Chapter XIV: The Point of No Return

"What are you doing?"

Dara whispered harshly, now alone in the hospital corridor with Jiyong.

"You told your family we're having a baby! Now they're talking about throwing a baby shower and knitting baby booties!"

"We are having a baby." He said.

"You told me this morning that you'd keep the appointment this Thursday, that you did. Have you changed your mind?"

She hesitated, and his stomach knotted.

"Have you changed your mind?" He asked again.

"No." She sighed.

"I just can't be the fraud you want me to be. I think we should tell everyone the truth."

"Including your uncle?"

"No, not him. He'd never understand. Our relationship would never be the same is he learned-"

"So you just want me to tell my family. Is that it?"

"You don't know how guilty it makes me feel when they hug me and say all those nice things." She argued.

Jiyong glanced behind him.

The nurses were on the phone, two doctors were talking in whispers and his family was all inside Sanghyun's room down the hall.

"You're taking it too seriously, that you are."

He insisted, even though, since his family had met Dara and Sanghyun, he'd had to stretch his collar a few times too. He'd never dreamed they'd be so passionate about embarrassing the situation. He'd pictured himself easily in charge, filtering the bits of information he wanted them to receive. But they'd grabbed the ball and ran with it, and now he had to figure out a way to wrest it back.

"Everything's fine."

"Fine? Your parents are planning to stay at the hospital in shifts. You call that fine?"

He shrugged. "I can talk them out of it; tell them the doctors won't allow any more extra visitors."

"More lies?"

"Wait a second." Jiyong propped an arm against the wall near the side of Dara's head.

"It's okay to tell your uncle whatever story will smooth the way for a healthy relationship between you, but when it comes to my family, what we're doing is wrong? It's our lives. What we do is none of their business."

"I think they plan to make it their business. Have you any idea how much they love you?"

Jiyong ran his hand over his face. He did know they loved him. And he owed them more than the concocted story he was feeding them. But he and Dara were already this far into the deal. They couldn't turn back now, not then he was so close to achieving what he wanted.

"I love them, too, but in nine months this will all be over and for now…"

He pushed away from the wall and took a step back because the scent of Dara's perfume brought back memories of the night and its temptations. She hadn't changed her clothes since sleeping in them, had cried away any trace of make-up and had pulled her hair back in a ponytail to compensate for the fact that she had bigger things to worry about than curling her hair. And still he thought she was one of the loveliest women he'd ever seen and every day she seemed lovelier.

It was her need that attracted him, he reminded himself. He was a er for a woman in distress, anyone in distress really. It came from being his mother's son. The fact that he was creative on top of softhearted is what landed him in this mess to begin with.

"For now it will be good for Sanghyun to have my family behind him." He said.

"It might help him through this difficult time."

"And tomorrow will take care of itself?" Dara asked dubiously.

"Lets just say that we'll handle first things first. Don't you think we have enough going on for one week?"

"Artificial insemination for me this Thursday, Sanghyun's transplant on Tuesday, then my finals." She smiled for the first time since he pulled her out of Sanghyun's room.

"I'm nuts."

"You're beautiful." He said before he could stop himself.

Dara blinked up at him in surprise, and he noticed her eyes, they were incredibly clear brown.

He wanted to kiss her. She wouldn't stop him, judging by the way she was looking at him.

Forgetting that they were standing in the middle of the hospital corridor where anyone might see them, Jiyong started to lower his head, his gaze intent on Dara's moist, warm mouth, intent on how good it was going to feel to let himself melt into her.

"Give me more than a millisecond this time." He murmured, and she seemed to know exactly what he was talking about because she smiled even as her lips pared slightly in anticipation. He could feel her sweet breath on his chin, could almost taste her. Then his sister's voice shattered the moment.

"Here they are!"

Jiyong drew away to stare at Dami, at last remembering Taeyeon and all their promises and plans for their future. Taeyeon had been gone only eighteen months, and already the physical part of him was ready to move on. He'd justified his willingness to make love to Dara on the night of their wedding as a means to an end. He wanted to get her pregnant. He could develop a more direct approach. But there wasn't any reason he should want to kiss her here in the middle of the damn hospital. Maybe he wasn't the man he thought he was.

‘Dara's needy right now, that's all’. He shoved a hand through his hair.

‘Hell, maybe I'm needy too.’

"Sanghyun wants you to watch him open his other presents."

His sister said, obviously embarrassed at having interrupted them. Hauling in a deep breath, Jiyong managed a smile, took Dara by the elbow and led her back into the room.

The next two days passed quickly. The chemo was making Sanghyun sick again, so Dara lived at the hospital, studying and sleeping when she could, holding and loving her brother when she couldn't. Jiyong's family came three or four times a day but never stayed long. They didn't want to tire Sanghyun and seemed to know just how much support to give and when.

Dara was beginning to believe Jiyong's mother was clairvoyant-although she hadn't yet divined the falsehood of their marriage. She understood the pain and worry of others without having to say a word, and she had the most generous heart Dara had ever known. But as warm as Dara's feelings towards the Kwons were, they fell far short of Sanghyun's, Dara's brother lit up at the sight of anyone or anything remotely connected to Jiyong, and to his new big brother most of all. He talked incessantly about him, showed Dara again and again whatever new toy or item of clothing or book he'd brought him, colored pictures after picture just for him and proudly announced that he was his Hyung, his big brother when any of the nurses or doctors were present.

Dara was beginning to suspect it was Sanghyun that put that special sparkle in Jiyong's eye, too. He came as often as his family, but stayed longer each time. Last night he'd even shared a cot with Dara again and helped Sanghyun when he got sick during the night. But besides giving Dara the comfort of his arms around her, he hadn't touched her in any more intimate way.

"All set?" Jiyong stood at the door, waiting for her.

Dara glanced once more at Sanghyun, who was busy with a new stamping set, before nodding.

It was Thursday, time for the artificial insemination, and she had just returned from home where she'd showered and dressed in a sleeveless sundress that flowed almost to her ankles, and a pair of sandals. She and Jiyong had agreed to meet at the hospital so they could check on Sanghyun right before they left, but if they didn't leave soon, they might miss their appointment.

And strangely enough, Dara didn't want to do that. At least she didn't think she wanted to miss the insemination. Her feelings were too mixed to sort out in the middle of everything else going on in her life. Jiyong had given her the money to save her brother. For that she was overwhelmingly grateful and felt a certain obligation; but combined with it was a not-so-easily explained hesitancy to disappoint him and a secret thrill at the prospect of carrying his child.

"You’re going to be okay if we leave for an hour or so, Sanghyun?" Jiyong asked.

They'd talked about asking Jiyong's mother to come sit with him while they were gone, but decided against involving heri so they wouldn't have to lie to her about where they were going. The deception was bothering them both enough already.

Sanghyun reached out to give Jiyong a hug. Jiyong carefully lifted his small body in his arms.

"I'm tired." He admitted after giving him a hug.

Clearing away his paper and stamps, Jiyong tucked him in bed.

"Why don't you lie down and rest, then? I'll turn on that tape of anime I recorded