Healing

I deny it. Every day I tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that she died. I tell myself that there was nothing I could’ve done, that it was hopeless. But deep down I know that if would have been there for her she wouldn’t have done it. I could’ve fought for her, I could have done something. I say that she wasn’t strong but neither am I, if I was strong I would’ve defended her. I hate myself for that, and I will never forgive myself.

↓↓↓

Thank the lord Jesus that the school year is almost over because I cannot take one more second of Mitsuki’s and Zelo’s real life fanfiction. There so mushy and gushy and I just want to slap them. They are almost never apart and I get it they’re in love but really? The other day Jongup and Youngjae had to carry Zelo away from Mitsuki. He claimed it was their four week anniversary and he couldn’t leave her alone on such a special day.

Daehyun and I haven’t really talked since those few words he spoke about Jin’s letter. I glance over at him and see that his expression is a mix of being worried and excited. He messes around with his hair and bites his lips to an extent that looks quite painful. To be honest I would probably be feeling the same way if I were in his position. I mean in a few minutes his band is going to perform in front of a bunch of people.

Everyone seems pretty worried. Well everyone except for Mitsuki. She’s confident that they will do well. I wish I could say the same for myself. Even though they have done really well at all of their practices I’m worried they will mess up. Or what if one of them backs out at the last minute. Like Jongup or Daehyun, they’re still not too warm to the idea that people will be finding out about them.

Himchan gasps worriedly, “Oh my god. What if something goes wrong? Like maybe while I’m drumming one of my drumsticks flies out of my hand. Or I accidently break my arm or foot or neck, you guys know how clumsy I am! What if I’m drumming too much and I break my arm? Or what if-”

He is cut off by Yongguk taking Himchan’s face into his hands and pressing his lips against Himchan’s. I stare in surprise and I want to look away but it’s too cute! Himchan’s face flushes red but he doesn’t push Yongguk away. Mitsuki is clearly trying to hold in a squeal, Jongup and Youngjae are smirking, Zelo is smiling slightly and Daehyun’s eyes are downcast.

When Yongguk finally pulls away he only says, “And tie your shoe.” Before walking off to somewhere.

Himchan’s face is still really red but he’s smiling a like a goofball. That was probably the cutest thing I have ever seen! Oh my gosh I just feel like exploding right now.

“You should tie your shoe.” Jongup suggests.

Himchan looks at him, nods then ties his shoe carefully.

⌐⌐⌐

The boys are about to come on and Mitsuki and I are sitting in the audience with our banners and stuff ready. We are sitting near the front of the stage because Mitsuki said they would see us better and we could show more support. I told her we could show the same amount of support from the very back but I still agreed to sit here. Besides we wouldn’t be able to see them as well from the back.

The drama teacher comes on stage with a mic and a small piece of paper in his hands. He is a tall middle aged man with a scruffy beard. A lot of people think he’s hot, I think he looks like Chiron from Percy Jackson. (By the way those movies , the books were way better.) He’s a nice guy, I met him when Mitsuki was in drama freshman year. Anyway, he explains that there are three rounds, the first one everyone goes, and the second one only ten. The winners get a ₩100 gift card to Song Jook Heon. (My favorite restaurant)

Okay, so I’m a pretty nice person but I have to be honest. The acts freaking . Some were good like the gymnasts but the people who tried to recreate music videos . One of them fell off the stage and broke his leg. Himchan must have been freaking out backstage at that one. At least I know that the next act was not going to . The curtains open and there they are. Mitsuki and I cheer loudly and hold up our posters.

Himchan counts down and they play their song Bang X2. They sound so good and they look so cool up there. They are wearing black clothes, rings, their shirts are different but they all have black leather jackets. Other people in the audience start to clap and cheer for them too. Daehyun’s mouth twitches up into a smile which brings a smile to my face. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him smile.

It’s no surprise that they ended up making it to the next (last) round. Mitsuki and I wait for them to on on eagerly since they didn’t tell us what song they were going to play. They said it was a surprise so as long as it’s not a bad surprise I’ll be happy. The curtains open and they are wearing war paint and clothes similar to the ones Black Veil Brides wore in The Legacy.

Mitsuki giggles, “That’s cute.”

They start playing and we cheer. They start playing The Legacy just as I suspected. Mitsuki and I sing along and I wonder where they got the makeup and clothes. When they finish playing Zelo flashes us a smile. Well I have to give them credit, the surprise was good. Their voices could’ve been deeper but Andy’s voice is really deep so they did well.

 After a few minutes the judges give the drama teacher a slip of paper. Mitsuki and I hold hands anxiously as the puts the mic closer to his mouth. “The winner is… well the winners are B.A.P.!”

People cheer loudly along with Mitsuki and I. The judges and the drama teacher congratulate them and give them the gift card. Mitsuki and I go backstage and hug them. When I hug Daehyun he hesitates before hugging me back.

I let go of him and laugh, “You did good!”

“Well.” He corrects me, “And thanks.”

۩۩۩

After school I decide to go to the book store. I read about a book called Love Letters To The Dead and the summary was cool so I decided to go buy it. It's about this girl, Laurel, who is trying to cope with her older sister's death but her grieving gets in the way of her high school life and her first relationship. I guess it fits my situation. 

After I finally leave the majestic place of books I walk to the bus stop, my new book in my hands. I hear a high pitched voice call my name right before I get to the bus stop. Sighing, I turn around to face Yuri.  

“You better back off from Daehyun you little . Or I will ruin you.” She threatens.

“I was never going on to him.” I reply.

“Yeah right.” She slaps me and somebody pulls her back.

I look up to see Daehyun giving her an angry look. “You ing touch Lim again and I will ing kill you. And if it’s not obvious yet, we’re not together.”

Daehyun grabs my hand and pulls me down the street to his car. He opens the door for me and helps me in. Then he goes to his side of the car and starts the engine. While he drives I wonder why he did that. He defended me against Yuri. Daehyun reaches over to the backseat and grabs a plastic bag with a thin black, rectangular box inside of it.

“For you.” He hands me the bag, keeping his eyes on the road.

I take the box out and open it. There’s a silver necklace with a cute little cat on it. It’s so cute and it’s so nice of Daehyun to give this to me. But it makes me wonder why he gave it to me.

“Why?” I ask him.

“That’s usually not what people say when a person gives them a gift.” He says.

“Oh. Um… thank you.” I nod, “But why?”

“Why what?” He asks as he turns left onto a familiar street.

“Why defend me against Yuri and why buy me this?”

He hums and smiles, “You like it?”

“Yes. I love cats but-”

“Thought you would.”

“Why?” I ask again.

Daehyun lets out a frustrated sigh and turns onto his street, “Maybe because I actually like you.”

“Like… like kind of like?”

He laughs and parks the car in his driveway, “Yes.”

“But I’m not like Yuri or any of the other girls you dated. I’m actually normal.”

“Yeah, well I am just a very insecure boy who fell in love with a kind of normal girl who should give herself more credit.”

I can feel my face getting really hot and I fidget a little bit.

“Aw! You’re so red!” He pinches my cheek.

I look out the window to hide my embarrassingly red face. I can hear Daehyun unbuckle his seat belt. His hand tilts my head towards him and he holds my gaze with his warm brown eyes. I feel his other hand grab one of my hands and he kisses my fingertips.

“Please. Don’t make me forget. I don’t want to forget you.” He whispers.

“Okay,” Is all I say.

★★★

Youngjae and I are sitting in front of Ms. Gong’s desk waiting for her judgement. She is squinting her eyes and frowning. Damn, that can’t be a good sign. I look over at Youngjae who gives me a reassuring smile. I give him a weak smile in return. This year has been exhausting so Ms. Gong better like my article. If she doesn’t I will like, flip a table. Possibly in her face.

“I like it.” She looks up at us, “I like it a lot.”

Yes! I hug Youngjae happily. He laughs and hugs me back. Ms. Gong dismisses us and we rush outside to tell the others. They all react happily, even Daehyun and Jongup who I thought would be… not happy. Not sad just not happy.

It’s about half an hour before school starts so we decide to go get breakfast at one of Himchan’s favorite cafés. They serve really good food, I can see why it’s his favorite.

When we get back to school the papers are printed and there’s an emotion in Daehyun’s eyes that I can’t quite make out.

School goes by in a blur with people asking me questions and stuff. I see Yuri in the halls a couple of times and she looks furious. Poor baby. I smile to myself when the final bell rings. Yuri walks toward me as I’m heading to the door. I am not about to let her ruin my day. She is about to say something but I pat her head which makes her scream and I walk outside. That girl has problems.

Daehyun. Mitsuki, Zelo and I were going to Daehyun’s and he was driving. The others were going in another car. I put in my ear buds as I step into his car where they’re already waiting for me. They’re like freaking ninjas. While Daehyun drives the song Wrapped Around Your Finger by 5 Seconds Of Summer comes on and I scream making Daehyun lose control for a moment.

“JESUS CHRIST LIM!” He yells.

I ignore him and listen to their voices closely. Michael’s voice is so y.

After five songs we are at Daehyun’s place. He asks me to help him with something in his room so I follow him up the stairs.

He closes the door behind him, “Lim?”

“Yeah?” I ask sitting on his bed with him beside me.

“I wanted Ms. Gong to hate your article. I don’t know why but I’m sorry.”

“Jerk.” I mutter.

He leans toward me, “Do you really believe that?”

I nod.

“Aw Limmy.” He leans closer to me, our lips are less than an inch apart.

“Hurry up guys!” Zelo bursts through the door making Daehyun fall off his bed and hit his head on the floor. “Oh. I’ll just-”

“It’s too damn late Zelo!  We’re going.” Daehyun grumbles and stands up. 

♔ ✉ ♔

main image credit: bigwideeyes via @ tumblr

Author E's Note: So I listened to 5sos and that happened. OMG I LUV THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!! MICHAEL JUST MAKES ME EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥ HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO AMAZING?????????? He doesn’t like avocadoes just like me! If you’re reading this Mikey or Lukey or Ashy or Calum…ey I LUV U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fudge what’s the point? Lol But MCR tho! Ugh!! Bands have taken over my lyfe!

Author L's Note: YUUUUS BANGHIM KISSED!!!1 MY LIFE IS COMPLETE :'D THEY R SO CUTE!! lol yuri needs to chill hopefully she won't track daehyun down all the way to college or wherever he goes from high school (creEPY) ZOMG!!! YOU MENTIONED LOVE LETTERS TO THE DEAD!!! KYAAAAA ILY BFF HOW DO U MANAGE TO ENHANCE MY FEELS ALL THE TIME??!!?? TOT<3 lol @ the percy jackson comment #YUUUS. everyone should go read those two books mentioned!! ok, well this is the actual last chapter! Next chap is the epilouge! at first i was bummed u ended it so abruptly BUT now i find it oddly fitting and super realistic ! ​and i love it! I love how this could be someone's real story/ life so it feels right to leave it open ended, like they have a lot to discuss and settle out still but it's left up to the reader's imagination! nice way to end this :'))) THANK U BFF FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE! WE'RE ALMOST ALL DONE TTuTT comment and subscribe, we'll appreciate it forever<3 love you all! Enjoy the rest of your summer, or whatever season you're in at the moment lol. Thank you so much for all your support! Love -L