KIBUM

19 Nov

I splashed water on my face in the hospital toilet and groaned as I stared at myself in the mirror. I was a mess; frown lines were already showing on my forehead and heavy eyebags were painfully apparent. I looked absolutely haggard, like a homeless man of sixty. I washed my face again, and then stumbled out of the toilet to Toki's room.

The operation had been successful, but had warned that Toki was not in a stable condition. She had not woken yet, and I was literally dying for her to open up her eyes and look at me. So far, it hadn't happened.

The only bonus was, we knew what had prompted the attack.

Lizzie was dead.

Suicide.

With both mine and Leeteuk's story, we were able to piece together the entire picture. Lizzie had baked cupcakes for me, but must have later on seen the kiss between me and Toki. During the late hours of her birthday, she finally resorted to ending her own pain through her own hands. That sentence was the exact sentence published in the news. I was a celebrity now, for all the wrong reasons, and so was Leeteuk, who was serving his jail term.

Toki had been right.

The girl had liked me; far too much.

I stumbled to Toki's bedside, tightly gripping her hand and kissing it. I willed for her to wake up. The digital alarm clock beeped, and the time was now 11:10. As if on cue, the nurse came in, doing usual checks on Toki and proclaiming her fine.

Fine.

I stared at the clock, watching the colon in the middle blink repeatedly. It was my only distraction, the running seconds of time, so that I would not need to torture myself so badly waiting for Toki. The colon kept blinking, time and time and again.

And just as the last number of the clock changed, I heard Toki's mother give a low cry. I turned, only to see Toki's eyelids quivering and her fingers trembling.

11:11 and Toki had woken.

~

I had thought the ordeal was over, with Toki waking up.

Truth was, I was wrong.

Dead wrong.

My Toki had woken up, but it seemed like there was no difference between when she was sleeping and when she was now awake. She refused to speak to anyone, choosing instead to rigidly stare up at the ceiling. She was oblivious to her mother's cries, her father's cajoling, my pleading. She only lay heartlessly on the hospital bed, lost in her very own world.

We had told her about Lizzie's story, but save a slight jolt, there had been no other reaction from her. At first, we had thought that the surgery hadn't gone as well as we had all thought, but after a few checks it became painfully clear that Toki wasn't speaking because she couldn't, but because she didn't want to.

I could not understand it. I continued to stay by her side for the rest of the day, but still she did not speak a word. As night fell and I covered Toki with the blanket, I felt as thought I would go crazy soon. In a split second, everything had changed.

Nothing was normal anymore.

~

20 Nov

I woke to find Toki staring at me, and I smiled at her, hopeful that she would speak now. But she only turned her head away and resumed her ceiling obsession. I slumped my head onto her bed, wearied and troubled. We had tried to bring in a psychiatrist, but even then she had treated the poor man like air. 

The morning follwed a constant routine - breakfast, some medical checkups, some more forms to be filled. Toki was now choosing to stare at the digital clock in front of her. The time was now 11:11. I decided not to press Toki to speak, and joined her in her clock watching. 

And then she spoke.

"Kibum."

Something went 'ping' in my heart as I heard her speak my name. I gripped her hand tightly, trembling with emotion, and then to my amazement, beads of salty moisture started to roll down my cheeks.

"Toki," I whispered.

"Lizzie is not dead."

"Not dead?" I asked, taken aback by her sudden sentence.

"I see her all the time. In my dreams, sometimes right in front of my bed, or even at the window ..." Toki trailed off absent-mindedly.

"Toki?" I asked, frightened now.

"She's everywhere, she's haunting me! She loved you, and she still does. She was always staring at me, wishing me away. Until the day of your birthday and she looked at me gratefully. Gratefully. But then you said she saw what had happened in the classroom. How would that make her feel? Like I played her. I deserve to be in this bed, Kibum. I killed her. I was her murderer," Toki said fiercely, staring at me, her eyes bright, her lips quivering.

"No, Toki, you're - " I was cut off by Toki again as she launched into another speech.

"I am," she said, "don't tell me I'm not. But I can't stand it. It's only been a day and I'm already getting freaked out by seeing her face everywhere, even if she's only a figment of my imagination."

"Oh Toki," I said, gathering her in my arms, but to my surprise, she moved back, refusing to let me touch her.

"I need to get away from here," she said to me.

"Of course you will. I'll move in with you, and you'll be alright soon, you'll see," I said, but Toki only shook her head furiously.

"I need to get away from here. From Seoul," Toki said quietly.

My breath caught in my throat as my mind registered her words with surprise. My heart hammered wildly in her chest as I opened my mouth to speak again.

"Leave Seoul? You can't do that," I said feebly.

"I can, Kibum. I need to leave, get away from here for awhile, start afresh. This is too much. Lizzie ... she's everywhere," Toki said, immediately curling up into a ball, her hands grazing the bed and clutching the sheets tight.

I could only stare open-mouthed at her, unable to find the right words to express my emotions. The girl I loved was going to leave Seoul, leave me, leave everything behind. Toki watched me sadly, touching my face with one, long, slender finger.

"I love you Kibum, but I have to go," she whispered.

Toki.

My Toki.

She wasn't going to stay with me.

========================================================================================================================

A/N : Yessssss, an update! CHRISTMAAAAAAS IS COMING! I hope all of you are excited <3 And I have very big news to share with you all!

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET MY WORK RECOGNISED PROFESSIONALLY!

There is a local competition where I am now, and I have up till April to submit a manuscript for a young adults fiction piece. Five best pieces will be chosen and published, and will be considered for screenplays as well! I can't believe it; this has always been what I want to do. Of course, I don't want to get my hopes up, but this competition is my inspiration to start writing again, and I want to do a perfect piece of work. <3

I just thought I should share this with you guys, because you guys have all along been my inspiration as well >:)

I LOVE YOU ALL! <3

Comment Replies :

nguyenamyblob -- HAHAHHAH, is it? I hope you enjoyed! & please enjoy this update too! (:

RusseeLa1015 -- 8D

Dreamstarrzsxc -- HAHAHAHAH YOU ARE SO CUTE! T^T Well, she didn't die (:

rockerchickz -- Did this satisfy your curiosity?

mickey_mouse -- Your comment is really ironic HAHHAHAHA, because she didn't die, but she's going to leave Kibum! LOL 8D I love you too, m'dear <3

blingasaur-x -- HOW COULD YOU NESSAAAAA! ))): I love you so much, can I please hug you? 8D I miss you already! T^T

NinjaLunara123 -- I LOVE YOU. <3

star-maknae -- Well, he was caught! XDD

lee_xuan -- At least you're not hiding anymore HAHAHAHAH 8D

Ice_girl -- He's gonna sit in prison LOL HAHAHAHAH >:)

CassiopeiaLove -- Love you joyceeee <3333333

BaiLingLing -- REAAALLY?! Awwwwh, thank you so much! I love you! ^__^

imsosofia -- Prison, instead! HAHAHAHAH 8D I absolutely loved reading your comment, thank you so much <3

xemmiree -- rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. ): [ Because r is after q HAHAHHAHA 8D ]

airhead98 -- That was a good idea, but because I already wrote everything out I didn't want to change it! 

Sammery -- You're even better michelle, I love your analysis! 8DD

ll0vex3_her -- Yes, that's true, the impact was very harsh :3 She is now! 8D Well, physically anyway :/

ktcyab -- HAHHAHA CRAZY SON OF A CAT HAHAHHAA 8DD  Thank you lovely! <3

LonelyStar25 -- She did make it out safely, but I guess he's heartbroken now too :3 Why am I analysing my own story  o.o HAHAHAHAH XD

mooeysmiley -- HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU RIGHT NAO? And please, call me jess 8D Thank you for supporting me, and no HAHAHAHAH there will be no ghosts HAHHAHAH!

Kpoplover3 -- She didn't!

NuberOneShawol -- I'm glad that I surprised you, then (:

onkeyjongmintae -- Oh reeeeee you evil woman! Nobody died, in the end >:) 

eLementAndNewclear -- Awwwwwh, thank you so muchhhhh! <3333333333333333

sayrppoetry -- YOUR MUM WAS WHAT?! That is so cooooool! <3 Thanks for the support dearie! ^__^

P4ndaQ -- Updated! <3

kwin_shine143 -- CUZ THAT'S THE WAY UH HUH UH HUH, I LIKE IT, UH HUH UH HUH! KIDDDDDING! 8DD

RemIsMee -- REPLY TO MY WALLPOST >>>>>>:(

b2utyvipgirlfriend -- She lived >:)

BleuumScarlett -- She is sorta alright :3

vocbirdpic -- I let her live 8DD

bluebelieve -- WENG I'M MORE PRO AT SPAMMING PLEASE >:) Nope, not inspired by confessions HAHAHAH but that movie is so awesome XD LOL angelic image? 8DD 

mangomaniac10 -- Awwwh, I'm glad you think so! Nice username! >:)

jjongisluv -- We never know ^__<