Love without fear. Trust without question. Need without demand. Want without restriction, and desire without inhibition.

It’s been almost a month since I’d started spending time with Jae. I was also fully aware of the rumors circulating around the campus.

Rumors were like deadly disease. If you cared, they had the potential to destroy you to pieces. But Jae thought me not to care so I didn’t. They could think whatever they wanted and I would still do what I wanted. All that mattered was what my friends thought. The rest of the people around us could live in the fantasy world they’d created around my relationship with Jae if they chose to. I was happy and that was all that mattered.

Now, all I wanted to do was relax. I wanted to watch a good movie and eat take-out unhealthy food. I have no work tonight and no classes in the morning. It sounded like 24 hours of heaven.

“Hi, Angel,” Jae greeted me the moment I stepped out of my class and I jumped. He’d been there every single day, picking me up after each class, but somehow I still hadn’t gotten used to it.

“How do you get here so fast?” I asked.

“I leave early,” he replied.

He took my bag from my shoulder and I leaned into his side as he slid his arm around my waist. This had become our routine and I loved it.

In Jae I’d found everything I needed. Physically, he gave me comfort and friendly affection and mentally he was reassuring, a bit annoying at times though. If I was being truly honest, Jae had become a constant in my life. I couldn’t imagine living without him now.

“Do you have plans tonight?” I asked.

Last Friday he’d had plans he refused to tell me about. I could only assume he had a date with some hot girl, but I wasn’t about to ask. I didn’t think I really wanted to know. I didn’t want to ruin our good times.

“No,” he said as he shook his head, pulling me close. People in the hallway looking at us, some looked amazed, others looked irritated. “I’m all yours tonight, Angel.”

“Oh, okay,” I faked discomfort under his arm and he stiffened around me. “I kind of have plans tonight.”

“You do?” His voice was rough, almost undefined.

“Yes, I do.”

“What are these plans, Dara?” he asked seriously. He wasn’t smiling now.

Good.

“Well, they involve a boy and I can’t cancel on him,” I said as I bit my lip to stifle my giggle. “I’m actually really excited tonight.”

Jae pulled away to look down at me. His eyes were guarded, his jaw tensed and brows creased.

“You have a date.” It wasn’t a question.

I nodded. “I do.”

“With who, Dara?” he asked. He barely moved and he wasn’t touching me anymore. I couldn’t hold myself together anymore and I laughed out loud.

“You!” I laughed. “I have a date with you and my TV tonight. Haha! Fooled you!”

Jae took long deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“,” he hissed. He dragged a hand through his hair. “Don’t ever do that to me, Angel.”

I immediately stopped laughing and looked at him. He was really serious.

“Are you mad?” I asked. I nudged him in the side and smiled. “Jae, you know I have every right to date.” My tone turned serious as well. “We’re just friends. I know you’re just being protective of me like Junsu but you really don’t have to worry.”

He was still stiff but I could tell he was trying to control something – fury, jealousy…I wasn’t sure.

“You have the right, Dara,” he said seriously. “But not on Friday. That’s my day, our day.”

“Saturday?” I asked.

“You work for me on Saturday.”

I frowned. “I don’t have work every Saturday at the club, Jae.”

“You do from now on.” He nodded to himself. “I’ll go through the schedule at first chance. Your weekends aren’t available anymore.”

“Jae, I’m being serious,” I said. I sighed as we approached his car. My poor car must feel so abandoned these days. I’d been riding with Jae most of the time.

“Get in, Dara,” he said as he shoved me up into the seat and closed the door.

I studied him. He looked stressed as he walked around his side. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was I’d said that made him gloomy. Clearly, he didn’t want me to date. But why? He had no interest in letting our relationship progress, so what was the issue?

Jae climbed in beside me and started the engine.

“Jae?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you going to acknowledge me?” I asked. I hated moments like this.

“I always acknowledge you, Angel,” he stated harshly and I cringed. His hands were tight on the steering wheel. “Tell me, have you met someone?”

“What?”

“Have you met someone you’re interested in dating?” he asked but he didn’t look at me. His eyes were trained on the road.

“Um, well,” I paused, frowning. “No, I was joking a while ago.”

“Then why are we talking about it?”

“Because even though I was joking a while ago, I did mean what I said about dating someone. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I do want to be in a relationship with someone,” I whispered as I nervously bit my lip.

I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation and I couldn’t believe I wanted his permission to date someone else.

“Jae…I just want you to know, that…well, I’m open for that idea with someone else…well, if, um, the opportunity presents itself,” I finished and looked at him.

“This isn’t enough for you?” he asked as he pulled into the parking lot of my building. “What we have?”

He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. I watched as he fisted his hands. He was tensed.

“It’s enough for now, Jae,” I assured. “You’ll always be important to me, you know that, but…”

“But what, Dara?” he snapped.

I flinched again. “Um, never mind.”

I pushed open the door and got out of the car. My throat felt tight and for some reason I feel like crying. I didn’t want to wait for him because I could feel the hostile tension between us.

Behind me, I heard the engine died and his door slammed shut. Jae was behind me in a minute. His hands turned me towards him, snaking around my waist to pull me into his chest.

There were snowflakes falling on us. It was cold. Just like the man that he was moments ago.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. You don’t deserve that.” He looked at me and noticed my teary eyes. “Don’t cry, Angel. Don’t cry for me, for what I said, it’s not worth your tears.”

I sobbed and grasped my arms around his neck, pulling him tighter to me.

“I’m sorry too, Jae. I didn’t mean to ruin our day.”

He buried his face in the cranny of my neck, breathing my scent in only the way he did. It was really comforting. And I knew he did it when he needed soothing.

The thought that I gave him peace of mind and control made me feel warm in the deepest recesses of my heart. I cared for him so very much the thought that I’d hurt him hurt me too.

“I can’t stand the idea of you with some guy,” he spoke against my skin, his lips moving with each word.

I shivered.

“I ing hate it, Dara. You’re too good for all of them,” he finished.

I sighed, pulling away from him.

“Jae, you think too highly of me. Please don’t put me on a pedestal. I don’t like that.” I smiled gently. “Let’s go inside. I’m really cold now.”

He nodded, his eyes still looked tortured. He slid his hand into mine, lifting it and to my surprise, kissing it.

“I’m afraid of you dating,” he whispered.

“Why?” I asked quietly and carefully.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he admitted. “I’ve never had this with anyone else and I know I’ll never have this again with someone else.”

I placed my hand on his cheek and looked at him in the eyes.

“You’re not going to lose me, Jae.”

He looked back with passion that I’d never seen in his eyes before. His eyes moved and settled on my lips. I stopped breathing when I realized it. I couldn’t move and my mind couldn’t process what was only a second from happening.

Do you want this, Dara? If he kisses you things will change.

All of a sudden, the door on my building opened and an older couple stepped outside – probably visitors of one of the students living upstairs.

“Oh dear,” the woman said as the man shifted uncomfortably as they saw us. The woman smiled at us and held the man’s hand – their wrinkled hands clasped together.

“Young love,” she hummed and I felt myself blushing as Jae chuckled.

He grasped my hand in his pulling me inside the building.

“Uh, have a nice evening,” I called out to the old couple.

“You, too, Dear,” the woman said, grinning from ear to ear. I had a feeling she was remembering her own young love days.

But that wasn’t what this was.

With Jae and I – I knew we were walking on the fine line between friendship and more – I didn’t know what that ‘more’ consisted of. Was it love? I knew I loved him. He’d become important in my life in an impossibly short time.

He was the aspect in my life that was both constant and unfamiliar. He was the variable I expected to be constant. But I still couldn’t seem to understand exactly what it was happening between us.

Was it the first flames of young love? And if I gave into it, would I ruin our friendship? In the end, would bending to the sparks send everything burning?

Jae took the keys from my hand, shoving it to the lock and turning it. He opened the door and I walked through, shaking the thought out of my mind.

“So, what were these plans you had for tonight?” Jae asked.

He was trying his best to ease the tension, as though we hadn’t almost kissed. That kind of hurt me. If he wanted to forget it then I would have too. It would have been a mistake anyway.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Maybe we should order something and then watch a movie. I don’t have work tomorrow, no classes. I really want to pig-out. What about you?”

He shook his head. “I have to be at the club tomorrow night for a couple of hours, but not all night. Movies tonight sound good to me.”

“Good,” I sighed. “You want to do the order? I’m going to take a quick shower first.”

“Okay.”

I walked straight to my bathroom and the water. I stripped my clothing and climbed in, letting myself crumble to the floor as my mind swirled with thoughts of Jae. I played through my mind like a movie strip the last few weeks with Jae and figured out if he had more than just friendly feelings for me, if so, w