Sunggyu: 13 years old

Dongwoo: 12 years old

Woohuyn and Hoya: 11 years old

Sungyeol: 10 years old

Myungsoo: 9 years old

Sungjong: 8 years old

 

 

~°~°~ Sunggyu ~°~°~

 

Everything was so dark, so sad, so empty. People passed, talked, ate, drank and left, always with this look. Full of sorrow and pity. Pity. I hate that. It was unbearable. As if our lives were over. As if we were reducted to the bottom of the world. As if we had nothing anymore. But it was not true. I still had them. I still had my brothers.

Woohyun and Dongwoo were still crying silently in Hoya's arms. Sungjong and Myungsoo fell asleep a long time ago on my lap while Sungyeol was playing absentmindly with Myungsoo's hair, next to me, his tears falling silently. Dad... he was drunk since this morning. I did not know what to do with him so all I had done was to take care of my brothers. I was their only pillar for now. I had to be strong and supported them.

 

“Gyu-hyung.” Hoya interrupted my thoughts.

 

I noticed that Dongwoo, Woohyun and Sungyeol had fell asleep too.

 

“Should we go home?” Asked Hoya, replacing Woohyun's head on his shoulder.

 

“Yeah. I'm going to tell Dad.”

 

I got up silently, without waking the boys up and placed Sunjong against Sungyeol. I then headed to the end of the hallway and entered the vast room.

There, against the big white wall in front of me was the altar. With the candles, lighting dimly the room, the fresh white flowers in every corner and there, just in the middle, her picture. She was smiling widely as she would always do with us. Her large golden eyes fulled of love and kindness, her long soft hair falling on her thin shoulders and I could almost hear her voice. Smooth and clear. Almost. But she was not here anymore and it was only a picture. Mom was now only reducted to a simple picture in a wooden frame.

I sighed, restraning myself for not crying and stepped in the room where Dad was laying uncomfortably on the cold floor.

 

“Dad, we should go home. It's late and there is no one anymore.”

 

“Let me be with her...” he whined.

 

“Dad, let's go.” I insisted, pulling on one of his arms.

 

“Don't touch me! I want her back.” My father cried, pushing me away.

 

“Come on Dad. The boys have to go home and rest. And you too.” I sighed.

 

“I don't have home anymore. She's not here anymore. My home left me behind.”

 

I sighed again and gave up. I walked to the door and before leaving, just turned to the man.

 

“If you're not going to come with us then I will take care of the boys. But you have to handle your emotions too. You lost you wife but we lost our Mom. The boys are suffering as much as you.”

 

And with that, I returned to the commun room. Hoya gave me a look when he noticed that our father was not following me and I just shook my head before kneeling in front of Dongwoo and Woohyun.

 

“Dino, Hyunnie. Let's go home.” I said, waking them up.

 

They opened their sleepy eyes and I moved to the three youngest. I took Myungsoo in my arms while Hoya stood up and took Sungjong in his. Sungyeol, as a light sleeper, woke up and Woohyun and Dongwoo surrounded him.

 

“Let's go home guys.”

 

They nodded and followed me to the door. The cold air made us freeze and I tighted my arms around Myungsoo.

 

“Are we going to walk?” Hoya asked.

 

“Yeah. Dad won't come home with us for now.” I answered shortly and started to walk.

 

They all followed me. The night was silent. Even night birds did not dare to sing. As if they knew what had happened and were respecting our grief. The moon was shinning brightly, guiding us in this endless darkness. Stars were hiding behind clouds. It was so soundless and sad. Mom, why everything was so sour now?

 

When we finally reached our house, I sent all of the boys to bed and they only obeyed. When I was sur that they were asleep, I slipped out of the room and headed to my parents room.

The sweet honey smell took me at my throat and when the door was securely closed behind me, I let it go. Tears were flowing down and it was unstoppable. My heart hurt me so much and it suffocated me. Cries escaped my lips but I tried my best to muffle them. I did not want to wake my brothers up. They were already exhausted since that day, I did not want them to be worried about me.

I fell on my knees and clenched my hand on my chest. It was so unfair. Just a year ago, we had come back from unforgettable vacations and now, we were all crying a lost. Your lost. Mom, why did you leave us so soon, so suddenly, so painfully? A car accident they had blankly said to us. As if you were not important. How could they talk about you in the past? You were still here, right? And you would come back home soon with Dad, right?

The door cracked behind me but I did not have the strength to swallow my tears back. I just needed to let it out after holding it back all day. Two arms surrounded my trembling body and drew some circles on my back. I immediately recorganised the scent, the warm touch. Woohyun. As always, he just knew when to comfort me and I was thankful for that.

 

“You shouldn't hold yourself back all day, Gyu-hyung.” He simply stated while I calmed down.

 

“You know that I had to. If I broke down too, who would support you and the boys?”

 

“But you can't restrain your feelings like this. It will only hurt you more.”

 

“Hyunnie, I'm the oldest. All of you need me as your pillar now. I need to be strong. Espacially for Sungyeol, Myungsoo and Sungjong.”

 

“And you? Who will support you? Do you only think about yourself, hyung?”

 

“Hyunnie.”

 

“I don't understand you. You always give us everything but what about you? Can't you take care of yourself too?”

 

I sighed in front of his stubborness. I stood up, pulling him with me. We went to the big bed and layed there, my arms surrounding him protectively and tenderly.

 

“I made a promise to Mom once, a long time ago.” I murmured in the night.

 

My breath was slipping on his soft and white skin and my words were resounding in our sweet honey bubble.

 

“What did you promise her?”

 

“To love and to take care of all of you as she did to me.”

 

Woohyun looked up at me curiously. I smiled slightly at this cute view.

 

“I was her first child. The first gift of the love between Mom and Dad. They gave me so much affection. And even when Dongwoo, you and Hoya were born, they never stopped loving me as much as before.”

 

I noticed the smile on my brother's face who was remembering his childhood. Dongwoo was a year younger than me while Woohyun and Hoya were two years younger. These two boys, born at the same years and having only a few months apart, were really close from the beginning of their lives. We could compare them to twins if not of their different physical appearance. Hoya, being the strongest between them, had always let me take more care of Hyunnie and that was why we were so close.

 

“When Myungsoo was born and when we learned about his weak heart, Mom was so scared and worried about him. You know how much she loves all of us but all of her time was suddenly taken by Myungie. That's why she asked me to love all of you for her and to take care of all of you. I'm the oldest and had received her love the longest, so I have to take her place.”

 

At the end of my speech, Woohyun was looking sadly at me, tears streaming down his face.

 

“Aigoo, Hyunnie. Why are you crying? There is nothing to cry about.” I said gently, wiping the salty perls away.

 

“You're so stupid, hyung!”

 

I starred at him, stunned by his out burst.

 

“Mom had Dad to support her. When she was tired or wanted to let go, Dad was her shoulder on which she could rest. You can't bear all of this on your own. Let me be your shoulder, please. If you need to cry or rest , come to me, hyung. Don't hold back or stay alone. I want to help you. I'm here for you, hyung.”

 

Woohyun was now crying hard in my arms. I was shocked. I never thought of sharing my worries and task to anyone. And here he was, my younger brother, scolding me for doing all of this alone.

I sighed, letting all of my frustration out and tighted my grip around Woohyun. My face buried in his soft black hair, I let go. All of my fears, all of my tears, I let everything flowing out.

 

“Thank you, Hyunnie. Thank you for being by my side.”

 

 

~°~°~ Sungyeol ~°~°~

 

When I opened my eyes, I directly met with Dongwoo-hyung's sweet smile. So soft, so comforting, so... empty? Why was this sadness in his eyes? Why did his smile, reflecting his warm heart, look so cold and full of sorrow this morning?

And then, everything came back, rushing through my mind. Mommy's beautiful smile that morning, waving us goodbye. Her delicat voice on the phone at noon and then … nothing. Just tears, cries and hurt.

 

“Aigoo, Yeollie. Why are you crying? Hyung is here, come on.” Dongwoo-hyung reassured me, taking me in his arms.

 

I stayed in my brother's arms a while. Tears were flowing down again on my cheeks and I could not stop sobbing anymore. Hushing noises from Dongwoo-hyung calmed me down a little bit but it took a moment before I could stop crying.

 

“Are you ok now, Yeollie?” He asked me softly, still rubbing my back.

 

I nodded and buried my face further in his chest.

 

“Hyung...” I whispered quietly.

 

“Yes, Yeollie?”

 

“Can you smile again?”

 

A few silent seconds passed before I went on with my speech.

 

“It hurts. It hurts so much that she's not here with us anymore. But it hurts much more seeing your smile so empty, without any hope in it. Please, hyung, smile again as before. I need it. The others need it too.”

 

I pulled back and stared at his brown wide eyes. He was crying too. All of this time, he was crying too. He suddenly smiled, brightly and wiped his tears away.

 

“I will try, Yeollie. I will do my best.”

 

I hugged him as strong as I could. A little voice then interrupted us and when we pulled back and looked at the other side of the room, Sungjong and Myungsoo were starring at us.

 

“Wanna a hug too.” Sungjong repeated, tightened his grip around Myungsoo.

 

Dongwoo pulled me with him and we joined the youngers in Myungsoo's bed for a group embrace.

 

“Did you guys sleep well?” Dongwoo asked quietly after the hug.

 

“Myungie-hyung cried.” Sungjong stated simply.

 

Looking closer to my brother, he had indeed red and puffy eyes. I was so exhausted that I did not even heard him sobbing in the middle of the night. I was ashamed of myself. I was the older in this room and Gyu-hyung had always taught me that I had to take care of my two younger brothers. But this night, I failed.

Myungsoo surely noticed that I was blaming myself so he took my hands, pulling me out of my bad thoughts. He shook his head and smiled slightly. Since that day, he was withdrawing himself, stopping talking. It worried all of us. But it was his choice. We all had a different way to deal with her ... death.

I hugged him again tightly, whispering silently how much I was sorry. He rubbed my back until I released him and it was only at that moment, when he wiped my tears, that I noticed that I was crying again. I was worse than a child. I could only cry. But I could not hold myself. It was hurting so much.

When I finally calmed myself down, we all headed to the kitchen on the floor ground. Dad was not at home. Did he only come home yesterday? We found Woohyun-hyung in the kitchen, setting the table for breakfast.

 

“Oh you guys, are awake! Come and eat! Hyung made some pancakes for you.” He said, smiling gently.

 

We all sit around the long table and started eating. It was so empty. Dad was not here, laughing at whatever Dongwoo-hyung would say. Mom was not around, talking tenderly to Myungie and Jongie. Even Gyu-hyung and Hoya-hyung were not there. And as if Jongie read my mind, he voiced out loud what I was thinking.

 

“Where are Gyu-hyung and Ho-hyung?”

 

“They left a little while ago looking for Dad. The three of them will be back soon. Just eat and rest today, okay?” Woohyun answered tenderly, ruffling Jongie and Myungie's hair.

 

The youngest nodded and went on with his meal. I saw the sad gaze of Woohyun-hyung trailing on the silent Myungsoo.

Woohyun loved us the most. And even if he was sad because of what had happened, if he could take all the pain from our heart to relieve us, I knew he would do it. And right now, I could see in his eyes the will to take all the pain from Myungsoo. But he could not. We all have to deal with our own hurt feelings. However, Woohyun was stubborn and he would do anything to appease our shatterred heart. An I guessed, that was why he suddenly hugged Myungsoo tightly.

 

“Please Myungie, talk to us. Don't keep everything for yourself.” He whispered in the morning silence.

 

The bright sunrises coming through the window enlighted the room with a soft and warm light. A pearl shined in the middle of all of this and I noticed the tears streaming down Myungsoo's cheeks. Dongwoo, Sungjong and me all got up and came around the younger boy to hug him too. And in this quiet and bright morning, we finally heard Myungsoo's voice after a week.

 

“It hurts. But I don't know anymore if it's because she's not here anymore or if it's because of my illness.”

 

“Shh, it's okay Myungie. Share the pain with us. Don't keep it. Just cry it out.” Woohyun murmured tenderly.

 

And we all let it out. After a week, in this silent and sorrow morning, we cried painfully all together her lost.

 

 

~°~°~ Hoya ~°~°~

 

I woke up to the sweet smell of pancakes. Was Mom... No, I meant, was Woohyun already awake? I got up and sighed at the view of Dongwoo-hyung, curled up and deeply asleep beside me. I put the blanket back on him and stood up.

On the other side of the room, I saw Myungsoo sitting on the bed, his hands playing with Jongie's hair. I walked closer and ruffled his hair gently.

 

“It's still early, Myungie. Go back to sleep, okay?”

 

I noticed his puffy eyes and immediately knew that he was awake because of a nightmare. I pecked his forhead and pushed him slowly down on the matress, laying him down. I then pulled the blanckets up to his chin and arranged it around Jongie too.

 

“You can close your eyes, Myungie. Everything will be alright in your dreams. Just think about us. You will never be alone in your dreams.”

 

He finally nodded and closed his dark eyes. I waited near the bed, my hand on his chest until I could feel him breathing slowly and deeply.

When I was sur that he was asleep, I stood up and went down in the kitchen. I found there Woohyun, baking some pancakes, and Sunggyu-hyung, watching silently the younger cooking.

 

“Good morning Gyu-hyung, Hyunnie.” I said quietly, not wanting to break abruptly the soft silence.

 

“Good morning Hoya. Come and eat while it's still hot.” Woohyun said, welcoming me with a slight smile.

 

I sit in front of Sunggyu-hyung and started eating.

 

“How do you feel, Hoya?” Sunggyu-hyung asked after a while.

 

“I guess I will be fine. You should worry more about the others and about yourself, hyung. I can take care of myself.”

 

I noticed that Woohyun had frozen at my statement. I did not have time to wonder why he stopped cooking when Sunggyu-hyung talked to me again.

 

“You know that I'm here for you, Hoya. Don't suffer alone.”

 

“I know, hyung. You too. You know that we are all here for you too.”

 

“I know.”

 

Sunggyu-hyung smiled and finished his meal. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Woohyun smiling too and he went on with his cooking. I guess that the two of them had already talked about this subject. When Woohyun finished with the pancakes, he sit down with us. But he did not eat. And I could immediately see that something was bothering him. A glance to Sunggyu-hyung and I knew that the older had noticed that too.

 

“What's wrong Hyunnie?” Gyu-hyung asked, standing up and putting his plate in the sink.

 

“It's already seven am and Dad is still not home.”

 

Sunggyu-hyung sighed loudly while I stood up too. The older looked at me and I immediately understood what he was planning.

 

“We're going to find him. Take care of the others while we're out.” Gyu-hyung said, ruffling gently the younger's hair.

 

I followed my older brother out of the kitchen and just when I passed by Woohyun, I patted his shoulder, hoping to reassure him a little bit.

 

“Everything's gonna be alright, Hyunnie.”

 

He nodded and I finally exit the kitchen. Sunggyu told me to change my clothes and less than five minutes after that, we were both out, walking in the morning streets.

 

“So, how are we going to find him?”

 

“Let's go back to the hostel first.” Sunggyu-hyung sighed.

 

I followed him, wondering why he was so tired about Dad.

 

“What did he tell you last night? You seem upset since.”

 

“He didn't care about us. He was only focus on his own pain that he didn't see the one in our eyes.”

 

“He lost his wife.”

 

“And we lost our mother!”

 

I was shocked that he raised his voice on me but I understood his anger. I would be angry too but we could do nothing about that.

 

“Sorry Hoya. I was so upset about what he said. He knew that Sungjong and Myungsoo needed rest but he just didn't gave a damn.”

 

“I understand. I guess that he just need some time alone. He will be back and we will handle all of this all together.”

 

My brother smiled, for the first time since that day, with a sincere smile. I smiled back just when we reach the hostel.

We entered and found the old lady who owned the house, cleaning the room where we had been eating yesterday.

 

“Excuse-me, miss, is our Dad around here?” Sunggyu asked politely.

 

“Ooh, good morning my boys. You're awake early.”

 

“Yeah, our Dad didn't get home yesterday so we thought that he would still be here.” I said.

 

“Your father? When I came this morning, he was drunk, laying and mumbling nonsense on the floor so I just woke him up and told him to go home. It was probably hours ago.” She replied, confused.

 

I looked at Sunngyu-hyung and saw that he was deeply in his thoughts.

 

“Okay, thank you very much, miss. We will go and walk around, looking for him then.”

 

My brother bowed and I did the same before going out with him. He did not say anything and just walk so I followed him. I would follow him anywhere. He was my older brother, our leader, and I trusted him. So I just walked beside him, without any question. We passed the park, the supermarket and even the youngers school. But in the end, we walked back to the convenience store, just around the corner, near our house.

Just when we passed in front of a dark alley, next to the little store, a groan could be heard and Sunggyu-hyung immediately stopped in his tracks. He looked at me before entering in the narrow path. The strong smell of alcohol took me at my throat right away. I was about to ask my brother if we could only turn around and leave this place but he was already kneeling beside a body.

 

“Come on, we should go home.” Sunggyu-hyung said firmly, shaking the person laying against the cold wall.

 

The answer came out only as a mumbling from the figure and my brother sighed, looking up at me.

 

“Help me, Hoya. He can't stay outside any longer.”

 

I was confused. Why would we help an uncoscious stranger? But the moment I saw the man's face, the shock hit me. Dad. It was Dad who was completely drunk on the ground. I bend down and helped Sunggyu-hyung to carry our father out of the alley and back home. He was heavy and was not helping us at all. He could not walk straight and kept pushing us apart but, in the end, we made it safely at home.

As soon as we opened the door, Woohyun was in front of us and helping us to clear the away to Dad's bedroom. We put him in bed and wanted to change him but he kept fighting us so we only let him laying there in his dirty suit.

Everyone had gathered at the bedroom's door but Woohyun had the good reflex to not let the youngers see Dad's state and pushed them out and to the living room. They could not see him like this. I was about to join them on the ground floor when I heard Sunggyu-hyung speaking to the unconscious man.

 

“Really, Dad. It's already hard enough like this, don't make it any harder. Don't embarrass yourself in front of them. They already lose her. They can't lose you too. Don't let our family down, please.”

 

A tear rolled down my cheek when I heard the thrembling voice of my older brother but I erased it quickly. I needed to be strong for them all. If Dad was not able to protect my brothers, then I would be the one.

That morning, in front of my parents bedroom, I promised myself to be the one who would always protect my six brothers, at any cost.

 

---

Hey guys!!!
So how was this chapter?^^ Angst gonna start from now on, so I hope you will still enjoy the story even if the mood will quickly change^^' 

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