30. A REPRIEVE

Long chapter, yayyy

‘How did you deal with this?’

Kyungsoo reads the text on his phone first thing in the morning after his alarms wake him, the time stamp set at 3:03am. He sighs gently: did Jongin even sleep? He wonders, sitting up in bed and straightening the glasses he perches on his nose.

Kyungsoo doesn’t really blame him - he completely understands what Jongin must be going through -, for today is the first day back at school since his very public outing just a couple of weeks ago now.Kyungsoo remembers himself in this position, all those years back now, and how arduous a thing it had been to deal with.

He readies himself for school half-distracted, those unpleasant thoughts circulating in his mind like he’d lived those days just yesterday.

The holidays seem to have swum by, Kyungsoo thinks a little later, straightening his school tie and staring numbly back at his reflection in his cabinet mirror; for Jongin’s sake, he wishes they hadn’t. It seems like only yesterday since that fateful support group session had occurred, and Jongin had been so broken in recalling his actions - so uncontrolled. Kyungsoo had never seen the taller more openly afraid than he’d been in that hour or so.

Kyungsoo sighs at the thought, and the Kyungsoo staring back at him sighs in much the same way. He his head in the mirror, patting down at crumples in his uniform and watching how they reappear the moment his hands move away. But he keeps doing it, over and over, until he looks down and realises that he doesn’t actually care if his shirt is crumpled, that he’d rather do this mundane and restless thing than have his hands be still - not whilst Jongin is hurting, not when a person he cares so deeply for is in need of help. It feels wrong to be still.

His phone starts ringing, jolting him from his thoughts as he turns to stare at the incriminating device vibrating on his bedside table. The screen light shines with Jongin’s face - the picture Kyungsoo had taken from the support group, hazy as a digital image compared to the original Polaroid. Even at this time, it gives Kyungsoo the strength to muster up a smile. He rushes towards the phone, picking it up without hesitation and pressing it to his ear, but he doesn’t speak. Instead, he breathes - shallow and slow through the phone, whole body tense and anticipating.

Jongin huffs out through the line, and then his voice sounds through it - hushed but somehow frenzied. “I’m freaking out,” he admits, and then a sniffle follows after, like he’s been crying, and Kyungsoo’s heart hurts at the sound alone.

“Shhhh,” he soothes gently; his hand starts to raise without him thinking about it, as if reaching out to pet fingers through Jongin’s hair and calm him back down, but he drops it quickly after. “It’s okay. It’s one day, the bad day, and then it’s okay.”

Jongin doesn’t respond, but Kyungsoo can hear him breathing through the line - rough and shallow breaths, like he can’t get enough air into his lungs. Kyungsoo aches at the sound, his desire to physically see the taller coiling through his form. He wishes he could hold Jongin’s face between his hands: look to his eyes whilst they breathe together, wiping any tears as they form and before they fall. It’s something Yixing said once in a session - something which has always stuck, so much so that it’s scrawled on a piece of paper somewhere on Kyungsoo’s wall for him to read back when he needs it-

“You can’t stop tears, but you can stop them from falling.”

Kyungsoo wishes someone had stopped his tears from falling; the remnant wetness over his cheeks after he’d cried had only served as reinforcers to his weakness - further affirming the frail portrait he’d painted himself as in the past. He knows Jongin’s different to how he was then, knows it’s never the same for any one person, but the sound of someone crying - most especially when that person is someone you love - is one of the most heart-breaking sounds in the world.

Kyungsoo stretches his legs out before him, heels digging absentmindedly into the ground. He doesn’t hear any other sniffles through the line, though that might be more because of Jongin’s resolution to hide it more than anything else, but something in the silence - even when synthetic, when played out through a staticky phone-line - serves only to enhance Kyungsoo’s scruples further.

“Did you want to walk to school together?” He hears himself asking, even though the words come out a little hesitant- weary. Kyungsoo doesn’t know the Jongin on the other line right now - at least, not well enough. He’s more vulnerable in this state than Kyungsoo has ever seen him be, and being granted the responsibility of looking after Jongin when he’s like this is both terrifying and touching: terrifying, because Kyungsoo wants so desperately to prove he can be that person for the taller boy, and touching, because Jongin already believes he can be.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Jongin says, “but... I think it might be better if we don’t.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo breathes, unsure what else to say, but Jongin speaks before he has the chance to fret over those words.

“I’m only saying it because... people might assume things,” Jongin explains gently. “About us, I mean. And it’s not that assuming things is wrong per-say. It’s more that- I don’t want the kids at school thinking the only two out guys in school are together just because, well, they’re the only two outguys in school.” He pauses briefly here, and then when he speaks again his voice has changed - turned heavier, more personal, as if he’s whispering the words directly into Kyungsoo’s ears. “We’re a lot more than that - you are.”

Kyungsoo is glad Jongin can’t see him right now, because he is sure the rush of heat to his cheeks means that he must be blushing quite deeply, moved by how much thought Jongin has put into all of this.

“I-okay,” he agrees, unable to dispute the logic. In any case, Jongin sounds so bare, so real as he speaks his thoughts, that it makes Kyungsoo’s heart squeeze, so that he couldn’t dare speak against his wishes even if he wanted to. “That’s fine.”

“In any case...” Jongin continues, “I don’t want you to get any of the backlash I’m bound to get today. You’ve already been through it all - I don’t want you to deal with mine too.”

Kyungsoo frowns. “Jongin, you know I don’t-“

“You don’t care about that stuff, I know, I know,” Jongin speaks through the line. “But I do. I don’t want to be the reason you’re hurting, especially when you’ve already been through so much.” He explains in that same warm tone. “I’ll just see you at school, okay?”

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to dispute again, but the words don’t come out. His lips press closed, pupils drawing to the ground.

“Okay,” he agrees softly, even though his worry only intensifies with his own acceptance. “I’ll see you.”
 

Throughout the whole school day, Kyungsoo finds himself looking out for Jongin.

Maybe it’s because an entire holiday has passed between the announcement and Jongin moving around in public, but the whispers about him seem far less than Kyungsoo had been anticipating, and it eases his heavy heart. Kyungsoo remembers how his own coming out had been the talk of the school for weeks - it had been torturous to turn any corner in a hallway and be met with the make of silence that told you people had been talking about you just seconds before.

Jongin, at least, unlike Kyungsoo, keeps his head held up high. Though Kyungsoo isn’t able to be by his side, heeding Jongin’s words from the morning, Taemin does a good job himself - shooting glares when any whispers happen to start up and standing unashamedly at Jongin’s side.

In lessons, there isn’t much opportunity for any disputes to start up, but with Kyungsoo soundlessly observing the classroom, he is sure that there are a few students looking at Jongin differently - something unspoken brewing on the side-lines that makes him uneasy for the breaks and lunchtimes to come. But Jongin, if he notices, hides it so well.If the taller hadn’t phoned Kyungsoo this morning - bare and in shambles - Kyungsoo would think that the other was entirely unaffected by it all.

When the lunch bell finally trills, Kyungsoo feels an impending dread build up inside him. He stalks behind Jongin towards the canteen, following the chattering flock of students as they go.

Because Kyungsoo already knows Jongin will sit with the rest of the dancers, he rushes to get a seat on the table just next to theirs, thankful to see a spare corner where he can settle down. He already has his lunch, whilst Jongin queues up with Taemin to get his own, so he’s seated before them. It’s as he’s unwrapping his sandwich that he hears Jongin’s name being spoken amongst the dance table behind him, and his ears perk immediately to listen.

“-but, I mean, Jongin wouldn’t like guys like you.” A voice says, tone hard to gage when Kyungsoo can’t see the person’s expression.

A new person speaks before Kyungsoo can figure it out, “what’s wrong with me? Anyway, you aren’t gay, what do you know?”

“Come on, come on, if Jongin would date anyone it would be me.” Another pipes in, only this time Kyungsoo catches the tone and hears that it’s light and jokey, and his whole form - which had turned tense at the exchange - sags a little, even whilst the conversation continues to make him squirm uneasily in place.

“No, it would definitely be me.” The first voice pipes in, to which another small bout of complaints start up across the table.

“I’ve only just come out and you guys are already fighting over me.” This voice Kyungsoo recognises immediately - in as sly a twist as he can muster, Kyungsoo looks back to see Jongin and Taemin settling into their seats, Jongin staring around at the group and their sudden silence following his words.

“Jongin, we didn’t know you were-...” the first guy, who Kyungsoo thinks may be called Aaron, starts up, his expression turning a little sheepish as he looks Jongin’s way.

“No offence, guys,” Jongin says, shovelling a spoonful of rice into his mouth, “but I wouldn’t date any of you.”

The sentence is met by absolute silence - Kyungsoo is sure that everyone on that table even stops eating, unsettled by how unaffected Jongin seems to be by their conversation and its demeaning nature. If Kyungsoo didn’t know the boy, he too might’ve missed the strange absence to Jongin’s gaze, the way his Adam’s Apple bobs with slower, more difficult swallows of air.

Kyungsoo gets it immediately - what he’s doing, his response. If Jongin jokes, he won’t have space to hurt. He also, conversely gets that the dancers around him may have been trying to ease him into this, normalise the situation - not understanding that by bringing it to attention they have achieved the complete opposite, alienated Jongin in a place he’s never felt alienated before.

Kyungsoo’s fingers twitch by his side: he wishes he can be there, cover Jongin’s ears and go off with him someplace where no one cares who they are and who they love. He wishes he had an excuse to.

“Wait...” it’s Jackson who speaks first, a boisterous guy who represents the school’s acrobatics within dance - the first time Kyungsoo had seen him flip backwards during a showcase he’d been so enraptured by the move that he’d tried and failed to perform it himself when practicing alone at home. But even if Kyungsoo knows the guy can dance, he knows little else about him, and he can’t help but to tense in fear for how he will finish.

The rest of the dance group have turned towards him in tandem, attention caught with ease. And Jackson plays the crowd well, experienced, pausing dramatically as he fixes his gaze to Jongin’s on the other side of the table. But then his brows, thick and expressive above his eyes, furrow in a severe, comical fashion.

“Why the not Kim- I’m a catch, aren’t I?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t realise he’s holding a breath until he exhales in relief at the words, even if the table still appears a little tense, a little unsure by Jongin and his reaction.

Jongin laughs- “yeah, okay,” he faux-agrees.

“Woah, woah, woah, I don’t like your tone there, Kim,” Jackson mopes, still with an obvious, joking lilt to his voice..

“Oh, come on, Jackson, you can’t even get girls and you think you could get Kim?” someone Kyungsoo doesn’t know the name of pipes up, but before anyone else can respond, a new voice pipes in-

“Come on,” the guy who speaks sounds gruff, angry, nothing like everyone else around the table, “how can you be joking about it like it’s normal?” He questions, and even if not directed personally at him, Kyungsoo flinches at his tone alone, and the way the rest of the dancers on the table fall into a complete and obsolete silence at the words.

“What, do you have a problem?” It’s the first time Taemin has spoken since they sat, and he looks about ready to fight if his narrowed eyes are anything to go by. Jongin reaches out a hand to Taemin’s arm, almost imperceptible if Kyungsoo hadn’t been staring so intently their way to gage his response. Taemin looks to him, and the fingers squeeze as their eyes meet. Leave it, he means.

“Yeah, not a cool thing to say, bro,” Jackson speaks up again. “It’s the 21st century – you just look like a douche, right now.”

“What, you guys are genuinely okay with this?”

“And you aren’t?” This time it’s Aaron who speaks up again. “It’s not your ing life, bro. Deal with it or get the out.”

“Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo whips around in shock, embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping, but the feeling fades instantly when he sees who it is who has called for his attention.

It’s the girl - the girl who has a crush on Jongin, and had cornered him and spat harsh words out to him at the showcase. She isn’t with her two friends - stands there alone, expression plain with her fingers twiddling sheepishly before her, and maybe it’s their absence but, compared to that day, she appears so gentle and unassuming.

Kyungsoo doesn’t let his guard down, though – the memory from then, and how vicious she’d looked, is still fresh and sore in his mind, and difficult to forget with such ease. An involuntary flinch passes through his body at her mere presence alone, in much the same way a light flickers when it’s about to fizzle out.

“Please,” she speaks suddenly, “don’t be scared?” She beseeches, but it tapers at the end like she’s thought last minute to pitch it as a question. Her expression turns soft - softer than Kyungsoo has ever seen the girl hold. “Can we... go somewhere to speak?”

Kyungsoo blinks, the dancer’s table and the sandwich in his hand both forgotten. “What is it?” He can’t help but to ask, curious but cautious as he fixes his gaze to the girl’s before him and tries to read her eyes.

“I’d prefer to say it somewhere else,” she ripostes, “if that’s okay...” and when her gaze darts just behind Kyungsoo, to where Jongin is sat, Kyungsoo understands that the taller boy must be involved in this.

“Fine.” Kyungsoo hears himself say it before he’s really thought about it, rising quickly to his feet with a false nonchalance about him. It’s still school hours, at least, and that definitely gives him some protection in case she wants to hurt him again, but something in Kyungsoo’s gut is telling him that that’s something he doesn’t have to worry about.

He follows her anyway, and they don’t move far - stopping just outside the canteen doors, right near the school’s courtyard, where few students frequent and the noise level is far-reduced. Kyungsoo doesn’t make it easier - he only stands there, a little guarded and a lot unsure, waiting for her to speak first. Eventually-

“I’m sorry.” She says it simply, eyes closed as she evokes the words, and Kyungsoo blinks rapidly - wondering if he’s heard right.

“You- What?” He questions.

This time her eyes open, and Kyungsoo would be blind to not see the true sincerity in them, the regret when she speaks again- “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo,” she repeats, something profound and real in her tone. “I didn’t know Jongin was- well- that he was gay.” She explains. “I got mad because I thought it was like before.” She emphasises the word, and this time her eyes have changed to something more curious - trying to gage Kyungsoo’s reaction, the sincerity gone as quickly as it had arrived. “You know what I mean, a few years back, with-“

“Like it wasn’t what you thought now, it isn’t what you thought then,” Kyungsoo cuts her off; this must be the first time that another student has referred to his coming out in years, and it isn’t a nice feeling. But if the girl notices how Kyungsoo has tensed, become smaller at the situation she is talking about, she pays it no real mind-

“What, you’re saying Jun Ho was gay too?” She asks, gaze shining in the cruellest kind of absorption.

Kyungsoo’s eyes close; he wishes he never got up from the canteen table, that name washing over him like a cold shower. He takes a moment, tries to focus on just breathing and not on that person and all the memories it brings back, but-

“For one, I can't believe you thought I'd find you-“

“Listen,” Kyungsoo breathes the words in a rush, expression crinkling at the way his voice sounds. “I don’t want to talk about that. Thank you for apologising, sure, but that doesn’t mean I‘m going to talk about this.” He speaks each word firmly, something hard to his gaze. “Not with you.”

And when she opens to speak again, Kyungsoo stalks quickly off before he can hear another word - stomach turning and skin prickling at the conversation turn. Jun Ho is the last name he ever wants to hear in his day - even worse than Chin Ho, worse than the cronies, it’s only the mere utterance of Jun Ho that makes him feel so weak, so sick.

Kyungsoo settles back into his seat - the dancer table behind him feeling faraway, his half-eaten sandwich laying untouched before him where it will remain for the rest of lunch, and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to react normally to the name of the boy who outed him.

But, worse than lunchtime, it is changeover that has Kyungsoo fretting for Jongin most. From Kyungsoo’s experience, this is the grounds where the leader and his cronies would prowl and prefer to pick fights - teachers aren’t usually moving around the hallways, instead preparing their plans for their next lesson, and the time they’re given is far longer than needed: it’s the best opportunity to cause a ruckus without supervision to bring it to a hasty end.

It’s why Kyungsoo finds himself tailing Jongin for each of his lessons, gaze darting between the heads of the students in search for one that seems unkind. It ends up being the changeover between 4th and 5th lesson - Kyungsoo wavering in place when he sees the cronies making a beeline for Jongin and Taemin who are walking in the centre of the crowd.

“God, they’re multiplying aren’t they,” one speaks in a loud and grating voice, halting before the pair with a sneer plastered over his features. Kyungsoo steps a little closer, and immediately regrets it when he meets a crony’s gaze.

“I guess you and Do here must be a thing?” the crony announces, wagging a mocking finger between Jongin and Kyungsoo. “Congratulations fags - which one plays the girl?”

“Is it that ing hard to just walk past without a word?” Taemin steps forward, right in the personal space of the crony who has spoken, and the look on his face is downright deranged, he’s that furious.

The crony though only laughs - a loud, raucous laugh absent of any true mirth as he straightens up and squares his shoulders. “Lee Taemin. Always protecting the gays.” He sneers, and then his head slowly to the side. “Do they at least you off for it?”

Taemin growls low and dangerous at the comment, reaching a hand forward to curl into the crony’s shirt, but Jongin loosens the grip with a firm tug back - halting the boy before he can pull any punches.

“Leave it,” he urges with barely moving lips, trying to lead the other away. “It’s not worth it-“

“Wouldn’t say that, ,” the other crony sings the words, stepping to his friend’s side so that it’s suddenly the two cronies stood directly before Taemin and Jongin, their gazes locked to one another in a clear statement of war. “I think we are very worth this fight-“

“Hey, Chin Ho!” The crony’s words are cut off by the yell, this one from his friend by his side, and the whole group whip around to see the leader halted in his tracks but a few metres away - blinking around at the five of them, gaging the situation. “Chin Ho,” The crony who had called repeats.

The leader doesn’t even hesitate, walking immediately up towards the exchange. His gaze, however, flickers quite plainly to Jongin, something tense and unreadable in his expression. It only worsens when the leader looks further around and finally sees Kyungsoo stood off to the side - how he’d seen him, thought to check in amongst the crowd, Kyungsoo can’t understand, but it makes Kyungsoo squirm unsurely in place: even if Chin Ho doesn’t appear too unkind, there is something cruel about his appearance when he has the cronies by his side, flanking him like an army.

The leader halts before the cronies, looking between them slowly, then back to Jongin and Taemin, and finally he casts a furtive glance Kyungsoo’s way - short but clear. And then, he comes out with words that Kyungsoo never expected would leave his mouth- “Just leave it, guys.” - not even flinching as he speaks it to the cronies, to the crowd who seem to buzz and shuffle at the surprising invocation. If he’s aware of the effect the words have, Chin Ho doesn’t show it: instead, he starts to continue walking, onward and away from the dispute, and Kyungsoo knows this won’t go well when he sees the cronies’ expressions morph. Sure enough-

“What do you mean leave it?”One of the cronies asks, the one closest, curling a hand into the leader’s shoulder to tug him forcefully back in place. The leader, to give him credit, doesn’t even flinch - continues to look forward blankly, at seemingly nothing, even whilst his jaw visibly tightens and tenses dangerously from the action. “What’s gotten into you, Chin Ho?” The boy who has a grip on him asks.

But the leader doesn’t grace his words with a response, and Kyungsoo sees the way it riles the crony up. The crony leans forward, as if to whisper in Chin Ho’s ear, but he doesn’t bother lowering his voice so that it’s basically spoken as an announcement to their spectators when he speaks his next words-

“What, are you a too?”

The response is instantaneous: Chin Ho whips around, snatching a hold of the crony’s collar in a harsh, vice-like grip - gaze deadlier and more animated than Kyungsoo remembers seeing it since the boy had broken his leg, all those weeks back now. It makes Kyungsoo tense in place, and some stragglers in the spectating crowd start to move away, scared by the fierceness of the leader’s move.

“Don’t you dare-“Chin Ho breathes out, something crazed in his eyes, in the way he speaks. Even the crony looks a little afraid, mouth pressed shut and hands frozen by his sides. “When I say leave it, I mean, leave it.” He reemphasises the words, speaking directly into the crony’s face.

He shoves the crony away a second after - a hard, forceful push that sends the boy crashing to the linoleum of the corridor floors. The violence is enough to have the crowd now scattering entirely, continuing along the routes to their next lessons so as not to be caught as a witness. Kyungsoo though - Kyungsoo is frozen in place, eyes fixated to the leader. And maybe he can feel it - the weight of his stare - for as the crony is helped up, and Jongin and Taemin start to move away, the leader looks directly back his way, and their gazes meet.

Since he’s unblocked his number, the leader has not texted Kyungsoo: Kyungsoo has checked, expected it even, especially considering the amount of effort the leader, Chin Ho, has taken to get him to do so. But in that moment, when their eyes lock, it feels like they’re having a conversation: what they’re saying, Kyungsoo doesn’t know, but it’s enough to make him realise that there’s definitely something there, something present in the air they share that needs to be spoken.

And in the end, it is Kyungsoo who looks away first.

In place of a sixth lesson, Kyungsoo has a free period today.

When the final bell for the lesson trills, Kyungsoo finds himself wandering slowly back towards the school’s entrance doors, backpack on his shoulder as he moves through the empty hallways. He usually stays to study during this period, but today he doesn’t feel entirely in the mood, wanting to kill time instead at home - maybe work on this killer song Ryeowook is waiting on - until the support group session later on today.

He’s surprised though when, as he steps out into the main foyer, Jongin does the exact same on the opposite side of the expanse - their gazes meeting in an instance.

“Oh,” Jongin breathes as they lessen the space between them, meeting in the middle. “You have a free period too?” He asks, eyes shining at the concept.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you did,” Kyungsoo ripostes, unable to stop the smile stretching across his face at the boy’s unexpected presence. He’s wanted to speak to the boy properly ever since their phone-call that morning, the changeover-fight only furthering that desire.

“Well, I’d been spending mine preparing for the showcase so I think this is the first I’ve used in a long while to go home early,” Jongin explains gently. Now their face-to-face, Kyungsoo can see Jongin properly, and his gaze fixates to the red dotted into the whites of Jongin’s eyes, hinting to the tire in there. The image makes Kyungsoo’s heart pang in his chest.

“That makes sense,” Kyungsoo murmurs in response, trying to veil his concern. He knows Jongin might not want to talk about today - Kyungsoo remembers himself how he didn’t tell Eun-Seo anything for a long while, and even then, he only felt comfortable sharing when Eun-Seo made clear she would be there. Kyungsoo hopes Jongin already would know that by now, that he’s here for always, so he stays quiet - even if his lips twitch to speak.

“Hey,” Jongin’s voice snaps him from his thoughts, “do you want to kill time at my house, maybe? Before the group, I mean.” He suggests softly, something timid and unsure - even bashful, to his countenance. “You can say no.”

Cute, Kyungsoo thinks, eyes turning soft at the boy’s words. He says the next part aloud, a slow smile stretching across his face, “lead the way.”

Jongin smiles back.

“Those clouds don’t look too great.”

Jongin is the one who says it aloud, but Kyungsoo has been thinking it just five minutes into their walk - the sky above them is glum and gloomy, a grey tinge spreading over its expanse like wildfire. It looks like it’s about to rain, and they still have 15-minutes-worth of walking to do.

“Yeah, not the greatest,” Kyungsoo agrees, but his lips are twitching as he says it. He’s always liked rain, being one of the few who actually enjoys walking through it even when it turns a little heavier. In these circumstances too, Kyungsoo wouldn’t mind the skies opening up - rain when you’re with someone you care about in the way he cares for Jongin feels somehow romantic, intimate. “Do you like the rain?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes searching Jongin’s features.

Jongin’s lips twitch, nose crinkling a minutiae amount. “It’s okay,” he says eventually, “not that fun to walk in though...”

And it seems that immediately after Jongin has spoken the words, it starts to rain around them - soft at first, and then abruptly fast and hard within a few seconds. It’s so swift a change - from cloudy skies to a downpour - that you could’ve blinked and missed it.

“I jinxed it, didn’t I?” Jongin pouts, the two tugging their hoods up and speeding up their steps, but he laughs after he’s said it. They keep up the faster pace for a little less than a minute before the rainfall seems to turn heavier still, pattering down against the gravel pavements with loud, unwavering ferocity.

Kyungsoo blinks around them, rain still splattering against his face, and he suddenly tugs at Jongin’s coat sleeve, pulling him to a gentle stop. His heart is beating hard in his chest, and he’s sure his eyes must be shining when Jongin meets his gaze. “Did you... want to run for it?” Kyungsoo asks, voice pitched louder to be heard against the downpour, peering at Jongin from beneath the material of his coat hood - smile wide and gleaming, cheeks burning hot.

Jongin laughs back, “okay.” He tugs his hood down lower. “Let’s do it.”

Kyungsoo grins broadly back in response and, without thinking too much about it, grabs a hold of Jongin’s hand. If the contact startles the other boy, Kyungsoo doesn’t dwell on it - instead, he looks up at Jongin again, smiling a heart-shaped smile. “Ready?” He sings.

Jongin nods back, a short and beautiful thing, and the two start running at the same moment. Almost immediately, their hoods fly clean off their heads, exposing their hair to the elements, but neither boy tries to keep them up; in the way that only a downpour shared can grant, their moods suddenly lift, and in amongst the sound of heavy rain are their laughs - bright, weightless things that punctuate the dullness around them like stars dotted in the night sky.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know for sure how long they run before Jongin finally slows, and Kyungsoo is suddenly being swept through an entrance gate to a landing that surrounds what must be Jongin’s house. They take a few steps, water sloshing up and peeling down the ends of their legs, and finally stop before a front door. Instead of walking in though, Jongin whips around to face the rain they’ve just powered through, catching his breath, his parted lips stretch into this wide, devastating smile - water droplets slipping from the ends of the hair strands around his face.

Kyungsoo stares for a moment, and then his eyes drag to their still-intertwined hands as they linger on Jongin’s landing. Some of the rain is still splattering in their direction, at Kyungsoo’s face and other parts of his bare skin, but he’s enraptured instead by the way the rain hits Jongin - with clear spheres of water teasing over the skin of Jongin’s cheeks, the tips of lashes and ends of his hair, Kyungsoo can’t tear his gaze away.

He asks it before he can really think it through, chest rising and falling as his breathing starts to slow again, “Do you like the rain now?”

Jongin turns to him, startled and confused by the question. “Hm?” He prods, frowning Kyungsoo’s way.

Kyungsoo feels himself flush at what he’s about to do, but he doesn’t draw back - instead, he drags his gaze down to their hands held between them, and back up to meet Jongin’s own. “I said,” he starts, tugging their hands gently up so that Jongin understands what he’s saying, “do you like the rain now?”He repeats.

Jongin blinks wildly at him as the words sink in, his gaze darting at their twined hands and back up to Kyungsoo’s face - like he’s only just noticed the contact between them. Except, now that he knows, his whole expression transforms - instead of turning shy by Kyungsoo’s words, or blushing like Kyungsoo definitely would, his lips stretch up into a wide, toothy smile, one that lights up his whole face, and his fingers tighten around Kyungsoo’s own.

“I love the rain now.”

After lingering on the porch a little longer, hands still held together and matching, stupidly-happy smiles across both of their faces, Jongin pulls out his key and lets them inside.

The burst of warm air as they step into the ground floor landing is like an embrace: Kyungsoo hadn’t realised how cold he is until then, shivering with the sudden temperature change. He takes off his wet coat, and cringes when he feels how the rain has soaked down to his uniform below, his shirt and trousers sticking to his chest and legs. Jongin hasn’t fared any better - in fact, his state seems a little worse than Kyungsoo’s own -, but the smile on his face as he looks across at Kyungsoo is so beautiful, even in the circumstances.

“’Guess there are still some negatives of the rain,” Jongin laughs, so bright and cheery that Kyungsoo finds himself grinning back. “Come on, I’ll get you some clean clothes.” He offers, and then he stretches a hand out for Kyungsoo to take, eyes sparkling in invitation.

I guess hand-holding is now on the table, Kyungsoo thinks, his heartbeat picketing immediately, and he doesn’t hesitate long before reaching out and letting Jongin close up the distance, entwining their fingers together in a tight hold. Jongin’s smile, already wide and shining, seems to grow further at the contact.

“This way,” he guides Kyungsoo towards the stairs, taking care with each step; Kyungsoo’s cheeks by now are definitely more than a little flushed, and it’s not from the cold outside. He can’t help but to twitch his fingers a little in Jongin’s hold, tighten his grip - his gaze trapped to the contact, a small, pleased smile brewing on his lips.

They reach the upstairs landing and Jongin shows him to the room directly ahead, Kyungsoo stepping through after him and looking about. He releases Kyungsoo’s hand to move away and rifle through his wardrobe, and Kyungsoo can’t help but to miss the warmth as soon as it’s gone, fingers staying momentarily outstretched as if waiting for Jongin to come back. He blushes at his cheesy thoughts, and ends up twiddling his hands together, staring around Jongin’s room around him as he stands in place. It’s a pretty typical room, with a general colour scheme of blue, a few posters spanned above his bed, and a large window on one wall. The one remarkable feature of it is a long, floor-to-ceiling length mirror, wide enough to fit a person and a half, and most clearly Jongin’s most prized possession by its pristine condition and unobstructed area before it.

“It’s for dancing,” Jongin clarifies when he sees Kyungsoo looking, a pile of clothes heaped in his hands. “If I ever think up a choreography.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo smiles, “it’s quite cool to have in your room.” He laughs, stepping forward to meet Jongin halfway, feeling oddly shy as he does so.

“It is,” Jongin admits with a wide, toothy smile, handing a couple pieces of clothing over to Kyungsoo to take. “They might be a little bigger, but you can roll the sleeves and legs.” He suggests, rocking back on his feet as Kyungsoo hugs the clothes to his chest with a small hush of thanks.

They stare at each other for a short moment here, eyes locked and forms still, with only the sound of the rain filling the silence, and a strange atmosphere settling in the air.

“Um...” Kyungsoo starts eventually, unsure how to go on. “Um-“ he tries again, shy and timid as he looks down at himself, new clothes piled into his hands, and then back at Jongin from across him. Thankfully, Jongin seems to understand him.

“Oh,” he swallows visibly, and Kyungsoo is sure his cheeks must be blooming red right now, “right, of course. I’ll just change in the bathroom, quickly.” He breathes, and stumbles past Kyungsoo, only to walk straight into his bedroom wall in a bid for the door, and flutter back embarrassed when Kyungsoo giggles shortly at the cute fluster. His cheeks red, Jongin closes the door gently behind himself and Kyungsoo, after a short hesitation, starts to change into the clothes.

When he’s done, he moves timidly towards the mirror, and eyes his reflection: the sleeves are a little bit long, so his fingers only protrude slightly out, Kyungsoo not wanting to scrunch the material up, and he’s had to hike up the jogging bottoms even if they fit well around his tummy, but he doesn’t look half bad. In any case, wearing Jongin’s clothes makes Kyungsoo feel secretly pleased, a smile twitching at his lips by the thought alone.

He hears a knock to the door, followed by a gentle, “Are you done?”, and he turns from the mirror, trying to look casual even as he stands awkwardly in the middle of the room and stutters out an affirmative.

Jongin steps back into the room, but he physically halts when he catches sight of Kyungsoo stood before him - like he’s been shocked into stillness. Kyungsoo’s cheeks turn hot at the stare Jongin fixes him with, his deep caramel eyes taking in Kyungsoo’s form, a strange quiver to the arches of his brows. In his new clothes, with a lower neck to the collar, Kyungsoo can watch the way Jongin’s Adam’s Apple bobs down his throat, how his fingers clench and unclench at his sides.

“I- um, so, thank you,” Kyungsoo stutters out, “they’re really comfortable.” But Jongin still doesn’t seem to have heard, and Kyungsoo is sure his own cheeks must be flaming at the scrutiny - how it doesn’t waver, and how it only seems to intensify with the dragging moments. “Did you want to... watch a movie, or something?” Kyungsoo tries again, naming the first pastime that strikes him in that moment.

It’s this that eventually makes Jongin move, breathe, talk again - though he lets out a shaky sort of breath before he does so, his whole form quivering once. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he agrees, moving towards his desk to retrieve his laptop. “You’re sure the clothes are okay, yeah?” He asks, not looking back over.

“Of course,” Kyungsoo smiles, “are we- sitting on your bed?” He questions when he sees Jongin approaching.

Jongin hops grandly onto his mattress, nodding his head. “My bed is the most comfortable bed in the world,” he boasts, though there still seems something strange to his tone as he says it, “anyone who sits on it, risks falling into a deep slumber. But we could go elsewhere if you’d prefer?”

Kyungsoo chuckles at the absurd words, shaking his head back and forth as he climbs in beside Jongin and tries not to feel embarrassed by the action. “It’s fine. And, I’ll be the judge of that,” he jokes, pressing boldly to Jongin’s side so that their arms are brushing as Jongin aligns the laptop before them both.

“You can pick something.” Jongin offers, grabbing some pillows and piling them behind where they’re sat.

Kyungsoo edges forwards and goes through the choices on Jongin’s Netflix account, fingers trailing over the laptop touchpad. Jongin cuddles his last pillow on his own lap, leaning his arms over with a pretty flush on his cheeks, sneaking glances Kyungsoo’s way when he thinks the other won’t notice. It makes Kyungsoo feel shy, and he ends up clicking on the next film that comes up, leaning back so he can avoid those weighted eyes.

About midway through the film, there’s a knock to the door, and a soft call of, “Jongin.”

The two look up at someone who Kyungsoo guesses to be Jongin’s mother. They share only a few characteristics by way of appearance, and as Kyungsoo looks he can see Jongin’s tan skin, his thick lips and set make of jaw, but everything else must come from Jongin’s father. In any case, the woman is undeniably beautiful, young beyond what her real age must be - with something kind and friendly about her eyes.

“Oh,” she breathes, clearly not expecting the company, “who’s your friend?” She asks, lips stretching into a wide and amicable smile as she peers Kyungsoo’s way, and Kyungsoo aches. It’s the sort of question his parents would never naturally think to ask, too preoccupied to waste their words in such a way.

“This is Kyungsoo, mum.” Jongin introduces, “Kyungsoo, this is my mum.”

Kyungsoo starts to bow, but then, realising he’s on a bed, ends up doing this strange nod of his head as low as he can muster. “It’s nice to meet you.” He smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Kyungsoo. Jongin doesn’t usually bring friends over...” There’s something strange to her gaze as she says it - something Kyungsoo’s seen before but can’t seem to pinpoint. Kyungsoo wracks his brain, quietly watching as Jongin and his mother start talking about dinner plans. It’s in the line of her lips, the sparkle of her eyes - like she knows something that no one else does, and is having difficulty hiding it.

“Kyungsoo,” the call makes Kyungsoo refocus on the conversation before him, “are you staying for dinner? You’d be very welcome.” She smiles, and when that glint returns more potently to her gaze, Kyungsoo finally realises where he’s seen it before - Jongin’s mother is looking between the two of them in the same way Eun-Seo does when she’s teasing, the same bright sparkle of someone watching a couple they’re routing for on a drama. Then, does that mean-

“It’s okay, mum, Kyungsoo and I are going out for a bit soon and then he’ll probably head home?” Jongin responds, the tone evidently missed to him.

“That’s a shame,” Jongin’s mother pouts - actually pouts - and Kyungsoo suddenly sees where Jongin gets it from. “You’re welcome anytime, Kyungsoo.” She offers sweetly, eyes dancing over their two forms. Kyungsoo can’t help it - he flushes under the expectant stare, a little embarrassed and a lot shy; at least he knows Jongin’s mother would support them. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She dismisses, moving towards the door and shutting it gently behind her.

“Sorry about that,” Jongin breathes when they’re alone again, and Kyungsoo wants to tell him no, no, don’t apologise, not for something I want so badly to have myself, but no words escape him. “We could stop watching now and just talk?” Jongin suggests, “It’s a good place to pause and we can watch the rest another time. We also have to leave for the support group in a while, anyway...”

“That sounds fine,” Kyungsoo agrees easily, leaning back more comfortably against the pillows as Jongin moves up from the bed to put his laptop away.

When Jongin returns though, he doesn’t adopt his earlier position, but instead stretches out lengthwise on the bed and rests his head swiftly into Kyungsoo’s lap, eyes closed and a small smile playing over his lips.Kyungsoo freezes in surprise.

“Is this okay?” Jongin asks, mouth barely moving, looking so unguarded and tranquil, almost asleep by his stillness.

“Yeah, of course.” Kyungsoo’s gaze soaks the image in, heart in his throat, thinking about how this might be exactly what he’d love to wake up to someday.

They don’t speak. Instead, after a while, Kyungsoo picks up the habit of playing his fingers through Jongin’s hair - a gentle, absent-minded action - as he wonders to himself if this is what friends did.

We nearly kissed, Kyungsoo remembers. It couldn’t have been anything else - Kyungsoo had been so close to it that his lips since then have now seemed to be on a constant stand-by, no longer content with just speaking and just breathing, but craving- expecting more. There’s no way we’re justfriends, he assures himself.

“Do you still sing?” Jongin asks suddenly, lids still closed as he speaks the words.

Kyungsoo’s fingers hesitate at the unexpected question, nibbling gently at his lower lip. “I... miss singing,” he admits eventually. “But I’ve honestly lost a lot of confidence in my voice. I don’t even like singing at home, I’m so unpractised,” he goes on. “I’m... scared I’ll never get my old voice back.”

At this, Jongin’s eyes peel back open - bright, animated things. “You don’t just lose talent like yours,” he evokes, sounding so very sure of himself that it makes Kyungsoo flush. “You’ll have it back in time for the showcase.”

Kyungsoo blinks. “Have you heard me sing?” He asks, surprised. The last time he performed on stage was also the first since Jongin and himself have attended this school - their opening showcase, a song he’d perfected with Ryeowook for weeks before, so long ago now that it had been before even his coming out.

“Only from backstage,” Jongin murmurs, but his eyes look so soft. “The dancers at the back all stopped changing to listen. You sung so beautifully...”

Kyungsoo flutters at the compliment, fingers twitching as they resume their work on Jongin’s hair, unsure how he can even respond. Jongin, in any case, seems quite amused by his reaction, and even as his eyes close once more, his lips twitch up in the corners in a clear, unmistakable little smirk.

They fall into silence again – a broad, but comforting kind. In amongst it, Jongin hums a soft, crooning tune.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he almost purrs the words, head twisting unconsciously further into Kyungsoo’s hands. “Especially after today,” he goes on, and then suddenly darts out and curls his fingers between Kyungsoo’s own, “you’re like a Reprieve.” He evokes with such depth, such sincerity that Kyungsoo can only blink dumbly down, fingers caught and heart trembling in his throat. “My own Reprieve…”

Kyungsoo keeps very still, scared Jongin’s index might press too far up and feel the pulse in his wrist, for it pounds more strongly than Kyungsoo remembers it pounding in a while - the words more inexplicably moving than Jongin could possibly understand. “How can I be that?” he questions back, at a loss for what else he can say.

Jongin makes the same sound as before, his hand unwinding gently and slow before resting back, once more, over his own chest. “You arethat,” he assures. “indubitably.”

Kyungsoo smiles. “Big words,” he teases, but it feels wrong to try to lighten this, so the smile falls quick. Jongin doesn’t say anything else, but they stay that way a while longer – the new atmosphere settling over them like a warming shroud. Jongin still appears so tranquil, so unaffected by his own, honest admittance.

“Does your… mother know?” Kyungsoo hears himself asking into that strange make of silence, fingers brushing ever to gently over the hairs on Jongin’s head.

Jongin’s lashes flutter a little, but he makes no other change at the question. “Hmm?” He asks.

Kyungsoo lowers his voice, “That you’re gay, I mean.” He clarifies, eyes searching Jongin’s face.

The words make the taller halt, lids opening to look Kyungsoo’s way - something strange in the line of his lips, the furrow to his brows. “No, I’ve- I’ve never told her.” He says eventually, voice soft. “Why?”

Kyungsoo bites at the inside of his mouth; he is sure the woman already knows, and (by the looks of it) has already accepted it, but Kyungsoo can’t bring himself to say this - not today, not now. After everything that’s happened to Jongin today - the repercussions of his school-outing coming to fruition - Kyungsoo’s sure the idea of his parents also knowing would be too overwhelming.

“Okay,” he says as the only thing, biting back his words, relieved when Jongin rests once more without much hesitation.

They eventually set off for the group, sleep in Jongin’s eyes (for Jongin had been right about the comfort of his bed, only wrong about who would fall victim to it), Kyungsoo still in Jongin’s clothes and with his damp uniform in a bag by his side, smiling a private smile to himself as he guides a bleary Jongin to the bus stop he’d spotted on their way there, his heart feeling warm and light in his chest.

“What, all the clothes that fit you in the wash?”

The comment is shot out almost immediately after Kyungsoo turns the support group corner, Jongin by his side and most of the other members of the group already sprawled around the clear group doors in wait for the session to begin. Jongin is more awake now, but slumbered enough to not grace the words with a response, instead walking off to a stretch of wall and closing his eyes once more to resume the state he’d held on their bus journey.

Tao is the one who has spoken, but it’s loud enough to get the whole cohort’s attention - all head’s turning to Kyungsoo as he moves by Jongin’s side with a worried gaze and hand still hovering by his arm, as if the boy might suddenly drop to the ground from tire. He really mustn’t have slept, Kyungsoo thinks forlornly, eyes not straying from the taller’s form.

“More like the rain being an .” Kyungsoo responds belatedly, absentmindedly, not really taking Tao’s tease in.

“It looks like you’re wearing your boyfriend’s clothes.”

This comment comes quite out of nowhere, and (of all people) from Kris, but it’s met with such a profound sort of silence that Kyungsoo knows with utmost certainty that every single person in that hallway is making the connection in their head. This belief is only further substantiated when, almost in complete and ominous tandem, all the heads of the group turn suddenly back towards Jongin with startled, accusatory looks - whose eyes still remain closed, not witnessing the abrupt glare of attention directed his way. But, just when it seems like someone might actively comment on the situation, Yixing’s and Suho’s form appear at the end of the hallway - perfect timing as ever - their greetings bright and boisterous and the perfect distraction.

Kyungsoo rushes to the doors, ears most definitely tinted in pink, feeling how all eyes are rested on him even as no one says anything more.

This session is going to be great, he thinks, preparing himself for the teasing to come.

A/N:

Cuter chapter

Hope you guys enjoyed it! Took a little longer for the length, and is very very cheesy, but hope you enjoyed nonetheless.

Please feel free to comment below <3333 I like all criticism, good or bad so ^.^

P.S. (Unrelated to EXO)

BUT DOES ANYONE LIKE LITTLE WOMEN?????? AND DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT TRAILER????

Anyway,

Love you all. xxx