Chapter 1: 'You're so cold'

I sit on the couch with the television and my mind outside the window. The dorm's fairly quiet with everyone away. I never liked being alone so I've been living with either the tv or radio running 24/7 since our break period.

Since all my teammates are from Korea they all had somewhere they wanted to go or people they wanted to see during breaks, but me, I'm not from here and there is only one person I want to be with here. Unfortunately I hadn't heard news from him for days.

I pick up my phone to text him but stop when I hear his name from the tv. A news reporter, staring emotionlessly through the screen delivers me the news.

"Last night, Jung Hoseok, also known as J-Hope from boy band BTS has reported to have been a victim of a violent mugging. He has been taken to Seoul hospital after being hit on the back of the head with an unknown weapon and otherwise minor injuries. Police say the situation is currently under investigation."

My face pales as I stare at the television. My mind is in utter denial and disbelief. Desperately I search for my phone.

I bring my phone to my ear, clutching it with my shaking hands. I'm holding it so close that my ear is pressed flat on the screen. My knuckles go numb as they tighten around the phone's edges. The beeping resonates in my ear, loud against the grinding of my teeth. I beg for it to stop. And it does.

'The number you are calling is unavailable—'

"." I end the call and shove the phone in my back pocket.

My mind is in a haste as I grab my keys and a pair of shoes and rush out the door.

I find myself running the hospital halls like a madman. My bare feet slap against the ground, cold and lashing with pain in every step.

I find the room number the receptionist told me. I stare at it for a moment as I catch my breath. My heartbeat is drumming behind my ears but it steadies the moment I hear friendly chatter on the other side.

I cautiously open the door. Hoseok is in an elevated hospital bed, propped up on several pillows. His parents are beside him along with his older sister and the doctor. They're all smiling. I breathe a sigh of relief, he must be ok. I had met Hoseok's family on several occasions already but always better dressed than this. 

I wipe my sweaty palms on my sweat pants and do my best to neaten my hair. I'm about to greet them when Hoseok interrupts. 

"Yes?" he chirps, a confused look on his face. 

His family turns to him in a fluster. "Hoseok?" his mother cooes with a worried expression. 

The doctor looks between us for a moment, he briefly introduces himself before asking who I am and what my relationship to his patient was.

"Choi Ahri," I reply and in a hushed voice add, "I'm his girlfriend."

Hoseok's scrunches up his brows. "What?" he scoffs.

His family turns to him in disbelief. I can't bring myself to look.

"Sweetie?" his mother says to him before exchanging dumbfounded looks with me.

The doctor coughs into a closed fist before flipping through the pages of his clipboard. He jots something down before turning to his patient.

"Jung Hoseok," he starts calmly, "what is your last clear memory?"

'What?'

Hoseok scrunches his nose and for a moment seems to be thinking deeply. He shakes his head. "Ah!" he winces as he throws his head down into his palms.

"Don't push yourself."

I stare at Hoseok anxiously then at the doctor. 'What is he trying to say?'

"We-- Namjoon, Yoongi, Seokjin..." he continues to name the Bangtan members on his fingers, "...we were told we'd debut soon and—" he scrunches his nose again, "I don't know..."

We all stare at him in shock. It had been almost 2 years since they had debuted and a lot had happened in those two years—us for example.

The doctor nods his head. "I thought so." He turns to us and with an almost-genuine apologetic expression explains the situation. "Due to the sudden impact to his head he appears to have lost some of his memories." 

We're all gaping. It all seemed fine a few minutes ago. They must've not said anything that brought up recent events so they hadn't suspected anything. 

My hands cup over my mouth. My eyes waver over his face desperately pleading he calls my name. He only looks to his family in shock. He doesn't know me. I'm no longer a part of his life. And for all he knows I'm just a stranger in his hospital room. I rush out and the door slams behind me.

I collapse immediately as the door slams shut. I press my head against the wall as cries erupt from inside. I can feel my face twist into itself and my eyes begin to sting. Tears fall down my cheeks and into my screaming mouth. It's salty.  My cries echo in the hallway. My heart is clenched, beating hollowly in my chest. Some staff pause to ask if I'd like a glass of water but all I can manage is to wave them off. I curl into a ball hiccupping. How can he not remember me? What will I do? What can I do? My chest squeezes and I squelch out another loud cry. They can probably hear me from inside. He promised he'd never hurt me. 'You're so cold.'

***

We lay sprawled out on the couch watching a movie in our tiny one-room apartment. We rent though we barely have the chance to use it yet it’s already filled with comfort and memories. There’s hardly any furniture— just a small television, a second-hand couch, a table and two mix-matched chairs.

Hoseok’s arm is draped across my shoulders and my arms are wrapped around his waist, my head resting against his chest. My heart beats with the rise and fall of his chest, a comfort I’ve come to love. I avert my eyes from the screen for a moment and glance at him. He’s still intensely watching the drama I badgered him to watch with me, of course he preferred a different movie but he seems so immersed now. His brows are drawn together, eyes squinting and his lips are slightly pursed. I giggle at his concentration and he snaps out of his own world.

Hoseok looks at me a bit confused as to why I’m giggling at a serious scene of the movie, but then his lips curl up.

“What?” he chuckles.

I shake my head and rest back into his chest. He smiles and draws me in closer, kissing my forehead before turning back to the television.

It’s a sad scene where the guy is giving the cold shoulder to the lead girl because he’s jealous. ‘Why don’t you just go out with him? I don’t want you anymore,’ he yells at her.

I click my tongue and look up at Hoseok. “Hey,” I murmur.

He hums in response, still watching the movie.

“I think I like Yoongi,” I joke, grinning expectantly.

He raises his brows then turns to me. “Eh? Why don’t you just go out with him?” he mutters re-enacting the scene. He frowns as he redraws his arm from around my shoulders. He sits back up and shuffles to the other side of the couch.

“Hoseok!” I whinge as I shuffle towards him.

He lifts his chin and pouts, playfully pushing me away. “I don’t want you anymore!”

"You're so cold," I mock. “Fine!” I say poking my tongue out.

We stare at each other intensely for a moment before breaking into laughter. Hoseok smiles warmly and opens his arms again. I crawl up beside him and he suddenly tackles my ribs, cradling me in his lap as he tickles my sides.

“St-stop!” I manage to squeal between bursts of laughter. He stops after making sure I’ve learnt my lesson and smirks down at me. I look up at him still smiling and slightly out of breath. He bends over and lightly kisses my lips. He pauses for a moment, gazing down at me before returning to the movie, his fingers remain playing with my hair, occasionally grazing my skin with his fingers.

“I wouldn’t ever do that,” he murmurs whilst watching the female lead cry.

“Hm?” I hum as I hold his hand against my cheek.

He glances back at me. “Hurt you,” he says with a serious expression.

A smile graces my face and I gently kiss the knuckles of his hand. “I know.”

***

"Ahri?" says a low voice.

I don't have to look up to know who it is.

"Ahri?" repeats several other voices.

I can hear fabric crinkle and I know they must be crouching in front of me. Fingers strum hair away from my face and I hesitantly lift my chin.

Namjoon's crouching in front of me, a hand on my shaking shoulder. The other members are behind him or hesitantly in front of the door.

"W-what's wrong?" Jimin asks hesitantly from behind him. He doesn't want to know the answer. I wish I didn't know.

My lips are trembling. I press them together and shake my head. My eyes are stinging but still pouring with tears. I open my mouth to talk but my breathing is unsteady, my words abrupt and rigid.
"He—he—Ho-Hoseok does—n't kn—kn—." I breathe in. They wait. "He can't rem-remember."

Their eyes widen and Yoongi, who's been pacing the door, storms inside. The others follow after him. Namjoon waits a moment to help me up. 

"Are you coming in?" he asks.

I shake my head. He looks at me with an empathetic look then at the hospital room, then back at me.

"Go," I tell him. My arms are tied tightly against my chest. I grip my elbows to stop my body from collapsing again.

He nods. "Make sure to come visit."

I pull on a smile. It comes on crooked and pained. I nod and wave him off. 

I stand in front of Hoseok's door a little longer before leaving.

Author's Note: this is my first time writing an angst... yeah I don't know... I'd usually research actual medical stuff but I'm too lazy right now ahaha This is also my first time writing a story in present tense so it's probably messy in some places (I usually write in past tense.) Please bare with me...