It was a Sunday afternoon when Onew arrived back to Korea. Joy and I got to talking last night and she decided to sleep here. Well of course my brother surely agreed in an instant.  This morning, I made up my mind to talk to Onew. Yes, I know I’m a fool but maybe everything is just a misunderstanding. You wouldn’t understand and I will not convince you but I need to try.

Minho was preparing something in the kitchen so I’m sure Onew will be coming over. Joy and I made a plan to keep Minho distracted while I talk to Onew. That afternoon while I was in my room, I heard some voices down.

“I think he is here already” Joy said

“I can do this” I tried to convince myself. I am risking my feelings to be hurt again but if Onew explains himself and I can hear his side, then everything will be worth it

“Go get him” Joy cheered for me

As I descend in my room, voices gets clearer. Somebody else is here. As I take my steps down, I can see everything. They are looking at me. Yes, they. My brother, Onew….and Nadine.

She’s here.

My world stopped. I didn’t take another step and I just stared at him for a long time

“Hey forehead! Onew’s here. Have you met Nadine? I’m sure you already met Onew’s girlfriend—“

Girlfriend. Not Ex girlfriend…girlfriend

For the nth time. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want this to be over, I want the pain to go away.

“Hey!”

 Joy said from the back and I turned around to look at her. She looked at where is was looking and that frown on her face was so evident

I pushed myself to go down and take another step thinking how I would react to this girl’s smiley face. This is the very first time that I ever looked at her in detail. She got long brown wavy hair, fair skin, and beautiful eyes and slender built.

“Yeah, we’ve met before. When she visited in California” She said to my brother

“Oh I see. Hey forehead are you okay?” Onew and I are staring at each other. Am I okay?

If being okay means wanting to scream

If being okay means wanting to kill this person I am looking at

If being okay means wanting to rip your heart out just to remove the pain inside

Then maybe I am.

I’m tired of this. I’m tired of trying things. I am tired of crying.

“No. I am not.”

“Are you sick?” Minho asked

“Yes. Sick to my stomach”

Joy sensed the tension in me and she butted in. I may kill everyone in here if she didn’t

“Hey, nice to meet you, I’m Joy!”

“Hi! I’m Nadine”

“So… You’re Onew’s girlfriend?”

“Yeah”

“I didn’t know this jerk is capable of having relationships” she smiled

“We had history a long time ago. We broke up then just got back together recently”

“Really? I am so happy for you” that freaking sarcastic tone is hilarious

Onew never spoke. There was silent during the meal except when Minho’s big freaking mouth opens. I just want to get out of here cause I hate everyone

“So Onew is she moving here or is she just visiting?” Minho obviously a