2015 - 29.12 (night)
Thr33For Amber, her heart hurt more than her cheek right now.
"I am really sorry, Krys. I'm sorry to have disappointed you. I was confused and scared at first. You know how Jiyoon adores you. I was so selfish and scared of losing her. She is my whole world, she is my reason to fight." Amber was on the verge of tears "I have nobody else except her"
Krystal went silent and listened to Amber's words. The rush of information was too much for her to handle. To look for her daughter all this time, being devastated, frustrated and now of of the sudden to find out that her daughter was in front of her almost the whole year. Her feelings got all mixed up, she wasn't sure how to react right now.
"There were so many times I wanted to give up" Amber continued "She was always my reason to get up again. Because I want to give her a better life, because I want to give her the childhood I never had. My life revolves around her. We have nobody else but each other. I can't live without her. That's why I kept my mouth shut and didn't tell both of you"
Suddenly fear engulfed Krystal, her brain tried to calculate the probabilities how Jiyoon would react knowing that she's her mother. The more she think about it, the more scared she got. "You are right, Amber" Krystal said "Let's not tell Jiyoon"
Amber was surprised with Krystal's reaction "What?"
"We shouldn't tell Jiyoon" Krystal repeated
"Why?" Amber looked at her friend "You have been searching for her all this time and now you don't want her to know?"
"She is better off with you. I'm not a good mother, I have done so much bad things in my life, she's going to be ashamed if she found out that I'm her mother. She might hate me."
"Krys..." Amber shook her head
"No... no, I'm happy to know the truth now, that she's well and been taken good care of. It's enough that I have her around me. That I can look after her from a distance. Please, Amber. This is better. She will have a better life with you. I could come to visit you and spend some time with her if you don't mind. I'm already satisfied" Krystal was panicking, trying to reassuring herself.
"Krys..." Amber took Krystal's hand to calm her down "You know that's not what you want. Whatever was in the past, it is over. You have changed. And about Jiyoon, she knows how much you struggle to find your daughter, how much you love her and longing to find her."
The other girl frantically shook her head "What if she hates me after she found out about the truth?"
"She won't" Amber said reassuring "She's your daughter" Amber stopped for a moment and continued "And she's my daughter,too. That's why I know she won't hate you"
Amber could see how Krystal was still unsure about everything.
"I don't know, Amber. This is too much... I don't know" she muttered
"Come home with me" Amber said in a firm tone
Krystal lifted her head to look at Amber
Amber said "Jiyoon is at her friend's place tonight. I'm going to pick her up tomorrow afternoon and we are going to talk with her. We are going to tell her the truth. I know it's a lot to chew right now for you, so come home with me and don't spend the night alone. At least you have me around when you need something or someone to talk to. It's easier like this"
"I..." Krystal wanted to decline the offer to spend the night at Amber's place
"No excuses. You are coming home with me. Please pack your things"
Krystal's brain was already overload, she was so tired that she finally nodded. She grabbed her lugagge, packed her things and followed Amber to her car.
At home, Amber realised how hungry she is so she decided to make late night snack while Krystal excused herself to take a shower. Afterward they both sat in the kitchen, both kept their words and their thought for themselves, busy with the 'what ifs' in their minds. After dinner, Amber the fireplace and they sat on the living room. Both still said nothing.
"Amber..." Krystal whispered
"Yeah?" Amber turned to her friend
"I am not dreaming, aren't I? I am not going to wake up in the morning and found out that this is all not real?"
"You won't"
Krystal lifted her head to look at her friend, she blinked repeatedly to keep her tears from fall
Comments