You watched him grow. From the wimpy kid you found crying at the park to the player he is before your eyes.

Donghae certainly has created an impact in you, like he has on so many other girls he charmed with the confidence he developed.

Fourteen years ago

‘Why are you crying?’ you asked, finally approaching the little boy crying underneath the slide at the park.

‘H-huh?’ He looked up, his eyes very red and sore. He sniffed and wiped his tears with the back of his hands. ‘I-I’m not,’ he denied.

You made a face. He obviously was. ‘Yes, you were,’ you insisted, ‘I’ve never seen a boy cry.’ You sat down under the shade next to him. ‘Why were you crying?’

‘I-I was just… a boy pushed me over earlier and I scraped my knee,’ he confessed. He showed you his slightly bleeding knee.

‘That’s nothing to cry about,’ you said, turning to face him. You smiled, ‘my brother never cries even when he’s hurt,’ you boasted.

‘W-well, I’m not-‘

‘Of course, he taught me never to cry over silly things like these,’ you carried on, pointing at his knees. You took the sleeve of your top and dabbed it gently on his knee.

He twitched slightly but let you carry on.

‘And, plus, nobody looks attractive when they cry,’ you informed him, ‘especially you.’

He looked at you and frowned.  You smiled and wiped away his tears with your thumbs.

You introduced yourself before getting up and holding your hand out to help him up. ‘That’s your name?’

‘D-donghae,’ he answered taking your hand and letting himself be pulled up.

‘Donghae?’ You smiled. ‘Are you okay now?’

‘Neh… kamsahamnida,’ he said gratefully.

‘Are you new here?’ you asked. You’ve never seen him before.

‘Neh,’ he said again, ‘I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.’

‘Then, are you gonna be going to my school?’

‘Is that the one by the firestation?’ he asked, scratching his head.

You nodded your head with a smile.

‘I think so,’ he said unsure, secretly hoping he was. It would be nice to know at least one person.

Ten years ago

‘Donghae-ah! Come on!’ You dragged him to the pool side still drinking his coke.

‘Yah…’ he moaned setting his cup on the table you both passed by, ‘I don’t want to get wet.’

‘Psshh, don’t be such a baby,’ you told him stopping by the pool side and looking down into the clear blue water.

‘I’m not a baby,’ he pouted.

‘You’re such a big baby,’ you carried on.

‘No, I’m not! Stop calling me that!’ he yelled.

‘Then stop complaining,’ you retorted, looking at him seriously. ‘I thought you would do this with me for my birthday?’ you confronted him.

‘You can’t even swim well, what if you drowned?’

‘But you can. You’ll just have to save me. Would you let me drown?’ you asked him.

He shook his head.

You smiled. ‘Good. Now, on the count of five. One.’ You tightened your grip on his hand.

‘Two.’

‘THREE!’ You jumped, pulling him with you.

After a couple of seconds you re-surfaced with Donghae.

He wiped his face, paddling. You let go of his hand and threw your arms around his neck to keep afloat.

‘Y-yah, you said after five!’

He was paddling frantically, with both his hands and feet to keep both of you afloat.

You grinned. ‘You’re too naïve, my fishy,’ you laughed.

Just then your mothers came out fussing and complaining about why you didn’t call them when you were about to jump in the pool so they could have taken pictures and record every single second of your 10^th birthday.

You both exchanged glances as your mothers snapped away on their cameras.

‘Are you getting tired?’ you asked after a while. Donghae still paddled for both of you.

He shook his head.

You smiled and turned to your mother who had busied herself with setting up the barbecue with Donghae’s mother.

He called your name and just as you turned to look at him, pecked you on the lips.

‘Happy birthday,’ he greeted. ‘I’ve got a present for you,’ he grinned.

For some odd reason, your stomach dropped. It wasn’t the first time you two had kissed. You both had done it many times when you were younger, had so many pictures taken as proof. Your parent’s talked about it frequently, laughed about it so many times.

You were even the one to take his first kiss. At which time he cried like a baby.

But this time it felt so different.

He didn’t you kiss you anymore after that.

Three years ago

‘Yah! Lee Donghae! Are you leaving me again?’ you yelled behind him.

He turned around nervously.

‘Hey, missy,’ he greeted sheepishly.

‘Where are you off to?’ you asked suspiciously.

‘E-er, I have something to do?’ he said unsurely.

‘Since when have you started becoming this secretive?’ you asked.

‘I-I haven’t…’

You eyed him. He stepped back warily and sighed.

‘I-I… There’s this girl, I reeaally like,’ he admitted in resign.

‘Reeaally?’ you asked, interested. Eyebrow raised and a smirk tugging at your lips.

‘Forget it,’ he said, waving it off and turning back around.

‘Wait-wait!’ you yelled, grabbing his wrist and falling in a step beside him. ‘Tell me. I know how bad you are at these things, I can help,’ you suggested helpfully. He rolled his eyes.

‘Yeah, ‘cause that helped a lot. Thanks, but I-‘

‘Don’t tell me you’re just going to let it pass?’ you asked him, he always, always does this. ‘If you really like this girl,’ you told him, ‘then you are not going to just let it pass.’

He eyed you. Contemplating the truth of your words.

‘Fine.’

--

‘Now, remember what I told you,’ you reminded him, ‘be a gentleman, don’t contradict her every word like you did with me and keep your attention on her whenever she speaks.’ You fixed his hair, messily pushing it to the side so it formed a casual messy style. ‘I still can’t believe you like her all this time without me suspecting a thing.’

He smiled lopsidedly and turned. He watched Hye Young as she went to stand in front of the theatre entrance they promised to meet up at. You gave him an encouraging nudge and he smiled at you before walking away.

You watch him approach your friend. Hye Young smiled at him before they greeted each other and went inside the theatres. You smiled, pleased with yourself. Finally, Donghae with a girl. You’ve waited to see your friend go on his first date for years now.

But, why is it that you felt a tinge of a new found feeling when your friends went in together?

That after all these years, you would thing that you would be the first person Donghae would take on a date. Not even a real one, but just as friends.

You fiddled with the glass necklace pendant you were wearing whilst you sat in the café outside the theatres for a bit, before brushing off the thoughts you shouldn’t even be having and leaving.

Donghae called you that night, after a number of ‘thank you’ and a detailed recollection of his whole date.

‘Hey,’ he said after a while of silence, ‘if this goes well, I really have to make it up to you at some time.’

You smiled, although, it wasn’t in complete happiness. ‘Just remember that because I’m taking it as a promise,’ you told him.

A couple of months later

Senior year.

A new year. Why did you have to be transferred to a different school? You could pass exams from your old school. You didn’t need to go a fancier one.

It’s only one more year, which was your parents’ reason as well.

You sighed. What’s the point of making new friends? It’s only the one more year and you and Donghae will get to go to the University. Well, that’s what you hoped anyway.

As the semesters dragged on and summer ended, you and Donghae saw less and less of each other.

Phone calls became more convenient and after a while even those became scarce.

‘Pick up,’ you mumbled as you sat on your bed calling Donghae for the umpteenth time that day.

‘Hello?’ someone answered. The voice was tired and weary and sounded as if it had been disturbed from sleep.

‘Donghae?’ you asked unsurely, suddenly feeing awkward.

‘Oh, hey,’ the guy croaked down the line.

‘Are you… okay?’ you asked nervously.

‘Y-yeah, I just woke up. Ugh, I’m so tired,’ he yawned down the line as you heard him shuffling around.

‘Oh,’ was all you could say, disappointed. ‘What have you been doing?’ you asked out of curiosity.

‘Well, the seniors went to the city for a trip and Hye Young dragged me everywhere,’ he explained.

‘That… sounds fun,’ you said, fiddling with the cover of your bed.

‘It really was,’ he said, ‘anyway, how was your day?’

‘Umm, well, you know, just the same old. Not as fun as yours sound,’ you admitted jealously.

‘Is that so?’ Silence. ‘I miss you,’ he said and you felt your heart sink. Those were just pretty words to him.

‘I miss you, too.’ Sadly, for you, it was full of meaning.

More silence. You wanted to say something since this new silence didn’t feel the same as the other phone call you had when you were younger. Back in those days, you could sit comfortably on your bed and listen to his silence down the phone.

You heard his breathing become heavy.

‘Hae?’ you called. ‘Donghae?’ you called more determinedly. You looked down, what happened to his given nicknames? Somehow, those were now too awkward to use.

He snored. He’s fallen asleep.

‘Donghae?’ you repeated just to check. No answer. You fell back onto the covers of your own bed.

‘I miss you so much you know. Everyday reminds me of our childhood, and every day I feel like I’m suffocating staying at a school where I have no friends and it’s as if Fate is taking all those memories and shoving it in my face.’

You stared at the ceiling running your fingers over the glass key pendant of your necklace.

‘I wonder how you’re doing. You probably don’t miss me that much, huh? It’s funny how you live not far and yet we hardly have time to even see each other for at least fifteen minutes.

‘Remember that time when we’d go to the park every day at one summer. I bought you an ice cream which you dropped on the floor. Pabo, Hae. I miss those days. I miss being with you. I miss being us… Goodnight, my fishy.’

Something wet slid slowly down the corner of your left eye as you disconnected the line and closed your eyes. Soon, you too drifted off to sleep.

9 months later

‘You never pick up my calls anymore,’ you said sadly, hopelessly trying to cover it with a smile, which, too, came out sad. You took a drink from your coffee.

‘Yeah, I’ve been quite busy,’ he said simply, playing with his phone on the table.

You watched him for a while. What a pathetic excuse.

‘Oh,’ was all you could say. ‘How are things going with Hye Young?’

He looked up at that.

‘Haven’t you heard?’ he asked, confused.

Of course not! You don’t talk to me anymore! You shook your head.

‘We broke up a couple of months ago,’ he said, looking back down, ‘she was with another guy.’

‘That’s… horrible,’ you said, looking away as well.

‘You’ve no idea. Seeing the person you thought loved you back with another.’

‘Hm,’ you said, forcing the burning sensation behind your eyes back. ‘I can’t imagine,’ you said, fighting to keep in control of your voice.

He finally looked at you.

‘Can’t you? I mean, did you never date all the time I haven’t seen you?’ he asked.

‘I did,’ you said.

‘And?’ he prised.

‘Um, I broke up with him not long after,’ you said.

‘Why?’

‘Well… There’s this one guy I couldn’t get over,’ you said, looking away again.

‘And this guy would be?’ he asked.

You looked at him, and away again quickly. You stood up, as much as you wanted to catch up, you feel you’ve made a mistake of seeing him again.

‘Er, no one. No one you’d know. I’m sorry, I have to go,’ you said quickly, picking your bag and jacket. He was halfway out of his seat.

‘Wait-‘

‘Bye, Donghae.’

Once out of sight, you wiped the tears that had spilled over. Stupid, stupid Donghae. Why did I ever meet you?

Post-Graduation

I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your graduation day. I’ve been sent away. And I think this is for the best as well. Let me sort out my feelings before returning, okay? Did I say ‘goodbye’? Well, this is it. I’ve missed you so much you have no idea. Every time I look back at our memories it makes me treasure time even more. I hope when we meet again, we can return to the best friends we have always been. My good luck charm, please don’t break it.

All my love.

You sealed the envelope containing the glass key necklace he got you for your tenth birthday.

You gave the letter to his friend Hyuk Jae who he shared an apartment with, without your knowledge. Originally, you went to his house first, and encountered an embarrassing moment with his mother at the fact that you did not know he had moved out.

Eunhyuk, as his friend preferred to be called promised to pass it on to him.

Donghae received the letter that night, his heart dropping a fraction at every word.

‘Pick up, pick up, pick up,’ he mumbled as he desperately called your number. ‘Please, don’t do this to me.’ It went straight to voicemail for the fifth time. He dialled your home number, something he hasn’t done for a long time.

‘Hello, Ahjumma,’ he said at once as soon as someone picked up. He asked for you.

‘Donghae, I’m sorry. She’s gone. Her flight was a couple of hours ago this afternoon.’

‘Oh,’ he said, stomach dropping, ‘is-is that so? Thank you, Ahjumma.’

5 years later

‘Psst!’

Donghae looked around for the source of noise.

‘Psst!’

Donghae looked up again. Eunhyuk came out from behind the parked car beside the café where Donghae sat. He was laughing as he came and sat in front of his friend.

‘I have a surprise for you,’ Eunhyuk said.

‘Yeah? Where is it?’ Donghae asked, expectantly before sipping his coffee.

‘In my car,’ Eunhyuk said nonchalantly.

‘Um, okay. Are you going to get it?’ he asked.

‘No, it should come out after a while.’

Donghae cast his friend a quizzical look. ‘What are you talking about?’

Eunhyuk shook his head and changed the subject.

You watched as Eunhyuk sat in front of Donghae at the café. Your heart raced faster and faster.

___________________________