Chapter 4: Close

I wake up well rested but with foggy memories. Foggy in a way they seem unreal. A great deal has happened and I have to stare at the ceiling for half an hour just to recall it all. 

I'm back at the dorm but my members are still on vacation so it's silent despite it being late morning. 'How'd I get home again?' I think to myself as I rise from my bed, as I take off the sheets I realise I'm still dressed in what I wore yesterday. 'Ah, that's right. Jin drove me.' I swing my feet over and stare at the ground, for no particular reason, before placing my bare feet on the wooden panels. It's cold. 

I wander into the living room, dragging with me my sheets, and turn on the radio. I feel light. Music plays as sunlight spills into the room and I go scavenge for breakfast.

I think over my bowl of cereal. I have hope. Hoseok's embarrassed expression and stuttering from the night before reminded me of when we first met and first started dating-- those 'firsts,' will we be able to relive them?

I bring a spoonful of cereal to my mouth. I enjoy it at first but as my mind buzzes it begins to taste bitter. 'If this was a normal day, I'd be texting him right now.' I take another spoonful of cereal and it tastes bland. Impatiently I throw the remaining in the sink and march back to the bedroom to find my phone.

I have to weave between the other members' beds until I get to mine, and begin to wedge my hands between the matress and headboard til my hands clasp around the device. I heroically rescue my phone and am shocked to find several missed calls and txt messages. 

The older txts from last night ask whether I got home safely and the newer ones ask whether I have a clue where Hoseok's phone may be. I check my call history and find the BTS members had taken turns calling me. Namjoon, thrice; Yoongi, twice; Jimin, twice; Taehyung, once; and the rest didn't. I reason because Jin was the one who dropped me off, Hoseok doesn't really know me and Jungkook's a punk who only messages me with questions and dubsmash videos. Since Namjoon called most, I decide to call him back.

The number dials. "Hello?"

"Hello?" Namjoon echoes, "Oh Ahri!" he exclaims after assumably checking who was calling. "Did you get home fine-- Jin didn't try to pull a move?"

I laugh and reassure him everything's fine. 

"Anyway," he says, "do you have any  idea where Hoseok's phone could be-- like the apartment maybe?"

"Can't find it?" I hum in thought for a moment. "Yeah, it's probably at our apartment. He's forgotten it there before." 

I said 'our apartment' but is it really ours now I wonder? 

"Ahri?" Namjoon chirps. I must have drifted off. "Are you okay?"

I nod. 'Right, he can't see me.' "Yeah, I'm fine!" I say when I come back to my senses, "I just woke up so yeah..." 

Namjoon chuckles and I feel somewhat at ease. "Just tell me if you find it. No rush though-- I don't know, he just suddenly began looking for his phone last night."

I purse my lips. "Really?" is all I can think up to say.

"Yeah, he looked pretty anxious." 

Anxious? "I'll see if I can find it then," I reply.

"Okay," Namjoon says. He pauses before adding, "Take care," and hanging up.

I take a deep breathe and sigh. I don't have anything planned so I might as well. "I bet it's in the couch cushions again," I think to myself.

I was right. I pull out the cellphone between the couch cushions and stare at it nostalgically. It feels weird, holding a device that probably knows me better than its owner. I sigh bitterly. I stare at it awhile longer, flipping it over in my hand. I try switch it on hoping to see his lockscreen but it's dead.

I click my tongue and put it my pocket. Out of my other pocket I pull out my own phone to message Namjoon. 

'I've found Ho--'

I pause. How should I address him? I retype the txt.

'I've found the phone.' I sigh as my hands drop to my sides. It feels so empty. So cold and shallow. I purse my lips and stare at the wall. My thoughts are interrupted by a familiar chime, an incoming call.

"Hello?"

"Ahri," says Namjoon on the other end. He's panting and I can hear the squeaking of shoes. They're probably in the middle of dance practice. "You got Hoseok's phone? Where'd you find it?"

"At the apartment--"

"Oh Hoseok!" I hear a door shut and someone reply far in the background. "Ahri found your phone!"

I can hear his surprised exclaimation of 'huh.'

I catch myself smiling at the thought of his expression-- his raised brows, widened eyes and gaping, yet grinning, mouth. Last time I told him I found his phone, he began squealing embarrassing lines of praise and affection through the member's phone, knowing very well how much I simultaneously like and dislike them.

My thoughts are once again interrupted. I'm able to catch a muffle 'you ask her' or something similar before a clear voice comes back on.

"Hello?"

I flinch. 'Huh?'

"Are you still there?"

It's not Namjoon.

"...Ah-Ahri...ssi?"

I purse my lips. My heart's sunken to the bottom of my stomach. It's Hoseok's voice. "Yes?" I say softly through my phone.

The audio muffles as he switches ears, probably realising his body's more comfortable holding the phone to his left ear. He barely uses the right ear unless he's being scolded or he's upset-- is it right to still know these things? I sigh. I realize my mind's drifted off again when I hear Hoseok calling me.

"Ah sorry," I say, "What were you saying?"

He hums and after a moment asks whether or not I'm okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie. He doesn't seem to notice like he usually would and goes on.

"Are you fr--" he stops, "Are you close to Namjoon?"

I furrow my brows. For a second I thought he'd ask me out, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. "Yeah, why?"

"Oh." He takes a moment before he says anything else. "Is that so?" 

There's another long pause. "Yeah? What about it?" I press. 

"You should just date him."

"...Wait...what--?!" I scoff.

"Just give him the phone," he mutters, "I'll just get it from him." His words are immediately followed by beeping.

I bring my phone away from my ear. "What the hell was that?!" I scowl. My voice echoes around the apartment. 'Did he use to have such a foul attitude?'

I hear my phone ring again with a txt from Namjoon. I reluctantly check it. 

'Are you still at the apartment?'

'Yes.' 

'Stay there.'

In twenty or less so minutes, Namjoon's knocking on the door. He opens it after realising it's unlocked. 

I stand leaning against the kitchen sink, staring in front of me, where Namjoon now stands. He looks both shocked and worried. He slowly approaches me with open arms but I wave him away, grunting as I do so. My head is burning with rage but my heart is melting in sadness. 

"Was he always so mean?" I hiss.

"He just--" Namjoon's eyes wander, "doesn't know how to express himself yet." 

I laugh bitterly. "Sure."

He looks down at me with down turned lips. "You got the phone?" he says extending a hand.

I pout and dig out the phone from my pocket and slap it into his palm.

He winces. "Not in a good mood?" he says with a hesitant smirk.

I shake my head. "I'm really irritated!" I admit, "I'm trying really hard here!" I puff up my chest and hold my breath. I suddenly tip my head back as my eyes begin to water. 

"Are you okay?"

I nod with my head still hung back. 

I feel a hand brush pass my face and cradle the back of my neck. Namjoon gently tips my head forward, forcing me to look him kn the eyes.

"Are you okay?" he repeats, "tell me if you're not."

He knows I'm not. I can see it in his eyes. I laugh bitterly, "Why's everyone asking me that?" I roll my eyes and pull his hand off. I stare him in the eyes and nod. "I'm okay!" I say, emphasizing each vowel. 

He shrugs, still looking at me with pitiful eyes.

"Don't look at me like that!" I can feel my smile crack and my facade begin to crumble. I shake my head and steer him towards the door.

"Time to go!" I tell him as I push him outside.

Namjoon manages to spin around and open his mouth before I shut the door.

I press my back against the door. My head feels drained but full-- overflowing with thoughts of him.

"Hoseok..." I murmur and begin another wave of tears. 

Namjoon's fist hovers inches from the surface of the door. Hesitating, but he decides against it as he hears her murmur another man's name. He sighs as his ears fill with her tears. "You're still his..." he murmurs under his breath.