Hopeless Desire

By: _THELeiacorn_

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 881

Pairings: Eunhyuk/Donghae, Donghae/Yoona

Warnings: marriage, a cuss word, mention of one night stand

Though that position never really was his in the first place, Hyukjae still yearns for the place at the altar. 

Not at the distance which seems like a hundred miles away instead.

Soft music begins to play, with a couple of sweet, pure voices blending with the music. When the tall, oaken doors are thrown open, sunlight blinds Hyukjae, forcing him to shut his eyes for a moment. When he wrenches them open again, suddenly Donghae’s there, at the end of the pink petal-lined aisle. He looks twice as radiant as Yoona does in her elaborate white gown.

Donghae begins the torturously slow walk down the aisle. Hyukjae plasters the phoniest smile he’s able to conjure up onto his stiff face before Donghae reaches him. Donghae’s short, muscular legs tremble slightly as he passes Hyukjae, but the sight of his best friend just as happy as he is on his wedding day is enough to sustain him for the rest of the quick walk down the aisle.

Yoona is an inch taller than Donghae in her heels, even though Donghae’s in his famous sixty-story shoe lifts today. They look absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful together. Hyukjae’s breathe hitches. They would make flawless children. This fact pains his heart greatly; he nearly doubles over, clutching his chest at the flare of agony, but he catches himself just in time.

Hyukjae tries to slow down and remember the last moments before Donghae permanently belongs to Yoona—and any claim Hyukjae has on him is obliterated, but suddenly Donghae’s impossibly soft lips are pressed up against Yoona’s own smooth, pouty ones and all hope is lost.

Best man. The two stupidest, most meaningless words Hyukjae’s ever heard.

He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood. Hot, salty tears roll down his cheeks. Unlike every other person crying at the wedding, his are the only tears of sorrow. His breathing becomes fast and labored, and he ducks his head to hide the tears as he fumbles for a handkerchief. He’s too late. Too late, just like that time when Siwon asked Donghae out in front of him, just like that time when Donghae lost his ity to Jessica, and just like that time when Donghae proposed to Yoona. And he was powerless to stop it all.

But, as Hyukjae watches the bouquet bursting with bright, colorful flowers sail over the heads of the wedding guests, he realizes that he wasn’t powerless—at all. Wasn’t he roommates with Donghae before he moved in with Siwon? Didn’t he bring Donghae to that club? And, worst of all, wasn’t Im Yoona Hyukjae and Jessica’s mutual friend?

Hyukjae was just too much of a coward to man up and confess to Donghae. And this, Hyukjae knows. All those chances to tell Donghae how he really feels about him—and he never took them. They all blew away into the wind, whispers of confessions and what could never be fading away into the distance.

He detests himself so much that he wishes he were dead instead of still standing here, faking happiness for his best friend’s sake. Then his lips curve up into a bitter smile, the realest one he’s worn all day. At least he’s not married to a coward like you.

Though the reception is nearly over, Hyukjae still stumbles over to the hatefully lucky bride. He wants to curse her, he wants to murder her—but she’s just as kind and sweet as Donghae is. Although it’s not Donghae or Yoona’s fault they fit like matching jigsaw pieces, Hyukjae still feels b*tch about to leave his lips as he looks up into her face.

Then his heart shatters completely. The kindness and compassion, the genuine ecstasy all in her eyes is so painfully true—and so unlike how his selfish self feels right now. He chokes on the lump in his throat, wanting to sprint away in the opposite direction, but he sees the understanding flash in her chocolatey, warm eyes.

Donghae is at the other side of the hall, thanking guests. Hyukjae has nothing to fear as he gasps out, “T-take c-care of h-him—f-for me.”

Fresh tears spring to his eyes—this statement’s useless; what kind of a person does he think Yoona is? Her smile drops off her face as she kneels down to his prostrate figure clutching the front of her dress helplessly.

She holds him close to her, his hair softly, tears of her own mingling with his. Lace scratches his face and he sniffles into the folds of silk. “It’s okay, Hyukjae. I know.”

Hyukjae suddenly throws himself off her, unable to bear it anymore. With one last blurry look at her, he stands upright, blurting, “He’s always wanted enough children to form a soccer team.”

Not even waiting for a reaction or reply, he shoves past lingering wedding guests and runs like he’s never run before. The world blurs into colors and tears, everything becoming meaningless—except for the fact that he’s the most terrible person on earth. He has no goal or destination in mind as his legs furiously pump him forward and he in crisp, cold air.

All he hopes is that, maybe if he runs fast enough, he might be able to run away from himself. 

Foreword

_THELeiacorn_