Mamihlaoinatapai - 

           
(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to being. 

       Baekhyun stood in the doorway. His eyes locked onto the figure laying on the ground. The tall, brown haired boy stared back at him. His brown eyes huge.. “Baekhyun?” he asked hopefully. A slow, relieved smile crossed his face. The new ghost scrambled to his feet. Baekhyun watched him, numb. It felt as if he had turned to stone. He couldn’t lift a finger or even blink. All he could do was stand there and stare.

      I know you…..the dark voices whispered deep in his mind. Baekhyun trembled. He had been ignoring them for so long. How could they appear now? We know him Baekhyun….we know him….do you remember him?

     I remember the water, Baekhyun felt tears sting his eyes. I remember my legs hurt. There was blood, too much blood. I-I-Baekhyun gasped as his memories struck him full force. The muddled waters consumed him. Baekhyun wasn’t in the House. he was in the water. The water was dragging him down.

              And down.

                          And down.

                                    And down.

         Baekhyun lay face down in the river. The water was freezing. It nipped at his skin, soaking his clothes and dragging him down. It hurt. The water hurt, but his legs hurt more. Baekhyun groaned. It was a mistake. Any movement at all made pain shoot up him spine. Tears stung him eyes. Why did it hurt so much? It hurt too much to move. All Baekhyun could do was let the river’s current jostle him into the rocks.

        Baekhyun realized in horror his face was in the water. His mouth and nose covered in it. If he didn’t move, he’d drown. Baekhyun tried moving him arm. It wouldn’t move. It was like a block of ice. Stiff and unyieling no matter how hard he tried. Baekhyun tried his other arm in panic. It too stayed still. Baekhyun was trapped.

      Why am I here? he thought. Why can’t I remember?

      A chilling, horrible thought struck him. He was reliving his death. Baekhyun's mind turned with the vague memories he had been left with. He had two broken legs. He was lying in a river. He was about to drown. Someone had beat him and thrown him down the hill. Who? he wondered. Who did this?

     You need to remember. 

     Baekhyun couldn’t hold his breathe anymore. His lungs burned. It was fire caged in ice. The flames flickered inside, tearing at his chest. He opened his mouth, in the frigid water. It did not put out the fire. It fed it. It made it worse. The flames ate at him from the inside. They clashed against his ice. Baekhyun cried out, but only in more water. More and more! It rushed inside, squeezing the air out.

       Even though Baekhyun couldn’t move, wasn’t moving, he felt himself falling.

                 Down,

                            Down,

                                       Down,

                                                  Down…..

        He drowned in his own blood and the ice of the river. The life left his body. He felt it seeping out of him. Baekhyun, now that he wasn’t dying for the first time, felt the exact moment he died.. It was like his soul had shed his body. It rose away from it, peeling away from his skin. Baekhyun’s head felt light, his stomach churned. It made him want to throw up.

                Down,

                         Down,

                                  Down,

                                          Down,

                                                    Down!

       The pieces began to click together. Baekhyun stared at his body. The lifeless, bloodied body lying in the river. That was him. That body was him. his own teacher had killed him. Baekhyun shook, his soul trembling in the air. He’d come up behind him. He’d shoved him down when he tried to run. There was fists, blood, the taste of iron in his mouth. Baekhyun had tried to run, but tripped on the steep riverbank. He rolled down the hill, legs snapping like twigs. The bones ripped through him flesh. The blood poured out from the break in his skin. Baekhyun remembered how scared he had been. The terror enough to stop his heart.

      He had wondered where Chanyeol was.

      Chanyeol!

            Down,

                 Down,

                            Down,

                                  Down.

     The fog lifted off his remaining memories in one cruel . Chanyeol. His best friend. Baekhyun had loved him very much. Too much! His memories hissed. Too much! Baekhyun screamed at them. He was supposed to be there! Chanyeol promised he’d be there. He’d waited hours for him. He’d thought he loved him enough to come. He hadn't been loved enough. Baekhyun wasn’t loved at all. Shoin was loved. Chanyeol loved Shoin. He went to him instead of Baekhyun. Baekhyun died alone.

       Baekhyun cried.

      And cried.

      He cried until his tears were deep enough to drown in. Then Baekhyun’s soul flitted away into the bitter wind. It left his body behind. It lay alone in the water, waiting to be found. He didn't look back at it. He moved ahead. 

       Baekhyun had a taxi to catch.

       “Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said, his voice breathless. He stared up at him almost in reverence. He laid still on the floor, his hands outstretched towards him. “I’ve been looking for you,” he said. Tears filled his eyes. Chanyeol swallowed, his face crumbled. Baekhyun’s followed soon after. He let out a choked sob. He felt Sehun and Kai appear behind him. Normally he would want them there. New ghosts were not his talent. But him! Was the House playing a trick on him? Was this his punishment for trying to leave?

      It’s not fair!

      Rage exploded inside of him. Scowling, Baekhyun shook his finger like a club. “You,” he hissed. “Don’t you dare.” His voice rose into a shrill scream. “You don’t get anything! Not from me, never from me.”

       “Baekhyun,” Chanyeol whispered. He looked so hurt, as if he’d stabbed him through the heart. Baekhyun wanted to. Baekhyun really wanted to. He could now. Chanyeol was already dead. They were all dead. Why not hurt him? Except that Baekhyun was shaking so badly he could hardly stand. Tears blurred his vision. Weeping, Baekhyun turned and fled deep inside the House. Behind him, he heard Sehun calling out in shock. Chanyeol cried, his wails following after him. Baekhyun put his fingers in his ears.

         Down,

              Down,

                     Down,

                             Down.

       If this is remembering, I wished I’d stayed forgotten forever. 

      The Taxi Driver might have lied.

       Chanyeol wasn’t sure he had found Baekhyun at all. Or maybe he did and lost him. When he had done that, he could not tell. Time felt out of order here. All loose and slippery as if it were a ribbon cut to pieces and thrown into the air. Still Chanyeol could not complain. The House, though odd, creaky and creepy, had Baekhyun inside of it. At least a version of Baekhyun inside of it. Chanyeol had only asked for that. If Baekhyun was here, it didn’t matter if it was Hell.

       The important thing is Baekhyun.

       That was what Chanyeol had clung to, even in death. His entire soul was alight with purpose. He needed to tell Baekhyun he was sorry. He need to tell Baekhyun how much he had meant to him. How important he was, how loved. It felt like eating glass to think of how he died thinking he was unloved. Chanyeol had followed him here in death to tell him that. The problem was that Baekhyun didn’t want to be told that. The ghost ignored him, hide from him, ran from him. He cursed him, he threw things at him. Once in a fit of rage, Baekhyun had picked up an entire couch and beat him with it.

      Chanyeol didn’t fight back. He didn’t defend himself. He stood there and took it. Baekhyun deserved that. He could give him that. If it made him feel even a little bit better, it was worth the pain. Chanyeol lay on the ground, his body abused. Eventually Baekhyun satisfied his rage. His anger turned to tears, then he was gone. Chanyeol lay on the floor. His face was swollen, his body covered in bruises. They hurt like heck. Chanyeol gasped, struggling to sit up. He ruefully looked down at himself. His cuts would heal, the House took care of that. That didn't mean they didn't hurt though. 

        Scornful laughter rang out behind him. Chanyeol turned to look. A tall, paper thin ghost leaned up against the doorway of the living room. The blonde ghost lit his cigarette, at the end, he blew out a long stream of smoke. Chanyeol scowled at his sneering face. “What’s so funny?” he demanded.

       The ghost smirked. “You,” he said. “You really think he’ll ever forgive you?”

        Chanyeol staggered to his feet. He glanced at the spot in the floor Baekhyun had vanished at. His best guess was that he went out to the gardens. Chanyeol felt has if he’d been following him long enough to guess. Or maybe not long at all. His mind hurt to think about how time worked in the House. How long had he been here? How long had he left Baekhyun alone here? Realizing Baekhyun was alone now, he walked over to the door. “He doesn’t have to,” he told the ghost. “As long as I’m here, he’ll have someone who cares about him. I’ll always be there for him. When he needs me, I’ll be there.”

     The ghost’s face twisted into a scowl. He threw his cigar to the ground. Stomping on it, he crushed it into the ground. “Baekhyun has someone,” he snapped. “he’s had me.”

       Chanyeol frowned at his angry tone. “Thank you for that,” he said. “Whoever you are.” He turned to walk away. He still had yet to master the whole ghosting thing Baekhyun seemed to excel at. It made following him hard. Not that Chanyeol was complaining. He didn’t deserve to complain. What’s this compared to what I put him through?

        “I’m Sehun,” the ghost yelled after him. “And I bloody well know him better than you! ing bastard.” His voice echoed through the hall. Chanyeol ignored him. He was good at ignoring the other ghsots. He had a vague idea of other ghosts haunting the House. Kai being one of the few to dare approach him. Chanyeol, at the risk of sounding like a horrible human being, didn’t care about them. If they tried to harm Baekhyun, he’d care. He’d fling them through walls and wring their scrawny little necks!

       “Is he yelling at you now?” a soft voice asked. Chanyeol jumped. Whirling on his heel, he saw Kai standing in the corners. Relaxing, he nodded. Kai sighed. “He hates you.”

     Chanyeol winced. “I kind of figured that out after he tried to stab my eyes out.” He reached up against his will to touch beneath his eyes. 

     Kai laughed. It was almost scared sounding. “He thinks you’re trying to steal Baekhyun away from him.”

       “I’m not stealing Baekhyun from anyone,” Chanyeol muttered. He didn’t like this conversation. He had to go find Baekhyun. “I’m just here for him.” He turned and walked down the hall. “I’ll always be there for Baekhyun.”

       Baekhyun couldn’t stand to look at Chanyeol. His presence was revolting to him. How could he think he’d ever forgive him? Baekhyun wanted to forget he existed at all. He didn’t realize how much love hurt. This was far, far worse than the dull ache of lost memories. This was a fire gnawing at his bones. It ate at him, lighting him aflame. Frusteration was tiring, but hatred was exhausting. His hatred of his memories left him drained all the time. Baekhyun drifted from room to room. Painfully aware of Chanyeol’s presence, he no longer up and fled from him. He just kept moving forward. It was maddening.

        Baekhyun remembered hearing a story of how the ancients used to hunt. Humans would follow an animal. That was it. No running, shooting or blood involved. The humans would just. Keep. Following. The animals would run and run, but the human would keep coming. It could take days, even weeks, but eventually the animal would die of exhaustion. When it did, the hunter was right there to reap the benefits.

      “Stop following me,” Baekhyun snarled. Chanyeol smiled sadly, following him down the hallway.

      All he ever did was follow.

       “I’m sorry Baekhyun,” he whispered. He sounded as if he knew it wouldn’t change anything. He’d be right. “I love you,” he said. “You know that right?”

       That was it. Those were the words that Baekhyun had prayed for. The words he’d spent all night begging to hear. The ones he’d cried over when he told them to someone else. Three, tiny, meaningless words. Words that he had died waiting to hear. Baekhyun’s fury erupted. He whirled around, flinging a vase at Chanyeol's head. Chanyeol ducked, barely managing to avoid it. It flew against the wall, shattering into a million pieces. 

         “ you!” Baekhyun screamed. “You ing, eating, heartless ! GO away! Go away! Go away!” he kept screaming it, over and over and over again. He screamed and screamed until it felt his throat would rip apart. Chanyeol took the abuse silently. He stood in the middle of the hallway, arms outstretched like he wanted to hug him. The House dimmed suddenly, leaving Baekhyun standing in shadow. It made him pause. He stared at Chanyeol, Chanyeol, who wanted to hold him. Chanyeol who wanted his forgiveness. Chanyeol who- what was Chanyeol really after? Bile rose in the back of his already smarting throat. He loved Shion more than he ever loved me. Chanyeol was here because he needed forgiveness. The House held him because he was a Lost Soul. An unforgiven soul. Baekhyun turned, drifting through the nearest wall. Tears stung his eyes. His chest heaved and he staggered forward. It was like being murdered again. He’s not here for you, he’s here for himself. The ugly voices hissed. If he were alive, he’d be with Shion. He’d forget you ever existed and he wouldn’t care you died.

       Baekhyun was too busy crying to notice the running shower. In a cruel twist, the House threw him inside the running water. It hit his back first, running down him back. Baekhyun froze. His heart stopped and he felt him knees gave out. Water!

                Baekhyun couldn’t hold his breathe anymore. His lungs burned. It was fire caged in ice. The flames flickered inside, tearing at his chest. He opened his mouth, in the frigid water. It did not put out the fire. It fed it. It made it worse. The flames ate at him from the inside. They clashed against his ice. Baekhyun cried out, but only in more water. More and more! It rushed inside, squeezing the air out.

       Even though Baekhyun couldn’t move, wasn’t moving, he felt herself falling.

                 Down,

                            Down,

                                       Down,

                                                  Down…..

      “NO!” Baekhyun screamed. He curled up in a ball on the floor of the shower. His eyes were wide and unseeingly stared ahead. Baekhyun trembled. Unable to move, he sat as still as death. His murder replied in his mind, over and over again. A horrible loo that wouldn't stop. Again and again!

            Down,

                            Down,

                                       Down,

                                                  Down…..

       Down,

                            Down,

                                       Down,

                                                   Down…..

             Down,

                            Down,

                                       Down,

                                                  Down…..

   No! Make it stop! Make it Stop! Chanyeol! Chanyeol where is Chanyeol? I need him, I need Chanyeol! He’s supposed to come for me, I’m waiting for him, he’s coming I-

      Two strong arms wrapped themselves around him. Baekhyun felt himself being cradled into a large chest. He closed his eyes. His hands curled into tiny balls. All he could do was cry. Baekhyun felt the ghost lifting him up and away from the water. He was carried quickly out of the bathroom. In long strides, they were into another room. Baekhyun couldn’t pry his eyes open. The world turned too fast. He hung between him memories of dying and of his afterlife.  

       The ghost sat down on what felt like a bed. Baekhyun crumbled against his chest, him legs thrown over onto the blankets. His arms circled around him. A large hand begin his hair. The ghost murmured into his hair. He whispered he was going to be okay, that he was there, that he was sorry, that he’d never leave him again. You’re going to be fine I swear!

             I know that voice!

            Panicking, Baekhyun pried his eyes open. Pushing back on the ghost’s chest, he leaned back to look up at his face. Chanyeol stared down at him, his eyes full of tears. Clinging to him, he began shaking his head. “Please Baekhyun,” he begged. “Please, please, please….” What he was begging for, he didn’t know. Baekhyun's head spun too much to figure it out. He should fight. He should thrash and kick. He should curse his name and fly away to dry off. Baekhyun didn’t though. He closed his eyes, leaning his head down on Chanyeol’s chest. He rocked him back and forth, his head buried in his hair. He whispered to him. Chanyeol never stopped. He went on and on, rocking him in his arms. His words were lost on him. Baekhyun was too tired to truly hear a thing.

           Chanyeol held him and they both cried.

           I need to forget.