I used to love mornings. I hate them now.

My alarm clock was ringing, and ringing... and ringing... and ringing. I made a move to whack the thing and shut it off, but I missed and hit my phone off of the night stand instead. At least I didn't hit the lamp. I have no idea how I liked mornings before; It must've been because I got so used to the dark and had a lack of sleep from all those concerts. It's funny though, I wasn't the one performing. I was just there to watch just like all of those hormonal teenage girls... and whoever else was there. There were a lot of teenage girls. Screaming, crying, perfect storms... It was terrifying, but I regret nothing.

"That's enough Taylor Swift for today," I mumbled aloud, dragging myself from under the covers. I went to the bathroom to wash up, deciding that I would start doing something with my life again. You see, I'm going through a breakup phase and as Sehun would say, "Typical teenage problems that don't really matter and you'll get over it in a month, but until then have some ice cream," followed by me getting my mouth violently stuffed with ice cream by Luhan. Those two idiots always worked in a pair. It was horrible, I have sensitive teeth.

Standing here, engulfed in light, the only source of my despair is my badly treated gorgeous face. No, I'm not narcissistic or full of myself, a little pep talk or compliment never hurt me or anyone for that matter. The main reason being the fact that I only do this alone, in the bathroom. It was my fault that I stopped caring, but it wasn't my fault that he left; that Chanyeol left. I finished brushing my teeth and washed my face. I threw my towel to the side and left to go pick up my phone.

Just as irony would have it, my phone rings when I pick it up. Great, more ringing. I reject the call... it feels weird to answer it after ignoring a bunch of calls and text messages for at least a month. I'm not anti-social or anything, just lazy and a bit reserved. I'm also kind of annoyed that every time I wake up, and throughout the day and at night, my phone lights up with a new notification from someone. I would say "I'm pretty popular, if I do say myself," but it's the same four people everyday. It's comforting really, knowing that they care so much about me, but it's also loathsome that I would never be able to do the same for them.

I stare down at my phone, and turns out it's already noon. And by noon I mean about a few hours past noon. Time to fix my sleeping schedule again... Sehun was right, I feel like a teenager with stupid breakup problems (a twenty-three-year-old teenager). You could even say that I have some hormones and ice cream thrown into the mix. (I just wanted to point out that the hormones thing was sarcastic, but the ice cream is real.) That's all it seems like to everyone though. Turning to the side, I sigh at my messy bed.

"I could go for some ice cream," I tell my not-so-tiny, fluffy teddy bear.

The sunlight hurt my eyes at first to be honest. If I wasn't in public right now, I could've slipped out an anguish filled cry and "It burns! It burns!" It doesn't really burn though since I've got a few scoops of ice cream, and I'd rather not melt into a green pile of goo or lose my sparkly face (because I died... From burning in the sun). At least I would have a few fangirls, aside from the goo....unless they're into that. There's no problem if they are, I won't judge - I never judge because I'm always the one getting judged.

I continue walking around the park when I run into a short, but plush creature with an oomph. Yes, I just said oomph. Suddenly, everything is moving in slow-motion, I hear nothing but ringing in my ears, and I see nothing but a pink colour fall to the ground. Half-way through my vocal denial, I hear a sniffle and look down to see the little kid who ran into me. I would blame the kid that my precious ice cream fell, but that would be messed up. I have nothing to lose, but it's still messed up. That and there's a lot of blood (not really, but I don't know how to handle bleeding children), now here comes the crying that causes random passersby to think that I'm a horrible person.

Now, this would normally go in two ways. One, I yell at the kid for running into me, tell him to watch where he's going because I dropped my ice cream, and then go buy another. Or two, I help the kid up, give him a pep talk (as in a simple Be careful! and If you don't get up now, you won't be able to join the rest of your friends and that isn't very fun now, is it?), and then go buy some more. Either way, I'm going to get to eat more ice cream.

I went the third way - I didn't help the kid up first, I said the pep talk with a smile, then it didn't work so I made a pretty stupid face to make him laugh, and the kid got up by himself and left. I don't know if I got offended or anything, because I have no idea for what just happened other than being offended. On the bright side, I got my ice cream and finished it this time. The down side was I spent more money than I originally would have today... that and I involuntarily feel worse about myself because of a mere child. Funny, I actually like children. I wanted to have a few kids too... too bad that isn't going my way either.

That kid was strange.

"Baekhyun~ Baekhyun~ Byun Baekhyunnie~"

"What? And don't call me that, I'm older than you," I snap at idiot number three.

"Why are you so mean to me, Baekhyun? You finally come back to us and you're suddenly so mad at me."

"That's because you're annoying, Jongda- what was that for?!" Sehun complained. He doesn't really get far with his words, he gets hit before he can finish most of the time. Then again, his sentences never are really complete in the first place.

"You should have more respect for your elders, Sehunnie."

"Oh, I'm sorry my dear Hannie. I force you to take part in my horrible and evil pranks now and then and you never have a choice. I see I don't have much respect for you either," he taunted. It sounded sarcastic on Sehun's end, but then again, everything he says seems sarcastic in the first place.

"I'm not buying you bubble tea today then~," Luhan said in a sing-song voice while skipping away into another room.

"Hannie hyuuuunngggg," Sehun whined, trailing behind Luhan.

I hear Jongdae mumble beside me, "Sehun is still going to get some bubble tea from his dear Luhan." Then there's a pause.

"Baekhyun...?"

"Don't touch me, Jongdae!" I hiss, but he does it anyway. Yixing comes in at that moment, and chuckles a bit.

"Stop annoying Baekhyun," is what he says. He didn't help me anyway is what I say.

"Why am I always stuck with you people?" I say groaning.

"Because you love us~?" Yixing says that with a smile, but I know he would rather be doing something else than putting up with all of us. I never knew why they got together to form a band. They were so different that it would be logical to have their personalities clash, but they never did. It was this weird bond that I could never put my finger on, and I was eventually dragged into it. You could never pinpoint each of their exact feelings and thoughts especially after he left, it made me worried sometimes.

The best part is that I should be worrying more about myself than people that remind me of him. Of Chanyeol.

It's been silent for awhile now... aside from Sehun whining in the other room, a few things falling over, and Luhan yelling at kid to be careful! This all seems to familiar, because we all know fairly well that Sehun's mental age has to be five. Or younger, give or take a few years. I don't even know how he ended up joining the band. 

Yixing, who was pointing to my left snaps me out of my daze and I turn my head to the side to see Jongdae posing with a heart.

"I love you Baekhyunnie oppa~" he said while batting his eyelashes. Jongdae crushing me is what happens next. Jongdae getting thrown down is also what happens after that. 

I don't hesitate to stuff some ice cream down his throat too.

If you want to know what I'm doing right now, I'm stuffing my face. If you want to know what happened before this, I bought Jongdae some bubble tea. Also Yixing, and Luhan... and Sehun got two. I'm also with them right now, but Sehun looks pretty uninterested and is ready to grab Luhan and leave on a 'date.'  It's completely normal, but also worrisome because Sehun seems like he leads the entire thing and I can't find myself to trust him.

A few minutes pass, and then Sehun abruptly got up, mumbled something into Luhan's ear (something along the lines of, "Let's ditch, this is getting boring, don't you think? Blah blah."), grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the restaurant while everyone was staring at us. Across our table was a mother and her son, who was staring at me right now. I'm pretty sure that he's the kid from earlier.

"I knew it," Jongdae mutters.

"I called it first."

"You did not, Baekhyun! You haven't said anything since we got here except for I'll have three orders of that. Yeah. A pause. Yeah. Thank you," he said in a tired and deep voice, trying to imitate me (I guess that means I'm not a teenage girl anymore).

Yixing is staring at me too now, but I'm too tempted to shove Jongdae's face into his plate right now. He beats me to it though and says, "You're talking to Jongdae, but it looks like you're giving the child behind me a death glare."

"How do you know it isn't for you?" I snap.

"Well, I don't see why you would be giving me one," he replied. I can't deny that.

"So you guess he's giving the child one?" Jongdae interrupts.

"..." Yixing just continues eating.

"You really need to stop, Baekhyun. Staring at children that way is illegal.." he said while snickering.

"That's it!" I yell as I stand up dramatically - which is the same way Sehun would have done if he was in this situation.

Everything else is a blur.

Now I'm at that time of day where everything gets sentimental and mushy. It's a beautiful place where love grows; but it's like that saying - " A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there." If you haven't realized it yet, it's starting and won't be ending any time soon. I hated things like this before. I did love to write music and play it, but I was never a poetic person who could sway the hearts of other mere humans just by my words. I thought it was meaningless, but I was generally like that towards everything else. Not to my teddy bear though, he's important.

Sorry to be completely blunt with you, but I'm lost right now. To make it better, it also rained. Hard. I'm also soaking right now. ...No pun intended. It's pretty late now, maybe around eight, but at least the empty street was a nice change from this busy city. Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I have a foul feeling in the pit of my stomach. Fun fact, I'm lonely. 

I'm so incredibly lonely that it physically hurts right now. No, it's not diarrhea from what I ate earlier and I'm not overreacting. I want to feel what it feels like to be loved again. Just the thought of not being able to experience it again makes my stomach churn. It hurts because I'm alone again. It hurts because I miss my family and my old friends because everyone I do know reminds me of him. It hurts because I don't know what home is anymore.

I feel like I never really did.

Looking around the empty street, I try to brush away my sudden fear of staying out later than it already is, because it's cold enough already, and there could be anything hiding away in that alleyway over there. At least I'm not a girl though... I got lost somewhere along the lines of 'hurting,' but I've got time and there's a street sign I can always come back to.

Continuing on my way (and away from that sign) I slowly get used to the cold, which may just be because I feel a fever coming on and my feet are wet, but other than that I'm completely fine. Maybe.

Sometimes my sanity can be questionable due to the fact that one moment I'm playing with the playful mistresses of fate and destiny, and the next I'm panicking because I just passed that alleyway and anything could jump me at this point. You could also say it's the weather talking, but I still look back and check just in case. It's one of those moments and honestly, it makes everything more interesting if you think about it.

I could go on and on about my life and the meaning of living and breathing for me - ice cream at the moment - but that would become boring pretty fast. There are also a bunch of theoretical questions that I could ask which would not only make you question your existence, but also mine. The more the merrier, right?

I stop. Looking up I find myself staring at a simple hardwood door, glazed with the perfect brown that you can find yourself staring at for ages on end.

And that's what I did.

A single name slips through my lips and it all suddenly hits me at once like a ton of bricks crushing a small, innocent bunny. No, I'm not comparing myself to a bunny. I'm not a bunny...more like a dog (a small dog). I do find myself tracing all of the door's edges and engravings with my fingertips. It all seemed so familiar and I knew that this was what I wanted to forget.

I didn't know what I wanted until now. I never knew what I needed until now. I always said that I wanted to keep doing what I love - playing the piano and singing - but now that I think about it, now that I have time alone, I really didn't need all of that. What I truly needed was something more. I needed another thing. A thing that I was doing for myself and my own well-being more than others. I always focused on others and i had a fixed goal that never went anywhere. I only explored the possibilities that kept me confined and tied down to one thing.

"I want to be happy again," I mumble as I dig my fingers into a small crack in the wall. A small smile grows on my face because he left the key in the hole. He wasn't forgetful, and I know that he would've moved the key because I was the only one who knew where it was, but he didn't. It gave me a bigger reason to be happy for myself.

Chanyeol breaks the silence, "Baekhyun?"

"Yeah?" I say as I continue to run my hands through his hair.

"Have you ever wondered what happiness was?"

I think for a bit, "Happiness is being with you. It's been that way for so long now. Why?"

He smiles up at me, "I just wanted to know is all . . ."

"What about you?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think happiness is?"

Chanyeol doesn't take very long to answer. It wasn't the first time I've been asked something like this. He's done it before and I never figured out why.

"Happiness is invisible. You don't realize that you have it and when you do, or when you question it, it becomes definite and disappears. Normally, other people are the reason you're happy, but when you let them hold it in their hands, they drop it so easily."

" . . . Are you saying that you're leaving me?" I question.

He just laughs, " I would never, I just want you to be able to be happy without me."

"That's like the sam-"

"No it's not."

"Then what do you do to be happy then, hotshot?"

Chanyeol gave me his best smile and said, "I do everything for myself."

After that day, I never wanted to depend on anyone anymore . There was really something wrong with me. I took it so literally to the point of idiocy. It did lead to some other 'fun' things, but that's a different story for another day. I would also give you a wink but that isn't possible right now.

I end up in the living room. Sitting down on my couch, I start taking in my surroundings and remember everything that happened here. All of those memories and all of those emotions I experienced were more than what I could ever ask for. There were a lot of memories that I pretended to forget because they hurt, but I realized that I wouldn't have suffered as much if it wasn't important to me. If I was meant to remember it, I would and that would be enough for now.

In front of me, in the middle of the coffee table sat a small cardboard box, sealed well and had my name written on the front. I guessed it was mine or directed towards me, but I knew. I knew very well who it was from and I knew that I wouldn't open it any time soon. I just went through this and I finally felt better to come out today. I was recovering and it would be best to take time away from all this. The box would still be here and so would I. It had time to wait. I still have time to end things off completely when I felt that it was right to.

Nevertheless, I couldn't help but smile as I left, not taking the box but keeping it there for another day. A day where I was ready.

Because this day was already full of firsts.

For example, that wet spot I made on the couch earlier.

Author's Note:

FIRST CHAPTER IS UP. THMANKS. (I LOVE YOU TOO OUR MERE THREE SUBSCRIBERS)

Heelllllooooo agaaaiiiinn. WE FINALLY UPDATEEDDD AFTER LIKE TWO WEEKS OR SOMETHING AND YAWH THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING AND JUST CHECKING OUT OUR STORYY :D SORRY FOR THE INACTIVENESS Samantha over here's a little too excited about this fic already and she's really really bad at author's notes as you can see (worse than I am). And yeah HunHan's in this tooooo♥♥  Blegh. I can't think of anything to say. SEE Y'ALL IN THE NEXT UPDATE I GUESS~