LEETEUK

16 Nov

Sumiko comes to see me again. Today her hair is down and wet, so she must have come from a bath. She is wearing a dress today, one that reminds me of the outbacks in the West. She is also wearing dangling turquoise earrings that throw the sunlight about the room. I want to tell her that she has horrible dress sense, but keep my mouth shut.

"How are you today?" Sumiko asks me.

How does she want me to answer? That I am good? Good when Lizzie is dead? But I surprise her by opening my mouth and telling her that I am fine. 

"Do you want to talk about Lizzie today?" she asks again.

"Okay," I say.

"So tell me, how was she like as a little girl?"

I launch into story, telling Sumiko all about the sister I love. As I talk I realise I am crying; huge fat tears which run down my cheeks incessantly. But I cannot stop although it is unmanly to cry; I miss Lizzie alot and somehow memories can never make up for having her here, right in front of me. I talk and talk and talk, until finally I have run out of breath and Sumiko is holding my hand.

Lizzie didn't die a fair death.

It was up to me to do her justice.

We talk about Lizzie a little bit ore, but just when I get tired of talking, Sumiko declares our session over. Throughout my conversation with her, I never took my eyes off the photo of Lizzie in my camera. Even when I was crying, I was looking at her and crying.

I hear Sumiko tell my parent I have taken a good first step. She is right. Today, Lizzie's death will be avenged. As the front door bangs shut and I hear the roar of Sumiko's car driving away, I grab my hoodie which I have prepared the night before and go down the stairs. My parents are surprised to see me come down but nevertheless, they smile at me and ask me whether I want some sponge cakes.

I shake my head and tell them that I am going out, and when my parents ask where to I say to take a walk and clear my mind. They are obviously pleased with my idea and let me go. I do not know how my parents can still act like everything is normal and bake sponge cakes.

Lizzie is dead.

She is dead.

Nothing is normal anymore.

I head for school. Today there is basketball training, but of course I am not going for it. I am going for a totally different reason. I hear the thud of the balls and coach's whistle as I draw near. I peek in through the shutters and see everybody working hard on court. I ache to join them, but right now Lizzie is my top priority.

Kibum is there, the murderer. I see him joking and laughing with the other guys, as though nothing has happened. But Lizzie is dead. She can no longer laugh, or tell jokes like he is doing. She was destroyed by him, Kim Kibum.

The clock reads 10:45.

Soon they will be finishing their training. I sneak into the locker room, once again breathing in the familiar smell of deodarant and metal. Kibum's locker is right at the end of the room, just next to the shower cubicles.

Perfect.

I duck into one of those cubicles to wait. While I wait, I think of Lizzie. I tell her, in my heart, that today she will not have died in vain. Today, she can finally rest in peace. Today, we all start to heal. I talk to her like that while I wait, and the seconds tick by.

11:00

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YAY I'M BACK! Thank you guys for being so patient, here's the update! <3

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