Chapter 2: Apartment

I find myself at our apartment standing silently by the door. I feel like a fool. 

I look over the empty space. It's dim, the only light coming from between the shutters and the door behind me.  The couch is still a mess, a blanket is still draped on it after our last visit. I swear I can smell his cologne in the air and feel his presence.

I shut the door and the creak echoes throughout the apartment space. I've never come here alone, he'd always be with me or arrive soon after. But no matter how long I wait today he won't come. He won't.

The truth sinks in and I fall to my knees. I press my lips together and tip my head back to keep myself from crying more. I start to sniffle as I stare at the room. I'm alone. 

I crawl towards the couch and curl beside it. I can't bring myself to actually sit in it. I pull the blanket off of it and wrap it around me as I rest my head on the arm. Sniffling, I rub my nose, not too sure when the tears had begun to fall. I cry silently until I drift to sleep.

I wake up still alone and the apartment looks darker than it did before. I have no idea what time it is and I don't really care. I force myself up and trudge to the bathroom. 

I walk over to the sink and wash my face. The cold water hits me hard and my swollen features become numb. I look up and see a girl I barely know staring back. Her cheeks are streamed with past tears, her lips chapped and red eyes swollen. I reluctantly push my hair back into a messy knot before trudging back to the couch.

I curl up into the corner of it and find comfort in the armrest. It's as human as it gets in here. 

My phone has been ringing every few hours until it finally ran out of battery. I stare at it distantly.

I sigh and ready myself for hours of watching dull documentaries on television like I do everytime something bad happens but Hoseok's confused stare remains etched in my memory. I don't think I'd be able to face that again. 

Suddenly there's a knock on the door. I jolt and cautiously lean back. They knock again, firmly almost aggressively. I stay frozen still. They sigh.

"Ahri?" 

I flinch. 'How'd he know?'

"Ahri open up." A different voice. There's a short pause. "We know you're in there."

I stay still, conflicted. Cautiously I get up and, covering my head with the blanket, tip toe to the door. I stand there for a moment staring at the knob.

"Choi Ahri we know you're there! I can see your shadow from under the door!"

'Damn it'

I open the door and hesitantly look up at Yoongi and Namjoon between the small opening.

"Hello," I squeak.

Yoongi rolls his eyes and pushes open the door, causing me to stumble back. He begins cussing. "Idiot what have you been doing?" he throws his hands in the air, "why haven't you been answering your phone?"

I shake my head and stammer back. I can't deal with this yet. Even if we've been friends for over 3 years he's still so harsh.

Namjoon presses his lips together. "We tried calling you. No one knew where you went." He puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it tightly, a warm smile on his face. I guess I've been out longer than I expected. He then brings his other hand out from behind him and presents a bag of takeaway.

I stare at it. I have to admit I'm hungry. Despite being an idol, starving myself for the sake of weight loss has never been possible especially with Hoseok calling every meal time to check I've eaten. If I hadn't he'd force me to eat a buffet the next date.

I frown and look up at the two. "How'd you know where I'd be?" I mutter.

Yoongi looks to Namjoon then back at me. They both shrug. "Whenever we passed here Hobi would always look at this apartment building for some reason," Namjoon replies, "We asked around and found your secret hideout," he says almost playfully. 

I frown and rub the tip of my nose. I look at the ground decorated with smashed china and used tisses, and suddenly feel embarrassed.

Namjoon catches on and nods to the bathroom. "Do you have running warm water?"

I look up and nod timidly. He walks over to the table and puts down the takeaway. I watch him bend over and pick up the rubbish on the ground.

"Go take a shower," Yoongi says, "We'll clean up."

I stare at him suspiciously. He groans, "We won't touch anything else. Hurry up and go, you smell!"

I turn the shower on. I swish my hand in and out of the needles of ice until they're finally warm then I undress and slip inside.

The steam rises to the ceiling until a fog wafts around me. Everything is hazy. My mind and chest are hazy too. 'What am I supposed to do? Is there anything I can do?' I purse my lips as the hot water pierces me. My thoughts and emotions wander with the fog, swallowing me whole into a shadow of doubt. 'Will he never...' I hold my breath and shake my head. 
"No," I tell myself out loud. Hearing someone say it comforts me, even if it's just me. "There must be a way."

***

I stare at my laptop screen, and stare at the ‘breaking news.’ My worries have come true.

“They caught us…” I murmur with my eyes still attached to the screen.

“Hm?” Hoseok hums from the kitchen as he munches on a green apple. He approaches me and sits on the armrest of the couch. He tilts the laptop to face him, leaning closer to me as he takes another bite of his apple. His eyes calmly scan the screen, occasionally nodding and taking another bite of his apple.

“So?” he says nonchalantly.

I look up at him in shock, he seems indifferent to the news. I gape at him. He blinks at me and stares for a moment. Then he glances at his apple and presses it against my lips.

“Ah!” he insists as I shake my head. After I finally bite into it he shrugs. “I think it’s about time people know, it’s been over a year.”

The apple’s already half-eaten and sour. I squeeze my eyes at the taste. I don’t know how he enjoys these. “But—” I manage to squeeze between my pinched face, “What about the fans? And the media?” I purse my lips at the thought, “They’ll never leave us alone and we’ll upset the fans.”

“I didn’t say you could have it all,” Hoseok says eyeing the apple. I roll my eyes but gladly give it back to him—it’s much too sour. “There’s already speculation,” he reasons as he analyses the apple, “there’s no point in dragging it out,” he shrugs again as he takes another bite, finishing the fruit. He gets up and throws the core into the bin before returning to finish his statement. He leans over from the back of the couch, “Plus I heard some fans are shipping us” he whispers in my ear before kissing just above it.

I laugh, “Nonsense.” I scroll down the screen to check the comments—there were some congratulatory messages but the rest were—

“Hey.” Hoseok exclaims as he across the back of the couch to shut the laptop. I twist around to look at him. His side-profile wears a serious expression. There's an eerie silence of deep thought shared between us.

“You’re worried too aren’t you?” I murmur.

He turns to me, his expression still serious. “Yes,” he admits, he waits a moment and explains, “Only because I know it’ll bother you.”

I frown but he just smiles warmly and presses his lips to my forehead.

"That's not helping," I say hoping the fluttering in my chest won't give me away.

Hoseok lifts a brow. “There must be a way…” he whispers as his eyes linger at my lips then just pass them, his smile becomes a smirk and he swoops in and grabs my laptop. “I’ll be taking this!” he grins as he runs off.

“Hey!” I call jumping out of my seat. I chase after him around the apartment, “Hoseok! Give it back!”

***

I come out of the shower feeling a little better. Miserable nonetheless but still. I quickly change and dry my hair before leaving the bathroom.

Namjoon looks up from the dishes "Feeling better?"

I nod as I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. As I look around I see the whole apartment is cleaned, suggesting I took a longer shower than I thought. They had also opened up the shutters and let the sunlight spill its soul into every nook and cranny. I might have slept longer than I thought. The tiny apartment suddenly feels more spacious.

Namjoon smiles before finishing up the dishes while Yoongi sits patiently by the table... in... Hoseok's... chair. I frown and approach him. He looks up with a confused face and leans back, a hand extended on the table to balance himself.

"What?" he mutters.

In response I walk behind him and yank the chair from under him. He falls down, arms flailing. Namjoon's head snaps in the direction of the crash.

"What was that for?!" Yoongi scowls as he scrambles back up. 

His expression is simultaneously upset, baffled and angry; the latter just to hide the other two. I feel a smile pinch my cheeks. And when he  makes another face I burst out laughing. 

"Hey," Yoongi says when I don't stop, "It wasn't that funny." He stares as I continue laughing. Then he embraces me. And I cry. My face curls and cries erupt from my mouth. Whatever I do, it still hurts. 

"Hey," he says softly as he presses me closer to him. He my damp hair as I begin to cry and scream everything I've kept to myself. I'm alone and I have no one to tell, I had no choice but to keep it within these walls.

"What happens if he never remembers? What should I do then? Would I be a nobody? Maybe he hates me?" I cling to the fabric of his grey jumper, gripping it until I can feel my fingernails biting my palms. My screams echo in the hollow apartment. "What happens if he never loves me again? What will I do every day? I don't want to be alone! Why..." I yell all my feelings out nonstop into Yoongi's shoulder as he my hair, occassionally hushing me with comforting words. When my throat is too dry to scream I just cry. And cry. I'm so pathetic. "I'm sorry..." I murmur, it comes out muffed against his jumper.

He lift his brows and hums questioningly. I lift my head and finally pull away. I'm embarrassed to see the darker patch of grey on his right shoulder. I rub my eyes. Namjoon is leaning against the kitchen sink, seeing I've stopped clinging onto Yoongi, he hands me a glass of water. I take it and take a few sips.

"You're not alone," Namjoon says softly, "He's forgotten a lot about us too," he smiles bitterly, "We're still trainees to him."

I blink at him then look at the two of them. They stare back with knowing and saddened expressions. They're hurting too. 'Of course. I've been so blind and self-centred. I'm not the only one forgotten. A lot has changed since two years ago, I just happened to be one of them.'

I purse my lips in remorse and stare at the glass of water in my hands. "I'm sorry," I repeat, it's all I can manage. Silence passes by us and it seems to linger for a while. We all stare at the ground in deep thought.

"Should we eat?" Yoongi suggests breaking the silence.

I nod before noticing we don't have enough seats. We end up eating the food on the couch with the television playing cartoons for the next few hours.