I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

I got out from Jae’s sports car and ran towards my class without giving him a second glance. I was pissed because he made me late and I hated being late. The fact that he hid my car keys and made me wait for him to finish his breakfast – which I cooked for him – before driving me to class was maddening.

I was totally pissed.

It was a very toxic day and I hadn’t made to the gym with Bom once this week because of Jae’s neurotic need to drive me every single time and keep me close. I was strung tight as a guitar and he felt the need to pluck me.

I had been living with Jae for the last couple of weeks now and they had gone smooth up until today.

Today, I’d woken up on the wrong side of the bed and Jae was as chirpy as Alvin The Chipmunk. It was so frustrating. Christmas was just around the corner and although I was excited for a school break, I wasn’t excited to return for the January exams.

“Wait up, Angel,” he yelled as he jogged to my side, interrupting my thoughts. “Do you want something to drink from Starbucks after your class? I can get it for you.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I have to go, Jae.”

He reached for my hand in the middle of the school lobby as everybody looked at us, whispering as they go. I stopped with an irritated sigh,

“You’re mad at me. I don’t like that,” he said.

“I’m irritated, Jae,” I muttered. “There’s a difference.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry for making you late, Angel.”

“Are you really sorry for that?” I asked to his -eating grin. “The way you look right now, Jae, it doesn’t look like you’re sorry about it.”

“Okay, I’m not sorry,” he admitted. “To spend more time with you, it was worth it.”

“What was worth it about that?”

“Well, sleeping in with you, eating breakfast with you,” he said as he winked and I rolled my eyes.

“Jae, your schedule isn’t as toxic as mine. You already graduated before. You don’t have too many subjects to worry about like I do,” I groaned.

His grin fell from his face and he released my hand.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Angel.”

I nodded. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“I’ll be at your door after you class,” he said.

I didn’t reply as I ran towards my class. I was so late. The thought of walking into my class in the middle of a lecture was almost equal to standing topless in a stadium full of people. It was horrible and it made my nerves act up.

I slowly crept in through the door and like I expected, unwanted eyes looked my way. Thankfully, the professor didn’t think my offense in attendance important. The lecture continued without much interruption as I sunk into my seat.

When my class was finished, I packed my things into my bag before heading to the door when I heard someone called me from the back.

“Dara?”

I turned around to see a pretty girl looking down at me. She waved and I waited for her to get closer to me.

“Uh, hi,” I said. I frowned and she smiled at me.

I was pretty sure I had never talked to this girl before and I couldn’t help but wonder why start now.

“I’m Uee,” she said.

“Nice to meet you, Uee. Um, you know my name,” I said as I smiled unsurely.

“Yeah,” she laughed awkwardly. “Everybody does now. So, um, are you seeing one of the gods of Club JYJ? Well, I mean not the father, of course. But you know, Jae?”

“By seeing you mean?” I asked. I narrowed my eyes.

Where in the world was this conversation going?

She rolled her eyes on a nervous giggle. “Dating, obviously.”

I shook my head. “Uh, no. He’s still very much on the market. If you want to take a shot, I wish you luck.”

Her eyes were wide as she stared at me in obvious disbelief.

“I see. I heard you were living with him now,” she said.

I shrugged. “I’m renting a room from him so technically I am living with him.”

“But you’re not seeing him romantically?” she asked looking so confused.

“No,” I said quietly. “We’re just friends.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jae enter the room. He looked worried when he didn’t see me at my seat. Then he caught sight of me on the aisle and ease settled into his handsome face.

“Dara, come on we’re going to be late,” he called out.

I waved at Uee. “I should go.”

She nodded, clearly choosing not to believe me when I told her I was not dating Jae. I shrugged at the thought. I’d never really been one to care what people think of me apart from my friends and family, that is, so I knew I wouldn’t be losing sleep over Uee’s thoughts on the matter.

Jae set his hand on my lower back, under my hoodie as he smiled at me. I could feel the heat of the women’s faces as they gaze Jae’s hand on my back when walked out of the room. Everything Jae did contradict the true facts of our relationship.

“What were you talking to Uee about?” he asked.

I looked up at him in surprise. “You know her?”

“Yeah. She’s a regular at the club,” he replied swiftly.

“Oh, I see.” I nodded. “I take it she was one of your many conquests.”

He laughed. “I don’t have conquests, Angel. They either join me for a good time or they don’t.”

“Uh-huh. That’s what you call it,” I replied.

“You don’t think I’m a good time?” he asked, looking wounded.

I snorted. “The time I spend with you is pretty good, Jae. But I’m not one of your so…”

He shook his head. “Be nice, Angel. That kind of language is far from becoming on you. I don’t like hearing that from your pretty lips.”

“As if you care what’s becoming of me.”

“I do,” he said sternly. I looked at him and he was looking down at me with serious expression and I brushed off his comment.

“So was she a, um, a good time?” I asked, looking straight ahead.

I didn’t want to look him in the eye when he replied. I didn’t want him to see the pain I knew would show in mine. I hated how much of a player he was and I hated that people thought I was dating him while he was still flirting with other women. And I hated that I cared – because normally I didn’t.

“What is it to you, Angel?” he asked.

I shrugged. “It’s just a question.”

He dipped his head low to mine, his lips a breath away from my ear. “Are you jealous?”

I mocked. “You wish.”

“Then what is it to you?” he asked again.

His hand on my back started a slow seduction on my senses as he moved his fingers in rhythmic circles. I bit back a moan because it felt good…like a massage. He knew my body so well. Over the last couple of week, he’d spend every night in my bed with me. His fingertips caressed my back whenever I was in a mood and somehow it soothed me. I never had any bad dreams since he started doing that. I was always dreamless and relaxed.

“Well, she came up to me and asked about us so I was wondering what you were to her to spark interest about what I was to you,” I admitted.

“And what did you tell her?” he asked. I could tell his eyes were on my face and I felt warm under his gaze.

“I told her the truth. I told her we were friends,” I said as I grinned up at him. “And that you were still very much on the market.”

He shook his head. “You’re a brat.”

I laughed. “Don’t even, Jae. You know you want a girl on your arm,” I .

“I already have a girl on my arm now,” he said. His tone was serious.

“I don’t count,” I said softly. “Seriously, don’t you think you should go on a date or something? Everyone thinks we’re together now.”

“Is that a problem?” he asked.

“Well,” I said, frowning. “Maybe not for you because you’re a notorious player. But I kind of want to go on a date or something. You know meet someone.”

I shrugged, looking at the tiled hallway. I hated having these kinds of conversations with Jae.

“And?” His tone bordered on harsh but his hand on my back was gentle as ever.

“And, you know, no one dares to ask me out anymore because they all think I’m with you,” I said as I rolled my eyes. “For some weird reason, every guy in this university is intimidated by the gods of Club JYJ.”

He nodded. “Good. We will keep it that way then.”

“I’m serious, Jae,” I moaned. “I’m tired of being home every night when I’m not working at the club. I wouldn’t mind going out with someone, get to know that person and maybe share a kiss at the end of the date.”

That revelation made me blush. I knew for a fact that I sounded like a teenager but I didn’t care.

“I’ll take you out, Angel,” Jae offered.

I let my head fall back as I groaned to the heavens.

“I don’t want your pity date, Jae. I want someone who actually wants to take me out on a date,” I said.

His brows pulled in and he scowled down at me. “Who said I didn’t want to take you on a date?”

“Right,” I mocked. “Mr.I-Don’t-Date wants to take me on a date. How ironic. I find that really hard to believe, Jae.”

He laughed at my imitation of him as I settled into a bench. He claimed the other bench in front of me, his legs spread wise so his knees were caging mine.

“You know I like spending time with you, Angel,” he said.

“I know that.” I dropped my head into my hands. “You’re not getting it, Jae. Let’s just forget about this.”

His hands settled on my thighs and he squeezed. “Don’t shut me out. Please tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”

I shook my head, nibbling at my lip. “You’re not capable of what I want, Jae.” He flinched as though I’d slapped him and I rushed to explain clearly. “I mean, you don’t want a relationship. You said so yourself. You don’t want any emotions and soft kisses and love. None of that,” I whispered as he stared straight ahead. “You don’t want what I need right now.”

I can’t just be a pity date. If he wants me, if he needs me…then…

Jae nodded. He didn’t say anything for the remainder of the break and then when we attended the only class we have together he was quiet as well. It was the very first time he did that. I couldn’t concentrate on the lecture because every time I looked at Jae, I saw pain in his eyes. But he always looked away from me. It replayed over and over in my mind and with every scene, with the words I said, my heart broke a little more.

But he had to understand that he couldn’t always be the center of my life. There would come a day when someone entered my life who wouldn’t be afraid to step between me and Jae. And when that  man came, I would accept him and I would try to give love a chance because my relationship with Jae is killing me every single time.

When our class was finished and I stood with Jae. He still didn’t say anything. And when he took a step away from me without his usual touch, my heart staggered with something that could only be describe as extreme anxiety.

“Jae?” I muttered quietly. I was aware that my voice was so low and pained. It made me cringe to hear it.

He paused, his shoulders stiff. He took a moment, breathing in and out before facing me.

“What, Angel?”

“Are you mad?” I asked. “Please talk to me.”

“There’s not much to say,” he said.

I felt the need to cry as I stared at him. I wished I had my car more than anything today. I couldn’t possibly sit through another class after this.

I swallowed hard. “Please take me home.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“I…I don’t want to be here,” I said as I shifted uncomfortably. “Will you take me home now?”

“You shouldn’t skip out on your class, Dara.” His tone was stern but I could see his resolve weakening. I knew he couldn’t say no to me so I pushed again.

“My grades are up and I’m confident with my next class,” I said as I took a step toward him. “Please, just take me