~*PRACTICE*~

I wait patiently in my usual space. I have everything set up and I’m ready to begin practice. The only thing missing is Lee Jinki.

My foot taps the floor gently and my eyes constantly wander to the door, looking for a certain person. I begin to tap my fingers as well, bobbing my head to invisible music that only I can hear. I double check everything before me: music notes, MP3 player, chair facing the window, violin and bow at the ready. See, I am quite patient.

Hmm, maybe I should change how I practice today. To show Onew how appreciative I am of last night and that I’m willing to practice with him, not just in the same room anymore. But then again, I’ll probably mess up and today I need the director to tell me that I’m not being kicked out. I want to do this so badly! So maybe just for today I’ll continue practicing like this…?

And then after practice, after the director tells me that I’m not being kicked out, I’ll quit practicing like this. I’m sure Onew will understand. He’s very kind and yesterday he was so patient with me. I’m sure this’ll be just fine.

There he is! The director walks in with Onew trailing behind, smiling at everything he sees. He looks a little withered and tired, but still he’s shining brightly.

How does he do that?

“Good morning, everyone. I hope you are all prepared? Yes? Let’s begin.”

No more time to think! I start my MP3 player and start playing, moving the bow back and forth to the music. In my peripheral vision I can see the director. He moves his hands along, nodding and smiling. I can see Onew, too, and he looks amazing while he sings. He really knows how to work his vocal cords. Just like Jonghyun’s neck veins, Onew’s are slightly popping out.

After going through the short song just a few times, the director stops us. “I have an announcement to make. Since it’s nearing the time for the concert and you all are sounding quite posh, plus Lee Jinki’s schedule is getting busier, it’s been decided that our practicing times will be cut down. I don’t need you all being tired and worn out. We’ll now meet on Tuesdays or Fridays. I’ll send out more information through email. That’s all for today.” And then he leaves.

Wow, what a day. Oh wait! What about me?

I quickly stand up and rush after the director, leaving everything behind me. It’s not like I’m leaving or anything.

“Director! Please wait!” I call as I exit through the door.

He’s standing only a few feet away, talking with Onew. When I had called out he had turned towards the door and now he looks at me, raising an eyebrow in interest. Onew looks at me too, only with excitement, I think.

I calmly walk towards them, clearing my throat. I’m not nervous, not at all! I don’t feel embarrassed for that outburst of neediness. “Director, it’s been a week. I was curious about the final outcome of your decision.”

I bow slightly, hope filling me up. I can’t be kicked out. I just can’t be.

“Ah, yes. I had almost forgotten, seeing as you sound absolutely perfect again the last few practices!” He smiles at me, and I can’t help but smile in return with some pride. I finally overcame it!

Well, almost…

“So, I get to stay? I get to play at the concerts?”

Something crosses the director’s eyes and it worries me, but I say nothing, waiting for his response. He seems to be mulling over something, unsure of what to say. Oh dear. Even though he says I sound perfect, am I still being kicked out? Did he notice the MP3 player? Was it because I faced the window instead? These factors won’t hinder me during the concerts! No no no!

Quickly he smiles at me, as though he had noticed that I was watching him closely. “Yes, you get to stay. Have no fears.”

My heart starts to beat again. Had it stopped?

“Thank you, Director! I won’t make you regret it at all!”

“I know you won’t. That’s why you were personally chosen.” He puts a hand on my shoulder like a father, and looks down at me with care. I’ve worked with him for years now and I suppose he’s like a father figure, even though my father is perfectly healthy and sound. But he’s been good to me over the years. “Just make sure you keep practicing and keep playing beautifully just like today. No more mistakes.”

And with that, he leaves.

From the corner of my eye I notice that Onew is looking at me. I blush without meaning to, and bow to him. “Hello again. You did wonderful today.”

“How could you tell with the headphones in?” He chuckles out, eyes disappearing.

I swallow subconsciously, nervous. Here it goes, what I’ve been waiting for.

“I-“Someone pushes me from behind with their shoulder and I look back to see the rest of the orchestra exiting the room. The girls are all huddled in their circle of friends, the majority of them eyeing my suspiciously. Ah. They must think I’m taking Onew for myself. I’m sure they’ve all tried this already, haven’t they? Or maybe even Onew has already talked to them, right? Just like he did with me?

I turn back to finish what I was going say, but Onew bows to me with a different kind of smile and says goodbye, leaving. I stare after him, watching him head off in a different direction then everyone else, a pout forming on my lips.

Did he get angry with me because I had kept practicing with my own music and looking out the window? Did that bother him? Was he offended?

Does this mean our practice lessons aren’t going to happen anymore?

Ignoring the other girls, I turn and head back into the room. I can’t just go willy-nilly and chase after him. He obviously has his reasons for turning away from me without listening to my answer.

It’s gonna bug me all night, though. I can’t just leave it like that. What if he is angry with me? We just started a friendship, and so soon it’s already ending? I look down at my things, not making a move to pack up.

That’s it. I can’t leave it like this.

I turn back around and chase out the door, heading in the direction Onew went. Heels are a pain to run in, but it’s worth it. Even though they’re not broken in and my toes are killing me and the balls of my feet burn like crazy, none of it matters right now. (I knew it would happen anyways, when I bought the heels.) Catching up to Jinki is more important.

I run down the hall, not sure exactly where to go, but it’s a pretty straight forward hall. I reach the bathrooms and realize there’s nowhere else to go. Maybe he did go into a room or turn a corner? He may have even turned around and left while I was in the room.

Hanging my head with a sigh, I turn around. Where did he go?

After gathering my things, I decide I don’t want to stay today. I just can’t. I don’t feel in the mood to stay like usual by myself, especially after what happened with Onew. Whatever that was.

Maybe I’ll go visit my family? It’s been about two weeks, so I’m sure they miss me.

The subway is crowded since it’s still early in the afternoon, but I hold my violin case close to me and hang on to the handle for life. This is nothing new. I’m more used to walking or riding a bike around, but the subway was our main transport when I was a child. It’s nostalgic for me.

Ah, finally! My stop!

I get off, trying to be gentle as I push past people, using my shoulders to direct my way through the crowd. All the ahjummas and ahjussis barely care, and the other people just ignore me as well. It’s a normal way of life.

I catch a taxi for the rest of the trip, getting dropped off right outside my parents’ house. I just know that Mom and Dad are inside having a drink and reading, while my sister and brother-in-law are playing with my niece. What a surprise this will be for them!

I don’t even knock and just head right in, taking my shoes off and sliding my slippers on that are always waiting for me. Being with my family, and most likely sharing my story, will help calm my thoughts down about this issue with Onew. Mommy always knows what to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm taking another direction, kind of. I was talking to my friend, who's an amazing writer, and she got me thinking.

So I'm going to try it out.

Let me know if anything is off or could be better or something. I'm finding that I enjoy writing and learning from it LOL It helps when people tell me wha's good and what's not, though.

@maymeihua_- Oh don't worry. The other SHINee members will most definitely make more appearances! possibly next chapter or the one after that. It depends on where this is going, but they'll show up soon 8) I loved having them with Onew, it was too fun!