Denial is wall which love hides behind. It is a dangerous drug to be addicted to.

I held tight to Jae as we weaved in and out of the traffic. We were the only ones riding a sports bike; all were in the safety and warmth of their car. Some of them looked at us as if we were insane to be driving in this cold weather. But Jae was right. The ride was worth it.

It was peaceful, liberating and I loved every minute of it.

I wouldn’t turn down another chance to ride again, but only with Jae.

When he pulled into the back parking lot of Club JYJ, I was almost sad and relieved at the same time. He turned off the engine and I scooted away from him before lifting myself from the bike. I pulled the helmet off my head and looked at him.

“So what did you think?”

His eyes were so animated and too dark that I couldn’t have pretended it was anything less than it was.

“It was amazing! I might have to save money and buy one for myself someday.”

The intensity in his eyes increased instantly and I moved back.

Whoa!

“You’re not driving one of these, Angel.”

I raised a brow. “I’m not?”

I didn’t like being told what to do. He wasn’t my parents not even my boyfriend. In my stubborn mind, he had no right.

He stood, taking a step closer to me.

“If you want to ride, you call me,” he said.

“So…when I want to go for a ride at 2 in the morning on a hot summer night…”

“You call me,” he interrupted, his eyes blazing, if that was even possible.

I smirked. “And when you’re busy or say, uh, romancing someone?”

“I’ll drop them in a heartbeat,” he said in a gruff voice. “And I don’t romance anyone, Angel. I play with them. I them. Hard. Didn’t you hear that from others?”

I frowned. “That’s mean and gross, Jae.”

I took a step away from him and toward the club door but he grabbed the back of my jacket, halting my escape.

“Do I disgust you?” he asked. He turned me around to face him and I stood my ground, convinced myself not to be scared of him and hoped for the best that he took what I had to say with more than a grain of salt.

“The way you refer to women disgusts me. I’m a woman, Jae. It hurts to hear it especially to someone close to me. The fact that you use women for nothing but a good time disgusts me.”

“Dara, they know what they’re getting into when they take me on,” his said. His voice was bitingly unfriendly. “I never lied to them. They know what I want and that’s it. It’s not like it’s a surprise that I don’t want more from any of them.”

That’s where he was wrong.

I didn’t understand his way of living or lack of attachment. I wanted to know more – the things that happened in his life that made him like this.

“Have you ever been in a relationship, Jae?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want one.”

I fisted my hands in frustration and I knew he saw that. I saw him smile because of that. It was so darn hard to have a serious conversation with him. I couldn’t get him to open up. I should be angry about his attitude with women (in general) but when he smiled at me, all of it were gone – poof! – just like that.

“What’s wrong with having someone who cares for you?”

“Limitations and obligations,” he answered easily and I frowned. He was used to hearing this question before.

“I don’t understand.”

“In relationship there are limitations and obligations. I see it all the time, guys take on girls and they become a fraction of the man they once were. I have too many secrets and too many habits to take the time to worry about a relationship.”

Secrets?

“Um, so basically, you’re afraid of someone getting close enough to you that you might actually have to be forthcoming? You’re afraid of thinking more about someone else than about yourself?” I asked.

Jae’s jaw twitched and anger deepened his eyes from going even darker. It was frightening but I held my ground. I knew I’d hit a nerve, but if he wanted to be friends with me then he had to get over the challenges I would present, because I had no desire to sit back and take his crappy attitude. Some of the things he believed in were downright absurd.

“Let’s get inside,” he said, his eyes still focused on me. “It’s getting cold here.”

“Yes, it is,” I muttered before I turned around to the door. This time Jae didn’t stop me from walking away, but he followed me.

When he unlocked the door and held it open for me to slip by him, a man who called himself as Yamapi was seated at a table near the door. He was good-looking but a bit standoffish.

“Yamapi,” Jae nodded. “Everyone here?”

“Yeah,” he said as he took a sip of his beer. “Daniel too.”

Jae stiffened. “Daniel’s here?”

“He is,” Yamapi answered. “He wanted to be informed when you arrived.” The man looked at me and smirked. The situation felt so awkward. “He wants to know why he’s taking your place tonight.”

Jae and this Yamapi guy looked at each other like they were having quick “eye conversations” and Jae suddenly sighed and spoke.

“I’ll talk to him now.”

“You know where to find him,” Yamapi stated.

Jae looked back at me. “Come on.”

We walked to the hall, disappearing in to the dim light. His strides were much quicker than usual and I couldn’t help but wonder if Yamapi had somehow angered him – or someone else. Jae was so hot and cold at times, it was hard to know when he’s angry or not.

He turned and I knew we were only steps from standing on the dance floor. He spoke without looking at me.

“You can chill at the bar until the club opens. Get to know some of the girls there,” he said.

“Okay,” I nodded, more to myself than to him. I was nervous again. “Where will you be?”

“In my office, or Daniel’s,” his answered. His voice was low. It sounded hostile so I didn’t ask anymore.

I didn’t want to piss him off even more. As soon as I caught the sight of the bar, I started walking away from him but his hand stopped me, gripping my wrist tightly. I looked back at him.

“I’m sorry for being an tonight.”

“It…it’s okay,” I said with a small smile.

“No, it’s not,” he said. He dropped my wrist and he sighed deeply. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

I nodded, my heart feeling lighter.

“I’ll see you later.”

I stood watching Jae walked directly toward the ‘For The Gods Only’ door and I knew it would directly lead him to his office upstairs. He didn’t look back at me and that kind of made me feel disappointed. I hoped whatever issue it was - that was obviously stressing him - wasn’t serious. I wanted to ask Yamapi about it especially when he said Daniel wanted to know why he was taking Jae’s place tonight. But I knew I had no right to snooped.

I’d always been told not to stick my nose in other people’s business because it might get me into trouble. It was something I chose to live by too – and it was taught by my mother.

So I didn’t and respected that boundary. He was my friend, sure, but he was also my boss. There was a boundary I couldn’t cross in that aspect.

As I turned toward the bar where 3 very ily dressed females were loitering as they waited for the club to open its doors to the public. They were all very different but still clad in y outfits. Two of them were glaring at me as I walked toward the opposite side of the bar where another woman was clearly busy dancing on her own beat coming from her headphones.

Of the 3, she was the one who looked less approachable but she wasn’t giving me glares so I opted to be close to her. She was pretty but she was also all kinds of intimidating.

“Hi,” I greeted. “I’m Dara, the new bartender.”

The woman didn’t even look up but she acknowledged my presence. I leaned awkwardly against the bar, looking out over the dance floor. After a while, she took of her headphones and looked at me.

“I’m CL.”

“Nice to meet you, CL.” I smiled.

“Likewise. Sorry I didn’t greet you a while back. I had to finish that song first,” she said, laughing. “By the way, that witchy 1 is Hyuna,” she pointed at the woman who was still glaring at me, “And the witchy 2 who was whispering to her is Sunny.”

They heard her.

“I see,” I said quietly. I was hoping that there won’t be any cat-fights with that introduction during my 1st day at work.

“Don’t worry about them,” she said, as if reading my mind. She rolled her eyes at them. “They’re just pissed about you and Jae.”

“Me and Jae?” I frowned.

She laughed. “I have no idea how you got his attention, but that guy is wrapped around your little finger, sweetie.”

“I-I didn't know what you’re talking about.”

“Are you serious?” she asked me as she narrowed her eyes. “Jae practically warned the entire male employees of Club JYJ to stay away from a certain bartender named Dara.”

What?

“He did?!” I asked disbelievingly. “That jerk…”

CL smiled mischievously. “I take it you don’t like that.”

“Does he warn his male employees every time he hires a female bartender?” I asked.

“Never.” She shook her head. “Jae doesn’t usually care…about anything…unless it serves his purpose. Daniel is more of a people person.”

I frowned, chewing down my bottom lip in irritation. I didn’t want attention in my first day at the club. He shouldn’t have done that. No wonder some of my co-workers were glaring at me – like witchy 1 and witchy 2.

CL chuckled. “Are you mad?”

“I am now.”

“So, tell me, what’s going on with you and him?” she asked. Her eyes lit with excitement. I shook my head.

“Nothing. We’re friends though,” I answered.

She shook her head stubbornly. “Nope. That’s not Jae. Jae doesn’t have female friends. He sleeps with them and becomes an to them the next day…kind of making friendship impossible.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping with him. Ever,” I said and cringed at the thought. Jae would break me. “Jae is my friend – a new friend, actually – and that’s all he’ll ever be.”

“Does he know that?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

Her eyes narrowed. “Then why is he warning off every male within 10-mile radius of you?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess it’s because he adopted the ‘Big Brother Syndrome’.”

She laughed heartily. It was contagious.

“Tell me when you make it a week without sleeping with one of the gods,” she said.

“I’ll let you know in 4 days,” I joked. “But I can already tell you it’s not going to happen.”

“You’re not even a little curious?” she asked.

I felt my heart drop. “Are you? I mean, have you slept with him?”

“Oh, no.” she said as she shook her head. “I’ve been with my guy, one of his male friends, Chun, for 3 years now. But to most women, one night with one of the gods of Club JYJ is worth it.”

“That’s gross.”

“You don’t think he’s gorgeous? He doesn’t make your mouth water?” she teased.

“He’s gorgeous, really gorgeous,” I admitted. “But he and I are just friends. Hooking up with someone like Jae isn’t worth it.”

Even as I spoke the words, I knew they were a lie. Jae was worth a hell of a lot – I just didn’t know if he was worth