Chapter II.

---

"...I can't."

"Why are you hiding?"

"...I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what, unnie?"

"...I'm afraid I'll lose you too."

---

"What's with the lie, Jessica?"

English.

They'd usually break out into their native tongue whenever there was a debate to go on about. Or if they were incredibly happy, or incredibly sad.

Or just frustrated.

"Why would I lie about dropping a plate, Krystal?"

"You tell me."

Jessica sighed then, clucking her tongue as she took a brand new plate from the cabinet. Krystal only watched as Jessica continued to pretend as if there was absolutely nothing to worry about; that there was nothing to hide.

But she was hiding.

Krystal really wanted to know what.

And why?

"I'm not lying Krys. Why would I?"

"You're not careless." Krystal replied with smooth ease as she took out a chopping board; gripping the tomato in her right palm as words continued to slip from her lips. "You're concise with your actions and careful with words."

Krystal heard Jessica pause from her motion towards the table; hearing a light clank tap against the wooden surface.

Krystal knew her sister well, and she knew Jessica knew that too.

"So why are you doing the exact opposite?"

"Just let it go, Krystal."

But Krystal weakly smiled as she began to dice the tomato in her hand; careful not to make any detour towards her slim fingers instead.

"You know me better than anyone else, Jessica." And Krystal heard Jessica laugh just as weakly behind her as clinks of glass resound the room. "You know I won't."

A giggle escaped her older sister's lips as she placed the pieces of tomato into the frying pan.

"Yeah, I just kind of hoped you would; just this once..."

Krystal only shook her head in amusement as the sound of crackling bubbles enveloped her ears. She skillfully took care of their dinner with overwhelming precision as Jessica hummed at the dinner table; patiently waiting for supper to be ready.

"So...?"

Krystal smirked when she heard Jessica groan.

As if she was going to let her sister off that easily.

"Why so persistent?"

"Why not?" Krystal replied simply, placing their dinner onto a clear plate. "What's there to hide?"

Another defeated groan. But Krystal smiled in triumph when Jessica began to spill the beans; albeit, reluctantly.

"Fine. I know her, okay? Tiffany was a classmate of mine last year until she needed to go the states; I never asked why, though."

"Why not?"

Krystal merely returned Jessica's icy gaze with her own over her shoulder.

"Why do you need to know?"

A slight twitch of Krystal's eye brow.

"Why can't I know?"

"Why so curious?"

"Why not?"

Jessica sighed heavily again; shaking her head as Krystal seated herself across from her—dinner in hand. Their parents were out again; apparently there was another emergency business meeting to attend. Krystal didn't mind though; not when she had her sister with her.

Jessica was better company after all.

"I hate those questions." Krystal could only smirk as she dumped food for both her and her sister. "We were friends. We just drifted apart so I never asked; happy?"

Krystal was about to form the next questions on the tip of her lips before Jessica raised a hand to stop her.

"Don't you dare ask why."

"Why no-"

"And don't use that lame 'why not' either."

Krystal could only laugh; amused at her sister's expression as she picked at a broccoli on her plate. Jessica's passive face and knitted brows made it difficult for Krystal to hold in laughter.

"Well," Krystal began, chewing slowly as she scrutinized her sister through her long, dark side bangs. "you're not telling me everything Jess."

Krystal merely raised a curious brow as Jessica responded with a weak, wry smile. It took several moments before she allowed the words to escape ; causing silence to fill the empty air.

"Do I need to?"

"Is there something to hide?"

"Isn't there always?"

Krystal shook her head in distaste; taking another spoonful of food to her pouting lips. She chewed thoughtfully as she watched Jessica scrutinize her behind brown strands. Jessica was slouching in her seat; her head down as she played with her cup. Only silence filled the cold air as Jessica waited for her response.

Krystal was discreet as she took note of every little thing her sister was unconsciously doing.

Jessica was biting her bottom lip. Her left hand was unconsciously rubbing its thumb against the steel fork. The table was vibrating slightly from the constant tapping of Jessica's foot; Jessica's right hand incessantly circling over and over again on the rims of her cup, and her index finger lightly continued to trace over its edges.

Again and again and again.

Jessica only ever became like that when she was nervous.

Why? Krystal wondered; curiosity eating her away.

"You don't hide things from me, unnie." Krystal stated lightly, taking note of the sudden pause of her sister's nervous symptoms. "Not with me."

Jessica had looked up then, and Krystal returned the pained look her sister was giving her. There was something... unnerving in those sad, brown eyes. Krystal couldn't quite decipher what it was that swirled in those depths of auburn as Jessica turned her gaze away. She hid her face behind long strands of brown as she whispered quietly, the impact of her words surprising Krystal.

"...I'm sorry," Krystal's ears had perked up significantly, keen on gathering every single syllable from her sister's suddenly rigid lips. "But let me hide, just this once, okay?"

And Krystal couldn't say no.

How could she when her sister looked so afraid that she couldn't even face her?

Unnie...?

"Just don't forget," Krystal began, watching with tinges of concern as her sister hid behind curtains of smooth brown. "I'm here."

...I'm willing to listen.

And Jessica nodded; a ghost of a smile tainting her lips.

"That's good," Krystal heard her sigh; relieved. "I don't want to lose you too."

And Krystal didn't get the chance to reply as she watched her sister leave the dinner table; her plate forgotten.

---

"Something bothering you?"

She was outside waiting for her bus again, the rain having already left a while ago. Krystal heard Tiffany shift beside her; gravel rustling beneath her movement.

"You could say that."

Unnie...

What happened yesterday still continued to ebb at her insides. It was worrisome to see Jessica—whom was usually calm and collected—look as nervous and frightened as she did the day before. Krystal knew she was insanely persistent, but it wasn't natural to have her sister hide so—desperately. It just didn't happen.

They trusted each other with secrets. They told each other everything.

What could possibly make her sister like that?

It started with Tiffany.

"How were you?" Krystal started; faced the woman beside her with furrowed brows. "A year ago, I mean. Like—" she combed her hair with slim fingers as she thought of words to continue. "—where's your friends?"

There. Get straight to the point, Krystal.

"Friends?" Krystal was honestly surprised to hear a bitter laugh erupt from Tiffany's throat; her tone croaky. "I lost them."

"Lost...?"

Another weak laugh. "Yeah, lost. Gone," Tiffany trailed, placing her hands in her sweater's pockets. "But I suppose it was a sign that they were never really friends to begin with."

"Never real?" Krystal felt silly for repeating her words, but she really didn't know what else to say.

"They couldn't come in terms with the real me." She watched Tiffany shrug lightly despite the smoky fog surrounding them from moist weather. "Or at least, they didn't approve. Or accept me."

Krystal wanted to know what she was referring to, but she thought it'd be best to change topics.

It was getting a bit personal.

"So..." Krystal began, unsure of how to start new conversations considering her lack of communication with other peers. "...got a first love?"

You're so stupid, Krys.

As if that wasn't personal.

She cursed herself inwardly for being so insensitive.

"First love?" Krystal saw amusement dancing across her eyes. "It only lasted for two months." Tiffany finished, her quiet chuckles enveloping her ear drums.

"Two?"

"Yeah, I'm surprised we even lasted that long; since we were a secret." Tiffany said, scratching the back of her neck. Krystal's ears couldn't help but perk up at the mention of 'secret'.

"Why a 'secret'?"

"Because," Tiffany ruffled her hair then, seemingly unsure of what to say. "she didn't want anyone else to find out."

And that single word slipped from her lips before Krystal could keep it in.

"She?"

"Are you surprised?" The raising motion of Tiffany's right brow made Krystal turn away; cheeks flared like unwavering flame as she coughed into her hand. Yet it was the small smirk on the corner of Tiffany's lips that remained engraved in her mind.

"W-well, no...just—" And Krystal had to clear her dry throat before she could continue any further. "—I wouldn't have ever thought..."

"That I'm a lesbian?"

"...Yeah."

Only silence greeted Krystal then as they stood motionless at the bus stop. Krystal was actually surprised the bus had yet to arrive; the waiting time felt unusually long.

"That was the reason my friends left me, y'know." And Krystal took note of the bitterness that laced her tone. "And the reason she wanted to keep our relationship a secret."

"Oh." That response was quite lame of her, she knew. But what else could she say?

"Am I allowed to see you again?" —Will knowing this not change anything?

Krystal understood the underlying message behind that sentence, caught the implication that Tiffany had sent, and allowed her answer to escape without even needing to think twice of it.

"Yes."

She heard her bus pause in front of them; the doors squeaking open—waiting.

When she turned and saw Tiffany's eyes shift into those mesmerizing crescents; Krystal knew she didn't regret anything.

"Thanks."

And Krystal allowed Tiffany to usher her into the bus; waving her away with a gentle smile.

Krystal could feel her heart begin to unwind.

---

"We'll be going to a dinner party tomorrow, so dress up, all right?"

Krystal merely remained unresponsive as she continued to eat from her plate. Why care when she wasn't the one they were really referring to?

"Okay mom."

And she hated that.

Really hated that.

She hated how Jessica can easily oblige.

"Soojung, you're required to attend as well." Krystal heard her mother continue, the clinks of forks and spoons against plates resounding deafeningly in her ears.

She could feel her mother's sharp eyes on her forehead, but feigned ignorance. Krystal remained silent. She was afraid—afraid that she'd say something she'd regret. Nothing but poison spilled from her lips whenever she spoke to her parents. But she couldn't really help it.

They were never there.

"So," she heard Jessica announce in an attempt to relinquish the tense air surrounding their dinner table, "how was work, mom?"

And Krystal couldn't help but notice the change in tone from her mother's voice as she directed her line of attention to her eldest daughter.

The twang in Krystal's heart was painful enough not to ignore.

"Our latest project is going well, Sooyeon." And Krystal watched her mother take a sip of her herbal green tea; catching those sharp eyes once again trained on her. Krystal returned the cold gaze with her own. "Have you spoken to the boy at all yet?"

Krystal heard Jessica choke and muffle a cough with a raised hand.

"N-no, I've been too busy." From the corner of her eyes, Krystal caught sight of Jessica's nervous symptoms appear once again. "From the extra lessons and all."

"Sooyeon, dear; Taecyeon's a good boy. Why aren't you with him yet?"

Krystal could only roll her eyes in distaste knowing Jessica struggled with telling the truth to their parents. She didn't like how she never stood up for herself, letting them probe and take control of her life with no objections.

That's why Krystal stood in her stead; for her sister's sake.

It was the least she could do for all the great things Jessica did for her.

"She isn't interested, mother." Krystal spoke up, emphasizing her title with disdain. "Don't force her into doing things that she doesn't want."

Krystal ignored her mother's blatant stare.

"Is there something you want, Soojung? Because all you needed to do was just ask."

"Stop assuming as if I want something out of you."

"Then explain your pitiful behavior, Soojung." Krystal felt her blood begin to boil as she watched her mother raise her chin ever-so slightly. "Why can't you be more like your sister?"

She was daring her.

"Krys," she felt Jessica's hand intertwine with her's beneath the table as her older sister tried to get a glimpse of her face beside her. She felt Jessica squeeze her hand out of reassurance—telling her;

'Don't. Don't listen to them.'

"Sooyeon is honest, kind, tolerable, precise, obedient and most importantly—respectful. You can't even compare, Soojung."

But she found it difficult not to.

I can't help it.

Her mother's words pierced through her chest like a newly sharpened dagger.

...I can't help but listen.

"Of course not," Krystal allowed the words to croak out of as Jessica continued to try and soothe her with invisible circles on the back of her hand. She could feel Jessica's worried gaze trained on her left cheek. "It's unnie. You shouldn't expect any less."

"K-Krys...?" She heard Jessica call out as she pulled away from her sister's grip.

But Krystal couldn't tolerate the degrading stare from her mother's scrutiny.

So she got up and left; ignoring Jessica's attempt to pull her back with an outstretched hand. Krystal felt the tips of her sister's soft fingers graze her hand before she pulled it away; out of Jessica's reach. She couldn't stand the feeling of suffocation whenever her mother was there. Her mother's words were always nothing but deadly poison.

And Krystal can't count how much she already has in her system.

"Don't forget the dinner party tomorrow, Soojung. I expect you to be there." Krystal felt an immeasurable amount of pain surging up her heart at the confirmation of her mother finding a dinner party more important than her own daughter.

How much poison could I take before I fall apart?

"Mom! How—why would you...?" Jessica's voice became distant as Krystal started up the stairs to her bedroom. It wasn't hard to figure out that Jessica was at a loss for words.

If I fell...

Would her mother care, then?

---

"I never liked the rain."

Krystal could barely hear Tiffany's words as water poured relentlessly over them. The weather was rather terrible that afternoon; the air covered in thick mist of heavy fog. Krystal felt the corners of her lips begin to curve into a small smile at her own similar thoughts regarding rain.

"It makes me soaking wet," she heard Tiffany continue, her voice slightly raising to be just above the sounds of water slapping against large puddles. "and I hate wearing hoodies. It just gets drenched in the end; making my hair just as vulnerable. So what's the point of putting it on in the first place? Just to delay the inevitable?"

Krystal found it incredibly endearing to realize that Tiffany felt the exact same way about the little things.

The poison from yesterday wasn't as painful anymore.

Because there was Tiffany.

"Something the matter, Krystal?" She heard Tiffany question beside her, curiosity evident in her voice. "Should I leave you alone for today?"

And Krystal couldn't face the woman when she reached out as soon as her words came out.

It was merely instinct—to not let go.

Krystal couldn't bring herself to show her face to Tiffany, so she buried herself in the crook of the woman's neck; wrapping her arms around her waist to keep her still. Krystal hated the heat rising to her cheeks as her nose nuzzled Tiffany's smooth skin.

"Don't..." She whispered, her breath tickling Tiffany's neck as she struggled to think of what to say. "...Don't leave me."

I'm tired of being alone.

"Krystal...?" She heard Tiffany call out to her; felt one of her arms wrap around her back as she secured her pink umbrella over them.

It was no doubt embarrassing, but Krystal honestly didn't care. Her mother's words struck her to the core and this was healing her.

Tiffany was healing her.

"I won't, okay?" Tiffany said, rubbing her back up and down as rain continued to pour over their heads; the pitter and patter slapping against her umbrella.

Krystal could only nod; her nose grazing against Tiffany's warm neck.

"So...Why don't you bring an umbrella?" 

Tiffany must have felt her smile against her skin that produced her rich, husky and gentle laughter. Krystal liked how Tiffany tried to lighten up the rather depressing atmosphere.

"I'm afraid to." 

Krystal felt Tiffany shift to get a look at her face against her collar bone. Krystal wanted to avoid Tiffany's steady gaze so she shyly lowered her head; to let her long side bangs hide her expression.

She didn't want to let Tiffany see her cheeks aflame.

"Afraid?"

"Yeah..." Krystal whispered almost inaudibly, hoping that the rain would mask her next words—and yet wouldn't. "...Afraid that there'd be no reason for you to talk to me anymore."

"Because I had an umbrella and you didn't."

---

"Mom! Why would you say those things to Krystal?"

Jessica had remembered the argument at the dinner table the night before. She was honestly unsure of how to react at such—such cruelty that her mother displayed that evening about Krystal. Jessica knew her mother was biased, but to say things like that...

"It's the truth, Sooyeon. But at least I have you; knowing you wouldn't ever disappoint me—disappoint us."

Jessica wanted to protest as her mother reached over the table for her hand.

But her father was watching; his eyes like an eagle's as he sat silently beside her mother.

She had no choice but to meekly oblige.

"I'm glad we still have you. Make us proud."

Jessica couldn't swallow then, as she bid her parents goodnight.

She was afraid.

I can't help it.

"Unnie?" Jessica shook her head to clear the hazy mist of jumbled thoughts as Krystal squeezed her shoulder. "You'll be late for lessons if you don't hurry."

I still love them.

Jessica gave her little sister a thankful smile as Krystal opened the door for her. Jessica took one of her sister's hands and rubbed her thumb gently over its back as she took a deep breath; air seeping through the open entrance.

"Will you be okay? On your own for a little bit?" —Since mom and dad will be here soon.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry."

That smile was still on her little sister's lips.

And Jessica believed her as Krystal ushered her out the door.

Ever since Krystal came home that afternoon from school, her smile was literally plastered all across her face. Jessica had actually been slightly worried if it was going to be permanent.

Not that it was a bad thing.

But was it because of — because of her?

She figured that this — this Tiffany, was someone else. Not the Tiffany she knew a year ago — and loved. That Tiffany whom had to suffer being with her; had to suffer pretending and live in false fantasies of what could be. Jessica was selfish; she wanted Tiffany all to herself, yet she didn't dare let them ruin her reputation. What would she say if word spread and it reached her parents? How would she be able to face them?

I'm not—I'm not like her.

She wasn't a lesbian.

I'm not like her.

Jessica began to rub her temples as she sighed dejectedly in her car. Her heart yearned to please her parents, to make them happy and make them proud. And yet...

...I want to see her.

"We're together?" Jessica remembered saying a year ago; an arrogant smirk had laced her lips. "Don't make me laugh, Tiff. I'm not lesbian." She had jabbed her index finger harshly against Tiffany's shoulder as the crowd of peers surrounding them began to laugh. "I'm not like you... Dyke."

And to this day, Jessica still couldn't forget the pain that danced across Tiffany's dark eyes as she stood there, waiting for a response from her now ex-girlfriend. Tiffany had only continued to remain still, letting everyone else just laugh and point fingers; and it had hurt her.

Tiffany was waiting to see if she would change her mind—change her behaviour and finally let the world know.

But Jessica didn't.

She had let them torment her.

Say something, Tiff. Anything!

Her thoughts were desperate then, wishing, begging, pleading—hoping that Tiffany would defend herself. That Tiffany would do anything to just shut them up.

Make them, Tiff.

Just. Shut. Them. Up.

But Tiffany didn't.

She turned her back on Jessica.

And Jessica had to choke back tears as she watched her heart walk away.