Saturday morning. And Hyunjung was going to talk to Taehyung and apologise properly. Her uncle had left earlier to go to work, so after hurrying to get dressed, she went over to Taehyung’s neighbourhood. She should have been thinking of what she would say or what she would do if he slammed the door in her face, but she didn’t. Her head was in too much of a jumble.

She looked up at the house’s sheer size before knocking on the door once, twice, then three times, until it was finally opened by Taehyung’s dad. He was already dressed for work and greeted her with a smile.

“Morning, Hyunjung. What brings you here so early in the morning?”

“Good morning, Mr. Kim. I wanted to talk with Taehyung and go to the city with him today if that’s okay?” she asked.

“Of course! I’ll go call him now. Do you want to wait inside?”

“I’m okay here.”

“Alright.” He kept the door open and disappeared down the hallway. She heard him call to Taehyung, and she rocked on her heels, waiting.

Taehyung eventually appeared before her still in his pajamas, his eyes squinting from the light outside. “What do you want?” he grouched, his lips tight and his eyes devoid of emotion.

Hyunjung gulped. “Taehyung, I’m sorry.”

He sighed in irritation and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Look—”

“Which is why I’m going to take you out today.”

“I don’t want to g—”

“Taehyung would love to!” Taewon chirped from behind him with his hands neatly behind his back, the sweetest smile on his face aimed at Hyunjung.

Taehyung glowered. “Now wait a minute you little—”

“He’ll just sulk all day in his room if he doesn’t go!”

“Shut u—”

“Please, Taehyung?” she beseeched once more, twiddling with her thumbs and looking at him with hope. Taewon blinked at Hyunjung and then peered at his brother.

Taehyung huffed and folded his arms. Seconds passed, but it felt like it was longer while Hyunjung anticipated his answer.

“Fine. Just let me get changed.” He grumbled something under his breath and moved past Taewon back upstairs, each footfall calculating and deliberately sluggish. It was clear he was intending on taking his time.

Taewon grinned broadly at Hyunjung and plunged forward to throw his arms around her waist. She stumbled backwards upon surprise, and he hugged her tight like a lost child would in finally finding their mother. At first, she didn’t know what to do, but she gave a small smile and hugged him back. His voice was small, but glad. “Thank you, noona.”

Hyunjung blinked, her arms relaxing their hold around him. “H-huh?”

“For being there for my brother. And making him happy again.”

Her heart panged. She didn’t deserve this. She thought back to all the things she had been offered; friendships, opportunities – everything. She didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry, Taewon. “Truth is, me and Taehyung haven’t – uh – been getting along well recently…”

He froze and slid from her grip. His arms slacked by his sides, and his eyes were wide and disappointed. He turned down at the grey cobblestones. “Did he do something?” he hushed. “Hyung is a bit cold at times but I’m sure he didn’t mean whatever he did,” his words strung out, like he had more to say but couldn’t say them. Seeing Taewon so sad and disenchanted, she had never felt guiltier.

“It wasn’t Taehyung’s fault. It was mine,” and it was true.

“Oh.” He brought his head up to see Hyunjung with a vacant expression, her eyes fixed on the jagged stones and in deep thought.

“But,” she said eventually, tracing the tip of her shoe between the cracks, “when we do something wrong, we can still try to fix it, don’t you think?” She met his eyes.

Taewon smiled, a small one. “Yeah. I guess so.”

A cool wind passed making their shoulders tense. “It’s a bit cold today,” Hyunjung said with a shiver.

“Yeah, really weird for this season. But unexpected things happen like that. You should come inside,” he urged. “Like you said, it’s cold.”

He led her inside and into the living-room after she took off her shoes. Everything was the same as it was a few months ago the last time she had been there, except for one small thing. She wouldn’t have noticed it if she hadn’t looked around the room twice, but hung on the wall at a corner of the room beside the bookshelf, was a small table, and on top of the small table was an even smaller photo frame. Hyunjung squinted and took a few step closer. “Is that—?”

 “Mom?” he finished, not realising she was talking to herself. “Yeah. Hyung let dad frame it a few weeks ago.” He plopped on the couch and scrambled for the remote on the tea table in front, not offering one glance at the photo.

Hyunjung loitered in front of the frame before going beside Taewon and sitting down, but still looking at the past smiling woman with her happy husband and children in the photo.

Even when minutes passed, Hyunjung’s thoughts still lingered with the woman in the photo and the family. “Don’t you miss her?” she drifted. “I know you were young, but even just a little? You must remember something about her.”

He shrugged, his eyes immovable from the screen and scrolling through the channel list. “Not really. I don’t have many memories worth remembering with her. I know people feel sorry for me when they find out she went when I was still really young, but if there’s anyone they should feel bad for, it’s dad or Taehyung. They were the ones who suffered from what happened. They actually had memories with her. Personally, I think I’m the lucky one.”

Hyunjung tilted her head at him. “For someone as young as you, you’re very thoughtful,” she noted.

“I get that a lot.” He finally selected a programme, and Hyunjung leaned forward when she realised what he had put it on. Taewon snorted at the actors and Hyunjung raised a disapproving brow at him.

“Aren’t you a bit young to watch that kind of thing?”

He lifted his shoulders. “Probably.” He quickly flicked to the next channel when footsteps descended from the stairs and leaned back against the couch with his legs crossed.

Taehyung appeared at the doorway, wearing a light grey turtleneck sweater, the top of the neck unfolded so it concealed the tip of his chin and skimmed the ends of his ears, and he held his boots in one hand while trying to slip on his coat.

“Took your time,” Taewon said, causing the older to scoff and to bring a hand to swipe his forehead as if suffering from a headache. Taewon laughed.

 “Are we going or what?”

Hyunjung stood awkwardly and brushed away the non-existent lint on her sweater. “Oh, sure. Okay. See you, Taewon.”

“Have fun!”

Taehyung lifted a hand in acknowledgement and went to the front door, while Hyunjung sent one more look at Taewon before following.

When they were gone and the door clicked, Taewon shot up and scrambled to the window, carefully lifting the curtain to peer outside. He sighed when he saw the distance between Hyunjung and Taehyung as they walked; at the same pace, but they might as well had been strangers. Hyunjung was looking anywhere but Taehyung, and Taehyung had tugged the neck of his sweater so it covered his mouth. When they had exited the gate, Taewon shrunk away from the window and jumped back onto the couch.

The bus was close to empty, and they chose the seats closer to the front. They made eye contact with an older woman who smiled at them as they passed, and Hyunjung let Taehyung sit closest to the window.

“So where are we going?” Taehyung asked, his voice flat and muffled from his sweater.

“Just to the city.”

He crossed his arms and his body faced the window, his body language blatant that he wasn’t open for conversation.

Hyunjung drew in a breath and sat rigidly. Even though there was barely anyone there, her voice dropped to a despondent murmur. “I know you’re angry and I’m sorry.” The bus started while her apology remained to hang loose between them. She began to wonder if this was even a good idea. He wasn’t talking to her, and if they didn’t talk they would get nowhere.

Taehyung sat back with his arms still folded, looking out at the passing buildings, and Hyunjung did the same from where she was sat, but her mind remained to wander.

“I’m not angry.”

She paused in astonishment and didn’t try to say anything else, but relief displaced all other feelings she had.

When they got off the bus, she began to lead him around without much direction, and she had the feeling that he knew that she hadn’t a clue where they were going, but he just followed without a word. They ended up at the mall, but still, Hyunjung didn’t know where they could go.

“Do you mind if I go to the restroom?” she asked and he shrugged.

“Sure. I’ll wait here.” He made his way over to the bench and Hyunjung looked at him once before going.

After she finished, Taehyung wasn’t by the bench. He wouldn’t ditch her, would he? It was possible, but she trusted Taehyung enough that he wouldn’t. She wondered her eyes around, but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She ambled over to the bench and sat down with disappointment. But for some reason, she stayed there because she didn’t believe that he would go without telling her. Five minutes went by and still she waited.

But she straightened when she caught sight of Taehyung approaching her with something in his hand. “Here.” He threw it at her underarm and both her hands caught the bag of assorted candy.

“Thank you?”

“It’s fine.”

And so the next few minutes was spent with them sat on the bench; Hyunjung happily munching on sweets and Taehyung with nothing else to do other than watch her.

A store clerk in a yellow uniform with a petal pink apron approached them. Even with the clash of the two colours, there was a charm with the uniform which greeted them in warmness. The young man carried a woven basket with both hands, and even from where they were sat they could tell that there was an excess of contents in the basket, and that one misplace in step would cause everything to fall out. But the clerk, despite his quick pace, handled the basket with ease, and tipped his cap at them.

“Hello there! My name is Kunpimook Bhuwakul but you can call me Bambam for short since none of my colleagues can actually say my real name and I work at Lemon-Day Confectionaries on the second-floor. Would you two love birds like some cake or more candy?” He spoke so fast and with such enthusiasm that Hyunjung didn’t even catch everything he said. She blinked at the sight.

Taehyung’s face was empty of expression. “We’re not a—”

“Ooh! Free cake?!” Hyunjung exclaimed and clasped her hands together, gleaming at the neatly-wrapped sweetmeats and chocolates. Brightly-coloured bonbons, cakes, lollipops – there was more than she could imagine in one basket! And he was offering some for free! A waft of lemons, syrup and strawberries took over her senses, and she beamed while Taehyung stared at her expression incredulously. The only thing she seemed to care about was what was in that basket.

Bambam grinned in pride at her delight. “Yes! Courtesy from Lemon-Day Confectionaries, ma’am.” He tipped his cap again.

“Wow! You guys are so sweet!”

“You, ma’am, have a sugary sense of humor!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Taehyung murmured in despair.

“Thank you so much!”

“No problem, ma’am!” he said with a friendly wink.

Hyunjung smiled after him. “He seems nice.” They watched as Bambam wandered around and advance other shoppers who seemed to loiter with no intention or purpose. Hyunjung offered Taehyung some cake but he refused. He observed her, stupefied at the amount of sweets and cake she was eating in one go. He was stunned. And also possibly a little disgusted. Seeing her eat it as if it were a proper meal made him grimace at the thought.

“Have you even had breakfast?”

She paused midway from another bite, specks of crumbs at the corners of and turned to him. “Does coffee count?”

“Of course it doesn’t,” he replied in disbelief.

“What about you? Have you eaten?”

“Well because someone decided to knock on the door so early in the morning, I didn’t have time to eat.”

“That’s great! That means we can go eat somewhere!” She shot up and Taehyung had no other choice but to trail behind her.

Hyunjung chose the café with the least people she could see inside, and Taehyung didn’t protest. The bell clinked when the door open and then closed again, the noise causing the only two other customers which were an elderly couple, and the waitress to turn. The waitress was a pretty woman in her twenties with humble features, and greeted Hyunjung and Taehyung with a small smile. They greeted her in return and chose to sit at the table beside the window which looked out toward the other line of restaurants and cafés opposite. The café was quiet and activity was inert, besides the slow-turning ceiling fans and the young woman wiping down the table-tops. The old couple sat studiously over their meal with a cup of steaming coffee each and spoke in low murmurs.

Hyunjung and Taehyung skimmed over the menu for a few minutes, and the waitress approached them to take their order. “Your food will come in a few minutes,” the waitress told them politely after scribbling down their order and disappearing into the kitchen to pass it on to the cook while she prepared the drinks at the bar.

“Nice little place isn’t it?” Hyunjung observed, her eyes taking their time in surveying the room.

“It is. Quiet.” Taehyung sat back, nodding thoughtfully. “They have another branch in Daegu. When I was a kid mom used to take me there and we’d eat together.”

“Oh.” She pursed her lips tightly and her voice dropped so only he could hear. “Do you… Do you want to eat somewhere else then?”

“No. This is fine. It’s too late anyway, we’ve already ordered.”

“Sorry, Taehyung. I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine, it doesn’t matter.”

The waitress walked to them with their drinks and brought them the cheque. “If you want to order anything more, just give me a shout.”

“We will, thank you,” Taehyung said. With a curt nod of her head, the young woman left them alone and resumed back to wiping the tables. Hyunjung and Taehyung both took out their wallets.

“It’s fine, I’ll pay,” she asserted.

Taehyung raised a brow. “I’ll pay for my own meal thanks.”

“Taehyung.”

“What?”

She was going to argue with him again, but he had already set the money for his meal on the table and pushed it toward her. She sighed but didn’t argue. While Hyunjung had gone to pay, Taehyung watched the people on the other side of the window. It was strange when you realise how many new faces you see every day, but you end up remembering either a select few or none. It was a fleeting moment when Taehyung would catch sight of a new face, and a fleeting moment for him to forget and move on to catch sight of another one. He suddenly straightened and took his elbow off the table and squinted closer. It couldn't be...

He jumped when someone knocked on the glass. He didn’t even see him there. Jimin waved to him on the other side before mouthing a ‘see you’, and appeared to be calling over to someone else and going away.

Hyunjung drew her chair back and sat down with their food. “I have them!” She handed his food over to him over the table and they began to eat with minimum conversation. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I just saw Jimin. That’s all.”

“Oh, he’s here too?”

All the while Taehyung didn’t look back at the window, instead he focused on other objects around the room like the ornamental wallpaper or the contemporary portraits hung on the walls.

“Are you mad?” she said.

“I’ve said already that I’m not.”

 “Really?”

He sighed and looked up to find her eyes transfixed on him. “You seemed angry,” she said.

He pinned her a steady expression. “Now, not so much.”

“So you were angry?”

His silence confirmed it.

When it came to the point when they had both finished, although Taehyung appeared to have forgiven her, she still wasn’t wholly convinced. But she was happy he still talked to her compared to the shrugs he gave earlier on and the weeks before.

They walked around the ground floor, and Hyunjung had already done with eating the sweets that she had before. It wasn’t long before she jumped and asked, “Can we go to the minimart? My uncle asked if I could buy a few things for him. I forgot.” He nodded while she skipped a few paces ahead of him, heading to the minimart.

“I don’t go to the mall much, but the air-con here feels so nice!” she declared while spreading her arms and her nose in the air.

He sighed, looking on at her in disbelief and deliberately made himself drag behind. This worked until Hyunjung slowed so they could walk together. He didn’t like crowded places, this included malls; the noise, smells, and the free food samples. He especially stayed away from the free food samples. To him they were the perfect flu-spreading agents.

“That’s the minimart, right?”

They weaved through the wave of people coming out of the wide open doors of the market, Hyunjung quickly grabbing a shopping basket on the way in. “It’s so busy in here,” she noted and they both retreated to an aisle with less people.

“So what is it you need to buy?” Taehyung asked.

She got her phone out. “Um, my uncle texted me a list, hang on.” He waited and she grinned at him. “Here it is,” she said, showing him her screen.

“That’s a lot of food.”

“We haven’t gone grocery shopping in a while. We’re low on food at home at the moment.”

Taehyung didn’t know how it happened, but among the commotion, he managed to lose sight of Hyunjung. Usually it was the other way around. He wandered down the aisles, but no Hyunjung. He saw at least five different stalls with people flocked around for free food samples, and he avoided them every time.

Meanwhile, Hyunjung did realise Taehyung wasn’t beside her anymore, but she didn’t worry. He was sensible enough, and he would probably find her again soon. She was at the fish freezers, and was debating which of the same fish she should buy. Her dad had taught her how to tell which fish were freshest when buying, but still, she couldn’t remember what he had told her to look out for, and as she stood there holding the fish, she looked a lot more like the fish themselves. A woman in a blue pea coat noticed her confused state and stopped to approach her.

“Are you okay there, young lady?”

Hyunjung looked up in surprise and flushed in a baby shade of pink. “H-huh? Oh, yeah! I’m just trying to see which of the two is… fresher.”

“Do you mind if I try?” The woman scrutinised the fish inside the packets for a while, and handed her back one of them. “That one is the one you’ll want. You can see that the eyes of that one is clear, unlike this one here which are clouded over. Also by looking at the scales, you can tell.”

“Oh, thank you! My dad taught me before, but I forgot about it. Even if it didn’t matter, I still wanted to make sure it was fresh.”

“It’s okay. And yes, it’s important to buy a fresh fish.” The woman noticed the basket Hyunjung held. “That’s a lot of food you have there.”

Hyunjung smiled sheepishly. “Yeah… We haven’t bought much food for a while, so we need to stock up at home.”

The woman laughed in return. “I understand. I’m moving with my family to Canada next month, but we still need to buy some more food to last us till then. Like you, we forgot about it.”

“Oh, you’re going to Canada?”

“Yep, my husband had a promotion, and it requires him to work there.”

“Wow… that must be a big change for you.”

She gave Hyunjung a sad smile, and she looked down at her own basket. “It is. I’ve had so many memories here. But you know, we have to move forward when change happens, even if it means leaving some things behind. Although, there are some people that I wish I could see one more time before I go.” For a few moments, the woman was wandering in her own thoughts, until she looked back at Hyunjung and smiled. “I’m so sorry for holding you up. Well, it was nice to meet you, young lady. And I hope life goes well for you.”

Hyunjung smiled. “Thank you, and you too. Good luck in Canada.”

Taehyung sighed and his hands into his pockets. Where was she? How could he lose someone so easily in a place like this? He continued to check the aisles, again avoiding the free food samples and crying babies. He paused when he saw someone on their toes, trying to reach a jar on a high shelf. He recognised the blue coat, and he could tell it was the person he had seen back at the café from the window.

“Do you need help with that, ma’am?” he asked, approaching her.

She huffed, her back to him, looking up at the shelf. “Thank you, that would be helpful. My husband hates any other brand other than this one, so you have just saved so much hassle.”

Taehyung retrieved the jar and handed it to her. “Here you go.”

She turned around, grateful. “Thank you, that was so helpful. You’re a good young man, and your name is?”

“Kim Tae —” he stopped and looked her dead in the eye.

“Taehyung!” Hyunjung cried from the start of the aisle. Taehyung snapped his head to her, and she marched over to him with both hands carrying the handle of her full basket. She spoke breathlessly – “There you are. I was looking everywhere for you! Wha—” She halted when she saw the woman she met earlier. She was about to greet her when she realised her and Taehyung had a striking resemblance. The narrowness of the face, the long eyelashes and the tall, pointed nose; when she thought back to his dad, she thought about how much Taehyung took his appearance from his mom, and now that she thought of it, Taewon took from her too. She suddenly felt stupid for not recognising her from the photos. The awkwardness of the situation suddenly dawned on Hyunjung, and she was scouring for words to say.

The woman stared at him in frozen shock. “Taehyung…” she went on, her voice suddenly soft, talking in a way an affectionate mother would to her small child. “You’ve grown so tall. I could barely recognise you.” Her hand neared his face, but he flinched away before she could touch him with a hurt expression which was unfamiliar to Hyunjung. A sad look flashed on the woman’s face. “I know what you must be thinking.” She pursed her lips when he didn’t respond. “Taehyung.” She shook her head, her eyes blinking in rapid motion. Her voice cracked. “My son.”

Chewing her lip nervously, Hyunjung stepped back and looked between them.

In that one moment, all rational thought left Taehyung, and the walls he built up over the years crumbled to splinters. His eyes darted round, at either end of the aisle. It was still crowded, and there left little room to move freely; a woman was having trouble turning her baby’s push-chair, and another struggling to push their shopping cart without bumping into anyone.

But what did that matter? There was only one thing whelming, hacking, scurrying through the crevices of Taehyung’s mind—run.