Chapter VIII

/

"Are you heading back now?"

Jessica didn't think she'd like looking at Tiffany with a bowtie as much as she did right now. Her fingers deftly lined across the edges of the accessory, noting with delight the red color gradually seeping from Tiffany's neck to her face. How cute.

"Y-yeah, break's over, y'know?" Tiffany said, the stuttering adding to her blush; making her skin flare a brighter pink. Jessica giggled at the effect she had on her - she was just playing with her bowtie, after all. Nothing big.

She's in love with me, the heiress thought, with a sense of relief yet tinge of sadness. She's still in love with me.

"Hey, um, Tiff?" Jessica began, her hands still fiddling with the bowtie, because she knew she wouldn't be able to hold the urge of pulling her in to kiss her unless she was busy distracting herself with something else. "Would you," she paused momentarily because her eyes had traveled up from the accessory to Tiffany's lips and - damn it, why is it so much more distracting - before quickly returning them to her fingers, "...would you like to go somewhere with me tomorrow? I-I'm free!" She hastily added but regretted saying so due to sounding as desperate as she felt.

Despite her embarrassing blunder, Tiffany laughed that cute happy laugh. The one where her eyes become bright - promising a world where Jessica could only imagine, before they close to half-moons, sparing Jessica the view of what love would look like if she just took a stand.

...I really don't deserve you,

"Yeah," Tiffany replied after she relaxed again, smiling that lopsided smile that was only reserved for Jessica alone as she brushed away the strands of brown hair from the heiress' face so she could see Jessica's blush and eyes hurrying to look anywhere else but at her. "...Yeah, I'd like that."

Jessica's face burned from Tiffany's hand still near her face; her thumb pausing beneath Jessica's lips. Making a quick glance through her peripheral, Jessica didn't wait for Tiffany to close the gap before pulling her by her bowtie and collar. No one was looking, anyway.

"...Pick me up at eight." Jessica whispered against her lips, breathless, their mouths grazing hotly from each syllable. She could feel Tiffany shiver as the heiress caressed the skin near her collar, and Jessica loved it.

...But I'm still in love with you too. Jessica thought, conviction lining the voice in her head.

Tiffany merely replied with a gentle bite to her bottom lip.

/

"So did you enjoy the party, Sooyeon?" Their mother asked, staring out the passenger window as their father drove quietly against the patter of rain.

The rain didn't come as a surprise to Krystal anymore - "It's a rainy season, so don't forget an umbrella, okay?" she remembered Tiffany tell her clearly; the first time they met.

Merely thinking of her brought Krystal both extremes on opposite ends of a spectrum she no longer wanted to experience; the saddest and happiest she had ever felt.

Why do I even feel this way? She thought bitterly. Why do I care so much?

Krystal sat silently at the backseat of their family car - Mercedes Benz - and glanced at her sister from the corner of her eye, their mother's question still lingering in the air, noting the gleeful glint that lined Jessica's lips despite the smallest curve of a smile painted on her face. It was the happiest Krystal had ever seen her sister look; other than their silly sibling moments of course - something that hadn't happened recently, now that she thought about it.

The younger sibling nudged Jessica lightly with her elbow, nodding her head towards their mother at Jessica's startled look.

"O-oh, sorry mom. Can you repeat that again for me?"

Their mother's laugh was soft against the quiet hum of the car, radio music absent - like always, because their father liked country and their mother liked the somber jazz. Krystal didn't mind the lack of background music because she normally had her iPod with her and Jessica enjoyed the silence - because it was never as suffocating for the eldest sibling as it was for Krystal.

"I take it you did, Sooyeon." Krystal returned her eyes on the outside world, the lamp posts and houses whirring past her like a blur. "What about you, Soojung?" And just like that, everything was put on pause, her senses heightened at the surprise attention.

Should she respond? How decent of a response should she give? Why was her mother even asking for her opinion in the first place? And why was she even thinking this hard about it?

Krystal fumbled with the hem of her jacket, fingers nervously plucking at the ends, loose strings providing a decent distraction from her mess called thoughts. She'll go with something tame.

"...It was okay,"

Not even realizing that she was holding her breath, Krystal let it out when her mother merely responded in kind. Or as kind as she could get.

"That's good."

The silence that fell between the four of them was the most awkward Krystal had ever felt. Geez, now was a good a time as any to have her iPod.

Clearing as if she could feel the heavy awkward air surrounding them - Krystal wouldn't be surprised if that were the case considering her mother was the sharpest out there; verbally, intellectually, and what not - their mother proceeded to ask her husband the same thing.

"...You're not making this any less awkward, Jess." Their father responded, a ghost of a smirk tinging his lips and Krystal was shocked at the surprises she was getting this evening. Their mother scoffed, before turning the radio on and turning to her preferred station. 99.1 FM.

"Whatever Kris."

Before Krystal could even react at the frighteningly similar nicknames their parents had for each other as the siblings, Jessica nudged her back, taking her attention away only to laugh at Jessica's poor attempt at hiding her own.

At the back of her head, as she giggled with her sister because everything and nothing really made sense anymore - like, what's up with the parents and the playing of music in their normally silent car? - Krystal took note of the fact that neither her mother nor her father scolded them to keep quiet.

If this was as close to a family bonding time she could get, with no guarantees for another happening in the future, then Krystal hoped this would last forever. But it wouldn't and she knew that, so Krystal made sure to laugh just a little harder to mask the tears that fell from her eyes as joy instead.

For once, Krystal didn't feel like the air was suffocating her.

/

"Hey, Krys?"

"Yeah?"

Krystal raised a curious brow before inserting her toothbrush to clear away the debris of food still stuck in . They were preparing for bed now, the parents having their own washroom down at the main floor. They already said their good nights - a grunt from her father and a stiff nod from her mother, before the two sisters went up to clean up as well.

The precious drive back home from the party didn't last long. It ended as soon as their father shut off the ignition. Krystal didn't mind as much because she already cried her dues from her laughter bout with her sister in the backseat.

"Mom didn't mean what she said," Krystal paused her brushing, her back still facing Jessica as she stood by the sink. The mirror played as the bridge for their eyes as Jessica put on her pajamas behind her. "When you ran away - she told me to tell you that she didn't mean what she said."

Krystal let the words sink in before continuing her brushing again, breaking their eye contact through the mirror so Krystal could look at anything else but at her sister.

Jessica continued on, settling to stand beside her as she pulled her own toothbrush from the stand, squeezing Colgate paste across the brush.

"I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that sooner,"

...Because Tiffany was all we both thought - and think, about. Krystal knew bitterly that as much as she wanted to deny the truth, Jessica found her reason to forget. And so did Krystal. They both forgot reality because Tiffany was better than that.

But Tiffany was now Jessica's reality, wasn't she?

Krystal didn't have to see them kiss to know. But she did anyway because it wouldn't be real to her unless she saw it with her own eyes, engraving the image into the back of her mind to remind herself over and over again that Tiffany wasn't hers.

When she had seen them outside, lips conveying what words couldn't, Krystal ran - sped walked but in her head, she was running the hardest she could - outside at the opposite end to catch the air that no longer was present in her lungs. Her chest burned and so did her eyes, and Krystal wanted to scream out because she hated feeling this way. Whatever this was, it made her feel the saddest she ever felt and the tears just wouldn't stop running and neither did her heart because the pounding just kept going - louder and louder and sounding more broken than the last - and Krystal just wanted to know why.

Why did she care so much? Why does she feel like she's broken and no one can fix it but Tiffany? Why was it Tiffany?

Krystal hated Tiffany then. That evening, with her cheeks both red and lined with streams of tears that didn't know how to stop, Krystal learned that she hated Tiffany. She hated Tiffany for making her feel this way. Making her head spin with thoughts of wanting her. To hold her. To understand her.

To kiss her.

...She wanted to kiss her.

And Krystal broke into sobs, sliding down against the cement wall of the building as she cradled herself, her cries muffled against her legs and arms because she didn't want anyone else to hear her break. What she thought was a beautiful thing - Love, maybe she'd experience her own one day? - a naive thought she had before she knew Tiffany, Krystal realized that love just .

It toyed with her. Played with her. Strung her around like a useless doll and made her experience the beauty of it -

"I never told you yesterday, but it's amazing, your cooking. And you,"

"You're a part of my life now, right? Will you stay that way?"

- and making Krystal promise things that she didn't think she was capable of doing in the first place;

"I'll be the one you won't ever have to put down,"

...She was an idiot.

So this was what it felt like to be in love. It certainly didn't pull any punches, Krystal thought wryly, laughing weakly despite the tears still down her face. She really was an idiot.

"It's okay," Krystal said, managing to reply after rinsing out and placing her toothbrush back in its place. God, she must've cleaned rather thoroughly after all the things she was just thinking about. "And that's nice of her."

It really was nice of her mother to take what she said back. But they've already been said. Krystal knew then that it was about whether she would forgive her or not.

Jessica raised a brow at her before rinsing out , ushering her to continue.

"I forgive her."

It was just as quickly and easily as Krystal had forgiven Tiffany for making her fall in love with her. She didn't think she was this forgiving. But one was her mother and the other was -

"Would you forgive me if I told you that I lied to you?"

- was Tiffany.

"What?" Krystal replied after her mind processed the question that Jessica had just suddenly thrown at her, derailing her train of thought. She turned around just as Jessica walked out of the washroom towards her room. "Lied?"

She followed her sister in as Jessica settled onto her bed, her fingers linked together atop her lap. Krystal could see the nervousness practically bleeding out from the nervous twitch of her left foot to Jessica's wandering eyes.

"I lied to you,"

"About what?"

Jessica was biting her lip and Krystal knew then exactly what she lied about. Suddenly she didn't want to hear it anymore, because Krystal already knew.

"I wasn't just friends with Tiffany,"

Krystal couldn't stop it now. The truth was coming out and frankly, it was about time. But things were different now too and Jessica was no longer the only one in love with Tiffany.

"I was her girlfriend."

Krystal scoffed, the sound snapping Jessica's attention up from where she sat, her eyes reflecting fear in them and Krystal wondered why her sister was so afraid.

"Are you mad at me?"

Was she?

Krystal looked at those pools of brown a little longer, trying to read more than what was already there. Jessica cared about her opinion. Whatever Krystal was about to say, it would affect Jessica. There was this unspoken rule that no one was more important than each other; but was Tiffany the exception? Krystal didn't know. And truthfully, she was afraid to know.

"...Why did you lie to me?" She needed to know. Was she not worth the truth?

"I was afraid," Jessica began, her eyes landing back down to her fingers nervously fiddling with the ends of her shorts. Krystal stood with crossed arms, not because she wanted to lecture or scold Jessica for lying, but because she didn't have anything else to protect her heart. "Afraid that you'd shun me. For..."

"...For being in love with a girl." Krystal finished for her, not wanting to hear it come from her sister's lips because she feared Jessica would instead say 'For being in love with Tiffany'. Krystal didn't want to hear it.

Jessica was holding her breath, from the way she was sitting up just a little straighter, with stiffly closed.

Krystal knew from that point on that she could crush her. Break her and tear her away into pieces unrecognizable to even her own sister, and have her be as broken as she was that same evening. She could lie to her, tell Jessica that she was right; that she would shun her and that she was disgusted of what she was - who she was. Then she could test Jessica to see who was more important to her - who held the more weight, the more importance; her sister or Tiffany.

"...You're right," Krystal said and Jessica's head sprung up so fast that Krystal thought she had whiplash. Her eyes were almost out of their sockets from the shock plastered on her older sister's face. Krystal couldn't blame her. She spoke again once the choking silence that followed after was more than enough for the both of them. "You're absolutely right, unnie."

Jessica looked like she was about to cry, from the way there was a pool of water b just at the edges beneath her eyes, to the way she bit her lip to stop it from shaking. Krystal almost laughed at how affected her sister was.

"I am mad," she said as she attempted to keep a smile from her lips, "So mad, that I can't believe you would think I wouldn't accept you for who you are."

Jessica looked stunned. Krystal couldn't blame her.

"K-Krys?"

Krystal could come up with a billion ways on how to hurt her sister; break her apart inside out until she was no longer her sister. But she wouldn't ever do that because if she turned the question around - asked herself the same question: "Tiffany, or Jessica? Who's more important, Krystal?" she realized just how unfair it was.

She approached her older sister with the intent to showcase her point - that she loves her, and could feel herself tear up at the relief reflected in Jessica's watery eyes. As soon as she knelt down in front of her sister, Krystal reached up to wipe the tears on Jessica's face that finally escaped, biting her own lip as Jessica covered to suppress the choked sobs that now wrack her body. Krystal could feel the tremors beneath her fingers as she brushed strands of brown hair from Jessica's squeezed eyes, the older girl no longer able to maintain a sense of calm.

"Geez unnie," Krystal sighed wryly as Jessica continued to cry in tears of joy; muffled and choked apologies barely slipping through her hand as she reached out to wrap her free arm around her little sister. Krystal laughed as she cradled her sister. "You always were such a crybaby..."

Jessica's sobs only got louder, and Krystal kind of blamed herself for making her cry. She certainly could have skipped the tense pauses and made it less dramatic than she did.

"Y-You could've been -hic- less dramatic with -hic- your pauses!"

Yeah. She could've been.

"...Sorry unnie," Krystal giggled as she held her sister closer.

Jessica merely responded with a weak slam of her fist to Krystal's collarbone, pounding it half-heartedly over and over again as she continued to scold her for the unnecessary dramatics.

"A-And taking -hic- your time!" Thump. "Your s-sweet and -hic- precious time!" Thump. "You're so -hic- m-mean!" Thump.

Krystal could imagine the redness on her skin going redder from each pound of her fist. Oh well. She knew she deserved it. Especially for her thoughts - dark and almost uncharacteristic of her; as if animalistic. It was terrifying.

"...Unnie?" Krystal choked back a sob, suddenly aware of the tears spilling across her own cheeks. "I love you, unnie." She muttered into her sister's hair, "I love you a lot, did you know that?" she said, recalling the same words they shared before.

Krystal only cried harder as Jessica responded in that same reassuring tone.

"I-I love you too, Krys. Did -hic- did you know that?"

If Jessica knew what had played through her mind, would she still say she loved her? Krystal wouldn't blame her if she didn't. She'd probably be terrified of herself too.

"Yeah," Krystal muttered beneath her breath, her words trailing off as whispers, "...yeah, I do."

/

Two months have passed since then.

Krystal would come home from work each day only to have Tiffany open the door for her every time. It would've been a pleasant surprise - and the best "Welcome home," she could get - if it weren't for the fact that Tiffany was there for a completely different reason (for Jessica - always Jessica) and the thought always left a bitter taste across her tongue; keeping shut and only ever giving a nod in return.

She would head straight to her room and shut the door behind her, not wanting to hear the happiness spill from their throats at each other's presence.

Their parents weren't home for the past two weeks, something about a business venture (Krystal didn't care about the specifics), and weren't coming back until three weeks later. Tiffany stayed longer as a result (not sleeping over as often as she thought though, which was a good and bad thing; she still craved to see her) and so did the painful twisting in her heart.

Her mother and father had no clue about their relationship status, though Krystal knew it would only be a matter of time before someone caught them. She had flickering thoughts that tend to come and go; to out the two and reveal it all, but whenever it did, so did the image of her happy sister, quickly crushing all of it back down into the further depths of her mind.

The younger girl knew she was being difficult. Unfair. Petulant. She tried to reason herself many times, many many times, that they were together; they were happy and they were in love. In love.

In. Love.

Krystal wasn't blind - wasn't an idiot who bothered to ignore what was right in front of her. How could she miss the signs that they were into each other if she shared the same eyes whenever Jessica looked at her?

Oh god. Could Tiffany tell? But she never acted any differently from her. If their was a difference in their dynamics, it was because she was avoiding her like the plague; like a dark hole that Krystal was afraid of falling into because she knew she wouldn't be able to get out if she did.

Her heart clenched as she heard her sister bidding goodbye to her lover. Her lover. Tiffany's her lover.

"See you tonight?"

Krystal could imagine Jessica reaching out to give a quick kiss before replying with a smile so small it couldn't hide the happiness painted across it if Krystal closed her eyes.

"Yeah, see you Tiff."

And Krystal began to pace in her room, because she knew what was next; the sounds of footsteps echoing up the stairs. She was going to help out with Jessica's outfit for their 32nd date tonight (did they really need that many? And why was she still counting?) and Krystal needed to clear her head within the next ten seconds.

One,

She gave herself mini slaps on the face, massaging her eyes, before brushing away the bangs from her face.

Three,

Krystal checked for anything unkempt, straightening out her white t-shirt and navy blue sweater,

Six,

She could hear the footsteps get louder as she tried to warm up her voice, swallowing and making sure it wasn't dry.

Eight,

Krystal attempted to slow down her breathing (she was too riled up from before), trying to ease the pumping in her heart, breathing in and out. She couldn't look like a mess in front of Jessica. No,

Ten,

She couldn't let Jessica see her eyes mirror hers for Tiffany.

Her door creaked open, Jessica's head popping in with a curve of a smile on her lips. Krystal could feel the pinch of envy swirling in her chest.

"Hey, wanna help me pick out an outfit for tonight?"

Krystal smiled, the corners of her lips lifting automatically as if on autopilot, the words escaping so seamlessly like they've been rehearsed a thousand times.

"Sure,"

She really was the better liar.

/

"Seriously? It's either the red or black dress, unnie." Krystal sighed for the tenth time, tousling her hair out of frustration. "You've been on so many dates already, does it still even matter?"

Jessica kept the two dresses hovered on each side of her, contemplating.

"Not really," she said after some thought, glancing back and forth between the two.

Krystal shot her hands up in the air, as if in defeat and slumped on her bed, rubbing her forehead as if a headache was coming on. Jessica merely laughed, feeling slightly sheepish but was it that bad? She wanted to still look presentable to Tiffany; it didn't matter that they had plenty of dates beforehand, they were all equivalent to her and she'd like to show Tiffany that. To show that she mattered that much to her.

To show that she won't make the same mistake again.

Their heads twisted up at the sound of the doorbell, and Jessica hurriedly pushed Krystal towards the door.

"Tell her I'll be down in a minute,"

Krystal shrugged her hands off, waving a dismissive hand as she headed for the stairs.

"Yeah yeah, just hurry up."

Once Jessica had shut the door, hearing the faint footfalls of her sister's steps trudging down the staircase, she looked in the mirror just to make sure of one little thing. She leaned in closer, taking in the sight of her eyes, deep and brown and bright.

Jessica remembered the moment she opened the door to her sister's room (that was two hours ago), she caught Krystal straightening up into a stiff stand like she was found doing something wrong. Her clothes looked fine, and so did her hair (she knew she just came from work), so it naturally alerted her to keep note of things.

"Hey, wanna help me pick out an outfit for tonight?"

She remembered the slight curl of her lips, the crinkling of her eyes, the drop of a stray strand that fell onto the side of her face, and the gentlest tone that escaped .

"Sure,"

Jessica couldn't miss the slight tensing of her jaw, the unclenching fists by her sides, and the twitching of her lips. They were forced and Jessica remembered the similar signs every time she asked the same question.

Tonight was the 32nd time.

And as Jessica turned away from the mirror, having memorized the image of her own eyes in her reflection, she slipped on the dress - black, because it was nice and it suited her, and because she was mourning the time she was ignorant when she now no longer is - and remembered Krystal.

She remembered the way Krystal's eyes reflected her own before her sister smiled to hide the pools of dark brown and tried to be gentle with her heart - when Krystal tried to hide the love for Tiffany that Jessica was so desperate to ignore - desperate to pretend that it wasn't there. But it was and Jessica saw it. Oh god, she saw it.

"Sure,"

Jessica saw Tiffany in Krystal's eyes.

/

WE REACHED THE PROLOGUE OMG I'M SO HAPPY WE'RE FINALLY HERE PRECIOUS PEOPLE. WE MADE IT. Now the drama actually begins.