This is kind of a transition chapter and deep in heavy in exposition and internal thoughts. Baekhyun needed a minute to come to terms. 

--- --- --- ---

What was supposed to be a quick wash up turned into a full blown 10 minutes contemplation and rumination session. If Baekhyun hadn’t been so caught up in his own emotions he’d have felt a bit of guilt for using so much water.

Baekhyun scrubbed himself down aggressively, putting extra emphasis on soaping and soaking his armpits, while he tried to understand how his life was in shambles. Here he was bare with soap between his -cheeks, caught up in some issues that were too deep to be anything but out of a 60 episodes long Korean drama. Every episode ended with a dramatic close-up and cliffhanger. Baekhyun rinsed his body off and tried to imagine all of his problems spiraling down the drain. Part of his wanted to melt away like suds and slip through the pipes too.

The teenager turned off the shower with a rough jerk and groaned so loud it echoed off of the bathroom walls. 

"Previously on ‘Seventeen and Pregnant Gossip Guy," Baekhyun chirped extremely sarcastically and very much angrily. In his head he did a mental recap of the last few weeks of his life.

His dad had cheated on his mom and blown through all of their money and his college tuition, leaving them broke and almost homeless. Baekhyun, being a good son, got a job and worked his off all while attending AP summer classes. All too soon, the stress of life had Baekhyun overwhelmed, eating anything drenched in spicy chili sauce, and losing his sanity over everything. His mom dragged him to the clinic out of concern.

Said clinic visit informed Baekhyun that he was pregnant. And the father of the baby his ex-boyfriend, Lacrosse player, and fellow classmate, Park Chanyeol.

After much freaking out and denying his reality, Baekhyun decided to own up to his up. He was going to be a teenage parent. Now all he had to do was figure out how to finish his senior year of high school, hide his pregnancy, and retain his hard earned scholarships.

The recap should have stopped there, because that was more than enough, but nope. Oh Sehun, Baekhyun’s best friend and resident gossip professional (basically the last person on this earth Baekhyun wanted to know he was pregnant), called later with more bad news to share.

Park Chanyeol (like Baekhyun’s father) was a cheating, faking, lying, manipulating, using, punk- . Apparently this was contagious (and potentially incurable.)

Then came the Twitter post made by Chanyeol himself announcing his one year anniversary to his “real” boyfriend. One picture and one sentence was all it took to effectively destroy Baekhyun’s entire future and Sehun brought Baekhyun up to speed about Chanyeol’s underhandedness. Now everything Baekhyun thought he knew about his first boyfriend was all a big fat scandalous lie.

Chanyeol had been romantically (and politically?) involved with fellow classmate who just happened to be a Perfect, valedictorian, painfully beautiful, obnoxiously wealthy, insufferably perfect, school president, Do Kyungsoo, (how was Baekhyun supposed to compete with all of those important titles?). They’d been together nearly a year, and had only broken up hours prior on the same night Baekhyun had given up his ity to Chanyeol back in early Spring.

Baekhyun mentally pressed pause to take it all in again. He’d never been used before so he was still having a difficult time processing everything and really knowing how to feel. He was of course very sad and hurt. Thinking about his first time now made his heart squeeze painfully. What had been a weird, clumsy, but sweet and tender memory was now forever tarnished and ruined.

How had Chanyeol managed to live some inconspicuous as hell double life and avoid getting caught? The guy was either an amazing actor or Baekhyun was really just that blind, aloof, and oblivious. There was never any indication Chanyeol was seeing anyone else. He never even got suspicious phone calls or texts. Chanyeol never even cancelled plans with some lame excuse... Though that made sense because by the time Baekhyun and Chanyeol were serious, Chanyeol had distanced himself from Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun wondered a bit blankly what his ex and Kyungsoo even talked about. What kinds of things did they have in common? There had to be some reason (hopefully besides money) that they got back together. Maybe they really loved each other... At least Baekhyun knew exactly why Kyungsoo would have fallen for Chanyeol in terms of physical appearance. The guy was ridiculously handsome. It used to hurt Baekhyun to look at Chanyeol. All he had to do was smile at a person and boxers and just vanished.

But still, what kind of relationship had—do—Chanyeol and Kyungsoo actually have? What was Kyungsoo getting out of it? Great ? The security of having a six foot tall lean and powerful LaCrosse player at his side to body-check anyone that spoke out of turn?

Baekhyun was so curious.

That aside, now Baekhyun was potentially at the mercy of Kyungoo's rich and powerful parents. Said parents just happened to have control over his college scholarships, his academic future, and probably his potential grandchildren's future's... Really, if his life didn't sound like the synopsis to some teen drama, Baekhyun didn't know what did. He was the main character in the first episode of season one of the rest of his life. Baekhyun was by no means a pessimist but it really felt like Destiny and Fate had a personal grudge against him. 

To put it bluntly, Byun Baekhyun knew that things could only get worse so basically he was majorly ed.

“And it’s only episode three…” Baekhyun mumbled.

At least his shower had been refreshing. Now he felt all cool, clean, pretty, and he smelled like freshly chopped cucumbers. The scent was so alluring that he was almost tempted to his own skin.

Baekhyun grabbed onto the side of the shower stall, careful not to slip on his way out like he usually did. The other day he’d been in such a hurry he’d almost slipped and did the splits in the middle of the bathroom. (Baekhyun actually could do the splits but that was a move you gotta be emotionally prepared for it.) The last thing he needed to do was wipe out in the bathroom and need to cry out to his mom. Baekhyun didn't want to hurt himself or the baby. 

The teenager paused and stared down at his water slick stomach. 

"You okay in there?" He whispered, poking the side of his belly. His smooth one-pack looked exactly the same way it had ten minutes ago in thie shower, but he knew it was different. A bitty little person was rapidly growing inside of him. In a month or so it'd be obvious that he was playing host to a new human, then all too soon Baekhyun wouldn't be able to see his toes because he'd be overwhelmed by protruding baby fat.

Baekhyun puffed out his cheeks and wrapped a towel around his waist, then he used one to dry his hair and turned to look at himself in the mirror. He'd avoided doing this the other night after his first shower because he hadn’t wanted to see his body. Physically it had betrayed him. It didn't look inhabited. But Baekhyun didn't trust his own eyes anymore.

This reminded him of the day after his first time. He'd spent nearly three hours in the bathroom staring at his reflection, poking his skin, checking his inner thighs (they were kinda chaffed), feeling a bunch of ways he couldn't verbalize. The sappiness of it all made the him roll his eyes now.

“God…” Baekhyun half gagged. "I was so lame..." He’d been such a hopeless lovesick idiot. He’d written his and Chanyeol’s initials inside of heart on his calendar for s sake. Thinking about it all now just made him feel so pathetic. He actually regretted having with Chanyeol for more than a few reasons. 

None of them being the baby he now carried.

This was so… personal. Baekhyun felt so betrayed. He’d trusted Chanyeol and given him his bare body. At 16 many people don't understood the emotional and physical reaction that could come with . Like many teenagers, so much of Baekhyun’s identity was wrapped up in his ity. He'd thought long and hard about having for the first time, when he would do it, where, and even though it hadnt been ideal that night had felt oh so right even though Chanyeol had been high and drunk. It was a classic case of letting your emotions dictate your decisions. BNo longer being a had made him feel off balance, almost drunk, over heated, giddy, excited, lethargic, and weird in his own skin. It wasn’t a bad feeling but it was strange.

This feeling had him convinced that Chanyeol was the one. Baekhyun had felt safe, protected, special… and loved.

Apparently all of those feels taking him over was the “love” hormone oxytocin. It got released during (and child-birth and feeding apparently) and could make a person all kinds of emotionally co-dependent, but Baekhyun's teachers had all failed to mention that in health class.

Skip to the morning after when Baekhyun had gotten home and the paranoid side of him had taken over.

He’d thought there was a physical clue, that he was no longer pure, branded onto his body. Baekhyun had been amazed his mother hadn’t noticed anything was different. Mom’s just like, knew, when their kids had had . Baekhyun had honest to God felt like it had triggered a mutation or something. What if his eyes started pulsing red or he sprouted a tail? What if some sort of glowing neon and rainbow sign was seared across his and forehead but he couldn’t see it?

Everyone was going to know he’d given it up. The prude (and somewhat fearful Child-a-God) in him felt a teensy bit ashamed that he'd done the dirty. 

For the record Baekhyun had—okay still has—an overactive imagination. 

These conflicted feelings passed fairly quickly though when he'd reminisced about how good touching, kissing, and actually having had felt. How could something totally natural and humanly instinctive be bad? Baekhyun couldn't wait to do it again and the anticipation of having a whole lot more had left him twitchy, anxious, and sporting the most random, almost uncontrollable, and painful boners he'd ever experienced in his life. He had half a mind to call up the company behind the pill and accuse them of doping up his Gatorade. 

To bide his time until he could pounce on Chanyeol again, Baekhyun had obsessively counted and touched every hickey Chanyeol had left on his skin. Most of the purple and red marks had been on Baekhyun’s neck so he had to spend a week wearing fashionable scarves (courtesy of Oh!Sehun's Fabulous Closet) to hide them from his mom and his track team. There was nothing like running laps at break neck speed with a piece of fabric trying to drag you back and put you in a choke hold.

Present tense Baekhyun touched his cheek with one hand, narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his reflection, then touched his stomach with his other hand. “What am I gonna do?” He whispered.

A skull print scarf wasn’t going to hide his pregnant-ness. 

Baekhyun nibbled his bottom lip in worry. Up until yesterday in the car on the way to the clinic, he hadn’t talked about with his mom. She honestly had probably thought he was still a . Baekhyun hadn't really been hiding that he'd had from his mom, and he wasn’t ashamed that he was ually active either, it had just legit skipped his mind to sit down and talk about his birth control options. He and Chanyeol were mostly using condoms.

If they remembered…

But Baekhyun had been hiding his -less-ness at school. And not because people didn’t know he was gay or bi-reproductive.  

Some history; By mid-21st century, anyone born in the last 25 to 30 years was bi-reproductive. Once the human population discovered that males could get pregnant, got real, really damn quick.

Scientists were practically thrown money to figure out how to either stop this thing. People blamed gluten, beef, chicken hormones, water, pesticides, flu vaccines, the gays, the straights, the president, the quality of oxygen in the air, all that. Of course, religious groups and followers lost what little bit of their minds they had left. Conspiracy theorists had a field day. It was the end of days. Jesus was finally making his comeback! The human race was doomed because it wasn’t just a select few babies born with bi-reproductive organs, it was every single baby.

Well… The world did not end and humans just adapted like they always do. No one ever discovered what caused the change in the homo-sapien species, but many people just concluded it was just time for them to evolve. For lack of better word.

Everyone being able to have babies is the norm now so males have no choice but to accept that they are no longer exempt from the real, exhausting, painful, and let’s be real—pretty y and burdensome—job of carrying life then pushing it out.

It made sense that the education systems changed for the better. Teens know way more about ual health (and about avoiding unplanned pregnancies, but that's besides the point) so everyone is way more open and free to discussions about . People didn’t even really use the term anymore because it was so archaic and antiquated. 

Basically, wasn’t a taboo. In theory anyway.

Being ually active on the other hand was that thing you did but never admitted to unless you had your license, were old enough to drink, and had a career. , cars, money, and alcohol ran hand in hand for some reason. 

Basically you needed to be a grown adult with your own apartment and . 

Naturally people possessing both sets of reproductive organs would be more responsible right? Actively using birth control would run hand in hand with brushing your teeth. And who forgot to brush their teeth?

Well, teen pregnancy had practicality tripled in the last 5-6 years now that males can pop out a baby. It was a sweet kind of irony to discover that males were more prone to inadvertently getting pregnant than females.

That being said, teenage social standards still confused Baekhyun to this day. 

It was no longer considered cool to be a “player” who hooked up with everyone. One; ually transmitted infections still existed. Two; everyone could get pregnant. And three; how do you even have time for with school, homework, exams, parties, work, and like, SCHOOL?

Beds were for sleeping, reading, snacking, and texting in! 

was too time consuming. was messy and ick. was like, super tiring. Who had time for when you had the new “PlayWiiBox*95 (*degree angle)”?. ‘Forever-NeverEnding Fantasy 25’ and ‘Platinum Bracket Liquid 20 : Grandfathers of Time’ was coming out in a month? Who had time for ing when there was malls to shop in? Who had time for ion when you had a career to advance, money to make, and houses to buy?

There were way better things to do than to roll around , get sweaty, kiss, touch and eventually have .

That could all come later. 

This was the public mentality of teenagers in this day and age but Baekhyun knew it was all Bull. .

Everyone was on some bull and lying through their teeth.

Baekhyun thought it was incredibly hypocritical because all everyone (fellow classmates and teens) ever talked about was , when they would have , who they were going to have with, where they wanted to have , and how much they couldn't wait to have once they built up the nerve to do it. Yet no one actually openly admitted to following through with the ing ! 

And if you did admit to doing the do, you better have a GPA of 4.8999999999, take a minimum of three elective AP classes, have gotten a perfect score on the test SAT and ACT, play a legitimately hard sport or instrument, speak at least two language's fluently, be good looking and popular, run charity events, and rescue endangered baby animals.

Otherwise what had you worked for or achieved to receive the reward of ual pleasure?

It was so overwhelming, confusing, and uncomfortable, and Baekhyun just did not have time to have people being hypocritical, fake, lying, judgmental es towards him about something that really wasn't their business in the first damn place. So. Whenever he was dragged into talks, he just denied and lied about ever doing anything. As far as the people at school knew he’d never even held hands with someone he was attracted to. 

Baekhyun felt no guilt for lying either. Everyone else was having and lying about it too. Proof of that came from the free condoms in the mini clinic always being gone. Baekhyun wasn't about to be that person (but was he really lying when everyone else was lying too?) and thank God those rules didn’t really exist. Everyone in the world would still be a .

Yet those pre-requisite guidelines were firmly rooted in the minds of the collective majority.

Park Chanyeol was not only an example but the expectation. Sure, he didn't have money but he was popular, beyond gorgeous, a LaCrosse prodigy, and he was also alarmingly ing intelligent and giving. He was a many numbered threat. It was the same for Kyungsoo but add in the ultimate cherry topping of him being insanely rich.

Do Junior could announce that he was pregnant today and people would celebrate the news like Christmas day had come early and fallen on Black Friday.

Baekhyun realized in distaste that Chanyeol was not only allowed to as much and as many people as he wanted to and brag about it, the teen was practically offered booty like it was complimentary treats in a fancy restaurant at the front desk.

And boy, had Baekhyun offered up his goodies with quick and efficient customer service. 

If anyone had seen the hickey's dotted across his neck from before they'd have started asking questions and probably spreading rumors. Baekhyun's cross-country teammates were too dedicated to training and studying so they didn't have the time or energy to date. Most of them barely had friends outside of the team. This made them obnoxiously nosey and feverishly desperate for gossip so a day did not pass without them grilling Baekhyun about his "other life", because he was friends with Sehun.

And it wasn’t so much that Baekhyun didn’t like talking about fun stuff he did with Sehun, but his teammates were like piranhas who’d been starved for weeks. It was nothing for them to devour one of their own to save themselves. A snippet of gossip was like a drop of blood in the water. (Sehun actually had that same kill or be killed mentality but thankfully he would try to save Baekhyun.)

“! What am I going to do?” Baekhyun asked his reflection again. He suddenly felt so drained. With little sleep, the last 24 hours were catching up with him. “What’s everyone at school going to think and say?” It was a dumb question because he already knew. ”What am I supposed to tell my teachers… And the coach?” Baekhyun cringed and bit his bottom lip. Coach Leetuek was going to be absolutely devastated.

It just so happened Baekhyun's track team was the best in at least three districts. Baekhyun was their star sprinter and long distance runner. They’d won tons of trophies. You’d think they would be part of the cool sports crew. Nope. “Track” was a “basic” sport for people who lacked the physical strength and endurance to play other more “worthy” sports. So Baekhyun’s team was admired and supported, just not coveted. People at school knew Baekhyun by face and last name but he was never on anyone's party of the week list. 

Who’d have ever dreamed he’d catch Chanyeol’s eye?

The high school had a hierarchy that dictated that you dated within your ranks. Be it another athlete of a respectable sport, or a triple AP elective student, or if you were extremely blessed, you courted what Sehun called "Perfects”. (...Sehun and those freaking Harry Potter references).

Perfects were the all around student. They excelled in everything from academics to athletics and had the financial backing and family roots to secure their futures forever. They weren’t, thank the Norse Gods, usually stuck up or pretentious (because just keeping it real, this was a public school they attended) but there was always the lingering fear of pissing them off and getting sued. Sehun made it his personal duty to deliberately with Perfects on a daily basis though.

They were few, these students, and desired like the rarest of living gems. There was exactly one in existence at Baekhyun’s school now, down from the four the used to attend before they graduated.

And that Perfects name is Do Kyungsoo. 

Tch, Park Chanyeol had lucked the ever-loving- out.

Baekhyun closed his eyes and wondered if just switching schools really was the best thing to do now.

"Of all of the people Chanyeol had to end up with, it had to be Do Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun screamed a little. Maybe he could be home schooled until he had the baby? “Ungh this is just too much!” He whined.

None of this would have happened if Chanyeol hadn’t just… existed!

Chanyeol could have chosen anyone else he'd desired but he'd chosen Baekhyun. Even if it was just a spring fling, it had felt like some major honor. Baekhyun used to feel a bit egotistical about it because being with Chanyeol made him feel powerful and like somebody important. Even if no one knew they were dating. 

Apparently that power came with a price Baekhyun couldn’t afford even on the lowest installment payment plan. 

“I should have read the fine print…” Baekhyun joked humorlessly. 

If anyone (specifically Kyungsoo) found out he used to date (or hook up? Booty call?) The LaCrosse Captain, Park Chanyeol, Baekhyun is pretty sure he’ll really have to transfer schools and change his identity. People weren’t even allowed to crush on Chanyeol because no one was good enough. If people (again, specifically Kyungsoo) found out Baekhyun had actually had with Chanyeol, he’d have to do all of the above and flee the country. Baekhyun had heard New Zealand was lovely this time of year. Maybe he would start looking for his passport later that day...

But no seriously, eventually it was going to come out that Baekhyun was -less, pregnant, and who the baby's father was (especially if it inherited Chanyeol's ears) and Chanyeol knew he’d been Baekhyun’s first and last.

He’d know the baby was his without a doubt. 

Then there was Kyungsoo. He was the wild card in this whole fiasco and he held all of the power. One word to his parents and Baekhyun would be on ‘shit-list-infinity’. Baekhyun didn’t know the other boy all that well and he really didn't want to be an and jump to conclusions, but he had a very strong feeling the school president would find a way to humiliate him in front of the entire student body just on principle alone. 

“God….” Baekhyun groaned as he aggressively applied a thick layer of deodorant to his armpits. Just thinking about what was coming had him sweating again. “This is going to be a nightmare…” 

He’d be shunned, stared at, and talked about behind his back in the halls, in texts, and in bathrooms. He'd be booted off the cross-country team like a traitor on that old and still confusing show Lost, and stripped of his trophies like Lance Armstrong. His academic future would be shattered and his teachers would request he be removed from their class permanently because they'd be too disappointed, disgusted, and distraught to even look at him. He'd be the sad, shameless, ty hussy who’d ruined Park Chanyeol's life because he was a home-wrecker who was too dumb to insist on using protection.

Now that Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was as fake as a knock off Gucci bag, what if the other boy sneered in disdain and denied ever so much as looking at Baekhyun out of the corner of his perfect 20/20 vision? Everyone would take Chanyeol’s side because Baekhyun was by all rights and purposes, a nobody.

His scholarships would be taken back, his name would be black listed at every university, technical, and vocational school in the state, and he'd be left to struggle raising his child on his own. His mom would be forced to divorce him as her son out of pure shame and self-preservation.

He’d have to go live in exile with his loser dad! !

Baekhyun forced a rough exhale. His imagination was running so wild it was tripping over itself. Things wouldn't be that horrible but Baekhyun would be the newest hot gossip topic. He was too delicate for that kind of emotional strain.

He recalled what had happened to upper classman Huang Zitao during his senior year. He'd gotten pregnant by the neighboring school swim teams captain, Wu Yifan. Zitao had been hella popular so his pregnancy was well received (plus his family was practically Chinese royalty, thus loaded,) but none of this stopped people from talking about him or treating him differently.

Social status meant behind closed doors and it meant less than nothing when you didn’t have it to start with.

What was the title for a person with no status? Byun, Baekhyun. That’s what.

Said teen put up one hand to stop himself and his internal tangents again. “Christ, what am I doing?” Baekhyun breathed fiercely. He’d never been so pessimistic. “Ungh! Since when do I care about all of this… garbage?”

Since he’d hooked up with Chanyeol he concluded bitterly.

“Tch, that guy!” Baekhyun finished drying his hair. “All this time I thought he was such a good person... Who says he even deserves to know about this baby?”

Would Chanyeol even care about the baby? If Sehun was right, Chanyeol was in it to win it solely for himself. What kind of father would he be if he was so selfish? Baekhyun didn’t want that type of person around himself let alone his son or daughter.

“We'll be fine by ourselves!” Baekhyun snapped his fingers suddenly. "Like mom said, we can handle this!"

So he’d had made a mistake that would affect him forever. This was his life. All Baekhyun really needed to worry about was how the hell he was going to finish high school and not struggle through his pregnancy. Honestly.

Baekhyun made a smug expression at himself. “Yeah. Yeah! If ers have a problem with us, baby, they can kick all kinds of pebbles and rocks, right?” He grinned and said firmly to his stomach. “And stub their fat toes!”

That meant Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, his parents, their money, and everyone at school who he’d forget about after graduation. What they thought wouldn’t—didn’t—matter. They weren’t going to help him raise and care for his baby. He’d be the one to go through a long, painful, and bloody birth. It’d be him laying on his side in bed nursing the baby while doing homework at 2 A.M. He’d have to gag at stinky poop filled diapers and clean it up. Byun Baekhyun would have to love the baby endlessly and unconditionally all while working his off with minimal sleep and tons of coffee for this little piece of himself. 

And he would ing do it. He was never anyone's quiter.

Baekhyun had decided he was keeping his child so it was time to pull up his big boy briefs and take responsibility for his actions. That meant worrying about more important things.

The Cross-Country runner felt his mood lighten now that he’d amped himself up. His eyes were still a bit glassy and red and his face was puffy from all of the crying last night but otherwise he looked... stable. Baekhyun looked down at his stomach and started rubbing circles onto his lower belly with his fingertips. The idea that a precious little person was tucked safely inside of him was beyond weird and oddly, squeal inducingly cute. It brought a hesitant smile to Baekhyun’s lips for a moment. 

A very brief moment. Then Baekhyun frowned.

What if he’d never had that dramatic episode in the kitchen over some sriracha sauce? He probably wouldn’t have known he was pregnant until that first contraction ed up his day. The baby was still very teeny, Baekhyun knew, so maybe it had just been laying low until the right time, chilling way in the back of his insides hoping he wouldn't notice it. Sometimes a fetus just didn’t take a lot from the parent. From the  pregnancies Baekhyun had personally seen, the parent also never seemed to get all that big because males carried weight differently too.

“I could have gone months and never even realized,” Baekhyun said a bit startled. Well, actually he had. 

With his luck (did he even have luck anymore?) his water would have broken while he was mopping the floor at the grocery store and he'd have to clean up his own amniotic fluid while he waited for an ambulance. The mental image made the teen grin sardonically at his reflection. 

"Well if that happens, at least I'll get paid for it." He almost hissed. It took two seconds for Baekhyun to realize how bad that had sounded. He leaned heavily onto the sink.

"Woooow... That was... That was really ed up. God, I'm so sorry baby. I didn't mean that. You are not some messy inconvenience." Baekhyun apologized warily then he pursed his lips. What if—could the baby pick up on his emotions through his blood stream or veins or something? What if it got some idea it wasn't wanted and just... faded away? Wait! What if that ache in his side last night had been the baby’s pain? 

Okay, that was really horrific a thought.

“Oh my god—!” Baekhyun gasped, taking a step back from the sink and his own startled reflection. He felt around for the closed toilet so he could sit down and hug his towel to his stomach, clutching it like he had a severe cramp, but he wasn’t in any pain. He just suddenly felt very overwhelmed and terrified at the thought of his baby being hurt. He would forever hate himself if something happened to it because he'd said or did something stupid. And considering how his life was going, it was only inevitable that he screwed up.

Baekhyun tried to hold back his guilt tears but it was useless. They burst free with the force a hurricane so all he could do was groan miserably and let them loose. Just hell, Baekhyun thought he’d cried himself dry last night. He stuffed his face into his towel to hide his sobs.

These mood swings were so brutal. He had actually gotten used to being off balanced and high strung but now that he knew it was because he was pregnant, the break downs felt so much more intense.

“Think happy thoughts-think happy thoughts—“ Baekhyun chanted.

He knew that freaking out would only stress him out but it was difficult not to think about what could go wrong with his pregnancy. Baekhyun had actually heard many tragic stories about male pregnancies not making it to term simply because they were just fragile. 

The teen cried softly while he thought about how clumsy he was just in general. Running competitively hadn’t made him all that graceful, ironically, so he was always getting hurt in some weird way. Baekhyun also wasn't sleeping or eating properly and he'd snuck and drank a few glasses of his mom's wine (when she wasn't around) to mellow out. He was always eating cheap sushi (thanks to his employee discount), he drank Red Bull and pots on top of pots of coffee. He'd tripped and fallen going up the stairs just a day ago and he'd rammed his shoulder into the corner of a wall turning around too fast. He'd nearly slipped or completely slipped multiple times doing the most mundane (he had the purple and blue bruises to prove it) and he was picking up boxes that weighed over 75 pounds at work. 

Honestly, Baekhyun wondered how the hell this baby was still even alive. Obviously his kid was going to be a tough little badass but he couldn't wait for his ultrasound to find out if it was alright.

“Please, please be okay baby…” Baekhyun squeaked nervously. His whole body shook from the most powerful bout of guilt he’d ever felt in his life. It actually scared him how much power this tiny being had over him both physically and emotionally already. He could only hope this would get better as his pregnancy progressed.

“I-I’m so-so-so sorry, I-I-I swear I didn’t know you were in there,” Baekhyun grabbed handfuls of his stomach and kneaded it like it was precious and sweet cookie dough. He had the strangest mental image of all of his rough housing shaking the baby loose. Baekhyun was horrified to think that was even possible.

“I’d have never flopped onto my bed so hard, o-or run up the stairs so fast, or jumped that fence last week ‘cause a dog scared the outta me!“Hhe ranted. "I’m so ame. You shouldn’t have to, like-develop?-un-un-under these ty circum---stances!” 

He was about to work himself to a frenzy like last night and at the hospital and basically inflict more unnecessary pain on himself and the baby. Baekhyun took a few deep breaths in through his nose and released them through his mouth, willing his nerves to calm the down. He felt dizzy and hot. Any second now he was going to black out. Hours from now his mom was going to find him bare assed and blue and dead.

Wait—if he died so would the baby!

Baekhyun flailed and shot a desperate glance at his father’s inhaler still sitting on the sink. It had helped last night and he knew it was safe to take while he was pregnant, but the issue was that he didn’t freaking have asthma. 

“You’re hyperventilating, not having an asthma attack,” He told himself. “Calm your ! The baby doesn't need this right now!”

Baekhyun imagined puffing breathes into his child’s lungs, watching his or her little chest rising and falling and color coming back to their cheeks. Baekhyun could just see those pretty dark eyes and think lashes fluttering open and staring up at him in absolute trust and admiration, and just like that the grip on his lungs relaxed. His huffs and puffs tapered off to soft even breathes.

“J-jesus…” Baekhyun panted. "T-that's right! M-mind over matter damn it!" He fist bumped his chest and chuckled, even though he didn't find anything funny. Lord, he felt really weak.

Doing an internal body check revealed no sharp pains or cramps in his abdomen like last night and Baekhyun released a long sigh of relief as he wiped his eyes. He would have pat himself on the back for talking himself off the edge if he didn’t feel so lame.

“God look at me… Look at what he’s done to me…” Baekhyun said meekly. His entire body felt wet noodle-like so he was sure if he stood up he’d probably collapse. “T-this is all his fault…” He mumbled, pinching his belly fat. “Baby, this is all thanks to your of a dad!” 

Baekhyun clenched his eyes shut. . Chanyeol is this baby’s father.  Why had he reminded himself? Just thinking about that made him feel disoriented, angry, sad, betrayed, and all sorts of emo crap. 

“G-god, Chanyeol… Why did you have to act like you even cared?” Baekhyun wondered out loud. 

Why had Chanyeol listened to him complain about his problems? Why had he made him laugh when all he’d wanted to do was scream and cry? Why had Chanyeol smiled at him with his stupid handsome face or talked to him in his stupid y deep voice or hugged him with his stupid tall and lean body? All of these “why’s” and no explanations were really bugging the hell out Baekhyun. 

Also, Baekhyun glared at the white tile floor, why had Sehun even thought it was okay to tell him all of that life ruining ery last night? Actually if Baekhyun really thought about it, some of this was Sehun’s fault too. He'd set Baekhyun and Chanyeol up. Hell! Didn’t Sehun know how to freaking lie? What kind of friend told you the truth when they knew it would hurt you?

Baekhyun was content with living his life oblivious and happy.

It just all . Especially because Sehun was telling the truth too. He had absolutely nothing to gain from lying about Chanyeol’s past. Baekhyun had no room for reasonable doubt.

“… Just… …” Baekhyun hissed. As he sat there in nothing but a towel with his skin dry and chilly, he bitterly and reluctantly felt rationality kicking in. It was like he was going trough the process of grieving and accepting a deep loss in the shortest span of time known to man. Now he was questioning why he was even mad.

Chanyeol had been sweet to him and every bit the most caring, gentle, and attentive lover. He even bought Baekhyun small gifts for no reason. When Chanyeol and Baekhyun hung out, the LaCrosse captain didn’t allow any interruptions or distractions. It was true they didn’t go on real dates but Chanyeol had tried to make things romantic and he had been such a good listener and he gave helpful advice. When Chanyeol touched Baekhyun, kissed him, and basically ed him really damn good, it had been like Baekhyun was the most precious person in the world.

And all Baekhyun had to give Chanyeol was physical pleasure and companionship. If his tumultuous relationship with Kyungsoo, and seemingly unstable financial situation was any indication, Chanyeol had been seeking some kind of escape from his life just as much as Baekhyun had, yet he never demanded anything from the other boy in return. 

It was rage and frustration inducing, but really, Chanyeol had been the perfect and loving boyfriend. He'd even been kind enough to break things off... Who does that if their intention is to be malicious?

In hindsight, Baekhyun realized, he and Chanyeol had basically used each other. It was really inconsiderate to be mad at someone who never asked anything of you, but gave you (mostly) their all.

Baekhyun also had to accept that he didn’t really know Chanyeol at all. He had an idea of the kind of person he was by the fault of his own delusions. Chanyeol probably was a genuinely nice guy and like anyone, he had a dark side. Baekhyun had no right to feel so personally attacked.

Chanyeol had never said they were boyfriends. 

“Ungh!” Raising a shaky hand, Baekhyun ran his fingers through his mop of tangled hair. “Right… So all of that said and done… How the in the ing hell am I supposed to tell Chanyeol about this baby?” He mumbled. 

That was a rhetorical question. 

Baekhyun stood up to walk back to the sink so he could look in the mirror again. His face was red and blotchy and his eyes were swollen up. He grimaced. Guh, he looked like fresh hell. No one should suffer seeing him like this so Baekhyun the sink and splashed some cold water on his face to calm his skin. The cooling sensation helped him find his center. 

He really needed to stay in that place as long as possible considering the delicate condition of his body. 

"I swear I'm not this wimpy all the time, baby," Baekhyun said in a shaky voice. He pressed his palms to the spot where he thought the baby might be curled up inside of him. It was oddly comforting knowing that he wasn’t alone. "I'm just a little sad... But I'm good now, for real this time. I'm glad you're here."

Baekhyun really was glad. Scared too still. But he already loved this baby. Was it supposed to happen so fast?

"You don't have to hide anymore. At least not from me and your… grandma…” He whispered. "Okay?"

As if to both acknowledge and remind him of why he was awake before 9 A.M. in the first place, his stomach growled and rumbled like a tiny thunderstorm. The sound actually made Baekhyun jump and he looked down with a pout.

"Okaaaay, I get it,” He cooed. “It’s been forever and you’re hungry right?" Baekhyun got dressed in a light gray t-shirt and dark grey pajama bottoms then he headed for the door. It wasn’t lost on him that he’d stood in the bathroom, yet again, obsessively and critically judging himself in the mirror for hours.

Baekhyun promised himself after today that he would stop, or at the very least try, not to be so hard on himself anymore.

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Comments/critiques/concerns! Thanks!