1. Yoona loved her the first moment she saw her.

"A new trainee."

 

"Again?"

 

"It's no surprise. I reckon there'll always be new trainees coming in."

 

Yoona had her eyes fixated on the book in her lap, but her ears were wide open. She had been stuck in the same page for the last thirty minutes, if only someone had been paying attention to her. New trainee. She wondered quietly if she had been gossiped too back then when she first entered the trainees batch.

 

Seven months into her trainee life, gossips and news formulated around her everyday. You'd think that trainees worked their arses off for practice and practice only, but Yoona found out that there would always be a part who still had the energy to talk. They mostly chatted about new trainees or debut rumors, although sometimes the topic derived to the established artists; especially if one of them visited the 'trainees dungeon'.

 

"Is it her?"

 

"What, she doesn't look like a threat."

 

"Black beans."

 

"How did she enter?"

 

"Dance? I heard. I'm not sure."

 

Yoona felt a pair of hands covered her ears, and she glanced to her left. Hyoyeon grinned, Sooyoung and Jessica peered from her back.

 

"Eavesdropping gossips again, Yoona?"

 

She smiled. Although Hyoyeon and Sooyoung entered later than her, they were older and they took their 'unnies' role seriously. As in, they constantly doted on her and occasionally covered her eyes and ears when some trainees gossiped nearby. Jessica didn't dote on her in the obvious way Hyoyeon and Sooyoung did; but Yoona once caught the older girl glaring at a bunch of trainees who mentioned Yoona's name in one of their gossips session.

 

"Is there really a new trainee, unnie?"

 

"She's just coming in earlier," Hyoyeon answered, "she'll come around soon."

 

Sooyoung snickered. When Yoona asked her why, she shook her head and said it's nothing.

 

Later, Yoona would learn that the new trainee didn't come around soon because her unnies had pranked the new trainee on her very first day. She would also learn that the trainee's name is Kwon Yuri through hearsay.

 

Actually, Yuri didn't really have a face in Yoona's mind until that one time Yoona came very early for her dance class.

 

She had expected the room to be empty, because the earlier slot ended one hour ago and her slot would start in two hours. When she opened the door, though, music blared against the room's walls, and someone was there moving to the beat, unaware of Yoona's silent presence.

 

The person had tanned skin, almost a split resemblance of Sooyoung's, the person's black jet hair flowed beautifully in the air. The music provided the environment and the person moved fluidly, as if she talked and interacted to the music through her gestures. Her sharp eyes, which Yoona got a glimpse of when that person made a spin, showed absolute determination. Her expression fierce, and the music blared, the dance unstopped—unlike Yoona's heart which had skipped a beat.

 

"Dance you say? But we've already had Kim Hyoyeon."

 

"That newbie will be overshadowed quickly. Poor her."

 

"Pft. She's probably not going to last long anyway."

 

Almost too soon, the music was over. Yoona swallowed, stunned in her spot. She almost felt like she had sinned as she watched the unexpected performance. It felt private. It almost felt like Yoona was intruding someone's intimate moment with the nature.

 

The dance finished, the person didn't slump over in exhaustion like Yoona expected her to. Instead, she turned around and spotted her. Yoona watched, in silent wonderment, as the fierce expression melted into a soft smile, the determined eyes now showed a glint of curiosity. The person walked, almost seemed like she waltzed, to the spot Yoona was standing on.

 

"Hey," the person greeted. "I'm Kwon Yuri, and you?"

 

Something like nerves shot through Yoona's stomach because this person, this girl, Kwon Yuri, who carried an air of confidence and moved like she wanted to give Hyoyeon a run for her money, spoke to her with a voice that softly entered her ears. It wasn't anything like Yoona expected her voice to sound like, and it honestly caught Yoona off guard, as she stood there blinking owlishly at the question.

 

"Im Yoona," she finally managed after the weird flutter in her stomach calmed down.

 

"Im Yoona," Kwon Yuri parroted with a smile. A smile that made those weird butterflies came back. A smile that gave Yoona feelings she couldn't yet dechiper. A smile that made Yoona unconsciously wished,

 

please last long.

 

 

 

2. Yoona loved her for being there even when it's easier not to be.

After a little confrontation about the Prank, the pranksters' sheepish sorrys, and an apology that came faster than a chicken delivery, Kwon Yuri slipped into the dynamics of Yoona's circle almost too easily.

 

Yuri took in Jessica's icy glares and sleepy tendency really well. Yuri entertained Seohyun when Yoona firstly introduced her to the bunch. Yoona found out that other than being a rival, Hyoyeon and Yuri got along too well in terms of joking around. Add Sooyoung into the mix and you're going to get a constant headache.

 

It almost sounded too good to be true, a calm before the storm, a ticking bomb ready to explode wrongs in a split of seconds.

 

So when Yoona finally got into a fight with Yuri, her ego cracked too much to take logic into account.

 

Yuri looked at her and Yoona looked away.

 

Gossips formulated around her, people twisting her or Yuri's words and spread it as facts.

 

Yoona was too tired to check every credibility and sometimes it seemed that at some points, Yuri did the same. Mistakes were made and misunderstandings happened. The bunch was shaken.

 

Yuri did and said stupid things.

 

Yoona was no better.

 

But they were young, and pride was what parted them from a simple sorry and early forgiveness.

 

During those times, though, Yoona found that even as cold silence started to creep in between the two whenever they were left alone, Yuri was still there. In front of her class whenever Yoona had the last slot in dance training, variety training, or vocal training. Waiting for Yoona to come out no matter how late, so that they could walk into the station to go home together, just like usual.

 

Even if they spent the day avoiding each other to their utmost ability, even as their journey would be filled only with thick silence and awkward coughs, Yuri would be there, waiting, never leaving her to go home alone.

 

One day it was raining.

 

They hadn't resolved their problem, even though Sooyoung and Hyoyeon had uncomfortably hinted at them to just make up already. It was stretched far too long, too unnecessary. But Yuri had learnt not to look at her, and Yoona wasn't brave anough to be the first to look.

 

Dance class was Yoona's last that day and it ended so late. As she packed her belongings, Yoona had thought that Yuri would've been back already. The rain had been going for hours, it would be foolish not to go home the soonest one could.

 

Yoona left the room the last, silently closing the door behind her. She looked up, preparing to go when her steps halted.

 

It was raining, cold and dark altogether outside.

 

And her eyes caught Yuri's figure leaning against a pillar.

 

Yoona quietly walked to the silent girl, and Yuri sensed her presence as the distance between them reduced. Yuri turned to look at her, and this time Yoona didn't look away.

 

"Done for today?" Yuri whispered, bringing front what Yoona could identify as an umbrella. Yoona jerkily nodded, and then realized, belatedly, with a pang of regret in her heart that she forgot to bring her own umbrella.

 

Tough luck.

 

Yuri had opened her umbrella and stepped into the rain. She turned around and looked at her, eyebrows raised at Yoona's hesitancy to start walking.

 

"......I forget my umbrella," Yoona finally muttered, loud enough for Yuri to hear.

 

Yoona lifted her head just enough to see the edges of Yuri's lips tilted upwards to form the slightest hint of a smile. The older girl walked back, her slight smile never really left.

 

"Come in."

 

And Yoona didn't have a choice. Not when Yuri's hand extended to lace their fingers together, gently pulling her under the blue umbrella. Not when Yuri's slight smile widened ever so slightly. Not when Yuri whispered, too close to her ear,

 

"Let's go, hmm?"

 

They walked in silence, the blue umbrella doing its best at shielding them against the rain. It didn't take more than ten steps for Yoona to realize,

 

"Unnie. The umbrella is tilting too much towards me."

 

Yuri only hummed, but the umbrella didn't change. Yoona glanced at the girl beside her, at the distance between them, at Yuri's drenched side and the slight trembles in Yuri's fingers around the holder. It was obvious that Yuri was soaked and cold.

 

Father said the one more in love is always the one more wet.

 

Yoona shifted closer, her hands sneaking around Yuri's arm slowly. If Yuri didn't want to change the umbrella's direction, then Yoona wouldn't make Yuri choose. She wrapped the trembling fingers with her own and steadied the umbrella, resulting Yuri to look at her with a gaze Yoona didn't know how to read.

 

"Is this your solution to your earlier statement?" Yuri whispered into her ear, hot breath swept against Yoona's cold earlobe. She shivered slightly.

 

"Shut up. This way no one would've to be drenched. Have another idea?"

 

You just don't want her to catch a cold, she reminded herself. Never mind the tingling Yoona acutely felt as their skin slid against each other's. Never mind the slight caught of breath Yoona had to experience as she heard Yuri's low chuckle. Never mind her flushing face as Yuri draped an arm around her shoulder and wordlessly pulled her closer.

 

They didn't say anything for the rest of their journey, but their eyes would meet occasionally and Yoona would see warmth and she couldn't look away. Their bodies pressed against each other, warm, and if the cold silence tried to make a comeback, it flopped harder than a fish trying to make a flying parade.

 

 

 

3. Yoona loved her for staying close even when they're physically far apart.

Years of training came into fruition in form of a debut. That alone was enough to make Yoona sigh in relief, but to find out that she would debut in the same group as most of the bunch were... it was literally the gift from Heaven Yoona wasn't sure she deserved.

 

Aside from Sunny, who was the last addition to the group, Yoona had been through thick and thin with them. She had known the struggles, had felt the same exhaustion. If she was to be honest with herself, Sunny must've felt all the same too.

 

So when the company pushed her to activities first and more than her friends-now-members, Yoona worried an awful lot.

 

She was worried the others would think negatively of her. Worried she would drift away. Worried the others would drift away. She felt unfair that the others didn't get the same offer, and stressed over what to say hoping to never hurt any feelings in the process.

 

Growing up without siblings and with a father that constantly had to work, Yoona learnt to kept everything in. The habit followed her as a trainee, and gripped her harder as she debuted. Yoona thought of herself like layers of feelings. She opened up to people she knew in varying degree, but the deepest layer was known to hers only.

 

Even as Taeyeon, the appointed leader for their group, gathered them for a night talk, Yoona didn't tear the layer and instead kept everything in. The members assured her that they were okay, and instead felt sorry that she worked harder than them. Yoona wanted to believe them. She really did. But a little doubt was always there, gnawing at every silence Yoona certainly had whenever she went to her schedule alone.

 

So when those moments happened and her phone rang, Yoona felt a glimmer of hope.

 

From: My Yuri unnie ^^
Good luck on your schedule, Yoona!
Be safe, be healthy,
I'll be waiting for you until you come back, okay?
Text me whenever you can. I'll entertain you
if people in the set bore you too much!
Love you :*

 

The text's content always varied, but the effect was always the same. A wide smile on Yoona's face, and a secret relieved sigh from the manager in charge of driving Yoona to her schedule.

 

To: My Yuri unnie ^^
Okay unnie. Thank you. I wish you
were there, but I guess your Mickey
Mouse is far more important than me.
You aren't even awake when I have to go.
You just sleep with that plushie in your arms.
*sulks*
.....I'm kidding hehe
I'll be home in no time :) See you later!

 

Sometimes Yuri would call her. Loads. Often times, it would happen in a totally wrong time. When she was about to act, or when she needed to immerse herself in a sad atmosphere. Yoona mostly ended up having to shut her phone down, but not without a grin on her face and a familiar warmth filling up her chest like a sunshine after the rain as she saw the caller's ID.

 

Once, she had to go to the filming set a little past midnight.

 

"Yoona, let's go," the manager said.

 

She hesitated, eyes traveling towards Yuri's sleeping form. The tanned girl snored lightly, tongue sticking out, a stuffed mickey mouse tucked under her arm. It was so peaceful and Yoona wanted to feel the peaceful feeling with her, even more so because lately they hardly had the time to bond together.

 

"Okay," Yoona whispered with a heavy heart.

 

She exited the dorm, her bag loosely hanging on her shoulder. The manager opened the car's door for her and she entered. She vaguely heard the manager mentioned 're-shooting', 'schedule', and 'phone'.

 

Phone?

 

Yoona blinked and rummaged through her bag, wishing she hadn't left her phone in the dorm. Fortunately, she found it within ten minutes in the front pocket—the manager hadn't noticed the little moment of panic happening in the passenger seat.

 

She was about to zip her bag close when a folded green paper caught her interest. She didn't remember buying green papers. Curiously, she picked it up and unfolded it slowly.

 

It had a photo stuck on it, four sentences scribbled hastily under. Yoona let her fingers traced the photo; a stuffed rilakkuma placed beside a stuffed mickey mouse, a blanket covering them as if they were asleep.

 

If you find this it means you're having a schedule out again *sulks*. Fighting Yoong! I'm sorry I can't be there with you but our stuffed plushies are together so there's that. I will consider including my own photo later if you have came back and sleep beside me again at least once, I miss you :(

 

"......you sleepy?" she heard the manager said.

 

"Huh?"

 

"Aigoo... I asked, are you sleepy?"

 

I hope I was sleeping with Yuri unnie. Yoona shook her head and smiled, her eyes never leaving the paper in her hands.

 

"No, Oppa, I'm awake."

 

How else could she feel the butterfly fluttering inside her stomach?

 

 

 

4. Yoona loved her for 'adopting' her to the Kwon family.

"Yoona, dear, come here. I bought something for you."

 

"What? Umma! You don't even buy anything for me!"

 

"Shush, Yul, don't be childish, I've bought you something last year."

-

 

"Yoona, help Oppa lift some things from the garage please?"

 

"Now that you ask for Yoona's help you suddenly know the word 'please'."

 

"Pft, come off it, dongsaeng, yours aren't a help; it's an obligation. I shouldn't have to ever say please."

-

 

"Aigoo, Im Yoona... have bloomed into a gorgeous flower, don't you?"

 

"*constant grumble and grumble and grumble*"

 

"Ayy, come on, Yuri-ah, Appa just haven't seen Yoona for so long. Didn't Appa also say the same to you last month?"

-

 

Yoona excused herself from the dining room, politely saying no at Mrs. Kwon's invitation for another round of kimchi and beef wraps. She wandered around, trying to look for someone who had finished eating so early. Now... where would she be? Yoona came into the living room, sighing as she found it empty.

 

"Looking for Yuri?"

 

Yoona spun around to find Hyukjoon leaning against the wall, smiling. She smiled back and nodded at his question.

 

"She tends to have an alone time in the backyard," Hyukjoon informed her.

 

Yoona pondered over the answer. Alone time? "Do you think she will..."

 

"Nah, she won't be mad at you for entering her space." Hyukjoon was smirking knowingly by then, "I thought you'd have known that by now."

 

True to his words, Yoona found Yuri on the bench in the backyard. The tanned girl wasn't looking and Yoona wasn't sure what to do, so she stood there until the tanned girl noticed her. Which strangely didn't take that long.

 

Yoona offered a hesitant smile as their gaze met. Yuri smiled back and patted the empty space next to her, inviting Yoona to sit. She nodded and walked there, her brain formulating what to say.

 

"I was looking for you."

 

"My family loves you more than they do me," Yuri huffed, her hand casually tucking several strands of wild hair behind Yoona's ear. "Are they boring you too much that you have to find me?"

 

"No, they're brilliant," Yoona quickly answered. "I just... want to say sorry."

 

"Why?"

 

Yoona looked at her, the clear confusion in Yuri's eyes. And there she thought Yuri was joking for asking 'why'. Yoona shook her head, "You just seem really annoyed that they..."

 

And then Yuri caught on. Yuri must've caught on what Yoona meant because her face lit up. But then Yuri laughed, and Yoona wasn't sure if Yuri really caught on or if Yuri's head was hit by something hard. Maybe that Ma Yuri had consumed actually contained something bad for her health?

 

"Yoong," Yuri spoke as her laugh began to subside, "I would never be upset about that. I'm just playing around."

 

Yoona wasn't convinced. "But..."

 

Yuri shook her head and pressed a finger on Yoona's lips. "Nuh-uh. If anything, I'm happy because they love you like I expect them to. Like I do."

 

Yoona felt a lump formed in . "Do you mean it?"

 

Yuri smiled warmly at her, one of her hand came up to ruffle her hair in a way that always made Yoona's heart soar ridiculously high it had to be unhealthy.

 

"Don't I always?"

 

 

 

5. Yoona loved her for being her safe place without even trying.

Through her life, Yoona discovered that she had so many fears. From small to big, from childish fears to adult's. As she grew up, she discovered that the older she was, the more fears came surrounding her.

 

Yoona remembered their pre-debut memory, when the room they were in underwent a blackout out of the blue. The window showed that a storm was going on. Yoona was sure she heard Seohyun squeaked, which was gently shushed by Hyoyeon.

 

Yoona? She was scared, and she was on her way to keep everything in like usual, swallowing her fear and closing her eyes tightly, when she felt familiar hands touched her nose.

 

"Sssh."

 

It's Yuri.

 

Yoona stilled as the hands worked up from her nose to her forehead, tracing her eyebrows, and went to the sides of her head, covering her ears.

 

"Please tell me I'm covering your ears and not Sooyoung's," Yuri whispered, "it's so dark here I can't see a thing."

 

Yoona giggled. "You are, unnie."

 

"Are you scared?" Yuri asked softly, her lips teasingly hovered near Yoona's neck so that Yoona could hear her even with her ears being covered, and Yoona felt the older girl inched closer to her from behind. Yoona silently thanked God for the blackness, else Yuri would totally see her blush.

 

"It's okay. Taeyeon said the storm's supposed to pass away quick."

 

"How'd she know?"

 

"Dunno, but she's the ahjumma in our group and ahjummas are always right."

 

And Yuri proceeded to get Yoona to talk, about foods, about a killer teacher Yoona had to face in her school, about puppies, about everything. Forgetting about the storm, forgetting about her fear.

 

Other time after they debuted, Yoona remembered having to go on stage. It would've been okay if it wasn't for the nightmare she had the night before. She stood there in the formation, nervous and sweating cold bullets, wishing she wouldn't up anything.

 

And suddenly Yuri would be there, right behind her, tickling her ear to get her attention. She swatted the fingers away jokingly, and Yuri mimicked her gesture with silly sound effect and exaggerated move that Yoona couldn't help but chuckle. Yuri would whisper funny things that distracted her from her nervousness, and before Yoona knew it, the music was starting and the nervousness bubbling up inside her wasn't found anymore—only laugh and Yuri.

 

Yuri didn't even have to ask if Yoona was nervous. Yuri merely stood by her and did her things, getting Yoona to relax and laugh, sometimes too easy than Yoona think it would've been.

 

Yuri gave her a sense of comfort, a sense of feeling secure, and it was a given then... that Yoona would begin to discover a new fear.

 

Fear of having Yuri being taken away from her.

 

"Okay?"

 

Yoona looked up and saw Yuri staring at her with concern shining through her eyes. They were about to have a photoshoot for High Cut magazine, just the two of them. They had arrived on the set and began to slip into their costums.

 

It was when they had to pose that Yoona began to feel worried. Because Yoona was a natural worrier and that's what a worrier did: worry.

 

"Just," Yoona flailed her arms awkwardly to the space between them. They were instructed to lie on the same bed, which would have been okay if not for the dresses they were in. She glanced to Yuri's disheveled black hair and felt heat rising up her cheeks. It was almost like... lovers going through their first night together.

 

Yoona coughed awkwardly, "I'm not used to this 's all."

 

"Mmhmm." Somehow, Yoona didn't know when, Yuri's fingers were already interlocking with hers. A gentle squeeze and Yoona looked up to find Yuri's eyes on her. Yuri smiled, a glint of excitement and reassurance flashed before her eyes, "I'm not used to this either, but it's with you, so it's going to be okay."

 

A series of instructions was given and they moved to it. Yoona felt the big monster called Worry started to shrink in front of her as Yuri began to tell her how gorgeous Yoona looked, if only she could check it herself in the mirror, her rambling praises only stopped when the shutter clicked.

 

Somehow it wasn't awkward anymore—only tingles in the places Yoona thought shouldn't have tingled as their skin touched and their body tangled. The Worry monster was in the verge of disappearing when Yuri turned to look at her again, her free hand coming up to flick Yoona's forehead lightly.

 

"Still worry?"

 

Yoona shook her head and pursed her lips, "I might have to worry about brain damage..."

 

Yuri laughed, her hand pulling their interlocked hands in a way that made Yoona leaned forward from losing balance. Yoona felt a gentle peck on her forehead, and she felt her heart melt into her stomach as Yuri flashed her a teasing grin as the tanned girl pulled away.

 

"Still worry?"

 

"Yeah," Yoona mumbled inaudibly, looking away to hide her flaming cheeks. God, melting heart now? Yuri even gave her acid reflex. It's ridiculous.

 

"What was that?" Yuri asked, leaning dangerously close to Yoona's personal space. Yoona quickly shook her head and smiled, her thundering heart still crazily thumping inside. She tapped Yuri's nose and she realized how their chest rose up and came down in a same pace.

 

It's ridiculous.

 

"I said it's okay," Yoona said, "because it's with you."

 

"So be okay forever," Yuri replied with a cheeky grin, "because I'm planning to always stick around."

 

Yoona thought it was unfair for Yuri to say such things because Yoona wanted to believe it, wanted to erase her fear of seeing Yuri being taken away from her someday. A fear that constantly hang around whenever Yuri wasn't there beside her. But then Yuri would turn around, gazing at her with warmth and adoration, holding her close as if it would stay that way forever, and Yoona thought...

 

At some point, I'll believe you and be okay forever,

 

because it's with you and you're my safe place.

 

 

 

6. Yoona loved her for making her admit that her heart is ridiculous.

“I’m hom–ACKKKK!”

 

Being tackled by Sooyoung and Hyoyeon the first moment she stepped into the dorm was not pleasant, Yoona concluded. She just wished she hadn't had to experience it with her body.

 

“How could you Yoona? HOW COULD YOU?!”

 

“To think that we've talked about forming a sub-unit together BUT WHAT IS THIS?!”

 

Yoona blinked several times before analyzing the situation she was getting into. Sooyoung was practically sitting on her feet while Hyoyeon’s right hand was choking her (not seriously, thank God), her other hand was shoving a phone in front of her nose. And both of them had yelled to her just now.

 

“What?” Yoona muttered in confusion. She couldn't think of any deed she had done to deserve such hysteria. Okay, maybe she had eaten Sooyoung's chips, but it was only a bag of chips for God's sake, what link did it have to do with sub-units? Weren't sub-units the TTS area?

 

“What? WHAT YOU SAY?! THIS. IS. WHAT!” Hyoyeon shook the phone in front of Yoona’s nose frantically with disbelief plastered all over her face, “You have betrayed me and Sooyoung, Yoong!”

 

Sooyoung shook her legs (which in Yoona opinion felt funny and weird) and whined, “You and Yuri have even sneaked behind us and prepared a song titled ‘I Like You’! WHAT. IS. THAT!?”

 

Then before Yoona could interfere, the two said in a synced arrangement that made Yoona thought they must've had practiced it beforehand,

 

“WE’RE SUPPOSED TO DEBUT AS A SUB-UNIT TOGETHER WITH THE NAME SHYY OR SOMETHING BUT YOU TWO JUST HAVE TO GO AND BREAK IT ALL FOR YOUR OWN GREEDINESS!“

 

Yoona diverted her gaze from the melodramatic pair on top of her and focused to the phone. She blinked several times again. It showed a photo of her and Yuri, that was all. Why did these two have to react so hyperbolic?

 

“What?” Yoona muttered again, still confused.

 

“DON’T WHAT US AGAIN, IM YOONA!”

 

The younger girl flinched at the duo loud voices before yelling back,

 

“YAH! It’s just a selca we took during our photoshoot!”

 

………

 

………

 

………

 

“Photoshoot?” Sooyoung parroted.

 

The two girls began to distangle themselves from Yoona's body, dumfounded looks plastered on their face. Yoona shook her head and got up from the ground.

 

"It's a photoshoot?" Hyoyeon repeated, eyes narrowing.

 

"Yep. Our High Cut photoshoot. Why do you think it’s hinting on sub-unit?”

 

“Well, the hashtags are #yoonyul, #comingsoon, and #ilikeyou so we think…” the duo was now scratching their neck, looking down to the ground in embarrassment.

 

"What?" Yoona asked in surprise, "She posted it?"

 

"Already deleted it," Hyoyeon informed. "The fans are in shock right now because they think it's hinting at a sub-unit! I mean even Sooyoung and me thought so too!"

 

"Well it's not," replied Yoona mildly.

 

“But, but!” Sooyoung raised her arm to the air like a student wanting to ask a question, “What was the hashtag #ilikeyou supposed to mean, then?”

 

"That she likes me?" Yoona offered, feeling a butterfly fluttered inside her stomach. No wait, it wasn't small enough to be a butterfly. Correction. It had to be a freaking whole zoo inside her because Yoona quickly went from fluttered to warm and a giddy mess.

 

"I mean duh," Sooyoung snorted. "Way to go, Captain Obvious."

 

"Well we're sorry," Hyoyeon bowed in mock policy, "for troubling you, Your Highness. We're just going to go eat now that the sub-unit was, once again, happened to be an unfounded rumor."

 

"Think she heard us, Hyo?"

 

"What, she's not even blinking. I think you broke something when you sat on her, Soo."

 

"Let's escape before someone found out."

 

"Yeah, let's."

 

Truth was, Yoona did blink. Just not as frequent as Yoona usually did. And Yoona wasn't broken, she was just too caught up on her mind that she couldn't formulate an intelligent reply to the duo until after they left. Yoona blamed it on her heart for giddily dancing around upon a stupid, probably meaningless, hashtag.

 

"They should've asked Yuri unnie first rather than pouncing on innocent me like that," muttered Yoona to herself.

 

I like you.

 

Yoona covered her face with her palms and sighed heavily,

 

"God, my heart is so ridiculous."

 

 

 

7. Yoona loved her for knowing Yoona more than Yoona knew herself.

She wanted to experience being loved by an opposite gender.

 

She wanted to try living her youth (although she was in her twenties already) to the fullest.

 

She admired him anyway so it would be easy to fall in love with him at some point.

 

She wanted to...

 

"You know, Yoona," said Yuri as the older girl gazed at her, a faint smile on her lips, news about her dating was opened in the browser's tab in front of them. "If you think you want to backtrack and look behind sometimes, you'll still find me here."

 

And Yoona felt a bee entered her lungs, stinging around, a foreign ache forming a lump in . She was unable to reply Yuri, not even the older girl rose and excused herself 'to the bathroom', because she knew Yuri was right.

 

She was running away.

 

As she found herself being more and more frequent associating Yuri with the word love, Yoona felt scared and she did the one thing she could think of the fastest; she ran away.

 

Not physically, but she did, and Yuri knew even before Yoona was ready to admit it.

-

 

"It's raining outside right?" Taeyeon's voice spoke at her, "Did you bring raincoat? Should Yuri fetch you up? She's visiting the dorm right now. Come here, I'm making chicken soup."

 

"No, no," Yoona assured the older girl, "I'm okay, Taeyeon unnie. Seunggi oppa will come pick me up later. I might drop by the dorm later, though, if it's not a bother..."

 

"Want me to tell Yuri to wait until you show up?"

 

"Ah, no, don't. Don't hold her back. She's busy."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Of course. It's okay."

-

 

Of course, it wasn't until Yoona stood in front of the dorm's door very very later that she figured it's not okay. She had missed the tanned girl and the more she denied her wish to meet Yuri, the more her heart ached. It hurt her, but she didn't want to acknowledge it.

 

Yuri unnie would be home by now anyway. She won't have any reason to hold back and hang around.

 

Yoona opened the door and entered the dorm with a heavy sigh, her eyes traveled towards her watch. Almost midnight and she felt a tad bit cold as her brain thought of those times she had to attend a schedule by herself, back when they were all still living in the dorm. Yuri would wait for her in the couch until she fell asleep, and Yoona wouldn't find it in her to wake up the older girl when she arrived so Yoona opted to sit on Yuri's side, waiting until the older girl woke up. Sometimes Yoona would fall asleep in the process and ended up waking up in the tanned girl's arms, still in the same couch, Taeyeon or Tiffany snapping a picture of them tangled in each other with a silent coo.

 

Yoona smiled slightly at the memories.

 

"Yoong."

 

Yoona looked up in surprise at the quiet greeting. She blinked, not believing her eyes as Yuri appeared in front of her, looking exhausted but smiling.

 

"You come really late," Yuri whispered as she studied Yoona's face. Yoona didn't know what to think, didn't know what to say, her heart knew what to do, though. Which was jumping around like crazy when Yuri pulled Yoona into an embrace. Yoona gasped, and if Yuri noticed it she didn't say anything. Instead Yuri buried her face on the crook of Yoona's neck and mumbled,

 

"You okay now?"

 

Sometimes Yoona forgot that Yuri knew her more than Yoona knew herself.

 

Yoona inhaled slowly, letting her arms to come up and hug the older girl back. She rested her head on Yuri's shoulder and closed her eyes, feeling the coldness from earlier dissipated and replaced with a fuzzy feeling bubbling inside her.

 

"I'm okay."

 

And thankful. Grateful. Relieved.

 

"More than okay."

-

 

Yuri wanted to experience being loved by an opposite gender.

 

Yuri wanted to try living her youth (although she was in her twenties already) to the fullest.

 

Yuri was walking away from Yoona and laughing with someone not Yoona.

 

The first two was what Yoona tried to tell herself, and the last one was what Yoona ended up thinking. Yoona felt her fear materialized into reality as she saw the photo of Yuri looking happy with someone. Felt her heart ache as she read the news word by word. Felt herself started to shrink into a small bundle of miserable matter as she realized that never mind telling her about the dating news herself; Yuri hadn't called her as often as she usually was.

 

Have I lost you, was what Yoona thought time to time, because it feels like I lost you.

 

Yoona couldn't see Yuri with him.

 

Yuri was slipping away and Yoona couldn't even blame Yuri for it; because Yoona did it first.

-

 

"I broke up with him."

 

Yoona whispered it softly the moment she could get herself alone with Yuri. Yuri stared at her, her gaze unreadable, and Yoona shifted uncomfortably in her place. She used to be able to tell what Yuri thought from her gaze alone.

 

"If you think you want to backtrack and look behind sometimes, you'll still find me here," Yuri quoted, her voice quieter than Yoona did.

 

"Will I?" Yoona whispered, asking, hoping. It feels like I've lost the right to backtrack, was what she didn't say out loud.

 

Yuri raised her hand, flicking her forehead in one swift movement.

 

Suddenly, Yoona could read her eyes again.

 

"Are you looking behind?" Yuri asked with a soft smile, a curious tone, a readable gaze. Yoona could read them again. Yuri had let her to read her again.

 

Yoona shook her head.

 

"I'm looking at you."

-

 

News about Yuri breaking up was spread.

 

"Are you sad?" blurted Yoona out as they walked together side by side, on their way to the convenient store. The members were gathering up to have a night talk after a while, and the two of them were assigned to shop for groceries.

 

"Were you?" asked Yuri lightly, and Yoona looked at her with realization dawned on her eyes because it was the first time someone's question for her question actually answered the said question. How Yuri did that, Yoona didn't know.

 

Yuri smiled and her and reached for her hands, fingers lightly rubbing her palm before sliding between Yoona's own, fitting in way too perfect that it made Yoona's breath hitch.

 

"It was more like an experiment," Yuri said, pulling Yoona out of the fuzzy lumps her brain formulated in her mind.

 

"Huh?"

 

"To prove that I can't see me with anyone but you," Yuri said with a tone that she usually used for a joke, but Yoona saw her eyes and how those orbs said otherwise.

 

"That's scandalous," Yoona replied, looking down at their intertwined hands.

 

She heard Yuri snort, and a mumble which suspiciously sounded like 'to prove that you can't see me with anyone but you, either'.

 

Somehow, Yoona knew her heart immediately resonated those words back, but Yoona wasn't ready to admit it out loud.

 

 

 

8. Yoona loved her for not giving up; on their career, on Tiffany's cooking, on Taeyeon's height, and mainly on her.

Years into their debut and Yoona was amazed to find that they had come far. Looking back, it wasn't all rainbow and flying unicorns, far from it. But they sailed, together, and somehow they made it. More than made it.

 

Yoona looked at the person beside her who was scrolling through Instagram, and a soft smile played on her lips. Kwon Yuri.

 

Through the years, Yuri had been someone Yoona depended on.

 

And Yuri never hesitated to tell Yoona that Yoona was Yuri's pillar to keep going, too.

 

"Look, the fans are posting pictures about our debut days," said Yuri, leaning to her and showing her the phone. Yoona obliged and leaned against the other, her head automatically resting on Yuri's shoulder as she looked at the photos Yuri showed her.

 

"It was hard," Yoona quietly commented when a screenshot of the Black Ocean popped out. Memories rose inside her, ready to flood her mind with HD records of when the blackness greeted their performance, but Yuri spoke.

 

"The blackness was stubborn, but we were even more hard-headed. It became bright at some point. It becomes a Pink Ocean now, Tiffany's a happy girl."

 

Yuri spoke and a rainbow appeared in Yoona's mind, shooing the flood of dark memories away.

 

"You're always optimistic, unnie."

 

"You love me for that."

 

Yoona didn't reply, instead she focused back on the photos, scrolling down, and laughed as a wild Sooyoung appeared. The photo was taken from Horror Movie Factory when they competed to make the silliest face to make their opponent laugh.

 

Good times.

-

 

"It's salty!" Sooyoung whined, "Why is a chocolate fondue tasted salty?!"

 

It was one of the rare days the members gathered together to have a quality time with each other. Tiffany, to everyone's horror, brought a chocolate fondue she claimed to make with her own hands. The presentation fooled Sooyoung and now the shikshin looked like she felt very, very, very betrayed. By a chocolate fondue. And by Tiffany.

 

"This has more character than your last experiment," Yuri commented after taking a bite, humming. "Albeit a little bit salty."

 

Sooyoung looked at Yuri like she had grown three heads.

 

"Thank you, Yuwree!" Tiffany said, beaming with happiness so much that Yoona couldn't help taking a bite too.

 

"How's it?" asked Tiffany in anticipation.

 

Yoona swallowed the bite the fastest she could. From the very brief moment her tongue greeted the... food..., Yoona could taste salt. Salt, and chocolate, and a weird sour things Yoona didn't dare to ask.

 

"Umm... it has more character than your last experiment..."

 

Tiffany beamed even brighter and Sooyoung shot her a nasty look. When Tiffany went to the bathroom, Sooyoung grabbed both of them and whispered menacingly to their ears,

 

"If Fany experimented again and her next experiment killed us, just know that it's the fault of the both of you..."

 

Yoona shuddered, but Yuri only nodded sagely and said in a tone that sounded like it talked nothing but wisdom,

 

"She will improve, Soo, time will tell ya. After all Yoona went from salty kimbaps to decent cook only recently."

 

Yoona slapped her arm in response.

-

 

"God, I already forgot this year's resolutions," said Hyoyeon in panic.

 

"It's not like you're trying to accomplish them," Sooyoung pointed out. She flipped a page and muttered, "my resolution is gaining weight and it fails spectacularly this year."

 

"My resolution is gaining height and I think I'm going for the most failed resolution of the year award," Taeyeon distractedly mused from her seat. She was lying on Tiffany's lap, scrolling through her phone. Yoona thought Taeyeon unconsciously responded to Sooyoung's words, it was almost creepy.

 

"That's okay, Taeng," Yuri cheerily exclaimed, "me and Yoona can always grab your hands and legs and pull them in opposite directions anytime, anyday!"

 

Yoona laughed as a flying cushion attacked Yuri the moment those words were spoken, courtesy of Tiffany's hand.

-

 

As an actress and a performer, Yoona could put a line between work and personal feelings.

 

Those usually fell short in front of the members, though. Especially Yuri. On the shows with them, Yoona would feel herself letting go of the barrier and humanly feel instead of going through designated feelings.

 

Channel Soshi was no different.

 

Yoona would find herself laughing genuinely, smiling like she did in her ordinary-human form, and frowning when she felt like frowning.

 

So when Yuri looked at her, Yoona felt her heart beginning to race and she was sure it showed.

 

They were supposed to look for presents for each member they picked out of a hat. Miraculously, Yuri got Yoona's name. Yoona thought of watch, or clothes, or maybe a hat, or probably a set of pranking equipments if this was Yuri five years ago.

 

But as Yuri caught her gaze and smirked in satisfactory, Yoona was sure her guesses were wrong.

 

They ended up sitting facing each other when everyone gathered, bringing the supposed presents with them. Yoona tried to read Yuri's expression for any clues, but Yuri only grinned at her with a tint of red on her cheeks.

 

Yoona had to applaud herself for not blushing redder than a cooked crab when Yuri took out a ring. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the ring, and the only response she managed to give was,

 

"There aren't many rings that fit me."

 

"Your fingers are swollen right now because you've been on a plane," Yuri replied, reaching for Yoona's hand and let her thumb brush against the back of her hand gently. Yoona felt a butterfly on her stomach and God, my heart is being ridiculous again.

 

Yuri glanced at her briefly with a soft smile playing on her lips. Yoona held her breath in as Yuri picked the ring and readied herself to slide it in.

 

It fit perfectly.

 

It fit perfectly and Yuri looked at her with hearteu eyes and Yoona felt like a whole freaking zoo revisited her heart again because it was a mess inside.

 

"I tried putting it on Sooyoung's finger first."

 

Yuri mouthed to her, uncaught by the camera, 'no, but I can't tell them that I know your finger's size, can I?'.

 

And Yoona felt her heart being enveloped with warmth she had always associated with Yuri, and the warmth was getting a tad bit hotter when Yuri pulled her aside as the camera stopped filming hours later.

 

"From the start," Yuri said.

 

Yoona wasn't sure she understood so she said, "Huh?"

 

And Yuri leaned in.

 

"I love you from the start," Yuri whispered to her ear, short, quick, honest and achingly sincere.

 

Yuri pulled away and flashed her a soft smile Yuri never quite showed to anyone but her. Yoona wanted to reply. She wanted to reply—she could say it now. They could stay in this moment, it might even stay forever. The whole zoo inside Yoona's stomach even agreed, there had never been a better time to say it.

 

But Yuri turned around at Sooyoung's call, and Yoona didn't say it.

 

It didn't matter.

 

 

 

+1 Yoona loved her for waiting. Until Yoona was brave enough to do something about her feelings, more than anything.

Yoona shuffled nervously on the ball of her feet as she waited in front of Yuri's room. She had visited the Kwon residence and had successfully gained a permission to look for Yuri inside the house (without much sweats, unsurprisingly). She had knocked after getting a reassurance from Papa Kwon that Yuri was indeed at home and not anywhere else.

 

The door was opened and an adorably just-wake-up-from-a-decade-of-sleeping Yuri appeared, one hand rubbing her eyes sleepily, not aware that Yoona was standing in front of her.

 

"Um, unnie..." Yoona began.

 

Yuri stopped rubbing her eyes and looked up. Blinking, Yuri narrowed her eyes and Yoona couldn't help but reach out to pat Yuri's cheek gently.

 

"I'm sorry, you must've been resting—"

 

Yuri shook her head and Yoona's hand fell. "No, I, um, come in..."

 

Yoona hesitantly peeked in, the room hadn't changed much from the last time Yoona had a sleepover which happened months ago. Yuri beckoned her to come in, and Yoona did, her steps hesitantly followed Yuri until the latter sat on the edge of her bed.

 

"Why d'ya visit without tellin' me?" Yuri asked, yawning.

 

Yoona smiled and sat next to her, a distance apparent between them.

 

"I just want to say something about yesterday," Yoona quietly said. It wasn't really yesterday; she was referring to the Channel Soshi filming, but yeah. She had avoided the tanned girl days after, trying to sort out her feelings, until she figured that the only feeling coming up when she thought of Yuri was the same feeling Yoona always tried to deny when her heart flutter or soar because of the said Kwon.

 

"You're too far away," Yuri whined. "Come closer."

 

Yoona complied, scooting closer to the sleepy grump. Yuri made a sound that suspiciously sounded like a slurred version of 'that's better', and leaned against Yoona's shoulder with another yawn.

 

"'M sleepy..."

 

Yoona chuckled, "I can see that..."

 

Yuri dozed off lightly on Yoona's shoulder, and Yoona felt her heart tugging on her conscious again, reminding her about her initial plan.

 

"Unnie, I want to say something..."

 

"If it involves shopping and hair salon, I'm going to pass..."

 

A drowsy Kwon Yuri was adorable that Yoona had to fight the urge to coo. Because Yoona shouldn't coo. No, she wasn't there to coo over a bundle of sunshine a sleepy Kwon Yuri ridiculously was. She was there for a job, ONE JOB, and she was failing miserably to do it right.

 

"Unnie, I really have to say something and I need you to hear it..."

 

Yuri's head rolled off Yoona's shoulder and Yuri grumbled an 'okay', still in that sleepy tone that told Yoona this better be good or Yuri would pretend to be mad at her for an hour. Yuri fought to keep her eyes open and she turned to Yoona, waiting.

 

And then Yoona hesitated.

 

"I..." Yoona swallowed, "IloveyouandI'msorryforonlybeingabletosayitnow."

 

"Bloody Hell, Yoona, I'm sleepy and you want me to hear a rap?"

 

Yoona exhaled, her face flushed, her brain chanted calm down, calm down, this is Yuri and she's your safe place, except the danger right now is Yuri herself, can a danger be a safe place at the same time? Damn, gotta ask Seohyun—

 

"Yoong?" Yuri called in worry, her face looked like she was a tad bit more awake than before, "Breathe, you've stopped taking breath and if you're coming here only to make me worried then I swear—"

 

"I love you," Yoona blurted. Short. Quick. Honest. Out loud.

 

Yuri blinked. Yoona ducked her head, face heated up in embarrassment.

 

"Okay."

 

Yoona jerked up and said in disbelief, "Okay? I've just said that I love you and you only said—"

 

Then a pair of lips shut her up. Softly. Gently. Undemanding, as the kiss quickly ended before Yoona could fully take it in. Yoona blinked, and Yuri smiled.

 

"Okay," Yuri said.

 

"Okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

As Yuri sighed and mumbled an 'I'm still sleepy', and pulled Yoona to lay down with her, Yoona tried to pull a logical explanation of why one can simply sleep after a declaration of love and a kiss that should've happened years early. What if Yuri didn't really hear Yoona? What if Yuri was half-drunk and Yuri still wouldn't know that Yoona loved her later when she woke up?

 

Yuri enveloped Yoona completely in her embrace, face nuzzled against Yoona's neck, hands s around Yoona's waist and legs tangled against Yoona's own.

 

"Unnie—"

 

"Me love you too," Yuri mumbled loud enough for her voice to reach Yoona's ears. She shifted to press a chaste kiss on Yoona's chin and burrowed her head back to the crook of Yoona's neck with a happy hum. It was only then that Yoona relaxed to Yuri's embrace, her mind began to be fuzzy like it always had been whenever she was this close to Yuri.

 

Yoona closed her eyes, feeling rather than seeing Yuri's breathing slowed down into her regular sleeping one, the pace Yoona listened to whenever they slept on the same bed. A tongue shyly said hello, and Yoona smiled at the condition she found herself in.

 

Movies told you how confessions of love often continued in a , fireworks everywhere and the weather strangely cooperated with instant rainbow and bloom of flowers, or riding a car into the eternal sunset of happiness. So Yoona found the quiet aftermath of her confession as refreshing, as it reflected the love they grew from the moment their meet.

 

It was silent. Subtle. Sometimes it got loud and wild, especially when a whole zoo visited her stomach, but their love was the loudest when it spoke through gestures and silent exchanges.

 

Yoona could live with that, because it's with Yuri and Yuri was her everything.

 

 

 

THE END