Taekwoon escapes Hakyeon's embrace in the middle of the night. Delicately, he replaces his head on the pillow instead of his chest, and remove the arms circling his waist. He his hair gently before leaving. He will be back soon. 

 

Down the street, he feels a bit cold. Far from Hakyeon's warm body, he shivers maybe just a bit. It doesn't matter though. He has to get used to it. 

 

The basketball court is never closed, it is something he learned thorough the years. Be it in the broad day or in the middle of the night, he always know that he can get in there, play for a while, then leave as if nothing happened. It gives him a sense of relief, somehow. He knows that whenever he is feeling bad, he can come and empty his mind. He replaces his sportbag upon his shoulder, shrugging off the sadness dawning upon him. In times like these, it's better for him not to think about Hakyeon, the way he clings on him at night, and how it makes his heart shatter as much as blossom. 

 

It is not the first time he tries to chase him out of his mind. Maybe he doesn't try hard enough. Should he get away from him to eventually stop caring? The thought in itself makes his heart ache. He perfectly knows that this is sick, but he can't even picture a life without Hakyeon. His state is just as sad as that. 

 

At night, the basketball court feels like home, even if for anyone, the sight would be creepy. He spent the last few years playing in that same area, stepping on each and every square-meter, chasing away a shadow always casting upon him. The memory of his failed confession sticks to his bones even now, still vivid and still hurting, somehow.

 

He can recall perfectly clearly the knots tying up his stomach at the thought of confronting Hakyeon. The excitation, the smile painted on the other's lips that morning, giving him strenght. The wait, the nervousness, Hakyeon's dishevelled hair and his happy face. At that time of the day, he should have sensed it already. He recalls his friend pulling him in a corner, and his naive self thinking that it was to confess to him, too. He recalls his heart beating fast, too fast for his own liking, as Hakyeon leaned in, and the sinking disappointement, his happiness fading away as he heard the fated words.

 

"I'm dating someone."

 

Everything is so far away now, and yet so close.

 

He plays alone. There isn't anyone at this hour of the night, only the sound of his steps and the ball bouncing, his uneven breath and the wind gently blowing on his exposed skin. Nothing comes to his mind but the game. It's relieving.

 

He doesn't stop before falling on the ground out of exhaustion, just as the sky starts to get brighter, and he rolls to lie on his back, heavily panting. There are tears in the corner of his eyes, or sweat, his throat hurts and his limbs feel numb, but at least, at least, the painful void in his heart is a bit filled. He flutters his eyelids close, covering his face with his arm. He is shivering, however he couldn't care less.

 

He takes a deep breath.

 

Then he allows himself to think again. Hakyeon must be still sleeping, in the exact same position he left him, peacefully snoring and dreaming without a worry. He should soon go back, if he doesn't want the other to wake up to an empty bed. Maybe today, just maybe, he will have the courage to leave and go back to his flat.

 

On the way back, the sun is already rising and the birds singing. What a time to be alive. What a time to be in love. However he never felt so bitter. He can't help but be pissed off at himself. He could never blame Hakyeon for anything anyway. Sometimes, only just sometimes, he wishes he could be angry at him, angry enough to change everything he is feeling. Angry enough to find Hakyeon's voice annoying, to not like anymore his smiles and laugh, to be upset by all those little things, all those little things he loves him for. Sometimes, only just sometimes, he wishes to fall out of love, just before seeing Hakyeon's face, and falling right back in. It's a trap Taekwoon doesn't want to escape yet.

 

He reaches the building just as the first sunrays peeks over the city. When he gets to Hakyeon's flat door, though, he sees a young man planted in front of the neighbor's door, obviously wasted. With his pink hair, he looks like a fairy. Less with his leather jacket carelessly throwed upon his shoulder. 

 

Taekwoon is about to shrug it off and simply go back to his place on Hakyeon's side, when he hears the young boy banging his head weakly on the door. 

 

"Everything's alright?" he asks eventually.

 

The other startles as he hears his voice, and winces a bit as he turns around to face him. His eyes are reddened and his lips swollen, pale like a ghost. 

 

"U-uh yeah, yes, I... I'm alright."

 

Taekwoon raises a questioning eyebrow, not saying anything. 

 

"Actually, I- I live here. I'm Lee Hongbin... I guess we are neighbours then?"

 

"Not me. My friend is living here. I'm just visiting him. My name is Jung Taekwoon."

 

Hongbin's mouth curls up into a tiny smile. "Nice to meet you."

 

"... You don't have your keys?"

 

"It's a bit more complicated than that."

 

"What's wrong?"

 

It's not in Taekwoon's habits to ask such things, but Hongbin suddenly looks so sad, and so small, like a puppy, he has the urge to pat him on the head and tell him that it's alright, that everything will be fine now, just as he wishes someone would say to him.

 

"My bestfriend slash roommate is on the other side," Hongbin enounces after a little hesitation, "and he confessed to me just yesterday. But I have a boyfriend."

 

It sounds way too familiar to Taekwoon's ears. "He must feel bad. You should go in and explain yourselves."

 

"I honestly don't know what to say."

 

To that, Taekwoon has no reply. He knows that his friend is going to be hurt anyway.

 

"Tell him what you think... And maybe stay away from each other for a little time." Unless you want him to feel like me.

 

Hongbin nods. "Uhm, thank you... For the advice."

 

It feels a bit awkward, but Taekwoon is alright with that. He smiles kindly -or at least, try to.

 

"No problem. I'll be going now... See you around."

 

"See you."

 

They both enter the flat at the same time.

 

Taekwoon takes a quick shower, and goes back to his place on Hakyeon's side, welcoming the sleepyhead's arms wrapping around his waist once again. Hakyeon is and has always been clingy, as long as Taekwoon can remember. It doesn't bother him in the slightest, especially since he knows this is the older's way of showing affection, but today, maybe just today, he doesn't feel like cuddling. Not when he knows Hakyeon's heart will be forever out of his reach.

 

"Where were you?" Hakyeon mumbles, eyes still closed.

 

Taekwoon simply his nape half-mindedly. "Out."

 

"Hmmm... You smell good."

 

Hakyeon has this way, of making his heart swell and flip around, whenever he snuggles closer, nose rubbing on his neck, and says such adorable things. It gives Taekwoon the urge to hug and kiss him. He doesn't, though.

 

But all in all, Taekwoon is weak when it comes to Hakyeon. He pecks his temple tenderly.

 

"It's early. Sleep some more."

 

Hakyeon sighs softly, a smile gracing his features, as Taekwoon's fingers find their way to his hair, massaging his scalp, and he falls back asleep right away.

 

He doesn't say it, but it feels way better to sleep in Taekwoon's arms than anyone else's.

 

They get up a few hours after, Hakyeon rolling all over the bed giggling at Taekwoon's face and dishevelled hair -he somehow knew he shouldn't have fell back asleep with damp hair- and this feels strangely different than the other times, but neither of them point it out. Maybe it's the way their eyes sparkle a bit brighter, or the way Hakyeon's smile is too wide and Taekwoon is on the edge of laughing, maybe it lies in the little silences, in the lingering touches, no one knows.

 

Taekwoon decides to cook for both of them. Since he decided to come home this evening, he might as well make a last little something for Hakyeon.

 

"Taekwoon-ah," said Hakyeon whines, scrolling through his phone, "because of you I've got forty-two unread text messages. Mom thinks I'm sulking. Hyung thinks I'm dead."

 

"How is it my fault?"

 

"You're the one telling me to turn off my phone!"

 

Taekwoon smiles very slightly. "You're the one forgetting to turn in on for an entire week."

 

Hakyeon pouts, letting himself fall on one of the kitchen's chair. He scrolls and type for a little while, probably reassuring his mother and deadpanning sassy comments to his brother, before Taekwoon hears his voice again.

 

"Junmyeon texted me!" He exclaims, beaming. "What should I do?..."

 

"Reply, obviously."

 

"Ah, but... What to say?..."

 

"What did he say?"

 

Hakyeon clears his throat, obviously excited by the text. "'I heard for your absence the other week. Are you feeling better? If you come back to work on monday, let's have a drink together after our shift ends :)' ahhh that's so sweet, really... Junmyeon is such a kind and caring guy... Should I say yes, though? Wouldn't it be awkward?"

 

Taekwoon purses his lips. He wants to say no, to tell him to hang out with him instead, that he doesn't want to know him with anyone else, but Hakyeon looks so happy, and Taekwoon is so selfless, he only nods in aknowledgment. Hakyeon seems to take that as a yes.

 

"Ahh, it's making me all dizzy! Is it alright for me to feel that way even if I got dumped only two weeks ago?..."

 

Is it alright for me to feel that way even if I got trapped into the friendzone for so long? Taekwoon wants to ask instead. But Taekwoon, as usual, doesn't say a thing, rather hums.

 

It's insane, somehow, the things he does to himself just for Hakyeon's sake. Because like that, just like that, it would be so easy for him to give in to selfishness. Because on days like these, when Hakyeon blooms again with happiness, Taekwoon wishes to be the one making him smile that way. It would only take three steps and a slight bend of the head.

 

"I'm coming home today," he mumbles, turning his back on the older.

 

"For real?" His friend seems genuinely surprised.

 

"For real."

 

What more can Taekwoon do? His deed is done.

 

"Well..." Hakyeon munches on his bottom lip, looking at the azalea flowers blossoming on his balcony. He doesn't understand why Taekwoon suddenly sounds so sad. "Take care of you, will you? I'll keep you tuned with the Junmyeon deal."

 

It's the worst idea he ever had, keeping track of all his crushes and dates to his bestfriend, but it has somehow become usual.

 

Taekwoon fakes a tiny smile, turning around on his heels to ruffle Hakyeon's hair in a affectionate manner. "You're the one that should take care of yourself."

 

 

 

Azalea - temperance ; "take care of yourself for me".

---

OMG i guess i should apologize for the shortness and the iness of this chapter. i wanted to add so much things, but i'm running out of time, and i didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. can you smell the kenbin and neo in the air though?? next chapter will be more interesting, i promise.

kind of hiatus announcement because my final exam is on the 19th and i have loads of work atm. still working on things during my free-time but the updates won't be as quick as before. but do not worry! as soon as i will pass this exam, i will dedicate my whole summer to writing.

thanks for all the people subbed, also the silent readers, the upvoters and reviewers, you can't possibly imagine how it brightens my dark study days to see notifications popping out on aff for me. you help me keep my head up in this time of great depression and stress! i'm so thankful to every single one of you.

loads and loads of love and kisses from the bottom of my weak and tiny heart.

 

PS: heads up to my Tumblr if you want regular writing updates! i'll be answering whatever question you'll ask me about my otps and also i'm currently challenging myself in writing three-sentences long fanfictions so feel free to drop by request anything you want! (with whatever pairing you want, also)