Hello everyone,

The first thing I want to say is that I am opening up about myself not for anyone to feel sorry for me, but to understand me as a person. I am going to talk about the author behind the screen. My name is Nerina I am Hispanic I speak Spanish and English. I am 27 years old and I am in the military. I'm going to start from the beginning since I was very little I was taught to always behave and make everyone happy. I was taught to clean house, cook awesome food and always behave like a lady. When I was around 9-10 I got ually abused by someone and I kept quiet about it because I thought I would get in trouble if I talked about it. I was bullied for 12 years and I kept quiet because I thought they were right by calling me fat, ugly, and stupid. As I grew up I wanted to be strong and show all of those people that hurt me that I was someone. What I didn't notice at the time was that I was trying to make everyone else happy and I wasn't satisfied with my life. When I left home I thought I was free of my past and I lied to myself saying I was going to be good because I had nothing stopping me.

Something that I learn over the years is that no one actually teaches us about "Growing up". I was 22-23 when I left home and I thought I was a grown-up ready for the world. Then I went to a new country, with new faces and new challenges. In my country, there is no "Racism" because we all treat each other equally and love each other equally. I started dealing with that at the new place, I never had 'female' friends, and when I thought I did they backstab me hard. They made lies about me and made the environment I was in toxic. I had maybe two friends at that place, then after 6 months I moved and went somewhere else where I was treated a small bit better, but not fully. I finished everything I had to do and then I went to my new and current home where I will tell you life has though me a lot. The first thing is dating my biggest advice on this is to wait for the 'the one' do not force it or search for it. You will meet a lot of people that will be in your life as a lesson, they will not be part of your story. I started hanging out with the wrong people I started to drink and smoke.

I started to follow their advice on 'live your best life' and 'YOLO' and 'treat yourself, no one else will do it for you'. Thanks to that financially I am still recovering from all the mistakes I have made and I don't fully blame them. I blame myself because now that I look back none of them are in my life. I got rid of the negative and stayed with the positive. I got tired of being pleasing everyone I looked into the mirror and I didn't see myself anymore I saw someone else. I didn't listen to kpop anymore, I stop writing fanfics and I stop reading. I stopped being myself to be 'cool and wild' that I lost the little I had of myself. I started to read news about kpop because I wanted to get myself slowly back. I read about Jonghyun and I cried hard I was heartbroken because I love SHINee. At that moment reading about his death, it brought back all of these past wounds that broke me apart emotionally.

I got professional help because I felt I lost myself completely. I slowly got back into kpop I visited a few places here in Korea and the food is the bomb. I slowly got myself back and I love myself again physically and emotionally. I forgave people from my past doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, it just means I will let it go and keep moving forward with life. I came back to AFF after being gone for almost four years, fanfics unfinished, and a lot of DMS from old subscribers wondering if I was ever coming back. I had an old friend that used to talk to me 24/7 and she hasn't connected since 2018 and I missed her a lot. In the end, as I started to think of why I join this back in 2013 it was because I set myself a goal to be one day be featured on the front page. That's one of my goals and dreams, but some people do not understand that I want to go through it by myself. I understand that my grammar is bad, but sending me DMs telling me about it or asking me to make you a co-author is a no-go for me. I work hard just like anyone else to make my fanfics and I want the people that read them to love them the way I love them.

I fall in love with my stories and I want my subscribers to fall in love with the stories. I have really good friends here like Lost_Pharaoh, Mandalee, DeeDee101, LayDZhang, and GTOP4eva. I have beautiful authors that give me feedback like exoexoexolellel and  SkyeButterfly. Which by the way both of those Authors have been featured and they still do not insult my stories as some people do in DM's. I am grateful for all of them because they always help me when I overthink. I am grateful that some people want to 'help' however the best way to help someone is to support them and do it by being their friend not bash them on DM's because as you saw above everyone goes through a lot in life and we sometimes need an escape. Writing is my escape and I am not ashamed of my writing. I hope that with me opening up about myself people understand that I do work hard on my writing and I will work harder for my end goal <3 

<3 Thank you for reading <3 I hope you have a beautiful day <3 

- Authornim <3