Warnings: suicide tw

Pixels/Flesh

Donghae and Hyukjae were childhood friends. They met when they were still snot nosed brats on their first day of elementary school. Hyukjae was outgoing and funny while Donghae was cheerful but shy. They became fast friends when Donghae let Hyukjae borrowed his crayons and Hyukjae shared his strawberry milk with Donghae during lunch break.

Hyukjae was smart but Donghae was genius. The only reason Donghae didn’t go to specialized school was because he lived with his old grandmother. His parents were divorced, his mother left him to be with her new boyfriend and his father was working abroad. Donghae got his looks from his beautiful mother and his brain from his programmer father.

Donghae sometimes got bullied, but skinny Hyukjae never failed to stand up for Donghae, even if he came out a bit bloodied and bruised from the scuffles. Donghae appreciated that greatly, he vowed to be Hyukjae’s best friend forever and ever. Hyukjae smiled his gummy smile and ruffled Donghae’s hair.

“I’ll be your best friend forever and ever too.” He said cheerfully.

Too bad their friendship only lasted until 5^th grade. Donghae’s father returned to Korea to fetch Donghae and with teary eyes, Donghae and Hyukjae said goodbyes along with a promise to write every day.

Donghae did send letters from his new home in America, and Hyukjae did write back. But the flurry of letters gradually slowed down and trickled to the occasional postcard during birthdays and Christmas. The last postcard Hyukjae received from Donghae was a picture of Lady Liberty and the words ‘Wish you were here’.

Hyukjae taped the postcard on the wall in front of his study desk where it accumulated a fine sheet of dust and served as a reminder of lost friend and broken promises.

*****

Life goes on for Donghae and Hyukjae. Donghae had skipped grades and became one of the youngest graduates in the history of MIT. He landed a job at ENCOM and by sheer force of luck; he was stranded on the company’s HQ during lightning storm with Mrs. Flynn.

They spend the night in silence, watching thunders crashed over the horizon. Mrs. Flynn told him that she used to live in a place where she could see the thunder every day. Donghae politely regarded the beautiful woman with fair skin and straight black hair cut in uneven bob. He thought he caught a glimpse of something in her eyes, but she turned and smiled a motherly smile at him and Donghae thought it was a pity that Mr. and Mrs. Flynn didn’t have any children; she would make a great mother.

It was well over midnight when Mr. Flynn came to get her. She left after making Donghae promise to get some coffee with her later; the amused Mr. Flynn gave him a once over and a slight smirk. Donghae didn’t know what to make of the couple, but he thought her almond eyes reminded him of someone he used to hold dear.

Once he got home, Donghae took out the box he kept deep inside his closet. Inside were trinkets and memorabilia of his time in Korea. He rummaged around until his hand found a stack of letters and postcards with yellowing edges. He unraveled the blue ribbon binding and leafed through memories of his early childhood. The childhood he spent with a boy named Hyukjae.

Curiosity tickled at him and he got up and booted up his computer. It didn’t take long for him to track down one Lee Hyukjae who lived in Korea and attended Seoul 24^th Elementary School. When the search result came up on his screen, Donghae was surprised in more ways than he imagined.

*****

On his last year of elementary school, Hyukjae took a liking to dancing. He began by copying the moves he saw on TV and gradually added his own twist to the routine. He apparently had a talent for it and by the time he entered middle school, he could confidently dance in front of a crowd. He became friends with Yunho and Junsu, both were dance enthusiast just like him.

They spend all their free time together, practicing moves after moves, routines after routines. They showcased their choreography during the school festival and the deafening cheer and applause clinched it for them. With the newfound confidence, they sign up for casting. Yunho and Junsu passed, while Hyukjae was told to come back next year.

Hyukjae was genuinely happy for his friends, the slight pang of envy and bitter jealousy he felt were stomped and squashed down with hours of vigorous training. Hyukjae did come back the following year, and this time he passed with compliment.

*****

Donghae printed the picture of Hyukjae, decked in black attire with eyeliner smudged the outline of his almond eyes. Back then, he knew Hyukjae as the smart and active boy; he just didn’t think that Hyukjae would enter the showbiz world. With a mix of guilt and excitement, he put the small photo inside his wallet and bookmarked Hyukjae’s mini hompy. He noted that Hyukjae had been a trainee for his current entertainment company for 4 years already. He thought of leaving a message on Hyukjae’s board, but a sentimental feeling stayed his hand. He thought it would be more fitting to send a letter or a postcard to Hyukjae, and he promised to himself that he would send them once Hyukjae debuted.

Then work picked up for him. Since the lightning storm night, Mr. Flynn had taken a special interest in him. The older man took him under his wing and the young programmer made no sign of noticing the envious glares sent his way by his coworkers. Donghae felt honored and he always tried his hardest to present his best work to Mr. Flynn. The thought of Hyukjae slowly took the back burner and again became the farthest thing from Donghae’s mind.

Hyukjae’s picture still resided inside Donghae’s wallet; but the only thing flitted across Donghae’s mind whenever he saw the almond eyes, was ‘later’.

*****

Hyukjae finally debuted in a group of seven boys named Super Rookie. Yunho and Junsu had debuted earlier in a five boys group named TVXQ. He worked like crazy during the first few years, only taking 5 hours sleep everyday with only one day off for the entire year. Hyukjae felt like he was one step away from keeling over and die from exhaustion, but the cheers from fans and his love for dancing kept him going on.

Sweating under the blinding light of the spotlights, dancing his heart out to the screaming crowd Hyukjae had never felt so alive. But when the curtain was dropped and the lights shut off, he was left a panting mess on the backstage together with his equally exhausted band mates. They gathered themselves up, scrounging up any leftover energy to haul their own self from the floor, dragged their tired bodies to the dorm where they ate and slept and started everything all over again on the next day.

As his group’s popularity grew, life got both easier and harder for Hyukjae. He got bigger pay and his working hours got just a little bit shorter. He got more breaks and more days off. He still worked like a mad man but at least at the end of the day, he didn’t feel like he could just die in his sleep from the sheer exhaustion.

He also got some endorsement deals due to his distinctive looks. Hyukjae was never vain and he knew he wasn’t handsome in the traditional way, but his stylist did a wonderful job in highlighting Hyukjae’s unique features. Soon, he found himself adorning the pages of magazines. At first it was only small campaigns for household brands, nothing big but still sizeable nonetheless.

Then a blessing in disguise came in form of a tragedy. A car accident to be exact.

Hyukjae and his band mates were on their way home from a fan meeting when the van they rode in got hit by a sleepy truck driver. Everyone survived with various degrees of injury, the worst casualty was Hyukjae. His waist sustained some injuries and his legs were broken in several different places and Hyukjae just knew that it was the end for him.

The doctor told him that it would take time for him to recover and to prepare himself for the worst case scenario. The doctor didn’t say it implicitly, but it was implied in his soft and consoling tone of voice that dancing had become impossible for Hyukjae.

Hyukjae thought that his life was over, that he would be kicked out of the company and could never stand on stage anymore. The thought brought tears to his eyes and for one horrifying second, he contemplated suicide. Luckily, Ms Kwon, the CEO of the entertainment company, came to talk to him personally.

She said that Hyukjae’s career as an idol would have to end, but then she gestured to the beautiful man who accompanied her.

“This is Kim Heechul. He’s going to be your new manager. Hyukjae-ah, your life as an idol might just end, but your life as a model is only just starting.”

*****

Donghae enjoyed being Mr. Flynn’s protégé. The older man had taught him so many things and he absorbed the knowledge like sponge. But what Donghae treasured the most was the life lessons Mr. Flynn occasionally imparted. They would start out discussing about some technical things and somehow they would end up talking about life.

Donghae secretly enjoyed their sessions; he was young and somewhat naïve to the ways of the world, having spent most of his life in front of a computer. Mr. Flynn told him to enjoy life more, to take time off and explore the world. Donghae had wanted to but he knew that he wasn’t emotionally equipped to deal with the world outside of ENCOM. When he expressed his anxiety of meeting new people or being in a new environment outside of work, there was a tinge of sadness in the older man’s smile and eyes.

Then one day Mr. Flynn invited Donghae to his private residence. There, Mrs. Flynn pampered him with delicious mini cakes and rich coffee. Afterward, Mr. Flynn had taken Donghae to his study and gave him two things.

The first one was an old Nokia N8 phone. The other was a key to an arcade situated on the abandoned part of town.

Mr. Flynn asked Donghae to keep those things safe for him. He didn’t explain why, but Donghae knew that it was important, so he only nodded and gave his promise to Mr. Flynn. A tiny voice in the back of his head fervently hoped that this wouldn’t ever become another promise he couldn’t keep.

*****

Hyukjae started his new career as a photo model. It was less strenuous than being an idol. He could pose comfortably without aggravating his mostly healed injuries. He attended his therapy sessions religiously and made a steady progress. His therapist told him that he would soon be back to ‘full health’. Hyukjae smiled but he knew that ‘full health’ wasn’t something that included dancing.

He lost some fans after he left Super Rookie, but he regained new ones after his first ad campaign as a model hit the magazines. The ad was for a cosmetic company and it was successful. It also opened up new opportunities for Hyukjae. His old status of an idol made for an interesting back story. Kim Heechul was also a formidable manager. As soon as the cosmetic ad was done, Hyukjae had another three campaigns lined up for him.

Hyukjae knew he was lucky to be given a second chance, so he worked his best. His cheerful disposition and good work attitude soon endeared him to the advertisement sector. Ad directors and photographers knew that Hyukjae would never come late and would never act up. They knew that Hyukjae would always bring his A game to the photo shoot, would always be polite to everyone on set, would take directions well and would thank everyone with gummy smiles and bows.

Word of mouth was precious commodity in this industry, and everyone he worked with so far had only good things to say about Hyukjae. When Hyukjae finally recovered, Kim Heechul had already set up a training regime for him. The manager was preparing Hyukjae for runways and he knew that Hyukjae would make it big.

*****

It was three years later that Mr. Flynn finally told Donghae about The Grid. Donghae was reeling from the revelation and it took him almost a week to come to terms with the digitalized reality hidden from the public. Mr. Flynn gave him heaps of research papers and notes, telling him to use it wisely.

Donghae was both honored and burdened by the heavy weight of knowledge trusted upon him. It was also a testament on how much Mr. Flynn trusted him and his character. Donghae studied the notes and schematics on his free time. Mr. Flynn’s account of what happened in the original Grid was a heavy reminder at the back of his head. It took him almost 4 months after the big reveal before he finally accessed the data on the N8. After numerous attempts, Donghae was finally able to build a much smaller version of The Grid; he named it The Room. Building The Room was a rewarding experience, but Donghae was still wary of its enormous potential. It took him another 17 months before he was confident enough to transport himself into The Room.

The first time he entered The Room, it was quite ordinary. Only 4 black walls with equally black floor and ceiling. Lines of aqua light made interesting patterns on all surface, they also illuminate The Room with ambient light.

Donghae tried to recall Mr. Flynn’s words about being The Creator. So he closed his eyes and imagined lines and lines of codes, strung together to make a simple program. He imagined the program to take the shape of a box. And when he opened his eyes, Donghae saw how pixels appeared out of thin air and constructed a box. When it’s done, Donghae gave it a poke and the box shuddered to life with two blinking dots on one of its surface.

The dots flickered and Donghae thought that they looked like two blinking eyes.

“Hi Box.” He greeted in a small voice. Donghae was both curious and embarrassed, because ‘will this Box talk?’ and ‘I must be crazy for talking to a box’ ran through his mind simultaneously.

There was a low buzz before a robotic voice answered. “Hello Creator.”

*****

Kim Heechul was right. As soon as Hyukjae mastered the art of walking down a runway, he became an instant hit on fashion shows. The country’s top designers all wanted him on their show. Heechul made sure to pick only the best ones. Both he and Hyukjae agreed early on that quality won over quantity on any given time.

After a year of national stardom, Hyukjae was offered to walk for an international brand. He didn’t hesitate to accept. After 3 months of intensive language course, Hyukjae and Heechul flew to Europe to begin Hyukjae’s international career.

It didn’t start out smoothly, language barrier being the biggest reason. Also, Hyukjae was just one man in a sea of pretty faces. But instead of being discouraged, it gave him drive to proof himself, to show his full potential. It was a cutthroat world, everyman for himself. Backstabbing, bad mouthing, false rumors and backstage cat fights were common occurrences.

Hyukjae sailed through them all bravely, without backing down, without losing sight, without changing into someone less. He kept his cheerful smiles, his politeness and his admirable work attitude. He had lost dancing, and he’d be damned if he lost this too. He didn’t make many friends, but his fellow models developed a sort of grudging respect for him.

Some liked him, some despised him. Hyukjae didn’t really mind. As long as his employer was satisfied with his job, then Hyukjae could care less about the negative comments. He was used to anti fan during his idol days, so scathing remarks and thinly veiled insults could never faze him. The things that Hyukjae listened and took to heart were the director’s and photographer’s instructions.

And slowly but surely, Hyukjae established a reputation as one of the best models in the world.

*****

After his success with Box, Donghae gained more confidence.  He tried to build other programs, some were failures, some were successful, some were halfway between. Donghae derez the failed ones, fixed the glitched ones and kept the successful ones. But one stood out as a masterpiece.

It was a partial AI he named Q. The program took the shape of a boy with mischievous smile and unruly brown hair. In a moment of randomness, Donghae added some zits on Q’s face and it was utterly hilarious Donghae spent 10 minutes giggling to himself.

Donghae gave Q basic parameters and behavioral patterns with room for improvements. And Q did improve. He developed a snarky attitude which exasperated Donghae at times. But in Q, Donghae found a companion. It became a routine, to transport himself into The Room after working hours and spent the night talking or playing games with Q. Donghae taught Q some nursery rhymes just because he can, and unexpectedly, Q had a very lovely singing voice.

Donghae downloaded some music modules into The Room; they ranged from classical to the modern day pop. Q browsed through them all and found that he preferred ballads over other types of music. Q memorized songs after songs and not long after, Donghae had his own talking and sassy personal jukebox.

His success with Q prompted Donghae to create another AI. He thought long and hard and after a glimpse of a faded photograph of Hyukjae which he still kept in his wallet, Donghae created Eunhyuk ver. 1.

Eunhyuk ver. 1 was based on the small Hyukjae who Donghae spend his childhood with. He dug deep into his memory to visualize how Hyukjae had looked. Black bowl cut hair, skinny body, gummy smile and sparkly almond eyes.

Eunhyuk ver. 1 had all of child Hyukjae’s features, except for his silver eyes. Donghae didn’t want his newest program to have Hyukjae’s eyes, because it would be heartbreaking for Donghae to look at the corporeal lines of codes and be reminded of a boy from time long ago. Cherished but forgotten, treasured but lost.

*****

It was only a matter of time before Hyukjae got an offer to work at the States. To some, working in the US wasn’t as prestigious as working in Europe, but Heechul thought it was a good opportunity to enter new market. If things didn’t pan out, they could always return to Europe.

Hyukjae didn’t think much when he accepted the offer. He packed his luggage and boarded the plane that would take him to the land of the free, with Heechul rattling off his schedules and new endorsement deals.

It wasn’t until he landed in New York and saw the statue of Lady Liberty did his thought screeched to a halt.

For a moment, Hyukjae was taken back to his old room in Korea, where a postcard bearing the words ‘Wish you were here’ were taped to the wall. And no matter how hard he tried, he could only recall a name, Lee Donghae. He dredged up his childhood memories and was strangely disappointed when all his mind supplied him with were flashes of warm chocolate eyes and crooked smile.

The moment was gone as fast as it came. Hyukjae was shaken out of his reverie by Heechul’s incessant chatter about how Hyukjae was going to make it big here too. Hyukjae smiled and nodded along.

He would make it big in the States, and maybe just maybe, Donghae would see and somehow recognized him.

*****

Eunhyuk ver. 1 lasted for a whole 3 weeks before Donghae derez him. To be honest, he wasn’t a failure. He was everything Donghae imagined him to be; a copy of real life Hyukjae, sans the eyes and the voice, because Donghae couldn’t recall Hyukjae’s voice.

Donghae found himself laughing like a little kid again whenever he was in The Room. Eunhyuk ver. 1 always demanded to play, and Donghae could never say no to him. Even Q had developed a soft spot for the small boy. Donghae build maze where they play hide and seek, build jungle gym and slide and seesaw and monkeys bars where they giggled while hanging upside down.

Then Eunhyuk ver. 1 developed clingy tendencies. It was subtle at first. He would pout when it was time for Donghae to transport out. Then he would whine and asked for Donghae to stay longer. Then he outright clung to Donghae’s pants and refused to let go. It had gotten to the point where he would jump at Donghae and wrapped his small limbs around Donghae’s waist and torso while letting out heartbreaking sobs.

Q only shrugged and told Donghae that Eunhyuk ver. 1 was lonely without Donghae. Whenever the Creator left, Q tried to play with the younger program, but Eunhyuk ver. 1 didn’t like Q as much as he liked Donghae.

The decision to derez Eunhyuk ver. 1 came after Donghae missed one day of visiting The Room because he had to work late for some big project. When he entered The Room, Eunhyuk ver. 1 was crying and screaming in apparent tantrum, Q had both his hands pressed up against his ears and was wincing at the sideline. As soon as his silver eyes found Donghae, Eunhyuk ver. 1 ran to him and almost choked Donghae to death by how tight he hugged the Creator.

Donghae tried to talk to Eunhyuk ver. 1, but the small boy couldn’t stop crying, he even started to hitch and glitch. Donghae cringed at this sudden turn of event. With a heavy heart he ran his palm over the crying boy’s back.

“It’s alright. It’s alright. I’m here. I’m here now.” Donghae murmured soothingly before he closed his eyes and derez Eunhyuk ver. 1.

The boy disintegrated into millions of pixels and flickered out of existence.

Then Donghae did choke because he felt like he just murdered an innocent child. Q was quick to offer words of comfort. Even if the words were snarky, Donghae appreciated them all the same.

Donghae gave a wry smile to Q before he transported out. He didn’t come back to The Room for 5 days afterward.

When he returned, Q looked at him with an apprehensive expression, which was quite disturbing to see. Donghae didn’t say anything, he only sat on the chair and gestured to the chess set on the table.

“Play a round with me.” He said to Q.

Q sat opposite him and they lost themselves in the strategic game.

They play for hours and in the end Donghae won. He smiled at Q and rose to leave.

“It was a good game.” Were his last words before he transported out.

The next day, Donghae came back and create Eunhyuk ver. 2.

This new version was based on the pic of Hyukjae Donghae kept in his wallet. Again, everything was the same, even the clothing and make up. Everything except the eyes.

Donghae didn’t want a repeat of Eunhyuk ver. 1. So he limited Eunhyuk ver. 2 abilities. There was no behavioral settings, no room for development or improvisation only a set response to specific command.

Donghae searched through the music modules and found Super Rookies songs. He linked it to Eunhyuk ver. 2 and set the new entity to dance while Donghae sat on the chair, observing his newest creation with sad smile and even sadder eyes.

Eunhyuk ver 2 was Donghae’s version of the ballerina figurine atop of a music box. His existence only served as a reminder that the only companions Donghae would ever have were virtual ones. It served as a reminder that Donghae was too cowardice to have a real life friend.

Before he transported out that day, Q had tilted his head and regarded him with a sharp gaze.

“Go connect.” Q said before Donghae dematerialized from The Room.

Donghae returned to the real world with a heavy sigh and heavier heart. He took out his wallet and stare at the fading picture. Gathering up all the courage he had, Donghae opened his laptop and navigate to Hyukjae’s mini hompy. He still had it bookmarked, even if he hadn’t visited in years. He pressed enter and waited for the page to load.

It was time to stop being coward. It was time to go connect.

*****

One day, out of a whim, Hyukjae went to the Lady Liberty statue. He rode the elevator and climbed the stairs until he reached the observation deck. The wind was biting cold and he shivered.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Hyukjae looked down to the ground, where everything seemed so small.

His mind flew back to his old room in Seoul, to where a postcard was taped to the wall. Although the face was vague, he still remembered the chocolate eyes and the crooked smile. He remembered the good times. He remembered the sad goodbye. He remembered the growing distance. He remembered the single sentence written on the last postcard he received. ‘Wish you were here.’

Hyukjae thought to himself. ‘I am here now. Where are you?’

*****

Donghae felt a sick dread creeping up on him when he finished reading the articles about Hyukjae’s accident, he could’ve have lost an important piece of his childhood. After the dread came the guilt. He had promised himself to send some missive to Hyukjae when he debuted. But just like his other promises concerning Hyukjae, he couldn’t keep this one too.

He wondered what was wrong with him. What went wrong with him and Hyukjae that they drifted apart? What was it that made Donghae kept the illusion of Hyukjae inside The Room, while forgetting the real Hyukjae on the real world?

Donghae almost closed the browser tab, but Q words to him echoed inside his head. ‘Go connect.’

Gritting his teeth, Donghae did exactly that.

*****

Making it in America was harder than they both thought. All of Hyukjae’s experiences of modeling in Europe didn’t automatically make him a big hit in the US. But like always, Hyukjae persevere. After the initial contract was done, he worked just as hard as when he was still new in the industry. Heechul tried his best to get him good deals, but there were more misses than hits. Heechul was ready to call it quit and returned to Europe, but Hyukjae asked for one more chance.

“Just one more job Hyung. Get me one more job. It will be my last one here. Then we’ll return to Europe or Korea or wherever you want me to go.” Hyukjae had said stubbornly.

Heechul sighed but complied. He doubted he could secure a promising contract for Hyukjae, but the model’s determination was something he admired. So Heechul whipped out his phone and started to make calls.

And they weren’t disappointed; Lady Luck was on their side. It just so happen that ENCOM was launching a new OS, the made several versions and one of them was specifically designed for the Asian market. They were looking for brand ambassador for each region. They already signed a Japanese baseball player and a Chinese actress, but they still want another one for the Korean market. Heechul put Hyukjae’s name up for consideration.

It might be a long shot, but Hyukjae was an idol before he turned to modeling, his popularity might have gone down considerably but it hadn’t totally diminished. Super Rookie was at the top of the chart back home and Hyukjae’s name often came up during their appearances. Also his agency was one of the biggest and leading entertainment companies in Korea; Ms. Kwon had no hesitation on pushing for Hyukjae’s endorsement. The ENCOM campaign would be perfect for Hyukjae’s comeback stage to Korea.

They had planned everything to be a surprise event, so Hyukjae signed with ENCOM under lots of secrecy. Before launching the new OS in the Asia, ENCOM held an international launching event in the US where they would reveal who were the brand ambassadors for their new product.

Hyukjae looked at himself one more time in the mirror, checking his appearance. He looked good, he looked perfect, he looked just like a million dollar model that he was. Satisfied, he went to gather his things before Heechul came to pick him up. Just then, his phone beeped, signaling the arrival of a new mail on his personal account.

Hyukjae knitted his eyebrows. Not many people knew his personal mail; his family preferred to video called or texted him. He mostly used the company issued one, and even then, the number of mails he received was close to nil. Heechul was the one who dealt with the business mails and the occasional fanmail.

With mild curiosity he opened his phone and checked the mail.

It took him several moments to comprehend the mail.

‘Dear Lee Hyukjae.

I don’t know whether you still remember me or not. I’m Lee Donghae, that little kid that you used to help when he was being bullied. We used to be best friends and I don’t know what went wrong but over the year, we lost contact.

I’m sorry that I broke all the promises I made to you.

Recently I found out about your accident and it pained me to know that I almost lost you without even knowing it. It also made me realize that you were still a big part o me. I read that you’ve become a model now and I’m so proud of you. My only regret was not sending you any flowers or rice wreath for your debut as a singer. (Though I was surprised to know that you like dancing and singing. I’ve always thought that you’d be a teacher or researcher. You were the smartest boy I know.)

You must have been surprised to find this mail in your inbox. I have my own way of finding out your e-mail address, but rest assured that if you find this uncomfortable, I won’t mail you again. (But I very much want to be your friend again, or at least to get back in touch with you.)

Best regards,

Lee Donghae.’

Hyukjae had a hard time breathing after reading the mail. His fingers trembled a bit and he almost dropped his phone when someone knocked on his hotel room door.

Hyukjae took a deep breath to settle his nerves and put away his phone. He’d deal with this later. Now he had a launching event to attend. Straightening his suit, Hyukjae walked to open the door for Heechul. He had his professional face on; all thoughts about Donghae were neatly tucked in the back of his mind.

*****

Donghae stared at his phone screen with unblinking eyes. He had gathered all his courage and sent an email to Hyukjae. He had used his ‘expertise’ to find out about Hyukjae’s email address. It didn’t take him long, considering who and where he worked at. Donghae only felt a slight bit of remorse for abusing his privilege, but he quickly got over it.

‘It’s for Hyukjae.’ He reasoned to himself.

At the moment, he was sitting alone at an out of the way sofa, somewhere in the vast lobby of ENCOM HQ. He wasn’t particularly fond of parties, but this was the launching event of their newest OS, one that he helped designed, his attendance was mandatory.

Fortunately everyone else left him alone and didn’t bother to ask him to mingle. It wasn’t the proper etiquette per se, but his other colleagues were too happy to steal the limelight and Donghae wasn’t really in the mood to be in a crowd, so it all worked out for the best.

He felt apprehensive as he waited for Hyukjae’s reply. He knew it would take time for any response, but it didn’t stop him from staring at his phone for almost an hour.

He hoped his mail wasn’t too little, too late. He hoped his feeble attempt at reconnecting with Hyukjae wasn’t futile. He hoped for Hyukjae to reply. He hoped for a lot of thing, but for the most part, he hoped Hyukjae still remembered him.

Then his phone vibrated and made Donghae almost dropped it. He fumbled for a bit before realizing that it was an incoming call from Mr. Flynn. With a half disappointed sigh, he picked up the call.

“Donghae my boy. Can you join me at the stage for a minute? Then you’re free to go sulk at some random corner.”

Mr. Flynn didn’t wait for any replies and hung up.

DOnghae smiled ruefully but stood up and straightened his suit. He walked with hunched shoulders and measured steps to the main area of the lobby where a stage was set up.

He found Mr. Flynn with no difficulty and the old man was beckoning for him to join his circle. Donghae took a deep breath and pasted on his professional smile. He stepped closer and Mr. Flynn was quick to draw him in.

“This is Lee Donghae.” Mr. Flynn introduced him. “He’s one of my best employees. And he’s Korean!” Mr. Flynn added.

Donghae didn’t understand why Mr. Flynn felt the need to broadcast his nationality, but then his eyed landed on a pair of almond eyes, set on a face he knew by heart.

Lee Hyukjae

*****

Hyukjae blinked owlishly at the brunette standing beside Mr. Flynn. The figure head of ENCOM introduced him as Lee Donghae and for a moment Lee Hyukjae was taken back to 10 years ago. To a cheerful boy with crooked teeth and too wide eyes.

Hyukjae couldn’t recall that Donghae’s face clearly, but the one in front of him looked awful lot like him.

He heard Heechul greeted the Lee Donghae and how the Lee Donghae stuttered his reply. Then it was his turn and Hyukjae was at a loss for words.

The Lee Donghae seemed to be in similar predicament, but the brunette recovered faster than him.

“Hyukkie?” He said timidly.

And hearing his old nickname opened a floodgate of memory on Hyukjae’s mind. Flashes of warm afternoon spent together, of two boys squealing while riding a bike downhill, of snowball fights in winter and picnic at the beach on summer, of smiles and twinkling chocolate eyes assaulted him. And in their wake was a name sitting warmly at the tip of his tongue.

“Haehae.” Hyukjae whispered.

And the Lee Donghae in front of him bloomed into a happy and crooked smile.

Hyukjae didn’t know who made the first move, but they ended up hugging each other. Hyukjae had an armful of Donghae and he dimly realized that Donghae was shorter than him. He felt Donghae’s shuddering breath caressing the side of his neck and he gripped Donghae just a little bit tighter.

*****

Donghae remembered the words he wrote on the last postcard he sent to Hyukjae and thought to himself.

‘I wish you were here, and here you are.’

*****

Hyukjae remembered that one moment on top of Lady Liberty and he thought to himself.

‘I am here, and here you are.’

*****