After finishing work and finally boarding the bus to go back home, Baekhyun still couldn‘t get rid of the awful,wrenching feeling in his gut.

It was constantly there, the whole day, with no intention of disappearing or getting any lighter or more bearable. As time passed, it eventually managed to bother Baekhyun to the point of not being able to concentrate on anything else. The whole day at work he was out of his mind because of it, writing wrong things on the wrong papers, unable to hear or even comprehend Jongin's commands. No need to say, his productivity was somewhere near zero today, and everybody noticed. 

Not to mention that even now, all alone, Baekhyun also managed to embarass himself because of that unsettled feeling. Right before the doors of the bus he was in closed, Baekhyun suddenly realized that he had to run back to his seat, only to get back the briefcase he had forgotten there. Red all over and already sweating in his suit, he then had to go ask the driver to pull over and let him out personally, because he accidentally had missed his stop. As if he didn't have enough troubles as it was.

And not even trying to be polite about it, the driver cursed at him for being so distracted. He looked as tired as Baekhyun was himself, and as he opened the door for Baekhyun, kept mumbling something about 'not having all the time in the world to pull over for every other fool" and 'this was the last time'. 

Honestly, Baekhyun felt like cursing, too. 

But he didn‘t know how to get out of it, this stupid circle of being distracted and feeling bad. No matter how hard he tried to will that feeling away, it simply didn't budge. 

And so eventually, Baekhyun settled for the one way to deal with all of this he knew - ignoring it. He simply ignored the feeling, letting it be there, do its thing. He worked, he talked, he asked, and he pretended. The whole day, he pretended to be fine, for Chanyeol, for his co-workers, and it worked.

 But then, the act of being fine crumbled to pieces as soon as he stepped into his apartment. 

Baekhyun dropped his briefcase onto the floor, not caring about making a mess literally seconds after he stepped into his home. The buckle of his bag slipped open at the force of the fall, and some of Baekhyun's papers spilled onto the floor. 

But Baekhyun didn‘t care for that one bit. He just stared at the white sheets for a second as if surprised of them being there, and then crouched down, sitting on the floor in front of the mess he just created. Tired, Baekhyun leaned his back on the wall behind. He hugged his knees close, and burried his face in his arms.

You‘re okay, he willed himself to believe, closing his eyes shut. 

It's okay.

You did the right thing.

This is going to pass soon.

He knew, Baekhyun knew that it was not going to pass. Half of him was so furious for the way he gave in, and gave up all his pride in front of Chanyeol‘s father. He knew that if he stays here alone, he will eventually suffocate himself, cursing at his the decision he made, asking himself fearful questions. Eventually he would cry himself to sleep. It was the pattern he lived through everytime a decision like this had to be made, and no matter how badly Baekhyun hated it, it never changed. He blamed himself, worried, and cried. 

He learned to deal with it this way since he was really young, a carefree teen back in highschool. After his father left, and Baekhyun suddenly became the man of the house, the only man there who was supposed to take care of his family, he was so scared. Every single of his decisions suddenly counted. Every minute of his time became important and needed. He had to take up jobs, to help his mom with money and chores, with his sister, and all of that came crashing down on his head when he was just a kid. Unprepared, he was unceremoniously into the world of grown ups, and told he had to learn to act like one.

So he tried. Blaming his father for leaving him in a situation like this made no sense, or more like had no meaning, so Baekhyun didn't. After all, doing that didn't change a single thing. And so, Baekhyun learned to blame himself for it, for every little thing, for every smallest mistake. He learned to put every responsibility onto his own shoulders, and without noticing, he slowly began carrying the whole world.

Baekhyun inhaled air, a bit shaky, trying to calm himself down. His hand unconsciously found its way into his pocket, and then, he caught himself staring at his phone. Or, to be more exact, to Chanyeol‘s phone number, shinning in the small screen in front of him.

When he had those moments, those moments of despair and sadness, and most of all loneliness, he never had anyone to call. Everybody he knew and trusted lived back in the small town he was from. And the friends he met during the university years were not the kind of friends he would and could spill his heart to.

He knew he could call Jongin.He could tell him everything that happened. It would be awkward for sure, uncomfortable, too, but Jongin wouldn‘t reject Baekhyun's cry for help if he called. He would certainly do everything to help, because Jongin was kind and it was obvious that he cared about Baekhyun not only as the guy he hired for a job, but also a friend.  

But somehow, in his heart, Baekhyun knew that that calling Jongin was not what he wanted, and neither what he needed. Even though he couldn‘t tell Chanyeol his worries and couldn't be completely honest with him, Baekhyun still knew Chanyeol was the one he wanted to call. 

Simple - Chanyeol‘s mere presence could help him more than any heart-to-heart talks with anyone. And Baekhyun was so damn tempted to just press that green button of dial, and call him, no matter how weird and unexpected the call would be.

He just didn't want to be alone so badly right now. Baekhyun was his own best ally, but at the same time, he was aware that he also was his own worst enemy. He could blame and curse himself to death.

So in the end, he called. With shaking hands, and his heartbeat drumming in his ears furiously, Baekhyun pressed the dial button, and waited.

The phone beeped once, twice. All nervous and shaky, Baekhyun bit his lip, and winced. He had bitten it too hard into it, leaving a small wound. 

The phone was still beeping.

The taste of metal on the tip of his tongue was getting stronger. Frowning, Baekhyun wondered just how deep he had bitten in there. Maybe he should get up and see, if it‘s not too deep, maybe he actually did bite through, and that would be—

“Hello? Baekhyun?”

Caught unprepared, Baekhyun choked on his own spit, and started coughing uncontrolably.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol instantly panicked. "Baekhyun, are you alright? Do you need help?”

“N-No!” Baekhyun uttered out, voice strained and raspy, stupid coughs still strangling his throat. "Just g-give me a minute, Chan-- ugh--Chanyeol..."

"O-Okay," Chanyeol answered, sounding hesitant. "I'm waiting."

After clearing his throat a zillion times, and still feeling unbelievably stupid, Baekhyun could finally speak again.

“I-I’m fine," he assured the other again, feeling the heat of embarassment pool underneath his skin. "Sorry I scared you. It's just a cough.”

“Y-You got a cold?” Chanyeol's voice sounded inconsistent, as if he was moving somewhere, and Baekhyun could swear he heard car keys being put down, and some doors being closed.

"Uhm, not really. Are you out? You sound like you're walking."

"No, I'm not," Chanyeol said, sounding a bit embarassed. "I'm home. I was in the shower when you called."

Baekhyun couldn't help it but wonder, why Chanyeol had gotten up and even taken his keys, if he was in the shower.

He could have gotten scared I was in danger. Well, in danger of choking.

Maybe he got up to go to help me?..

 It was stupid of him to even think that was possible, but the thought alone was enough to make Baekhyun's heart rate jump.

“I-I’m sorry,” he repeated again. 

“That’s okay,” Chanyeol answered, sounding much calmer. “What's up?"

"Uh..."

He didn't know what to say. What was up? Did he just want to hear Chanyeol's voice, or he just needed somebody to talk to?

Baekhyun didn't know.

Why did he call?

“Is everything okay?” Chanyeol asked, when the silence took longer than it should have.

Some part of Baekhyun wanted to say that yes, that of course everything was okay, how couldn't it be? To convince him fully, Baekhyun could laugh a bit after that, change the topic, like he always did with people he didn’t want to tell the truth to.

But he stayed silent.

He didn't want to lie, but neither he wanted or could say the truth. 

And Chanyeol understood that silence.

“Baekhyun, do you want me to come over?”

He wanted that. He wanted to see him so bad. 

Baekhyun wanted to have those big brown eyes look at him, void of any evil intents, and only full of kindness. He wanted to be soothed, and be certain of himself again. Like when he was in Chanyeol's arms. 

“I just don’t really want to stay at my place right now,” Baekhyun confessed in almost a whisper, and his heart jumped at the feeling of telling Chanyeol the truth. He felt scared, even ashamed of it.

Maybe it was too fast? 

Opening up about emotions. Maybe it felt burdensome.

“Listen, Chanyeol, I—“

“You can stay the night at my place, then,” Chanyeol offered, sounding hesitant and shy, but determined. “I can sleep on the sofa, and you can take the bed.”

“I don't know if...I mean, thank you, really, but I don't want to disturb you like that...“

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol’s voice softened. “Jongin had done it over a thousand of times before. He had also called me in the middle of the night, much later than you did, and just told me he was coming over. It’s nothing, Baekhyun, it's what friends do.”

“But…”

“If you’re not feeling okay on your own, don’t push it. There’s no need for that. I’ll come over in about twenty minutes, gather the things you will need and wait for me, okay?”

“Chanyeol, I…” Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, how to say it. “T-Thank you.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Chanyeol told him, gentleness evident in his voice. “See you in twenty minutes.”

He hung up, probably getting up to get ready and drive to Baekhyun’s place. And Baekhyun stood there, with the phone still beside his ear, not knowing if what he did was right, or not, completely lost. He did it almost unconsciously, giving into his feelings at the spur of the moment and not thinking straight. What if it was all a mistake?

No. Chanyeol told him it was okay. He had been through this before, he said so himself. Baekhyun knew from Jongin himself how Chanyeol used to take care of him and let him stay over almost every other night, at some part of the period they went through after Kyungsoo disappeared. Baekhyun knew all that, yet it wasn't helping him to feel any better.

That was because Jongin was Chanyeol's best friend, his best friend since high school, and Baekhyun… who even was Baekhyun? He was just a guy Chanyeol went on a date with. The guy he said he liked once, well, also an employee and a co-worker of Chanyeol's.

But Baekhyun was no one that important to him, really.

Knowing that now was too late to regret and that thinking about it like this won't help, Baekhyun shuffled to the bathroom, gathering his toiletries and pyjamas to take to Chanyeol’s. He placed all of those in his blue bag with white polka dots, his personal favourite; a cute gift he got from his mother. He also took some freshly washed clothes for the following morning and threw in his bottle of cologne on top. Mostly to feel like he has everything to take care of himself, and doesn’t need to disturb Chanyeol any more than he already had.

After gathering all the little things he might or might not need, Baekhyun changed his clothes. He took of the suit he wore to work, and put on a loose grey hoodie and blue jeans to be more comfortable once he was there, at Chanyeol's place.

Chanyeol had to appear any minute now.

Baekhyun mingled around his apartment, unsure of what to do. He was still feeling embarassed, and severely overthinking everything. Suddenly, his doorbell rang loudly, and Baekhyun jumped in the startle. The brown-haired male hurried to the door, unlocking them to reveal Chanyeol, standing there with adorably ruffled hair and a shy smile. 

"Sorry I'm late," he told him, and Baekhyun barely held himself back from taking a step forward and enveloping the taller in a tight hug. He didn't even know what exactly got him so emotional about Chanyeol coming to get him, but it was, without a doubt, successfully taking away Baekhyun's ability to speak. 

He just stared at the man in front of him, and searched for the right words to say. He didn't even know if there were any words, that could express what he was feeling at that very moment. 

"Do I come in, or do we just go?" Chanyeol asked gently, probably not wanting to pressure Baekhyun into anything. He, after all, didn't know what he was called here for.

"W-We'll go," Baekhyun cleared his throat, fighting off the wish to hug him. "Just give me a second."

He turned around, disappearing behind the corner to grab his coat and phone, and the bag he filled up with necessities before. He didn't want to keep Chanyeol waiting for long, after all, the taller was tired after a long day at work, and now also forced to come to get Baekhyun. He had enough on his shoulders as it was. 

Above everything else he worried about, Baekhyun just didn't want to be a burden to Chanyeol.

"We can go," he quietly told him when back, and the taller nodded in response. They left.

All the way to the car Baekhyun tried to catch a glimpse of Chanyeol's face, trying hard to understand what the taller male was thinking. Was he annoyed, because Baekhyun pulled a thing like this on him, or was he really okay with it?.. Sadly, the expression on Chanyeol's face didn't give Baekhyun the answer to that. The raven-haired male just looked a bit awkward, but otherwise calm and collected