34. THE TALK

Jongin ends up asking him over to his house the next day. “You were host yesterday, let me be host today?”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo laughs, stretching an arm out into the pillows beneath him. He’s still in bed, having been bleary-eyed when Jongin had phoned. “It was a party. Of course I was host.”

“Still,” Jongin’s voice is soft through the phone-line. “Come here around... 12? Or is that too early? Too late? Whenever is good for me.”

Kyungsoo rubs at his eyes and smiles. “12 is fine, Jongin.” He assures. “I’ll be there.”

They hang up, and Kyungsoo takes a moment to lay back in bed. Since waking up this morning, he hasn’t stopped smiling: from memories of last night, from promises of today, and from Jongin’s voice being the first thing he’d woken to (now he knows what that feels like, he only wishes for it to start his mornings more). Just like yesterday, he feels like today will be an amazing day.

He takes a long time getting ready, cooking up a big breakfast for himself and Eun-Seo (“damn, Jongin should kiss you more often if it means I get to eat this-“), showering (and singing), and then spending a long time picking out a nice outfit, trying some clothes on and asking for Eun-Seo’s opinion. He even considers mimicking his hair from the night before for today as well, but his hands aren’t nearly as skilled as Tao’s. Fluffy hair it is, he decides instead.

When he’s finally ready, it’s still too early for him to start the walk to Jongin’s, and so he finds himself instead standing at his desk to peer at the mess of papers he’d made there last night. With the high of his party still strumming through him, Kyungsoo had settled down and exhausted his emotions through words. The wall in his room saw some new additions, and, other than that, a page that had been crisp and fresh before the night began had been half-filled with lyrics to a song he’d concocted with Jongin in his mind. He looks to that now, pressing the page down and staring at the words. Unlike most of his work that is rushed in one night, the song has not magically lost its lustre over his night’s sleep - instead, quite the opposite, Kyungsoo reads through those lyrics again and his heart feels light and content.

Kyungsoo has already wanted to perfect a song - not for the showcase, but as a present for Jongin’s approaching birthday - and this song is the first to make his heart soar. Before, he doesn’t think he’d ever have the confidence to consider such a present for anyone, but Jongin is different. Jongin understands him in ways he didn’t even realise he could be understood: yesterday made that very clear to him. And if there’s any song he’d feel confident sharing, and showing the other boy, it’s this one - this song that Jongin was and is his muse for, and that reads like a veiled confession. Even if Kyungsoo struggles with words in the moment, his lyrics are his emotions portrayed at their very best; though it’s nerve-racking, Kyungsoo wants Jongin to know those emotions too, to understand all he feels in the best way that Kyungsoo can show it to him.

The only fret he has is whether or not he should sing the song to Jongin too. The lyrics might show enough, and he can write in the chords for Jongin to be able to hear it, but something in his heart is telling him to sing it. Even if his voice isn’t perfect, even if it’s out of practice, yesterday made him realise that he’s stopped caring about Jongin seeing him like that: when Jongin had left to give him privacy to sing in the sound booth, a part of him had wanted desperately for the boy to stay. He doesn’t know where that part comes from, or how it has come to be, but he feels it now - strong and real and there.

Jongin is someone he wants to show his everything to.

He smiles to himself now, slowly dragging the songbook closed. He’ll finish the song later - maybe even today, if he gets the inspiration from his visit to Jongin’s. The thought of seeing the boy again is already lifting his mood to heights only the taller can ever seem to invoke in him.

Along with his excitement, Kyungsoo can’t help but to feel a little nervous too. He knows that after his and Jongin’s kiss(-es, he tacks on without help) they have things to talk about and figure out, and that includes what both of them want to happen now.

Kyungsoo knows his answer: he wants to be with Jongin - not just as his friend, but as his boyfriend. He wants to go on dates with the boy and waste away hours with him like they have all the time in the world to do so; he wants to be able to hold his hand, to hug and to kiss him; he wants to be the person Jongin can count on irrevocably. And it’s scary to want so much because, though he and Jongin have kissed, Kyungsoo really has no certain idea about what Jongin wants and if it’s the same as him. If it is different, he doesn’t even know what he’d do.

He shakes that scenario from his head, turning away from his desk to settle instead on his bed with a long, drawn-out sigh. The sun has stopped coming out in recent weeks, but the sky outside is still bright with this cold morning - peeking through Kyungsoo’s window and over his form where he lies. He holds a hand up, squinting at the light from between his fingers.

“What are you thinking about?”

His hand drops and he twists around to see Eun-Seo standing at his open bedroom door, her gaze as attentive as always. Kyungsoo makes a vague gesture for her to sit, which she does on his desk chair, and he sighs again. “You know me,” he mutters. “Always overthinking.” His eyes close, and he moves his hand up to rest on the bridge of his nose.

“What right now, then?” Eun-Seo questions.

Jongin. Kyungsoo thinks, summarising it in one word.

“Everything,” he says instead, breathing deeply through his nose. His eyes blink open, and he turns Eun-Seo’s way with a low huff of breath. “What happens after a kiss?” He asks. “Is it always the same?”

Eun-Seo blinks, and her eyes - the most expressive part of her - twinkle in thought. “Hmm,” she hums, head resting on her own arm as she peers Kyungsoo’s way. “It’s not the same, no. Sometimes nothing happens. Sometimes you confess. Sometimes you get into a relationship. It depends on who you kiss, really...” she stops here, lips twitching up almost imperceptibly. “Why, what do you want to happen?” She questions, cocking her head to the side to peer his way.

Kyungsoo doesn’t hesitate. “I want a relationship,” he admits. “Well, that and, I want to be sure we actually like each other. Do people kiss without liking each other?” He adds as an afterthought, suddenly distressed.

“Kyungsoo,” Eun-Seo’s eyes are wide, and she looks disbelieving. “It is clear to everyone that you like one another. Please stop being stupid about that at least.”

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to dispute it, but the words never come. He frowns instead, thinking of last night - he thinks, particularly, of Truth or Dare, and Jongin’s easy admittance about his crush. He thinks too, even before then - of all the hints and clues of the past few months. “Okay, so we like each other,” he agrees a bit reluctantly. “That doesn’t mean he wants to date me.”

“I guess it’s good you’re going over then, right?” Eun-Seo supplies, lips stretching into a wide smile. “Though I don’t even think this is something you have to be worrying about in the first place.” She laughs, shaking her head. “It looks to me like you guys will figure it out pretty soon.”

Kyungsoo falls silent at this, gaze fixated to his bedroom ceiling. “What if... we don’t figure it out?” He voices eventually, surprised by the slight tremor there. “What if we want different things?”

A beat passes, and then- “Kyungsoo, look at me.”

Kyungsoo swallows, but slowly he does. His sister fixes him with this look then, something fierce and serious in her eyes that Kyungsoo doesn’t see in her often.

“Kyungsoo,” she repeats. “As long as you tell him what you want, clearly and properly, you at least won’t come back today with any regrets.” She assures gently. “I know it’s scary, but being honest is all you can do today, okay? That’s the main thing.”

Something about the words makes his chest feel tight and strange: maybe it’s that they’re true, or maybe it’s that they’re from Eun-Seo, but it hits him hard, and lingers after. His eyes too - they become teary, his vision blurred.

He forgets sometimes how much he needs Eun-Seo.

“Thanks, Eun-Seo...” he breathes, lips twitching at the sides as his eyes continue to blur, and he exhales long and slow, shaky. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She returns the smile, only hers is firmer, trembles less. “Don’t worry, Soo,” her voice is hushed, and her eyes are warm. “I’ll always be here,” she promises.

When Kyungsoo finally reaches Jongin’s house, the cold of outside pressing a flush into his skin, he’s still a little early. In his head he thinks of lingering outside for a bit, waiting until 12 actually hits, but he’s surprised when the front door opens with his approach - Jongin stepping forward to greet him with a wide, beaming smile on his face.

“I- sorry, I saw you coming from the window,” he explains as the first thing, closing the distance between them in just a few short steps.

“That’s fine,” Kyungsoo responds, hands twitching inside his coat pockets. “I was afraid I might’ve been too early...”

“No, no,” Jongin assures immediately, his smile stretching, and even having seen the boy just yesterday Kyungsoo’s heart pounds from the image. “You’re welcome here whenever, Kyungsoo - really.”

They take a moment here - both just to look at one another, remembering the night before: the game, their kiss, wondering at where it all puts them now. Kyungsoo‘s actually holding his breath as he stares at Jongin and Jongin stares back, heartbeat thundering in his ears.

Eventually, without further words, Jongin guides Kyungsoo inside - Kyungsoo stepping out of his shoes and shivering at the sudden temperature change. It’s in the hallway that Jongin’s mother pops up from an open doorway, her expression lighting up when she sees Kyungsoo stood there.

“Oh, Kyungsoo! Jongin didn’t tell me you were coming,” she shoots Jongin a short, accusatory look, stepping towards them both, but her smile returns quickly after as she looks back Kyungsoo’s way. “Happy birthday for yesterday, sweetie,” she coos. “I hope you had a lovely party.”

Though it’s an innocent statement, Kyungsoo feels his cheeks heat up from it, memories from last night and the kiss upstairs - to Kyungsoo, the party’s defining moment - swimming through his mind. “It was lovely, yes,” he agrees with a smile, doing all he can to not look Jongin’s way.

“I’m glad to hear it,” she smiles. She suddenly claps her hands together, eyes turning bright. “You know, I was making something special for Jongin’s birthday tomorrow anyway, but if you stay for dinner, I can cook it up a day early! It can be my present to you?”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo blinks in shock. “I don’t want to change your plans, or inconvenience you, or-“

“Nonsense!” Jongin’s mother beams. “We may as well celebrate doubly! The more the merrier, is what I always say. Just tell your parents, and we’d be very happy to have you - hm?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze darts Jongin’s way, as if trying to gage the situation from him, and he sees as Jongin nods softly - a little, imperceptible smile on his face. He looks back to Jongin’s mother, and something pangs a little, clogs up in his throat at her excited eyes and earnest expression.

“That... sounds great,” Kyungsoo says, mustering up a smile of his own, and watching her face light up even more from the positive response.

“Perfect!” She exclaims, her eyes curling up into crescents that match her son’s. “I’ll get started on some prep then!”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen slightly, noting how far from dinner they are. “Did you... need any help with anything?” He offers, but she waves the words away.

“No, no, not now anyway - maybe I’ll call you two a little later, hm? You guys have fun together first, yes?” She says the last words with a slight lilt to her tone, and Kyungsoo is once more reminded of his theory from the last time he came around - that Jongin’s mother might actually be aware of Jongin’s uality, and supportive of it. But Jongin seems so unbeknownst - all these moments passing by without a reaction from him. Maybe it’s all in Kyungsoo’s head, he thinks.

“Did you want any food now? Have you eaten lunch? Shall I make you guys some snacks?” Jongin’s mother asks then, launching all these questions Kyungsoo’s way in quick succession, her eyes bright and smile wide, so Kyungsoo can only blink dumbly back.

“It’s okay, mum,” Jongin cuts in here, glancing Kyungsoo’s way. “We’ll come down if we need anything...”

When they say their goodbyes, and Jongin guides Kyungsoo upstairs, he turns back to him to whisper in explanation, “my mum’s a professional caterer. She loves to cook almost as much as she loves to feed people...” And it makes Kyungsoo smile, even though his heart also tugs in longing. He thinks back to when Jongin had had dinner at his, how, rather than offers of snacks and home-cooked meals, he’d had only take-out to bring to the table. It makes Kyungsoo feel guilty to think of then, and compare it to now - his parents, compared to Jongin’s. Not for the first time, he wishes things were different.

Kyungsoo’s thoughts about his family situation though dissipate as he and Jongin finally reach the first floor landing, and he realises that they’re going to be alone now. He follows Jongin silently, heart pounding so harshly he can feel it in his throat. He hadn’t realised how nervous he is until right now, thinking of the conversation that awaits them and all the ways it can go.

“So,” Jongin says almost as soon as they’ve stepped into his room. “Um, I guess let’s talk first?” He suggests, shutting the door behind Kyungsoo and stopping to stand before him. “If that’s... okay?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo breathes, nodding his head in shaky agreement. “Can I... say something first?” He asks, nibbling at his lower lip as he stares Jongin’s way for his response.

“I-sure, yes,” Jongin agrees easily, but his brows furrow in worry. “Is... what’s wrong?”

Kyungsoo exhales slowly, looking into Jongin’s eyes as he musters up the courage to speak his thoughts aloud. “There’s one thing I’ve been wanting to ask you about for a long time, to be honest. It’s something you said a while back...” he admits a little sheepishly.

“Go on,” Jongin prods.

Kyungsoo swallows. “Well, after a fight we had, you put my hand on your heart, and you said, ‘this is what you’ve done to me for years.’ Years, you said. Exactlylike that. Do you remember?”

Jongin blinks, and then a short laugh spills from his lips in such a manner that Kyungsoo can tell he couldn’t have restrained it even if he’d tried. “You... remember all that?” He asks, looking unexpectedly fond as he stares down at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo feels his cheeks flush with heat under the gaze, at the unexpected response. “I- wouldn’t you?” He ripostes. “Anyway, why are you trying to embarrass me right now? You did this to me, Jongin,” he stops here, taking ahold of Jongin’s hand and pressing it squarely against the left side of his chest. “This.” He emphasises pointedly. “‘Like a kdrama lead.”

“Oddly enough, that doesn’t embarrass me.” Jongin’s smile stretches, and his fingers twitch in place, right against Kyungsoo’s chest.

Kyungsoo balks, his hold loosening, but he tries to hide his fluster. “And yet, it should.”

“But, you still liked it?”

“...that’s besides the point.” Kyungsoo grumbles. “And anyway, off-topic!” He exclaims, releasing Jongin’s hand with reddened cheeks. “You have to explain what you meant by the ‘years’ because it’s been driving me insane.”

Jongin’s smile changes, and his eyes glitter in amusement. “You’re cute.” He comments idly, looking fond, but before Kyungsoo even has the chance to grumble back, Jongin goes on. “I’ll explain it to you, though. I guess it’s long overdue...

“Well, first off, I knew who you were ages ago. Before I even knew you were gay. I think I told you already, but the dancers stopped in the dressing rooms to hear you sing at our very first showcase.” His eyes turn gooey, proud. “You’re so talented, Kyungsoo.” He utters, looking so sincere and soppy that Kyungsoo flusters all over again.

“Stop,” he says, eyes flittering away and head tilting down so he can stare at his own hands and not at the way Jongin looks at him then. But then he feels a finger on his chin, guiding him gently up so he has to meet Jongin’s gaze.

“I’m not just saying it,” Jongin says. “It’s really true.” He smiles. “But yes, anyway. I noticed you then, but I started noticing you more after you were outed.

“I didn’t know much of the story or anything - I always hated rumours, and I hated gossip even more - but, for me, when I heard that- you became the only other person I knew in the world who was like me.” He says, looking thoughtful. “It... made me feel less lonely,” he admits with a small smile. “And I guess it could’ve just been that and that feeling alone - that we were the same -, if not for the time I saw you outside of school too.”

“You... what?” Kyungsoo splutters the word out, unable to mask his surprise. “What does- what do you mean?” He asks. “What happened?”

Jongin smiles, and his eyes turn soft. “I was in town with my grandmother one time. I left her sat on the benches for a moment to go buy some stupid video game. I didn’t want her walking, but it was still dumb - leaving her alone there.

”When I came back to her, I watched her telling some kids off for littering. Which made complete sense for my grandma,” Jongin’s chuckles. “She’s got the strongest sense of justice I know...

“Anyway, the kids who had littered started yelling and getting rowdy. Telling her to mind her own business and whatnot. But my grandma is so headstrong, she never backs down.

“They had started to surround her when I got close enough to intervene, and I was just about to step up and take her away when... when you stepped up before me,” Jongin’s lips twitch, and his eyes turn distant as he thinks back. “And you starting fighting with them. With gentle but tired eyes, and the fiercest mouth I’d everheard.” He laughs. “You looked so broken, but were still trying to fix other people, to fight for them. And those 3 guys, all taller and definitely older, went away. Because of you.”

Now that Jongin has told the story, a vague recollection niggles at the back of Kyungsoo’s mind. He remembers the situation, but he can’t think of the details, and had had no idea that lady had been Jongin’s grandmother.

“The next school day, I saw you again in school.” Jongin continues on. “And I had every intention of walking up to you and thanking you, but... but instead I ended up watching you in another fight. Except, this time... this time they were fighting you, and- you weren’t fighting back,” Jongin recalls, his gaze distant and unfocused as he speaks. “It was as if, suddenly, you thought it wasn’t worth it.” He turns to Kyungsoo here, squarely meeting his eyes. “Protecting yourself, compared to protecting a stranger - it was clear which one won out for you.

“But this is something I could never understand. I was so confused by it. I saw you fight back, I saw you angry for my grandmother. But at school you were like a whole other person.

“I think the moment that made me most confused was when the leader attacked you in form a few months back,” Jongin goes on. “I walked you to medical, and I just couldn’t get it out of my head. I couldn’t understand how you stood up for a stranger, but weren’t doing that for yourself,” he admits.

Kyungsoo, at least, remembers this time vividly - the way Jongin had looked to him after he’d dropped him off to medical. Even then, he’d been so jarred by the stare he’d been met with, how Jongin - a stranger to him at the time - had looked to him with such concentration, as if all his efforts were being put into working Kyungsoo out.

“I couldn’t figure you out, Kyungsoo. My mind was always a mess trying to figure you out. But, that time with my grandmother- that’s how I always knew you were strong, whenever you seemed to doubt it,” Jongin continues, his gaze turning soft. “I saw you being strong even at what seemed your weakest.

“I was especially fascinated by it because I was the complete opposite. I wanted to help you, so many times, like you did for my grandmother, but I always held back.” Jongin shakes his head here, and his gaze drops for the first time. “I don’t know why I-...”

Kyungsoo steps forward - close, right into Jongin’s space. The move means that, even with Jongin’s head downturned, Kyungsoo can see his face clearly. Kyungsoo raises his hands, resting them on both of Jongin’s cheeks to guide him gently to make their gazes meet. “Hey,” he breathes the words in a tone so soft that it’s barely above a whisper, and Jongin blinks back at him. “You need to not beat yourself up about this. You already know how much you’ve helped me...”

Jongin’s own hands raise, curling loosely around Kyungsoo’s wrists. “I know,” he agrees. “It’s still hard though...” he admits, and if Kyungsoo hadn’t been so close he might’ve missed the way Jongin’s eyes mist over, like he’s holding back the urge to cry.

Kyungsoo is the one to kiss Jongin. Their lips meet easily, Kyungsoo pressing to his tiptoes to kiss the taller deeply, wanting to convey to him just how very grateful he is for all he’s done. Jongin reciprocates quickly, his arms dropping to Kyungsoo’s back to tug him closer.

When Kyungsoo pulls away, they’re both a little breathless, still caught up in each other’s arms where they stand in place.

“Wow, I’m really liking how casual that’s becoming,” Jongin admits, and Kyungsoo can’t help but to laugh, shaking his head fondly with closed eyes and a heart-shaped smile.

“Sorry, you can keep talking,” he apologises, moving as if to step back, but Jongin’s arms around him tighten and keep him in place, so his eyes flicker open in surprise.

“No, stay,” Jongin mutters. “I can talk with you here. I- where was I?” Jongin blinks, feigning being distracted as he stares Kyungsoo’s way.

Kyungsoo chuckles again, biting down on his bottom lip. “You’re dumb,” he accuses without any real spite.

“Nope, I think I was somewhere else...”

Kyungsoo hits him lightly and this time it’s Jongin laughing, bright and loud, unrestrained. Kyungsoo has always loved that laugh, and hearing it this close, closer than he’s ever heard it before, makes him love it even more.

“I remember now,” Jongin says then, blinking back into focus. “So, I started watching you around school more. Trying to figure you out and, I guess, waiting for you to fight back like I knew you could, you know?” Jongin explains. “And I guess from watching, I learnt a lot about you too.

“Taemin started to make fun of it when I started talking about you more, and he probably caught on to the way I felt way before I realised.” Jongin laughs. “God, he teased me so much.”

“Wait-“ Kyungsoo is sure his face must blanch. “Taemin knows that you- that you-“

“Have basically been crushing on you for I don’t even know many years now? Yeah, he knows,” Jongin chuckles, his hold around Kyungsoo tightening a bit. “I mean, sure, it didn’t develop as it has until we started getting close these past months, but yeah. It was definitely a crush.”

Kyungsoo thinks of his many exchanges with Taemin, of all the times the boy has acted strangely or flirted openly. He buries his face in his hands, and he can actually feel when his cheeks turn hot beneath them. “So, he just- really really likes to tease you?” He asks, blanching without help.

Jongin laughs a hearty laugh, his eyes curling into his signature crescents. “Yes. He teased me a lot - still does. And when I got to you know you those feelings just got stronger and stronger and his teasing got so much worse.

“And now... now here was are.” He speaks these words gently, eyes b with care.

But Kyungsoo has to backtrack, can’t quite move on from this revelation. If he’d had theories about Jongin’s words, this was definitely not one of them. “You’re telling me that... you’ve had a crush on me for years?” He asks, emphasising the words with raised brows, unable to mask his surprise.

This time, it’s Jongin’s turn to look embarrassed, a pretty flush stretching over the top of his cheeks that Kyungsoo might have missed had he not been standing so close. “Yeah,” he admits, voice gentle but shy. “I’m pretty sure Taemin has been trying to hint that to you since last term, the brat.”

Kyungsoo blinks, and the words make him think back to the first time he’d spoken to Taemin properly - when the boy had steadied him just after he’d got his crutches, and then had looked him up and down. “You’re... Kyungsoo, right?” He had asked, like the question held more weight than it seemed, and the smile that had followed confusing Kyungsoo in more ways than one.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo breathes, registering the interaction for what it was. “He knew who I was because of you?”

Jongin nods, not completely meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes. “I mean, he came to our school after you quit singing, so... I guess I was the first person who mentioned you to him?” he agrees, looking shyer before Kyungsoo then than he has ever appeared before.

Kyungsoo can’t help but to laugh at Jongin’s expression, at the bashfulness there. “You’re being cute,” he accuses, shuffling a little closer and further into Jongin’s arms. Jongin responds to the move naturally, his grip tightening and head tilting further down to maintain their eye contact - a rumble of a chuckle quaking through his chest, that Kyungsoo feels before he hears.

“You’re cuter,” Jongin whispers back, interlocking his hands behind Kyungsoo’s back.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, scrunching his face without help. “Don’t go cheesy on me, Jongin.”

Jongin responds to this, not with a comeback, but with a hand on Kyungsoo’s cheeks and lips pecking gently against Kyungsoo’s own - a move so swift and brief that Kyungsoo blinks dumbly up at him after, his words caught up in his throat.

“See, this is what your being cute makes me do,” he huffs, looking faux frustrated by this truth.

Kyungsoo can’t help but to laugh, fond and amused as he stares Jongin’s way. “We keep kissing,” he points out. “A lot.”

Jongin grins back, and from up close it makes Kyungsoo’s breath hitch in his throat; he’s so frustratingly attractive. “We keep kissing,” Jongin agrees. “Because, I like you - of course,” he speaks earnestly, eyes turned soft and lips pulled into a serious line. “I mean, I don’t know if it wasn’t already painfully obvious, and with the game yesterday too, but...” he stops here, reaching out to take ahold of Kyungsoo’s hands and bring them between their chests - his eyes warm and fixated to Kyungsoo’s own. “...I’m saying it loud and clear. I like you, Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo stares back, cheeks flushing and pulse jumping, but his smile is easy - his response even easier. “I like you too, Jongin. A lot.” He squeezes Jongin’s hands, intertwining their fingers and holding them to the centre of his chest.

“I- great. Yeah,” Jongin mutters, his smile turned bashful as the two meet eyes in that position.

Kyungsoo’s lips stretch, and he speaks what he’s thinking. “I can’t stop smiling,” he evokes gently, caught up in their proximity, in the way Jongin stares at him - so tenderly, as if he could spend his whole life just looking Kyungsoo’s way.

“Me neither...” Jongin’s smile widens at his own words, his eyes shining in such a gentle way that Kyungsoo daren’t even think of looking away. It’s in this moment that Kyungsoo thinks of his thoughts from last night and this morning, of what it is he wants to be with Jongin. He thinks too of Eun-Seo’s words - to be honest, even if it terrifies him; to come back without any regrets.

He bites down at his lower lip, and maybe Jongin notes his sudden nervousness for his grip on Kyungsoo’s hands tighten, and his brows furrow in inquisition. “What’s up?” He implores, fingers moving to draw soothing circles into Kyungsoo’s palms instead.

Kyungsoo huffs out a long, low breath, and he summons up courage whilst thinking of his sister’s earnest eyes. “Listen, I- I know this isn’t always the case when people like one another, but... would you want to be my boyfriend? Is that... something you’d like?” He asks tentatively, heart pounding so fast he can hear it in his ears.

Even before Jongin’s response, Kyungsoo knows what he’ll say: his whole face lights up, countenance relaxing at Kyungsoo’s words, and the fingers over his palms pause to curl in place. “That’s what I’d love.” Jongin’s smile is blinding, and Kyungsoo’s heart soars.

They talk for a long while after that, about everything and anything, sharing secrets about what they’ve been feeling these past months. A film is suggested and they press play on it from Jongin’s laptop, but it works as only background noise - their conversation persisting through it all.

Somewhere in it, they end up huddled together, Kyungsoo plastered to Jongin’s side and sharing his warmth. It’s comfortable like that - cuddled together on Jongin’s bed, wasting away the day in each other’s company. Kyungsoo wishes there could be more days like this.

“You know, it’s my birthday tomorrow...” Jongin starts now, words trailing off.

Kyungsoo smiles. His eyes have fallen to a close as they’ve been speaking, and they stay closed now - he doesn’t think he’s felt this relaxed in a long while. “I do know,” he agrees, cuddling further into Jongin’s side.

“I... I was hoping you might want to go on a date? With me?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes blink open. “A date?” He repeats, pulse jumping at the word alone.

“Yeah, I mean, I know it’s school, but... I kind of want to play hooky? And take you somewhere? If... that’s okay?” Jongin asks carefully.

Kyungsoo stills, and he mulls the suggestion over in his head. “I’ve never played hooky before,” he comments honestly, something stirring in his chest.

“You’ve never skipped school?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head ‘no’, against Jongin’s side.

“Oh, then- I don’t want to force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with-“

“I kind of like the idea,” Kyungsoo cuts in though, heart pounding with his thoughts. “Feels rebellious.” And romantic, he finishes in his head.

Jongin’s voice sounds like he’s smiling when he speaks next. “Great,” he breathes, “then... that can be your present to me?”

“I already have a present for you.” Kyungsoo says, peeking up at Jongin’s face.

Jongin’s eyes meet his, and they’re shining. “Oh?”

“It... might not be ready,” he admits softly, thinking of the song he’d started writing last night. “But, I want to show you some of it at least whilst it’s your actual birthday...” he goes on. Even if the thought of sharing that song with Jongin still makes him nervous, it also feels right. Kyungsoo wants Jongin to hear it.

He remembers the first time Jongin had suggested Kyungsoo share some of his music with him, and how nervy the thought had made him, how it had made him shut down and close-off. But things have changed now; there’s no one Kyungsoo trusts more when it comes to his songwriting now.

“Show me?” Jongin echoes, hand moving to rifle gently through Kyungsoo’s hair. “Hmm, you’re making me curious...”

“Good,” Kyungsoo smiles, moving further into Jongin’s hand by instinct, eyes falling shut. His fingers are delicate, slow and almost revered in their movements. Kyungsoo could fall asleep just like this. “M’feels nice...” he mumbles, nuzzling further into Jongin’s side.

When Jongin laughs, Kyungsoo feels it reverberate through his cheek and throat - a pleasant rumble of sound. He’s hit with the bizarre thought that that’s how he wants to experience all of Jongin’s laughs from here on: feeling, not just hearing. “You’re more into cuddles than I thought you’d be...” he murmurs, sounding thoughtful.

Kyungsoo feels his cheeks heat at the words, and he’s glad he’s not looking at Jongin’s face. “I’m more into cuddles than I thought I’d be too,” he breathes, hand clenching briefly where it rests over Jongin’s chest.

Jongin chuckles again, and it sounds so intimate from this proximity - like a croon. “I like it,” Jongin admits without falter. “I like having you so close to me...” his hand reaches down, encompassing Kyungsoo’s own, the other continuing it’s soothing ministrations through Kyungsoo’s hair. “I’ve been wanting this for a long time...”

“Me too,” Kyungsoo agrees, and then he speaks aloud what he’s been thinking ever since their kiss in his bedroom last night. “I can’t believe we’re actually here.”

He truly still can’t wrap his head around it. It feels as if he’s been crushing on Jongin for so long, and it’s what he’s been used to - having the feeling returned is untouched waters, and it’s terrifying as much as it is exhilarating. Even now, a part of him fears that this might all just be a dream.

“Well, believe it,” Jongin murmurs, tone warm and voice close. “I’m definitely keeping you.”

Kyungsoo laughs, but he’s pleased, and the heat that touches his cheeks must definitely be manifesting as a telling blush. “Good,” he breathes, voice low. “Because I’m keeping you too.”

“Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo scrunches his closed eyes. He feels fingers trailing softly over the side of his face, soothing, leaving little shots of lightning behind the skin just touched.

“Kyungsoo,” he hears again, only this time it’s louder, less groggy in his head. “Kyungsoo, wake up...”

He blinks his eyes open, and makes a small, unhappy sound in the back of his throat.

“Finally awake, Mr Sleepy Head?” He hears, the vibrations of the words reverberating through his ear, where it’s pressed against something solid.

“Mmmph,” he hums. He’s at Jongin’s - he remembers now. His eyes stay half-closed, and he curls further into the warmth beneath him.

The reverberations happen again, only stronger and rumbling, paired with a low laugh. “Very cuddly...” he hears.

This invocation, unlike the first few, makes him realise his position. He raises himself with a gasp, and he balks as Jongin’s hands fall from his sides and he sees where he’d been lying: on Jongin’s chest. He must’ve moved there in his sleep, unconsciously.

“Oh,” he breathes, cheeks pinking, still bleary-eyed as he peers Jongin’s way. “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to fall asleep-“ On you, he leaves unsaid, swallowing.

Jongin looks awake - he mustn’t have slept at all. But the lighting in the room is darker than before, so a fair amount of time must’ve passed.

“It’s fine,” Jongin smiles, raising himself too. “You’re cute when you sleep...”

Kyungsoo blushes again, unable to meet the other’s eyes. “I- my head must’ve been heavy,” he mutters, and before he can think it over, he reaches out and presses his hands over Jongin’s chest where he’d just been resting. “Sorry, I- should I massage it? Will that help?” He shuffles his hands around, frowning at himself, but his movements are halted when Jongin’s own hands reach up and rest over his own.

He blinks, gaze raising to meet Jongin’s own, and it’s only by the look on the other’s face that he finally realised what he’s doing, where he’s touching.

“I’m sorry!” He actually squeaks the words, moving to pull his hands away, but Jongin’s grip keeps him firmly in place, and he feels like he can’t even breathe with the way the taller is looking at him. It doesn’t help that, beneath his palms, he can feel the tumultuous beat of Jongin’s heart, can match it with the look being sent his way.

“You do this a lot,” Jongin comments, voice quiet and heavy. “You... you’re secretly a pro, right?”

Kyungsoo blinks, heart pounding in his chest. “What?”

Jongin’s eyes are intent, unwavering, but there’s lightness there too. “You’re playing games with me, aren’t you?” He asks.

“I- of course not, I-“ but he’s cut off when Jongin suddenly tugs him forward, their faces abruptly centimetres apart.

Kyungsoo stills, and he watches the way Jongin’s gaze flickers down, catching on his lips.

“I- You can’t kiss me,” he speaks quickly. “My breath-“

“Definitely a pro,” Jongin murmurs instead, eyes shining from up close. “I won’t kiss you, though,” he concedes, releasing his grip on Kyungsoo’s hands and moving slightly back. “I woke you up because mum called to say food is ready soon, so...”

“Ah,” Kyungsoo murmurs, still a little flustered. “Right.” He can’t hide the slight disappointment from his tone, and Jongin definitely seems to notice if the way his smile stretches is anything to go by.

“Come on, then,” he says, raising from the bed with a stretch. “Let’s freshen up and head down?”

Freshening up with Jongin involves washing their faces together at the same sink - for Kyungsoo too, swirling mouthwash and drinking water. It feels so domestic and new, but it’s welcome and warming too. Kyungsoo thinks it’s a feeling he can get used to quite easily.

When they eventually head downstairs, Kyungsoo’s smile stretches at the way Jongin’s mother has dotted some balloons around the room, hung up a celebratory banner. Along with this, the dining table is stacked with dishes upon dishes of delicious looking and smelling food. It’s all very quaint and homely in a way that makes Kyungsoo feel warm.

“Mrs Kim, this all looks incredible,” he comments as he approaches, Jongin by his side.

“Thank you, sweetie,” she coos, looking pleased. Jongin’s mother ends up ushering Kyungsoo down into a seat by her side on the square dining table, Jongin on his other, and the whole Kim family settle together to eat - Jongin’s father coming to join them too.

Kyungsoo frets for a moment that he might feel awkward, but the birthday dinner is warm and homely. Jongin’s parents are inviting and cordial, asking him a lot of questions about himself and his school, his aspirations and whatnot. And once that’s exhausted, Mrs Kim starts to share embarrassing stories about Jongin’s childhood (much to her son’s distress) a twinkle in her eyes as she speaks, Mr Kim joining in with his own tales and a warm, bellowing laugh to follow each.

By the end of the night, Kyungsoo feels as if he’s been invited into the family, though neither Mr or Mrs Kim say those words aloud. The occasion in general also makes Kyungsoo absolutely certain that Jongin’s parents are aware of his uality, and are accepting of it: he’s been around Eun-Seo enough by now to know what it’s like to be teased, and Mrs Kim (even, on occasion, Mr Kim) does just that numerous times throughout the dinner. Each incident goes straight over Jongin’s oblivious head, even whilst it makes Kyungsoo redden shyly.

It’s nice though - nice in ways he never expected. It feels nice too, that Jongin’s parents seem to like him, and that they accept him. And when Jongin walks him out (both of his parents blatantly making efforts to leave them alone for their goodbyes) Kyungsoo’s heart feels full and warm.

“Today has been really fun,” he utters the words as soon as they’re alone, unable to hold them back, nor the big, heart-shaped smile that settles easily on his face.

“It has,” Jongin agrees with a matching smile, reaching out to take a gentle hold of Kyungsoo’s hand. “I’m... really happy,” he confesses. “Happier than I’ve been in a long while...”

“Me too,” Kyungsoo breathes back, staring up at the taller- his boyfriend, he reminds himself. It all feels so surreal. Even just looking at the other - the warm lighting of the porch they’ve stepped onto casting Jongin’s face in hues of orange and warm russet, highlighting his handsome features - makes everything feel like a dream.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jongin’s voice is gentle, and Kyungsoo thinks he could spend his whole life just listening to him speak when he’s like this - happy and contented. “Bring warm clothes, okay?”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo agrees easily, and because he’s been wanting to, he moves forward and meets Jongin halfway in a hug, arms moving to wrap around his boyfriend’s back and hold him close. “See you then...”

They stay like that for a long while, neither wanting the day to end, but both smiling with the knowledge that they’ll see each other tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that - excited for it all.

A/N:

A cute chapter in amongst all this angst

I hope you guys liked it! Feel free to leave comments below - I like to hear your guys' thoughts + any constructive criticism. Love you all x