I trudged to my room, almost tripping on my own heels on the way. I practically tossed my laptop onto my bed, and fully intended to throw myself onto it as well, but something caught my eye. My guitar propped up against the doorframe reminded me of my promise I made early this morning. I stood there in my doorway, simply staring at it before making my decision. I swung it over my shoulder, turned, and headed down the hallway.

I shifted my weight on my heels as I knocked at their door, waiting. It took only a few moments before the door cracked open, and N’s smiling face instantly melted some of my frustration that I felt mere moments before. “Hi,” I greeted, my voice sounding weary, but relief washed over me at the sight of the familiar brilliant smile.

“Look at you!” he cried happily, opening the door wider to get a better look at me, “Hongbin said you were dressed up for your meeting, but wow!”

I felt heat start to rise in my face, “Thanks,” I said simply, looking away, “Can I come in?”

“Of course!” he stepped aside to let me through, closing the door behind me, “We were just finishing having lunch, did you want some? I think Leo made too much food again.”

“Oh no, thank you,” I shook my head. I definitely didn’t have the will to eat now, though the prospect of Leo cooking was rather intriguing.

I set my guitar in the entry way before making my way down the hall. N followed me to the common room, where, as advertised, the five of them all sat on couches with plates of food in their laps. All at once they looked up, the loud clacking of my heels eliminating any chance of subtlety I might have had. They were all silent, some of them mid-chew. Finally, your classic wolf whistle came from Ken before he managed to speak, “Damn Mira, you’re looking awfully fancy today.”

“I, uh,” I paused, “had a meeting with your management today,” there was no joy in my voice. I was so emotionally drained, the only emotion I could comprehend being relief. Relief that it was over, and relief that I was not alone.

“How did it go?” Hongbin took his turn to speak now, “You seemed nervous this morning.”

“It was okay,” I sighed, “I got a little… aggressive.”

Ravi laughed. I couldn’t help but notice the black beanie pulled snuggly over his head again. He stood to walk over to where N and I stood, “Come on, we have some extra food if you want,” he gestured for me to take his seat.

“It’s okay, really, I don’t think I could stomach anything right now.”

“Wait a minute,” N grabbed my arm before I could sit down, “since when are you taller than me?” his voice held a note of panic as he inspected me again.

I pulled my black slacks slightly, raising the hem to reveal my heels, “Since this morning, I guess,” I smirked at him a little, the numbness finally wearing off from this morning, but his smile was gone entirely.

“Don’t they hurt your feet? Come, let’s sit you down and take those off,” he fussed at me, practically herding me to the couch like a border collie.

I obliged, sitting where Ravi had just been, settled between Leo and Hyuk. I slipped the heels off, and N took them from me to place by the door, “Thanks,” I called after him weakly.

“You know,” Leo’s voice was suddenly close by my ear as he leaned in to speak softly to me. I did my best to hide the shiver that went down my spine as he continued, “I have a feeling he doesn’t care about your feet as much as your height.” I stifled a chuckle at his words. I had no doubt that he was right. Before I could tell him that, however, he spoke again, “And you do look nice.”

At that moment I was such a hypocrite. I had teased Leo at every turn when he became embarrassed by simple compliments, but at his comment- and how it was delivered- I couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered. I breathed slowly to try and fight the redness that would inevitably spread to my face, “Yah!” Ken called from the couch across from us, “What did you say to Mira noona, Leo? She’s turning red!”

“Nothing,” he replied in his usual quiet voice.

“Aaah, doesn’t look like nothing to me,” his sing-song voice continued. Oh god. I covered my face, sure that this torment was bound to continue, but I felt the couch shift, and then Ken’s voice came again, “Agh, Leo, so violent!”

At Hyuk’s laughter, I dared to uncover my face, surprised at the scene before me. Ken was on the floor, Leo pinning him down by practically sitting on him. Leo was silent. It looked like he was just glaring daggers down at Ken, who was squirming and giggling under him. “What.” I couldn’t help but speak in English.

Ravi smirked at me, “This is what I meant by violent,” he winked at me before returning to his heckling.

Hyuk must have seen my face as well, “It’s a pretty common occurrence, actually,” he spoke between fits of his own giggles.

“Okay, okay!” N ran in, reaching down for Leo, wrapping him in a side hug, “That’s enough now, Leo.”

Leo seemed to relax as soon as N grabbed him, and he silently stood and returned to his seat next to me as if nothing had happened. Ken, on the other hand, was alternating between laughing and pretending to cry, “I’m so abused!”

Ignoring Ken, I looked to Leo, who stoically sat next to me once again. He must have noticed me staring, as he looked at me out of the corner of his eyes, “What?” he asked incredulously, as if nothing were out of the ordinary. I guess that was the point- nothing WAS out of the ordinary.

I pondered what to say, but in the end I concluded that, while it was completely ridiculous and unnecessary, he had done it for my sake, “Thank you,” I kept my voice down to avoid inciting additional teasing. The corner of his mouth twitched up, and I knew him well enough to know that was going to be all I got in the form of a response, but I also knew him well enough to be quite satisfied with that. I took another look around the room until my eyes landed on Hongbin, who was helping Ken up as best as he could, despite both their giggling. “Oh!” I suddenly jumped up, garnering all their attention. I quickly scampered down the hall to fetch my guitar, returning as soon as I had it by the neck.

Hongbin stood again when he caught sight of what was in my hand, “You brought it?”

“I said I would,” I said with a grin. I walked toward him, everyone’s eyes trained on me, “Lee Hongbin, you must make me a few promises,” I spoke sternly. Clearly surprised by my change of tone, he straightened up a bit before nodding. “You must take good care of my guitar.”

He nodded, but the rest of the room began to buzz with chatter. “Is she really going to give it to him?” I heard Hyuk ask Leo.

“Yeah I think so,” Leo replied, though I saw that he was watching me carefully.

“Lee Hongbin, you cannot sell this guitar on the internet or some like that,” I said with a little laugh.

“I would never!” he practically yelled before catching himself with an awkward cough, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You absolutely must become ridiculously good at the guitar in order to do this beautiful instrument justice, do you understand me?” I was smiling, but I kept my voice as assertive as possible.

He bowed a little, “I will do my best, Mira.”

“Good,” I stated, and held it out for him, “I will be happy to teach you everything that I can while I’m here. As long as you come and ask.”

Hongbin took the guitar from me as if it were made of glass. “You signed it?” he asked, spotting the fresh signature on the back.

I shrugged, “Figured I can’t risk you forgetting about me.” I had not only re-signed it, but had added a note to him in Korean, as well.

He looked like he had no idea what to do with any part of his body. The room was quiet as they watched us. Finally, he broke and lunged forward, pulling me into a tight hug, careful not to hit me with my own guitar. Immediately, I hugged him back. “Thank you,” he squeaked, his voice cracking.

“I’m so jealous,” Ken whined, “he gets a present AND a hug? No fair!”

When I peered over Hongbin’s shoulder, however, they were all smiling happily. Even Leo looked unusually pleased. Finally, I was released from his grasp, and he went back to inspecting it. “You have to stop by at least once, Hongbin, you’ll need the case and cables.”

“Of course,” he said quickly, looking down at me. He bowed low, “Thank you Mira!”

“Oh stop,” I smacked his head, “Now go put it away before something happens to it.”

Once Hongbin left with my guitar in tow, I felt a small pang of separation. The instrument certainly had a lot of sentimental value for me, but giving it to Hongbin and seeing that smile meant even more to me. With a sigh, I turned my attention to the rest of the room. I noticed something in Hyuk’s hand, “Is that Hongbin’s camera?”

“Yup,” he said simply, smiling up at me, “He’ll thank me later.”

“Well,” I said with a sigh, suddenly feeling very tired, “I think that’s enough excitement for one day.”

Ravi stepped forward, bowing slightly, “I’ll the lady home.”

I laughed once, “Yes the perilous journey.”

We said our goodbyes, and I followed Ravi out the door, picking up my heels on the way. Once the door was closed, Ravi spoke, “I still can’t believe you did that.”

“I kind of can’t believe it either,” I said with a strained laugh, “but seeing him that excited made up for it.”

Once we reached my room, it seemed strange to just head back inside, so I leaned against my doorframe, looking up at Ravi. He followed suit and smiled at me, “You look amazing, by the way.”

I had heard it plenty enough today, but hearing it from him in particular made my heart swell, “Thank you. I needed to look a little bit professional for that meeting.”

“It went okay?” He asked again. Maybe he thought I was hiding something from the rest of the group that I would tell him in confidence. In a way he was a little bit right.

I sighed, combing my fingers through my red ponytail, “Okay is a pretty tame term. I just got a little bit frustrated, is all. It was nothing bad, and the production team agreed to take care of arranging the other studio recordings.”

He raised his eyebrows at me, “Was that all?”

There was no way I was going to tell him exactly what was said in there. I didn’t want to tell him that his own management had doubt of his and his group’s abilities. I looked away, “I agreed to promote together with you guys in lieu of having my name on the track,” I paused as I looked up at him with a little smile, “Hopefully they announce it soon so I don’t go crazy in here.”

He feigned being insulted, “You don’t like it here with us?”

I gave him a little playful shove, “You know I love it here, I just would like to see the sun with my own eyes sometime.”

“It’s overrated,” he laughed as he recovered from my push, stepping closer to me than before, “But I hope so, too. I hope you’re ready for what promoting in kpop means.”

“I guess only time will tell, huh,” I spoke quietly. We were so close now, leaning against my doorway. I looked up at him, inspecting that slightly crooked smile and bright, kind eyes. The air felt thick as I saw his eyes flick downward to my lips, and I instinctively leaned closer to him. He reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his eyes full of affection as he inspected my face.

But then he blinked, and it was as if a spell had been broken. It was like watching a flipbook of emotion as his eyes went from warm and excited to cold and heartbroken. They wavered back and forth as he looked into my face, his lips parting as if he wanted to speak. I wanted to say something- anything, but my voice wouldn’t come as the implications of his face began to register. “Mira, I…” he choked, his voice strangled. Then suddenly he cupped my face in his hands and he leaned in to kiss me firmly on the cheek before he suddenly stepped back, as if a chasm had ruptured beneath our feet. I was perfectly still, worried that if I moved, I would collapse right there. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes b with unshed tears. Abruptly, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing just outside my door.

I’m not sure exactly how long I stood there, but it was the pair of heels still hanging from my fingers that finally snapped me back to my senses when they almost slipped. I took a sharp breath, as if I hadn’t breathed before in my life, and to my surprise, my vision blurred when I blinked. I touched my own cheek where Ravi had kissed me to find the damp trail of tears. I hadn’t even noticed. It had been so long since I had felt these emotions, it seems my mind and my body were out of practice. I took a breath and made my way back to my room, getting ready for sleep mechanically. It was only once I was in bed that I tried to reconcile my feelings.

The storm of emotions calmed as I did my best to logically rationalize as best as I could. The important conclusion I came to was that I would be happy as long as this unfortunate turn of events didn’t result in the loss of Ravi, who had become my best friend. Truly the best friend I had made since my days in college, and I might have ruined it with stupid romantic feelings. I covered my face with my hands as I groaned. So stupid. I hadn’t cared about love or relationships since I was 18, so why now? This was a question I had not the will nor the energy to answer. I simply breathed slowly and evenly, pushing those fickle feelings to the farthest reaches of my mind. They would pass and all would be well.

Right?