"H-hey, uh, Hyuk? It's me, Hongbin...--- I'm sorry for yesterday. Did you get home safely? I guess we should talk a bit. Can you... Can you call me back soon?... I-- nevermind. Let's talk later."

 

 

The bus ride to his sister's flat seems like forever in Hongbin's mind. His head hurts a bit and he feels like collapsing on himself any minute now, arms circling his knees like a child sulking. In his hand, his phone is left untouched, waiting for a call that doesn't come. When his stop in the suburb arrives, Hongbin nearly misses it, too busy sinking in his thoughts. There are many pretty houses, in that neighborhood, with flowers in front and children playing in the streets, but he doesn't see any of it. He is far too tired to even pay attention to the sun warming his skin up and the wind dishevelling his hair ; the only thing that sticks to his mind is the thought of a bed, and maybe Sanghyuk curled up besides him, in some alternate universe where Jaehwan wouldn't be sad and himself not feeling guilty.

 

"Hongbinnie!"

 

His sister throws herself in his arms as soon as she sees him standing outside the door. 

 

"How have you been?" She cups his face like she would do with a child, and it makes him strangely relaxed, somehow. "God, you look like death. Do you want to take a nap? Do you want me to prepare you a bath?"

 

He lets out a breathless laugh, circling his aching arms around her thin frame. The scent around her is familiar, and takes him back to soothing childhood memories and happy times ; just what he needs right now.

 

"I love you, noona," he mutters, burying his head farther in the crook of her neck.

 

"You want cake, don't you."

 

The smile in her voice can be heard. It makes him smile as well.

 

"Yes, please."

 

Just as if he was eight again, he lets himself get spoiled by his sister. 

 

After a warm bubble bath and a yummy creamy cake, he is tucked under lavender-smelling blankets and kissed on the forehead, slender fingers running through his hair to ease him to sleep. As shameful as it is, Hongbin likes to be treated as a toddler whenever he feels down. At least, it legitimates the feeling of powerlessness dawning upon him, lightens his burden and makes him feel less alone. He closes his eyes, thinking about Sanghyuk, out there, probably sleeping just like he is about to -surely, that would explain why he haven't had a call back so far.

 

He can't seem to get him out of his head.

 

Even drowsy, on the edge of falling asleep, only the younger's face sticks to his mind ; his parted lips and hurt eyes, just as he left him yesterday. Hongbin would like to erase the creased forehead and furrowed eyebrows, would like to go back on his tracks and hug him, to tell him that he is sorry, that he did not want to run away, that he just doesn't know how to handle anything without chickening out. He would like to reassure the younger, that no, he wasn't two-timing him, and that Han Sanghyuk, you're the one I want to be with, so please let's not break up, because it's so soon but I already love you, if you could just let me show you.

 

He regrets the things he has done and those he did not, as well as everything he should have said and didn't have the time, nor the mind to.

 

"It's not entirely your fault, you know," his sister reasons him, fingers still playing with the pink strands. However Hongbin knows, deep down, that he played oblivious for far too long now, because he is nothing but a coward, and he never knew how to act without hurting people.

 

"Also," she adds as a little giggle crosses past her lips, "your roots are becoming black again. I'll dye your hair back to normal tomorrow."

 

Hongbin lets out a slight groan, which means 'no' in his weird language. He likes his pink hair now, even if he huffed and puffed like a spoiled child when it was time to do the dying, since Sanghyuk said he liked it. He doesn't care if he looks like a princess, as long as it makes the younger smile and look at it with those loving eyes, he is willing to keep this hair color.

 

"Don't be silly, Bin-ah..."

 

He groans again, burying his head deep down in the pillow.

 

"Fine," she laughs again, "fine. Now sleep, my child... I'm watching over you."

 

As soon as the room becomes silent, Hongbin falls into a dreamless slumber.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

Taekwoon knows very well what is going on in Hakyeon's mind right now ; how envious he is of the blossoming romance between his neighbors, how disappointed he feels because he is going to be alone again tonight, how happy he thinks he should be at the perspective of having a drink with Junmyeon on monday. Taekwoon knows everything too well, and he knows how he should react too, but today, he doesn't feel strong enough.

 

"Well, what else can I do?"

 

"I don't know. You could stay over the week-end."

 

"You know I can't."

 

He knows he should smile now, and Hakyeon would just wave him off like all those other times, but he is feeling tired, so tired, and all that he wants right now is to get rid of all those thoughts running wild into his mind. The older whines, and Taekwoon closes his eyes as he lets out a sigh. All of this will be getting him a headache.

 

A warm hand on his face makes him snap back to reality.

 

"Don't furrow your eyebrows... You'll get wrinkles."

 

He can't bite back an incredulous scoff. "Why are you thinking about my wrinkles all of a sudden?"

 

"I'm always worrying about your wrinkles," Hakyeon grins, "in your stead."

 

Taekwoon swipes away the other's bangs instead of replying, softening under his warm smile.

 

"So..." Hakyeon purses his lips, tentatively fumbling with the hem of his shirt -a very pleasant and yet annoying habit of his, that never fails to make Taekwoon feel slightly flustered- "Are you going straight home?"

 

"I think I'm going to make a stop at the basketball court," Taekwoon says. For a second, he is tempted to just end it like this and go, before Hakyeon could do any other thing to swipe off his feets as per usual, but the older's expectant gaze takes the best of him. "Do you want to come along?"

 

As if he was waiting for that exact sentence all along, Hakyeon's entire face lights up at those words, and he beams happily: "Yes!"

 

Jung Taekwoon's weak self swears mentally one more time ; all those things he does because of Cha Hakyeon.

 

 

Somewhere along the way to the court, Hakyeon tugs at Taekwoon's cardigan sleeve, happily trailing behind him in his colorful sneakers, and it makes his heart flutter, because it feels just like being a couple. He slows down just one bit, to linger in that feeling a little more, savouring the taste of being just like that, with Hakyeon, even just for a short moment.

 

"Taekwoon-ah," Hakyeon babbles cutely, just like a toddler -he knows it always make his friend smile- "it's been so long since we last played together. I'm definitely going to win this time!"

 

Taekwoon pinches affectionately his cheek. "Of course."

 

Somewhere along the way to the court, Taekwoon's mind get lighter, just like the hold on his sleeve, as Hakyeon's pinky links with his own.

 

No matter how hard he tries to slow down their pace, to keep their fingers intertwined together, they eventually arrive to the basketball court, Hakyeon still chirping stupid things alone, trying to make his mood better. They start to play and indeed, it's been a while, and Hakyeon is even worse. It can easily be seen, by the way he loses the ball and laughs sheepishly right after, looking at Taekwoon with those puppy eyes he can't resist ; also his repeated attempts to dunk even though he can't seem to reach the basket even when jumping. Each and every time, he stumbles and falls, and lands on Taekwoon's chest, all breathless chuckles and wide smiles. Each and every time, the latter holds his breath for a second, hoping he wouldn't notice his heart beating too fast or his body stiffening ever-so-slightly. Luckily for him, Hakyeon doesn't say anything, simply frowns cutely whenever he blocks one of his shots.

 

They plop onto the grass as the sun goes down in the sky and the weather gets chilly, sweaty to the bone and breathing heavily.

 

"I swear I could've made that dunk if only you'd let me," Hakyeon complains again, rolling on the side to smack lightly Taekwoon's shoulder.

 

"Sure," the latter replies.

 

"I thought you would let me win like in highschool though."

 

"I didn't--"

 

Hakyeon gets on his elbows, face scooting closer to the younger's slightly flushing one. "Liar. You'd always let the ball go whenever I went to you!"

 

Taekwoon averts his gaze. It wasn't on purpose that he dropped the ball back then ; he would just freak out whenever Hakyeon would get closer, and get into kicked puppy mode. He slaps very softly Hakyeon's neck, embarassed. It makes the other chuckle.

 

There is something building up, though, unlike the other times. It's imperceptible, like a change in the atmosphere, invisible strings straining between them.

 

Taekwoon hands goes up from Hakyeon's neck to the side of his cheek, to his ear, to the soft hair on his nape. He stares at his face, mesmerized, tenderly the skin under his fingers. Hakyeon remains silent. Taekwoon wonders if, this close, he can hear the quick thumps in his ribcage and the hurricane of thoughts in his brain, that are telling him to do something, something he should have done ages ago. The moment is far from perfect, but he knows that it's now or never, that if he misses his chance again, there will never be any other way for him to get to Hakyeon. However, something else is boiling up in his stomach, because it doesn't seem right, not when Hakyeon is about to crush on someone else, and Taekwoon doesn't feel selfish enough to lift his chin up and close the distance between them ; not when the older is looking at him like that, just like this fateful day, with bright eyes lightened up by blossoming love - a love that isn't for him.

 

Hakyeon's eyelids flutter close as if on cue to his inner dilemma, causing his breath to itch in his throat.

 

His fingers slow down their on the other's hair, as time seems to stop right in this moment just for him. Maybe, just maybe, if Hakyeon isn't looking, he can allow himself to be selfish just for once. Maybe, just maybe, if the world stopped on this right moment, he can only think about his own happiness. Maybe, just maybe, if Hakyeon would stay like this a little bit longer, he could allow himself to be weak just for this time, and lean in to capture those lips he has dreamt of for so many nights. Maybe, just maybe, then, it wouldn't feel so much like a dream but the vivid reality, with Hakyeon's warm and responding body close to his, and the spark in his heart could then ignite and burn him whole, and it wouldn't bother him. 

 

 

A little voice chants in his head ; it wouldn't hurt to try, would it?

 

 

 

 

Taekwoon closes his own eyes, and seal their lips together.

 

 

 

 

It's very chaste, simply a light press. Against him, Hakyeon stays still, hopefully eyes still closed, and Taekwoon kisses him again, open-mouthed, just like he would have liked to for so long. He welcomes the feeling with a swelling heart and a fluttering stomach, grip getting a bit firmer on the older's nape, because he fears that he will get out of his hold any second now, that he will wake up arms empty and with a hole in his chest.

 

He recovers his grasp on reality when Hakyeon's fingers tentatively grace his shoulder and a pair of warm and tender lips respond to his kiss.

 

 

His brain plugs in ; this isn't right.

 

He has been selfish for too long, and now his time is up.

 

 

Taekwoon gets up abruptly, leaving all his belongings scattered on the floor, and runs away just as Hakyeon opens his eyes.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

"You have one new message", says the numeric voice into his earbuds.

 

Sanghyuk gulps nervously, fighting the strong desire to delete it immediately.

 

 

 

"What are you listening to?"

 

His sister plops down next to him on the couch, gesturing to his earphones. Sanghyuk fumbles with his phone for a quick moment before turning towards her, faking a carefree smile.

 

"Nothing important," he says, brushing it off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snapdragon - deception.

 

 

 

---

OK NOW EVERYBODY HANDS UP DON'T SHOOT.

so much things happening and so little at the same time. what happened during last night between hyukbin for hyuk not to want to hear his beloved hyung's message??? who knows?????? (hint: me)

also NEO HAPPENED OH MY GOD POP THE BALLOONS I HAD THIS SCENE IN MIND FOR SO LONG NOW (well not exactly like that but they kissed so who cares uh?)

phew it's the tenth chapter and ohmygod this fic is becoming long but it was just supposed to be a short hyukbin oneshot at first??? more and more interesting things coming ahead hehe i'm not getting out of breath yet ok so sit back down and enjoy the ride.

serious talk now we are 150 on this boat together my gawd it may seem a few compared to featured fanfics but for me it's huge and it means so much!

i want to thank you all: the subscribers, upvoters, commenters, even the silent readers!

thank you for giving much love to this fic and to vixx, i myself will work even more to provide even more love and hardwork to this and to vixx as well, and we are all in this together and i'm so glad!

back to the silly talk brace yourselves bcs next chap.................. i can't tell more. anyway now that you're all hating on me bcs i turned this fic into an angsty one even though i announced loads of cheesiness in the foreword at first (i edited! i even added the tag! new readers are warned now!) let's just stick together hands in hands for another round of drama before the grand finale! honestly idk where this is heading hahaha but i'm loving writing this story and i love you so you'll have me sticking around for quite some time before being able to get rid of that stupid author-nim!

this a/n is much longer than expected so if you want to skip that anecdote feel free to.

just saying that i chose basketball over soccer for Taekwoon bcs. 1/ Love Equation mv had me getting F E E L S for our Leo -even though i didn't like him at first- bcs you know sweaty Taekwoon playing basketball in the middle of the night and basically just Taekwoon being wet yeah you know what i'm talking about that's what people want to see. also 2/ playing soccer alone is.......... YOU CAN'T EVEN PLAY ALONE you have to run everywhere to get the ball bcs no one's here to pass it to and yeah it OKAY also how do you want to make Hakyeon stumble and fall and land on Taekwoon's chest if they are playing soccer huh i'm asking yo u it would have been more like "Hakyeon stumbles and tackles Taekwoon and HITS HIM IN THE SHIN AND HE FALLS AND BREAKS HIS LEG THATS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE CAREFUL WHILE PLAYING SOCCER CHILDREN". 3/ did you know that the risk of dying by a heart attack was highly likely to be younger for soccer than basketball? what do you mean how do you know that //i had to learn it for my exams yes yes what kind of class it is youre asking me and i'm telling you 'yeah studying to be a doctor in France..... ::shrugs::' and yeah so i didn't want our beloved Taekwoon to die too soon so i chose basketball (bull the risk is nearly the same ok i just like how it lifts 'em players shirts when they dunk hahahahaha)

ok its 2am officially RIGHT NOW (01:59 as i type this) and i've been splurting too much nonsense omg and i'm not even sorry what kind of world do we live in srlsy.

 

 

i'm sorry for being a dumb kid. love y'all!!! (and it's 2am now now now  sail sail sail gotta gotta go go gotta save this update save this update)

EDIT: it's 2:01 why do i always fail at life. also whY IS THIS A/N SO LONG OMG.