My stomach feels funny.

I think I'm going to puke.

That's not good, is it?

I'm on stage already.

If I puke, I puke all over the front row of the audience.

The audience is really quiet.

They probably don't know why I'm onstage.

Ryeowook oppa didn't want anyone to know that I was debuting.

No articles.

No interviews.

No reality shows.

Just this music program.

EVERYONE'S STARING.

I hate Ryeowook oppa.

The tension is awkward.

My earpiece is weird.

The music is tiny and I can barely hear it.

It's weird, because Fei helped me put it on.

She should know how to use it.

My ears must be funny.

I really think I'm going to throw up.

The light is really bright and it's hurting my eyes.

I try to look for the red light, which signals where the camera is.

Nope, can't see it.

Oh my god.

The music is starting.

I don't know what to do.

Oh my god.

3... 2... 1...

Just do it, Ji-Eun.

I don't even know what happens after that.

All I know was I was dancing and singing and having, surprisingly, a good time....

Is what would happen if I was in a movie.

I was aware of every single little tiny thing that happened.

I was aware that I missed a step.

I was aware that my voice crackes on one of the notes.

I was aware that I twisted my ankle.

I was aware that it hurt like heck.

I was aware that I was limping.

I was aware that I completely.

Totally.

Undeniably.

Screwed up.

Being on the stage was nerve wracking.

Coming down from the stage?

That's the hardest moment of my life.

Sunggyu oppa's going to kill me.

Woohyun oppa's going to get mad.

Why am I such a fail at life?

Can I jump off the stage in a valiant effort of suicide?

As soon as I get down from the stage, I turn to the Infinite members.

"I'm so sorry. I messed up. If you want to kick me out of the group, you can. You can punch me, too."

Everyone stares.

"What do you mean, Ji-Eun?" Hoya oppa asks.

"I twisted my ankle and I limped and I missed a move and my voice cracked." I mumble.

"We didn't even notice." Dongwoo oppa reassures.

"You were good." Myungsoo oppa compliments.

Ba-dump goes my stupid heart.

"Uh, | have a question. Was the music supposed to be that small? I could barely hear anything." I ask.

"No, ours were working fine." Sungjong says.

Oh, okay.

Of course I get the bad earphone.

Stupid life.

"Here, show me your earphone?" Sungyeol reaches for it.

He looks at it, then frowns.

The wires are cut.

"That's weird." He says.

No one hears him.

He shrugs and puts it in his pocket.

"Hi." L.Joe waves.

Ba-dump.

I really need a new heart.

I think this one's gone insane."

"Hi. Did you see me perform?"

"No, who'd you perform with?"

"Infinite." L.Joe's expression changes for a fleet second.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

I must've seen wrong.

"So, when are you performing?" I ask.

"In a hour."

"Cool."

There's an awkward silence.

"Can I have your phone?"

I hold it out.

L.Joe saves his number.

Ba-dump.

"I want to buy you lunch for giving me that cookie."

"Lunch?"

Ba-dump.

"Yeah. Lunch."

Ba-dump.

My heart is retarded.

We have another performance tomorrow.

Yuck.

Me, Kai and Ryeowook walk home.

They wrap me in a hug right outside our front door.

"We're so PROUD!" Ryeowook oppa gushes.

"You're choking me." I say, but snuggle into them more.

It's been a long time since our last group hug.

It's nice that I have people that'll always be on my side.

We stay that way for a while.

None of us notice the snap of a camera.

"Get up!" Kai yanks the blankets off.

"Go away." I wave my hands around to slap him.

"You need to see this!"

I sit up.

"WHAT? I SWEAR, JONGIN, IF THIS ISN'T IMPORTANT I'LL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR-"

The breath catches in my throat.

On the first page of the 'Idol Weekly' magazine, there's a picture.

Not just any picture, no.

My life can't handle me being happy for too long.

It has to be a picture of me.

And Kai.

And Ryewook.

Hugging.

Then going into our hose.

The headline?

'Climbing up the social ladder'.

My life.

is a total.

Baboon .

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