a deal would be stupid. Kyungsoo looks away for a second. He wants to say something but won’t let it out. “Sunbaenim, we’ll still be friends, right?”

    “Yeah….friends.” He’s smiling but I know it’s not a real one. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But I can’t let him think something I don’t even know yet. It wouldn’t be fair to him. “Sunbaenim, I know that it might be hard to just be friends with me right now, but I hope you still stay friends with me. I can’t necessarily promise anything right now.” I stare in his eyes in hopes that he’ll understand me.

    He nods in response and hugs me. I try to push him away but he tightens his grip. “Just let me hold you for now. Please.” I’m sitting there still with him wrapped around me. My body’s only response is to raise the amount of heart beats and my cheeks to flare bright red. This happens recently with him. Why?

    Suddenly, my eye lids become heavy and I want to fall asleep. I’m so sleepy. I don’t mean to start falling asleep on him. Did I eat anything today? No. Maybe that’s it. Kyungsoo starts shaking me as my body becomes heavy on top of his, “Eunsol-ssi are you okey?” My eyes are barely open. “Y-yeah. I’m just,” a yawn slips out, “tired. That’s all.” At this point, I don’t care. I lay myself on the floor and begin to take a nap right there.

    “Yah, Lee Eunsol. Did you forget that I like you? How can you just fall asleep like that without a thought?”

    “Shut up. I trust you, sunbaenim.” I’m dead asleep. The last thing I hear is him complain on how I could talk to my sunbae like that.

    I wake up about two hours later and see message on my phone:

I had a schedule to go to so I left first. I’ll see to you later, so please return it.

    Return what? I look around and see his jacket next to my legs. He must’ve used it to cover me as I slept. I can’t help but think of how sweet the gesture was. I grab it and bring it close to me, admiring it. It has his scent.

    What am I doing right now? I set it aside and rest my head on my hands. What’s happening to me? Ever since he confessed, I haven’t been thinking straight. I’m starting to feel things that I’ve never felt before with him. Tears fall out in frustration as I try to puzzle out what’s happening. I need to talk to Jimin. She’ll help me understand. I pick up my phone and call her.

    She picks up, “Eunsol-ah, what’s up?”

    “Jimin-ah, I don’t know what to do. I really need you to help me.” There’s still a hint in my voice that Jimin can tell I’m crying. “Come home, let’s talk about it here. There’s no one home either.”

    “Okey.”

    “Alright, tell me what’s wrong,” before we started talking, Jimin wanted to make sure I was calm so I could explain it clearly. “I thought I could just be friends with Kyungsoo sunbaenim but it’s becoming harder,” I state. She’s got a look on her face that says she’s choosing her words very carefully. The tea kettle starts whistling and she grabs it off the stove quickly. “Come here. Drink this, you look a little pale. Did you eat yet?” I nodded my response. “Of course. I’ll make dinner for us.”

    We finish our food and she wastes no time to talk about the situation. “So, what’s so hard about being friends with D.O sunbaenim?” I take a sip tea and begin, “Lately, I can’t stop thinking about him. I just want to be friends but something happens and my heart starts beating so fast and-” Jimin cuts me off, “Eunsol-ah, how do you feel about him?”

    “I told you, I don’t know.”

    “Yes you do, you’re just avoiding the answer.” I stay quiet. Am I actually avoiding it? “You need to start being serious about this or you’ll both get hurt and I’m not going to fix it.” Once again, she’s right.

    “It’s okey to like him. He’s nice to you and cares about you like we do.” Do I like him? “Think about it. I’m gunna take a shower then I’m off to bed. Night.” “Good night.” Think about it. Well firstly, what’s there to think about? I suppose Jimin was right about him being nice to me.

    Kyungsoo always speaks formal with me even when I tell him it’s not necessary. He’s the easiest guy to talk to. Whenever he smiles, it makes me want to smile, too. He’s warm-hearted and trusting. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that he’s attractive in a special way. I envied the way he sings. The memory of when we first met still remains in my mind. Kyungsoo was singing by himself and I watched. But do I like him?

    Throughout the night, I thought of all the times we spent together again. And again. And again. I’m going to fall asleep once more today but before I did, it finally came to me. My final answer.

    Yes. I do like him. I like Do Kyungsoo.

  Author's note: Yay, Eunsol finally realized her feelings! I listened to My Answer by EXO many times to get the inspiration in writing this chapter. I hope you guys like it and anticipate for the next one!