Chapter VII

 

/

 

“Jessica-unnie…?”

 

The image was harmless enough. Just a bundle of warmth beneath the sheets of polyester and cotton.

 

There she was, just lying there, asleep. Krystal should have seen it coming when she saw Tiffany lying right beside her, their hands clasped together in front of them as if holding on to one another; as if they had lulled the other to sleep with just by looking at their fingers intertwined.

 

Krystal wanted to run away; to tear her eyes away from them. But no, not yet. She needed to see it. She needed to see them closer. She needed to make sure the sight of them burned her eyes and through their sockets so they’d get to her mind and engrave themselves across its surface to constantly remind her with images of what they were, and what she could never be.

 

She could never be like Jessica. Not with family, not with friends, and most certainly not with a someone.

 

Her steps were light, her footfalls soft against the marble floor despite the fact that she carried the heavy weight of dread on her shoulders.

 

With a smile so bitter that she didn’t need effort to keep it up, Krystal paused at the foot of her sister’s bed and soaked in the picture of peaceful smiles on Tiffany’s and Jessica’s face, so opposite her own across her lips, their entwined hands not leaving a single space of unscarred tissue against her brain.

 

Tiffany’s hand covered Jessica’s like she was her shelter, her home, her protector; and Krystal didn’t think she could get any more envious of Jessica than she already was. She didn’t have anything to call “home”.

 

Krystal tore her eyes away when Jessica shifted closer in her sleep so their noses would touch.

 

The unconscious smile that rose wider on Tiffany’s lips was more than enough to push Krystal out of the room.  

 

If this was what it felt like to lose something that wasn’t hers, then she didn’t like how it made her cry. She was afraid of what it’d be like to lose something that was.

 

Krystal choked a wry laugh behind a shaking hand.

 

…Then I guess there’s one good thing about not having anything,

 

Krystal curled up into her bed sheets, feeling unnaturally cold despite the thick blankets and looking for comfort that she knew wouldn’t be there. The lacking smell of strawberries didn’t go unnoticed against the cotton material of her pillow, something Krystal wished she had.

 

/

 

Somehow, despite the fact that her eyes were shut tight and her lips were busy with Tiffany’s, they had managed to make it up the stairs – albeit, with occasional bumps against the railing along the way – and into her bedroom without much of a hitch. All the while their hands had busied themselves with memorizing every curve that remained all-too familiar.

 

It was intoxicating, her kisses. Jessica couldn’t believe she had actually forgotten what they felt like. They burned her through and through, melted every corner of her lips, seared her flesh with trails of ember with mere touches of her fingers, and shot heat inside with a delightfully probing tongue Jessica had forgotten Tiffany had.

 

As soon as her back hit the mattress of her bed, Jessica realized that Tiffany really could make her feel hotter than she already was with the way her knee was gradually sliding up between her legs, causing a muffled moan to escape Jessica’s lips and cross against Tiffany’s.

 

She blushed from the knowing smile she felt growing on Tiffany’s mouth.

 

“Wait – Tiff,”

 

As much as Jessica loved the sweet taste of Tiffany’s lips and the burning feel of her hand crawling up her stomach, she couldn’t let this go any further. At least, not yet.

 

“Can I just hold onto you?” She muttered against those lush lips she missed so much.

 

Tiffany’s smile made Jessica wish her eyes could snap pictures to look back to. To store in her memory and think back to.

 

She merely nodded, her nose brushing her temple before settling down beside her, holding her close.

 

“… Sorry,”

 

Jessica was quick to hush her, pulling her in and nuzzling her nose against her collarbone; breathing her scent. It was oddly familiar. 

 

“… I missed you,”

 

It was silly. It was all Jessica could bring herself to say, but it carried the weight of what she meant to say and Tiffany had always been smart enough to catch on and know it.

 

“Me too,”

 

Tiffany held her like fear gripped the lines of her arms. Jessica couldn’t blame her. She was the reason Tiffany was afraid of losing people.

 

Jessica held onto Tiffany, gripping her shirt and unconsciously smiled at the sweet scent, digging herself deeper into the crook between Tiffany’s jaw and shoulder.

 

“You really like cuddling, don’t you…?” Tiffany laughed against her hair, her lips placing chaste kisses against her head.

 

Jessica laughed and didn’t shy away from breathing in again.

 

“You know, you smell like–“

 

“What was your favorite fruit again? Was it pears?”

 

“Unnie, it’s strawberries.”

 

And Jessica’s eyes widened at the sudden thought of her sister.

 

Krystal’s voice continued to echo through her mind, the lilt of her voice playing against her ears.

 

“Strawberries help you sleep better at night,”

 

Tiffany shifted beside her.

 

“Jessi?” She snapped her head up to look at concerned eyes, “Is something wrong?”

 

Jessica couldn’t reply for a moment, as if her breath were caught as her mind processed the implications of Krystal’s statement.

 

She ignored the feeling of knowing as if she was right and settled for deducing that Krystal could have meant something entirely different, or even nothing at all as she waved away Tiffany’s worried eyes with a lopsided smile.

 

“Nothing,” she settled her face once more in the cozy cradle of Tiffany’s neck, “just sleepy.”

 

But the possibility of Krystal’s statement as an implication lingered in the corners of her mind, keeping Jessica away from slumber.

 

Jessica didn’t know how much time had passed, only that Tiffany had shifted her position so they’d be holding hands, all the while still fast asleep. She almost giggled at seeing Tiffany’s happy smile and couldn’t help but mirror her expression.

 

Shutting her eyes, Jessica attempted to catch some of the beauty sleep Tiffany was evidently having until her bedroom door opened behind her and Krystal’s voice called out.

 

“Jessica-unnie…?”

 

Jessica stiffened. She didn’t know why she felt like hiding, because really, there was no reason to. It was Krystal and she was her little sister; what harm could possibly be done by her? 

 

But regardless of what Jessica knew, she felt more than understood, that she needed to watch out for Krystal. For more than what was normally reasoned.

 

So Jessica hid and pretended to sleep. But fear gripped her when she realized her smile wasn’t an act and nor were her actions.

 

It eerily felt like they were competing for the same thing, and Jessica didn’t like how competitive she was getting.

 

/

 

The party looked more than extravagant. Krystal hated how she was to take part in it.

 

Smoothing back her long locks of raven hair from her face, she followed her parents silently through the ballroom, Jessica’s clacking heels mimicking her stride beside her.

 

She could hear the chatter and light music playing in the background, her ears adjusting to the terms associated only with high socialites floating about around her.

 

“Despite the increased rate of research grants being currently provided, I doubt the actual economy would support such an ambiguous project.”

 

“Developing a machine to produce successful clones of such a small species would cause as much of an uproar as your tone suggests.”

 

“Regardless of my opinion, statistics show that such research could cause ethical issues to arise, and I…”

 

Krystal couldn’t get to hear the rest when her parents began introducing them to the hosts of the party.  

 

“This is Jung Sooyeon and–” Krystal didn’t miss the bitter tone her mother had when she got to her. “– and Jung Soojung, my daughters.”

 

The woman who came up to her was tall. Very tall.

 

“A pleasure to finally meet you, Jung Sooyeon. I’ve heard many great things about you,” the woman began, a gentle smile breaking across her face. “And it’s nice to finally meet you as well, Jung Soojung.” She said, taking her hand and giving a firm shake.

 

Krystal would have thought she was just like every other normal rich snob at the party, if not for the fact that her eyes were pleasantly smiling along, too.

 

“I’m sorry I can’t quite introduce my own daughters at the moment,” she continued on, chuckling as she turned her head toward the food table. “Sooyoung is…a bit in love with the menu this evening and my eldest daughter is too busy keeping her from choking on them. The birthday girl is too enamored with food and she just can’t help it,” the woman finished with a laugh, soothingly tender it sparked a bit of envy in the younger Jung.

 

Why couldn’t her mother be more like this woman? Speaking so lovingly of her daughters?

 

As much as Krystal would have loved to hear something warm spill from her mother’s lips, all she would ever speak of were curt and factual. Nothing would ever be sprinkled.

 

/

 

Krystal tugged at Jessica’s arm, careful to lower her voice and whisper in her ear so no one else could hear.

 

“So, what was Tiffany-unnie doing in your room?”

 

She didn’t miss the spots of pink that covered her cheeks. Stuttered, broken words were what left Jessica’s lips as she tugged at Krystal’s hand to pull her closer to her side. She wouldn’t want anyone else eavesdropping on their private conversation.

 

“Just–“ Jessica bowed her head sheepishly at the wealthy guests that stared as the two siblings passed by the large dining hall. “Why are you asking me that now? Couldn’t you have asked me sooner?” Jessica smiled apprehensively at another patron before continuing on in Krystal’s ear. “I mean, look at how many people can hear…”

 

Krystal shrugged indifferently despite Jessica pinching the younger girl’s arm.

 

“It was just an innocent question. It’s not like you guys did anything, right?”

 

Jessica choked as if she had liquid go down the wrong pipe.  

 

“Wha – no! Of course not!” and despite herself, she couldn’t help but narrow her eyes at Krystal’s prying stare, as if accusing. “What do you think we did?”

 

Krystal shrugged, nonchalant despite the obvious frown on her lips.

 

“We’re friends, so all we did was hang out. Catch up on things,” Jessica struggled to keep the heat from her cheeks, “you know. Stuff.”

 

“So you’re friends, now?”

 

All it took was one look at Jessica’s eyes to know that they were more than that; that they had always been more than that.

 

It was Jessica and Tiffany. Not Krystal and Tiffany.

 

Krystal turned away to watch the performers on stage of this boring event, ignoring Jessica’s burning, questioning, gaze at the back of her head.  

 

It was her fault, she knew. She should have never told Jessica about Tiffany. Then maybe… maybe it’d be Krystal and Tiffany.

 

/

 

The table was uncomfortably silent. It didn’t help that it only consisted of the Jungs.

 

The parents sat across from the two young women, and despite the distance, the air was still thick with tension. The fact that no one bothered approaching them meant that the atmosphere wasn’t as invisible as Jessica thought.

 

Jessica fidgeted with her hands atop her lap, hiding her actions beneath the cloth covered table from her parents’ eyes. They wouldn’t like such nervousness in their heir’s behavior (her father already having mentioned once before). It didn’t scream “leader”. And truth be told, Jessica didn’t see herself as one, either.

 

Krystal fit more with such a title due to her forward and assertive nature. She was confident, blunt, and bold. She, one the other hand, was the shyer one: the nervous one, the timid one. How could she possibly carry such a huge responsibility of leading her family’s prestigious company?

 

She had been fine with it so far, getting past all the lessons of etiquette and pointless mannerisms, company terms and their associations; they became a tolerable routine – all because her sister was there.

 

Krystal supported her and acted as a pillar of quiet strength. When she was tired, Krystal made sure to cook her favorite meals and even slept beside her to hold her whenever business partnerships and contracts were difficult to balance amidst college life and…

 

… Tiffany.

 

But now, now their relationship felt like it was teetering on shaky legs between two types of love that Jessica has always cherished. But why her love for her sister and her love for Tiffany were at opposing ends of this shaky spectrum was not beyond her. And that was what frightened her.

 

That somehow, it made sense that she’d see Krystal as a threat. But understanding and knowing why made her afraid of the possible truth and Jessica wouldn’t know what to do. What could she possibly do if Krystal was, potentially, in love with Tiff – no. It couldn’t be. For all she knew, her mind could just be playing tricks on her and she’d be overthinking everything at the moment. Besides, Krystal wouldn’t like Tiffany. She was everything Krystal wasn’t; loud, obnoxious, and talks too much.

 

Jessica bit her lip.

 

Then why do you love her? She immediately asked herself.

 

She knew past all those were qualities that more than enough redeemed Tiffany. And knowing Krystal, she was smart enough to understand and see that too.

 

Then again, Krystal may just admire Tiffany. It’d make sense, considering she’d be the kind, generous, unnie. She was a perfect role model – an ideal woman to look up to. Certainly not love – no, it wouldn’t be that. Couldn’t be that.

 

Anything but that.

 

Jessica hoped that wasn’t the case, because it would hurt if she was hurting Krystal.

 

She blinked past the mist of water pooling beneath her eyes to see Krystal’s fingers smoothing over her suddenly trembling fists. Since when was she gripping her dress like she was preventing herself from falling?

 

“Krys?”

 

Krystal’s smile was soft under Jessica’s curious gaze. Even if they had sort-of-but-not-really argued several minutes ago, Jessica was glad that it didn’t affect their relationship; at least, not too much. She hoped this would last – their bond.

 

“Oh, Sooyeon look, it’s Taecyeon. Why don’t you go talk to him? He looks rather dashing in that suit, don’t you think?”

 

Jessica freed a hand from under Krystal’s hold to curl a strand of brown behind her ear. She didn’t bother glancing at the direction of where the man was because she had no interest whatsoever.

 

“Um, it’s okay, mom. I’ll talk to him later. I…just feel like sitting down at the moment.”

 

Her mother merely shook her head and took a sip of her green tea.

 

“Whatever you like, Sooyeon.”

 

Jessica didn’t miss the flinch she felt in Krystal’s hand.

 

She rubbed their hands together when the topic shifted to her little sister.

 

“So, are you enjoying yourself, Soojung?”

 

Krystal looked like she wanted to scoff at their mother’s attempt at a conversation.

 

“I could be doing more productive things at home right now, actually.”

 

“Like what, waste away on the sofa watching television?” Her mother retorted, casually taking another sip of her drink.

 

Krystal shrugged.

 

“Not any different from sitting at a table watching people dance and sing on stage.”

 

“Presence is very important, Soojung. You’d do best to remember that.” Their mother’s tone was unimpressed, evidently bothered by her daughter’s lack of motivation with anything remotely important for the family.

 

“Presenting ourselves in front of what, a bunch of uptight pricks with money bulging out of their pockets? What’s so great about them?”

 

“Just as we are powerful, they are not any different. There’s no point in making enemies with those who have sources. We do too, of course, but why make our job harder when we could avoid confrontation in the first place?” The woman settled her cup against the small plate, crossing her arms as she leant back against the chair. “Besides, they could also be of use and add on as additions to our sources as well.”

 

When Krystal merely turned her head away to steady her eyes on the performers once more, offering no more words, Jessica released a breath, relieved that nothing happened.

 

Their hands remained intertwined for the majority of that evening.

 

/

 

They had wandered over to the food table, a rectangle filled with excess desserts. Jessica recognized the birthday girl, Choi Sooyoung lingering at the side filled with donuts, her older sister wiping away pieces of leftover chocolate from the younger woman’s cheeks all the while attempting to scold her for her lack of femininity.

 

“Krys, want those tarts?” Jessica asked as she scanned over the many options of dessert.

 

Fruit bowls, cakes, chocolates; everything looked oddly appealing and Jessica actually couldn’t decide which she should take more of.

 

Krystal shrugged, “They all look good,” before her eyes fell on a bowl of strawberries. Looking over at the side of the table to see a chocolate fountain, she nudged her sister. “Oh hey, have you ever tried dipping strawberries in chocolate, unnie?”

 

“Strawberries in chocolate?”

 

Jessica was suddenly very aware of Tiffany’s similar scent. And only now realizing the weight of the fact that Krystal had slept over at Tiffany’s house, things started to click in place where Jessica didn’t want them to.

 

Wasn’t she just throwing things out of proportion? Making quick assumptions of what were only mere coincidences?

 

“A great combination, I’ll say.” A male voice broke out behind her, forcing her to shove her thoughts back for later.

 

“Hey, oppa.” Krystal greeted casually, taking a strawberry and tapping it against the pool of chocolate. Jessica turned reluctantly to face the man.

 

Taecyeon returned the greeting with a charming smile of his own before returning his attention to Jessica, the latter struggling with forming a genuine smile on her face.

 

“Hey, Jessica. You look beautiful,” he said softly, his words undoubtedly sincere.

 

Jessica winced at the look he always gave her; that longing, loving, look. It was too much like Tiffany’s eyes. He had her eyes – her look. It was how Tiffany would always look at her.

 

That was how Jessica had immediately known when Taecyeon had started looking at her differently; that he had started considering her romantically. His eyes would just be a tinge brighter, a bit warmer, and a lot softer.

 

Jessica avoided his gaze and distracted herself with a strawberry instead, dipping it gently into the puddle of chocolate beside her.

 

“… Thank you,” was all she could say.

 

She plopped the strawberry into , never looking at him, before taking another and letting it swim in chocolate again with steady fingers.

 

The music in the room began to play a quieter melody, the lights dimming and the dance floor opening for all who were interested. Jessica could vaguely still hear the birthday girl munching on something. Chips, she figured, from the several muffled cracks.

 

“Can you tell me how can one miss, what she never had? How could I reminisce when there is no past?”

 

“Um, if it’s not too much to ask,” the man began, fidgeting nervously with the ends of his tuxedo pockets. Jessica dreaded the question, knowing full well what it was going to be. “Um, would you like to dance, Jessica?”

 

But the question fell on deaf ears amidst the booming voice of the ecstatic birthday girl.

 

“Fany-ah! ‘Bout time you made it! Here, it’s a donut. Eat one.” Jessica immediately forgot the lingering question floating between them, her attention falling to see Tiffany kindly rejecting the donut nearing her face.

 

“Maybe later, okay?” She said lightly, laughing gently as she patted the taller woman’s shoulder. “And happy birthday,”

 

Despite her words being directed toward the Choi heiress, Tiffany’s eyes remained on Jessica. It’s that look; that same look.

 

Unlike Taecyeon’s, no matter how similar their eyes were, Tiffany’s were the ones that made her knees grow weak.

 

Sooyoung merely shrugged before eating it herself, muttering a mumbled, “Thanks,” before moving on to another platter filled with treats.

 

“Can someone tell me how can this be?”

 

Jessica could feel herself freezing up, her legs trembling from the sudden nervousness she felt as she watched Tiffany walk toward her, her eyes never leaving her. Her hands were a jittering mess, settling for fiddling her fingers together so they’d at least look like they’re not shaking instead.

 

“Hello, I’m Taecyeon.” The man suddenly emerged from her side, Jessica blinking past his towering form to see Tiffany pause abruptly as if derailed from her initial train of thought. “And you are…?” he asked warmly, curiosity lining the tone of his voice.

 

He must have noticed how Tiffany had stolen her attention instinctively.

 

As if recovering from a minor setback, Tiffany smiled with her eyes and took his hand for a shake. “Tiffany. It’s nice to meet you,”

 

Before Jessica knew it, Taecyeon turned his head back toward her and restated his dreaded question.

 

“Will you dance with me, Jessica?”

 

As if brought back to reality from that simple question, Jessica could see from her peripheral, her parents watching her. She knew then, that there wasn’t much of a choice.

 

“Of course,”

 

And when she looked back as Taecyeon guided her to the dance floor, she hated how Tiffany's eyes showed she understood. Again.

 

/

 

“Krys?”

 

Stunned at the subtle little drama that had just occurred, Krystal shifted to see Tiffany stand beside her, offering a hand of her own.

 

“Tiffany-unnie?”

 

Keep the formality, Krystal. No nickname. She thought to herself, ignoring the slight flinch in the older woman’s posture.

 

“You shouldn’t let your sister have all the fun,” Tiffany said, raising her hand forward so it brushed Krystal’s elbow, the younger girl shivering instinctively at the touch. “Wanna dance?”

 

“B-but I can’t dance!” Krystal blurted quickly, cheeks reddening as soon as the words had left .

 

Tiffany laughed, lowering her hand so she could take Krystal’s in her own.

 

“Then I’ll lead, okay? It’s not hard, I promise.”

 

Against Krystal’s better judgment, she allowed Tiffany to pull her, the heat rising further up her head when they settled amidst the crowd of people slowly dancing along.

 

“See? Just side to side; no problem, right?” Tiffany asked, oblivious to the red flare of Krystal’s face as she led the younger girl’s hands so they rested on her shoulders.

 

Krystal nearly crumbled from shaking knees at the feel of Tiffany’s hands lightly pressing against her hips.

 

“H-hey, aren’t I taller than you?” Krystal yelped childishly, though not one to complain about her current position.

 

Tiffany laughed and nodded her head.

 

“Yeah, but I’m teaching you. Maybe next time,” she said heartily, clearly enjoying the nervousness Krystal displayed.

 

Attempting to wash away the awkwardness she felt, Krystal ducked her head so her face would hide behind her hair.

 

“Um, so,” before she knew it, out of sheer nervousness, Krystal began to fiddle with the collar of Tiffany’s dress shirt, quickly noting the bowtie around it. “Why are you wearing this?”

 

Tiffany chuckled at Krystal’s scrunched expression, the younger woman still continuing to play with the edges of her collar.

 

“It’s my work uniform; I’m on a 10-minute break, after all.”

 

“Oh,”

 

“Sooyoung wouldn’t stop pestering me to greet her in person, so here I am.” The older woman laughed, as if recalling a previous conversation she had with the birthday girl. “I…didn’t know you guys were invited,”

 

“Yeah,” Not like I wanted to, though. Krystal thought, twiddling with the black bowtie.

 

The silence that followed was strangely not uncomfortable. Krystal would have thought there would be a bit more awkwardness or some sort of tension, but so far, it felt normal.

 

“I miss the times that we almost shared, I miss the love that was almost there, I miss the times that we used to kiss; at least, in my dreams, just let me take my time and reminisce.”

 

“Krys?”

 

“Hm?” Krystal responded absentmindedly, not realizing her face was already so close she could feel Tiffany breathe, her hands already comfortable with playing at the edges of the black accessory donned around Tiffany’s neck.

 

“Did I really not do anything to hurt you…?”

 

Krystal was keenly aware of Tiffany’s hands tightening around her hips, as if to keep her still from running.

 

The younger woman lifted her eyes from the bowtie to see Tiffany’s curious gaze. Krystal could feel dry up.

 

“…What makes you think you did?” Was all the younger woman could muster, breaking away to look at her accessory again, absently curling her fingers over Tiffany’s shoulders.

 

“I…” Tiffany started, Krystal avoiding the older woman’s attempt to steady their eyes. “…I feel like there’s a wall.”

 

Krystal swallowed heavily, as if to moisten so she wouldn’t hear herself crack.

 

“There’s none, don’t worry.” Liar, she scolded herself.

 

And just so she could convince Tiffany it was true, she encircled her arms around her and pulled her close; pretending as if there was no gap or wall when really, one appeared as soon as Jessica came into the picture.

 

When she glanced over to look for her sister, Krystal’s eyes widened at the sight of Taecyeon leaning down to kiss her.

 

“Krys…?” Tiffany called out tenderly, attempting to turn her head.

 

Before she could see what was happening, Krystal tightened her hold and kept her still in her arms.

 

As much as she knew that this was a perfect opportunity to make a crack that could break an already fragile relationship between Jessica and Tiffany, Krystal wasn’t going to resort to such things.

 

She wouldn’t.

 

“I just like hugging you…” Krystal said, her voice trembling slightly from the feel of Tiffany’s hands encircling her waist to return the gesture. “…Is that okay, Tiff?” she added the nickname for good measure, hoping it was enough to distract Tiffany from Jessica and Taecyeon.

 

And Krystal smiled, her lips brushing the older woman’s neck, when Tiffany held her tighter, nodding against her.

 

“Yeah. Whatever you want, Krys.”

 

Krystal merely buried her face in the space between Tiffany’s shoulder and jaw, gritting her teeth against the collar of her dress shirt, the bowtie tickling her cheek.

 

Would Tiffany still say that if she told her she wanted her?

 

“I miss the times that we never had, what happened to us, we were almost there.”

 

/

 

“ – cute with that expression.”

 

Jessica blinked, shaking her head before looking back up at those eyes that mirrored too much of Tiffany’s.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking back down so she wouldn’t be reminded of the fact that she just left Tiffany for him. “What were you saying?”

 

Taecyeon’s arms merely pulled her closer, his grip strong around her hips.

 

“You look cute with that expression.” He said again, releasing a hand from her waist to twirl a lock of stray brown from her face. “Who are you thinking about?”

 

“I…” Jessica paused, brows furrowing at his words before looking up again to meet those warm eyes that mimicked Tiffany’s. “…’Who,’ you said?” she asked, startled at the implication of his question. “What do you mean by that?”

 

He laughed softly, unperturbed by the frown lining Jessica’s lips.

 

“Exactly what I mean; there’s a ‘who’ isn’t there?” He threw back gently, tucking the strand behind her ear. “Who makes you think so much that your face scrunches as cutely as this?” He whispered, leaning in so his lips brushed the corner of her own.

 

Jessica merely pulled away so he wouldn’t linger any longer near . He was gentle, no doubt, but his rougher caress was no competition to Tiffany’s fiery touch.

 

He didn’t leave her breathless.

 

“I’m sorry, Taecyeon,” she said, pulling away despite the song not yet finished. “But I assure you,” Jessica’s smile was small but sure, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “It’s not you.”

 

“I cannot believe I let you go, or what I should have said is,”

 

And she didn’t see the way Krystal held Tiffany like she was her lifeline, missing them due to another pair of individuals covering her view.

 

“I should’ve grabbed you up and never let you go.”

 

Jessica strode away so she could breathe the night air and feel proud for herself. She was getting there, getting closer to who she wanted to be.   

 

“Yes that’s one time I should’ve broke the rules,”

 

/

 

When it was all over, Krystal was surprised to not see Jessica with Taecyeon. But before she could ask Taecyeon where her older sister went, Tiffany nudged her elbow, a smile playing her lips.

 

“Thanks,”

 

Krystal furrowed her brows, not quite understanding what Tiffany was thanking her for.

 

“Um, for what?”

 

“When did you know?”

 

Krystal frowned, not catching on to what she was saying.

 

“Know what?”

 

Tiffany merely smiled that warm smile, all knowing. Understanding.

 

“That Jessica and I were together,” Krystal almost choked on thin air, covering herself with a cough as Tiffany continued on. “I knew what you were doing.” She took Krystal’s hand and rubbed a thumb across it, soothing the nerves that wracked her heart. “Distracting me,” Tiffany muttered, Krystal taking in the information that she had already known but now solidly knew. “Thanks.”

 

Krystal didn’t think her heart could get any colder.

 

“Yeah,” she said absently, “no problem…”

 

The truth hurt.

 

“How did you know…?” Krystal croaked out, suddenly finding it hard to speak. “…H-how did you know what I was doing?”

 

That knowing smile remained plastered on Tiffany’s face.

 

“It’s Jessica,” she whispered, as if that was all it needed to answer the question. “It’s her. I just…”

 

And Krystal didn’t have to hear the rest. She knew because she understood; she was doing the exact same thing. Her eyes could never leave Tiffany, just as Tiffany’s could never leave Jessica.

 

Is Jessica-unnie all you can see…? Krystal wanted to ask, but couldn’t because the answer was already there; in her eyes.

 

“Hey, my break’s about to be over. I’ll see you around?”

 

A weak smile took Krystal’s lips, but never did it reach her eyes. Her hand fell to her side when Tiffany released her, the trails of the older woman’s finger tips leaving burning marks against her skin.

 

And suddenly she didn’t want Tiffany to go.

 

“Um, Tiff –“ she stumbled over her name, unsure of how to call her back. Come back, “U-unnie –!” Krystal didn’t know why the sudden grip across her heart, like she wouldn’t be able to handle it if she let her go.

 

All she knew was that she didn’t want her to go despite the truth already laid out in front of her.

 

Jessica and Tiffany.

 

As if sensing some sort of distress in the younger woman, Tiffany jogged back and without a word, pulled her in for another hug, squeezing her gently. Krystal immediately returned the hold, fear gripping her hands and making them tremble.

 

Tiffany whispered once more, “See you, Krys.” Before letting go, waving a quick hand her way.

 

Watching Tiffany greet the birthday girl on her way out, receiving a donut from her with a smile across her eyes, Krystal was thankful for the dimmed lights. Though she could have definitely done without the music. Now it stuck with her.

 

“Whoever said it’s impossible to miss what you never had,”

 

Krystal looked away when she saw Jessica outside with Tiffany, her sister’s hand caressing the black bowtie.

 

“Never almost had you.”

 

/

 

Q. “What’s with Krystal switching between ‘Unnie’ and ‘Tiff’ for Tiffany?”

A. I try to make it so that when it’s “Tiff” they’re much more ‘closer’ or ‘affectionate’. “Unnie” would be more of a formality (at least, in my book) since I’m going for their more US born roots where nicknames are deemed ‘closer/affectionate’. So her use of “Unnie” or “Tiff” will refer to whether Krystal wants to build a wall or close a gap between her and Tiffany (see Prologue for her usage of “Unnie”).

 

Q. "You're missing some of the lyrics to the "Almost" song!"

A. I added only what deemed fitting.