Two days passed after the department learned about Jongin‘s and Baekhyun‘s deal. The atmosphere was still unsettled and there was a lot of disatisfaction and dislike towards Baekhyun. But because of the CEO‘s warning nobody dared to search for him, and Baekhyun himself didn‘t show up once in the marketing department.

After that day, for the first time in many years, Chanyeol skipped work next day. It just didn‘t feel like he could go, like he could handle all the stares of his co-workers and the whispers that followed him everywhere he went. And especially the pitying looks.

No, he rather stayed and worked as much as he could from home, until his eyes couldn‘t stay open anymore and he dragged himself to bed.

When Chanyeol opened his eyes again, it was morning. He had fallen asleep without even feeling it, and his memory was blurry. All of a sudden he wondered if all that was just a nightmare. The deal between Jongin and Baekhyun, the day in  the marketing department, maybe it was all just in his mind.

And Baekhyun was stil here, snuggling into his covers. If Chanyeol now turned around, he‘d see he never left.

Of course, the logical part of his brain knew that it wasn‘t true. He couldn‘t hear Baekhyun‘s steady breathing beside him, and he couldn‘t feel the warmth of his small body, curled up next to his. But still, he hoped. Breathing in deeply, Chanyeol closed his eyes and gathered courage.

He turned to look at the space that was meant to be Baekhyun‘s. And the sight of emptiness was what he expected, but it still broke his heart.

Not able to stay there, in the empty bed, anymore, Chanyeol got up, the back of his mind vaguely wondering why his body felt so heavy and tired. He padded over to the bathroom, mindlessly turning on the light, and was greeted with a view of himself in the mirror.

Right. The hair, he remembered, looking at his head. Here, another proof that that day happened, and that everything he feared was still true.

And that Baekhyun was gone.

Chanyeol ran his fingers through the freshly dyed strands, wondering what Baekhyun would have said to him about this color. Would he like it, or would he call him an idiot for doing something like this?

Baekhyun doesn‘t care for your hair, the voice at the back of his mind reminded instantly. He doesn‘t care about you in the first place.

Chanyeol walked over to the sink, and let cold water run through his fingers. He stared, as the skin on his knuckles turned paler and paler, whilst his fingertips reddened. The water was so cold that it almost hurt, but at that moment, Chanyeol felt like he needed that pain. Like it could take his mind off of Baekhyun for at least a second.

I want to be different, he closed his eyes, letting the thought run through him. I don‘t want to be this pathetic being anymore.

I‘m tired. I‘m so tired of myself, Baekhyun.

But... at least you‘re not stuck with me anymore.

***

“You know,” Yixing hesitated. “Chanyeol came to me the day before yesterday. After you went home.”

Baekhyun, who was sitting at the corner of the recording room, staring at the ground, raised his eyes. Yixing barely held himself back from heaving a sigh at that. He tried saying numerous things before, hoping to get the depressed guy to talk to him, but nothing got a reaction or response out of Baekhyun for hours. But once he mentioned Chanyeol (whom he was reluctant to mention for obvious reasons), Baekhyun‘s head snapped up the same second. He was looking at him, still, eyes full of fear and at the same time some kind of reluctant hope, and that view made Yixing feel a lot of pity for him. It was sad, and heartbreaking, the view of somebody this inlove, yet was bit by bit tearing his own heart apart.

The producer had heard from the other employees what happened. And the CEO also came by, telling him that he needs to settle Baekhyun in the music production department as soon as possible, and make sure that nobody bothers him there. Of course, Yixing agreed. He wasn’t angry or suspicious of Baekhyun like the others, because he knew him, and he knew the smaller male was not a person who ever meant to do any harm with his actions, let alone that deal everybody was talking about. To Yixing, it sounded like something Jongin would do, and Baekhyun was most probably just silly and kind enough to go along with it.

That was what Yixing thought.

“What... what did he say?..” Baekhyun asked fearfully, almost as if he didn’t dare to ask, as if he didn’t deserve to ask that. Yixing couldn‘t help but feel so sorry again.

“Nothing special,” he shrugged, pretending to be unaffected, watching Baekhyun’s reaction. “He asked for some papers, related to the next month’s releases, and when I asked if he was okay, he didn’t say anything. He just asked me, if there was a way for him to change.”

“Change?” Baekhyun’s eyes widened. “Why would he need to change? He’s perfect as he is!”

Yixing sighed.

“To your puppy eyes, that are blinded by love,” the producer poked the spot between his eyes. “He might look perfect. But he isn’t. Nobody is.”

Baekhyun swallowed his objections. True, he indeed thought of Chanyeol as perfect. Everything about him. But he knew that Yixing didn‘t half he knew about Chanyeol, therefore he couldn‘t get mad at the producer for denying it.

“I told him to dye his hair.”

Baekhyun blinked.

“You told him what?”

Unaffected by his reaction, Yixing looked at him nonchalantly.

“To dye his hair. There was this gorgeous dark red color I always thought would suit him. And it’s a change, isn’t it?”

“Oh my god, don’t tell me he actually went and did it,” Baekhyun jumped up from his chair with a shocked expression. “He didn’t dye his hair, right? Right?”

“Oh, but he did. I helped him.”

Baekhyun leaned on the wall, feeling light-headed.

“It’s my fault,” he whispered. “I made him desperate like this, and he did that. Why did you tell him that, Yixing?! You knew Chanyeol would listen to you— to anyone!”

“Well, I’m glad he did,” Yixing stood up from his chair, facing Baekhyun, his expression for once completely serious. “Look, Baekhyun. I understand that you like Chanyeol, that you like him as this kind, innocent guy he always has been, with his eyes always glued to the floor. I get that. But if you love Chanyeol, and you want him to be happy, then you need to understand that he can’t be like this for the rest of his life. He needs to stand up for himself, to change, to grow some balls. Otherwise his father, and everybody else will continuing playing with him like a doll, and never respect him as an equal. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“But that’s who he is,” Baekhyun shook his head, feeling anger starting to burn in his stomach. “Chanyeol is kind, he’s innocent, and that’s wonderful. It’s beautiful. It’s rare. And I don’t want that to change.”

“Well, Chanyeol needs it to change,” Yixing told him. “He is also trying to be stronger. More grown up. I think it’s the first time in years he had actually looked so determined to become someone different. And wasn’t that what you wanted all along, when you accepted that deal with Jongin?”

Looking at Yixing, Baekhyun sat back onto his chair, wordless. He was right. Wasn’t Chanyeol becoming stronger and changing his attitude towards things not his goal? Wasn’t this what they, he and Jongin, wanted in the first place?

Back then it was. But now, Baekhyun wasn‘t so sure anymore.

The problem was that he fell inlove with all those things he was trying to change. He fell inlove with the shyness, the cute blushes on Chanyeol’s cheeks, with his sense of duty and the diligence at work. He fell inlove with the innocence, the kindness, the care for others and selflessness. He loved all of it now, and what before seemed as a thing he needed to change, now seemed like a thing Baekhyun needed to protect.

If Baekhyun protected Chanyeol just as he was, he wouldn’t have to change. He could still be himself, and be happy.

“He doesn’t have to change,” Baekhyun murmured. “It’s our fault that these things, these amazing things about him are making him unhappy. We should take care of him instead, and—“

“Oh Baekhyun, for God’s sake,” Yixing lost his patience, walking up to him. “Do you think Chanyeol, as a man, wants to be taken care of in the way you’re planning to do it? Does he want to babied and protected, or does he want to protect the people he cares about himself?”

Baekhyun didn‘t know what to say to that, and it was obvious.

“You didn’t think of that,” Yixing tsked. “You only think from one perspective, and that’s your biggest problem. You don’t even try to understand Chanyeol, and you probably haven’t even seriously thought about the reasons why he sent you away in the first place. Because it for sure wasn’t because he’s mad at you, Baek.”

“What do you mean by that?” Baekhyun asked, confused. “What other reasons could there be, Yixing?”

Yixing shrugged.

“I don’t know, Baekhyun. Aren’t you the one, who’s supposed to know that?”

***

After the talk with Yixing, Baekhyun left feeling more confused than ever. Yixing didn’t tell him a thing after that, only talking about his first recording that was meant to take place next week, and avoiding the topic of Chanyeol like the plague. Baekhyun understood, that there was something Yixing knew, that he clearly didn’t, but the producer was not going to tell him just like that for whatever reasons he found important.

The small male walked down the hallway, pushing out the grey fringe out of his eyes every five seconds with an irritated movement. He thought that maybe he should get a haircut, but Yixing objected that the grey locks look mysterious and y covering his eyes like that. He forbade Baekhyun from touching it, adding this to the list of irritating things about Zhang Yixing to Baekhyun‘s list.

The problem is, Baekhyun thought somberly, looking at the ground as he walked. The person I would actually want to look y for will not look at me anyways. Then what’s the point?

His future fans, would say Yixing. And Baekhyun would have nothing to say back at him, although he wished he could.

“We need something extraordinary, something exciting, something... bam,” Baekhyun heard somebody speak at the end of the hallway. “It needs to take everybody’s attention off of what’s going on with that damn scandal.“

“I understand,” a familiar voice answered. “We’re working on it right now, manager Kim. Manager Lee is contacting the advertisement company for advice, and others are in a meeting about that as we speak.”

Baekhyun heart picked up pace, and his head instantly snapped up, eyes desperate to see him.

Chanyeol‘s hair.

They really were red.

He wasn’t facing Baekhyun. He was standing across the hallway from him, looking at the elder manager he was speaking to, and paying his whole attention only to him. Baekhyun could see his profile, his defined jaw, his lips, but he couldn’t see the look in his eyes, and he really wanted to.

Yet he knew- if he could, that look in his eyes wouldn’t be anything he wanted to see.

The red colour looked beautiful on Chanyeol, though. It fit so beautifully with his complexion, the fair skin, dark eyes, and even his tall built. It made him look like an idol of PKO himself, perfect, loved, but most of all unattainable. And that scared Baekhyun.

No matter how perfect, this was just a reflection of Park Chanyeol, his Park Chanyeol. The shy, adorable giant, who walked in small steps, arms pressed to his sides, and who avoided eye contact with people no matter what. And this Chanyeol was different. This Chanyeol stood tall, neck straight, eyes directly on the person’s whom he was speaking to. This Chanyeol had a serious expression on his face, and no blush. And even all the way across the hallway, he felt cold and distant.

Baekhyun could feel the air around him harden as he stared, and couldn’t take his eyes of Chanyeol. Was this what he turned the person he loved into?

Was this his fault?

Baekhyun felt sick. He leaned his back on the wall, feeling his head get dizzy. His heart was beating almost painfully fast.

“I think maybe debuting a new artist would be good,” the manager told Chanyeol. “But we need a good, strong song for that. Some lousy track won’t do the trick we need.”

“I think we will find something, sir,” Chanyeol told him respectfully, and turned to walk towards the direction Baekhyun was in. His eyes froze on the smaller male, who was leaning on the wall heavily, and strangely enough, he didn‘t look away.

Baekhyun stared back at him.

“Would you please meet me in my office later, manager Kim?” Chanyeol asked, still looking at Baekhyun. “I will be right back to discuss the details of our plans further.”

The elder nodded, not noticing anything out of the ordinary, and turned around to walk towards the elevator. Chanyeol took a step in Baekhyun’s direction, hesitating for a second, and then continuing.

As he got closer and closer, Baekhyun noticed the way he walked. How straight his back was, and how firm, almost confident his steps were.

Completely different.

“Baekhyun,” he heard him say, and for a second it sounded like he was relieved to say his name.

Though Baekhyun was probably just imagining it.

“Y-Yes?”

“You look pale,” Chanyeol told him quietly. “Are you okay? Do you feel sick?”

He did, but it didn’t matter. Not now.