I look at my reflection in the vanity mirror and tell myself this isn’t a dream. I don’t believe a single word of it, so I pinch a cheek, watching the mirror for my reaction. Oww, it hurts! Ouchie… I rub my cheek, a pout on my lips, even though I was the one who inflicted the pain.

          With a sigh I run my fingers through my black hair, fluffing the multi-layered mullet, distracting myself from the thoughts of truth. My hair is growing out, getting too long. It gets in my eyes sometimes and it hurts. I should have it trimmed before… before…

The concert.

          I close my eyes and can’t hold in my squeal of delight. I was chosen to be one of the violinists for Onew at SHINee’s concerts! How amazing is that? I’m just so shocked, even though I was told about a month ago. I can’t get over the excitement. I love SHINee!

          Standing from my stool, I glance at the clock and realize that I need to be heading out. Today is the first day of practicing together, Onew and us. So far it’s been separate practices, but now we need to be together to make sure our harmonies are ok and to get a feel of being together. The musicians in back, providing the music flow, and Onew up front, singing his solo piece.

          I hurry to the door, grabbing my purse and violin case. I’m so excited! I just know that I have a huge smile on my face that won’t be going away any time soon!

~*PRACTICE*~

          Upon entering the building where I’ve been coming to practice, I slow down and head for the locker room. I swear I didn’t practically run all the way here! … Ok, I’m lying. I ran.

          The other girls are piling in to the locker room as well, all of them excited to meet shining SHINee’s leader Onew. Their expressions are just as giddy as mine, except I can’t help but think they’re all so obnoxious; planning devious ways of getting Onew’s attention and telling everyone the things they want to do to him. Can’t they be normal fans like I am, and just enjoy the fact that we’ll be on stage together?

          I stash my purse and jacket into my locker but keep hold of my violin case. My parents bought this case and violin special just for me on my 16^th birthday. I’ve been practicing the violin since I was 10, but I never held a true love for it until my parents bought me this. I realized how much it meant to me when I saw my nickname engraved in gold in my mom’s handwriting on the case. My parents believed in me and knew I could go places. That feeling has only grown stronger since I’ve turned 22. (Yes, I am SHINee’s noona.)

          Oh, it’s almost noon! Quick, to the practice room! Onew will be arriving soon!

          I take my seat as usual and set up my area, getting the music score out and setting my case carefully under my seat. The other girls are following suit, calming themselves down and getting their own areas set up as well, pulling out their individual instruments and getting comfortable.

          “Good afternoon, ladies.” Our director walks in with a serious expression on his face as he stands in front of us all. “As I’m sure you are all aware, SHINee’s leader, Onew, will be joining us today. Please keep in mind everything we talked about the other day while he is with us. If you cannot, there will be consequences.” He takes a step towards the door and invites someone to come inside and introduce themself.

          The moment I’ve been waiting for…! Lee Jinki walks in, that cute smile that covers his entire face warming up the room instantly. He takes a look at each and every one of us after bowing to our director. “Hello, I am shining SHINee’s leader, Onew!” He pumps his fist with the usual introduction and we all clap. I’m so nervous. I feel put on the spot, even though there are at least 20 other girls with their own instruments that will be playing behind Onew as well, even a few men. Ahh, fangirl reactions can be tough on the body sometimes…

          “I’m really looking forward to singing with all of you. I’ve been listening to a cd with you all playing when I practice, and it fills my heart with joy. Now that we will be practicing together, I wonder what this new feeling is.” Onew chuckles at himself and it’s just so adorable I can’t help but smile as well.

          Our director steps forward and starts us up. I know it’s an opera piece and I’ve heard the original song. I listen to it often to get a feel for the music I’m playing. It’s quite beautiful, a small emotional string in the middle of it that makes me want to concentrate on the song. But I’ve never heard Onew sing it. Today is our first time hearing him. I’m so excited!

          A few beats in and Onew starts to sing… His voice is so powerful and deep. My fingers stop on their own and my arm slacks, bringing my violin down. I’m glad I’m sitting for this practice, because otherwise I think I may have fallen to the ground. My heart starts to beat faster and I swear I can feel his voice in my chest. My eyes water just a bit. This song… it’s bittersweet when Onew sings it. It’s so emotional and raw. And the ending… the long notes… It’s just so beautiful.

          Everyone stops, the first run through finished. The girls around me are looking at me as though I have a disease and they don’t want to catch it. The girl next to me hands me a tissue and motions to her cheeks when I return her odd look with a curious one. My fingers graze my cheeks softly and I feel wetness. Oh, my eyes didn’t just get misty; they spilled over and became a flood! I quickly wipe at my eyes, embarrassed with burning cheeks and unwilling to look at anyone.

          Except I can’t help but glance quickly towards where Onew is in the front of the room, before us. His expression is almost worried as he looks directly at me. I duck my head, fingers crawling over my violin as I hold it close to keep me busy and occupied.

          The rest of practice was quick, but bothersome. I thought for sure that once I had gone to the restroom and gotten this weird feeling out, I would be just fine. Boy was I wrong wrong WRONG! I kept making so many mistakes! I am a professional violinist; this is my calling, my living namesake here! This kind of thing shouldn’t be happening! I wasn’t able to play through the entire song once today!

          At the end of the day after everyone leaves, I stay behind. I take my time to pack my things and tidy up my area. The entire building is empty now except for the cleaning lady and me. I start to beat myself up mentally. Practice has been so perfect until now! I was one of the best violinists chosen, able to play the music beautifully right off the bat on the first day! But now…

          With a heavy sigh, I depart for home. There will be another practice tomorrow this week, so I need to get some sleep. Hopefully I won’t mess up.

~*LATER*~

          It’s been a week and a half since Onew has been joining us for practice. We meet about 4 times a week to practice, so Onew is definitely getting to know me; not in a good way, though. See, I am still messing up every little thing! I play the wrong notes, I go too fast or too slow, I strike a note the wrong way, my fingers slip… I can’t figure out exactly what the problem is, but I’m pretty sure it’s Onew.

          I’m just so nervous. I’ve been a Shawol since they debuted and Onew has always been one of my top favorites, next to Jonghyun, Key, Minho and Taemin. (Yes, I did just name them all as my top favorites.) For some reason, when Onew is around, my body acts on its own. But when he isn’t around, I can play just fine!

          Today after practice the director had pulled me aside and asked if I was feeling unwell.

          “I’m not sick, no. Why?”

          “Dear, this last week has been no good for you. You were a top choice for this project because of your skills and beautiful playing ability. But lately…”

          My eyes had grown to the size of saucers. “Are you saying… I’ll be kicked out?”

          Ever so slightly he nodded his head. “I’m afraid so. But I am willing to give you another week to prove you are capable and able to stay on board. You need to get back in the game. If you can’t improve, return to your original ability, though… You will have to go.” And with that he left me all alone.

          I have yet to move from the spot outside of the practice room where the director took me. 10 minutes just standing there alone; tears silently falling down my face. My life is being ruined! What will I tell my parents? My older sister? My niece? She looks up to me with pride; I can’t ruin that!

          “Ohh, this is so lame…” I fiercely rub at my eyes. “I just need to practice more.”

          With a nod I head back inside the practice room and decide to stay a little bit longer. I reorganize my sheet music and ready myself to play, pushing my chair aside. I will do this. If I must lock up all of my emotions and stop being a Shawol for a short amount of time, I will. No distractions, no giddy feelings, no more anything.

          …

          Ok, I can’t stop being a Shawol, SHINee is too amazing for that. But I can stop fangirling over them for a little while and just concentrate on my violin. Pretend this is just another concert for me and that the fans will be there just for me and no one else. I’ll pretend that Onew is just some guy who is singing alongside me, which is quite usual.

          “SHINee concerts, here I come!” I pump my fist into the air, a confident smile on my lips. “Fighting!”

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Tell me what you think so far! Was it good or not? I don't care for reading fics where it has "_____" for you to put whatever name you want there, but I didn't want to give a name either.... It's just something I'm trying.