Does she know how badly I want her? Need her? To take a little more? Maybe even take it all.

Jae narrowed his eyes on us. His lips parted and I knew by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t even close to dropping the issue.

He wanted an answer and if I knew Jae at all, he wouldn’t give up all that easily.

But, to be honest, there wasn’t an answer I could give him – there wasn’t one I was willing to give. He was my friend. I had no desire or whatsoever to dive head first into fact of my life, or lack thereof. He didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know I’d never had a relationship worth talking about. He didn’t need to know I was an inexperienced woman.

That would weird him out for sure.

Most women I know now have engaged to pre-marital . I have nothing against it because I believe that it’s a woman’s prerogative to choose when or to whom she would like to be intimate. I’ve never judged Bom and Junsu’s relationship and neither the other couples around me.

But that doesn’t mean I like to talk about my own “experience” or the lack of it. There was one time that Bom accidentally slipped it to some women we’ve hangout with a few times and most of them thought I was saving myself like some saint - I wasn’t. The chance to get it done and over with simply hadn’t interested me. And I didn’t necessarily want to get it over it – because I wanted it to be special.

I’m not a hearts and flowers kind of girl, but I wanted more than a couch in a dimly lit room like most of them. I saw no reason why I should rush it.

“Are you guys coming or what?” asked Junsu, wiping the sweat from his brow despite the fact that it was snowing.

Jae closed his mouth and I knew the questioning was on hold for now. I let out a deep breath I knew he didn’t miss.

“We have more bags of clothes you can take out. And the bed is good to go,” Bom answered as she looked at Jae. “Do you have a place she can store her dishes and all her other stuff? She shouldn’t give it away, you know. She probably won’t be staying with you long, so she’ll need it once she has her own place.”

Jae’s voice was calm and controlled, but I could see the annoyance in his eyes.

“Why won’t Dara be staying with me long?”

“Well, she’ll get her own place as soon as she can save the money that she needed,” Bom said as she shook her head as though Jae was stupid and I wanted to find a bed and hide beneath the bed covers.

This bad day was getting worse by the second.

They were both acting so territorial around me.

“She’ll be staying with me for as long as she needs. She won’t be pressured to find a place and she should at least stay until her college is through. No sense in getting another place and going through the stress that’s led her to this moment,” Jae snapped.

“Her parent’s…”

“Enough!” Jae growled and we all jumped.

Jae’s arms were folded over his chest. This was the first time I saw him looking so mean. And it was directing towards my best friend.

“She’s moving in with me now and that’s all that matters.”

“Bom,” Junsu warned when she was about to opened to continue the arguing.

With an eye roll, she murmured, “I just wanted to know she had a place to store her extra stuff. I don’t want her to give it away and then worry about buying another batch someday.”

“She has everything she needs in my house,” Jae said.

“Exactly,” Bom retorted pointedly. “It’s your house, Jae. Not hers.”

“And after today it’s hers too,” Jae snapped back slowly and evenly. His words sounded sharp enough to cut through the thickest of wood, if it was possible.

I looked at Bom.

“Bom, I appreciate your obvious worry, but I made this decision all by myself and I’m sticking to it,” I said softly.

I felt Jae’s eyes settled on me. I knew without a doubt he was remembering his convincing demands that I move in with him to ease my financial burden only this morning. Jae had practically informed me that I was moving in with him rather than allowing me to make my decisions on my own, but I didn’t mind. So I was stretching the truth, who cared?

“Fine,” Dee said as she sighed and raised her hands in defeat. “If you’re comfortable with this decision then I support you. But we’re still doing our rituals and sleepovers.”

I laughed and hugged her. Jae sighed. I watched him throw a disbelieving look at Junsu and I knew he was wondering how on earth Junsu put up with my best friend. That made me laugh harder and I nodded.

“We will definitely do our girls nights,” I said to her.

“Preferably when I’m working,” Jae mumbled.

Bom shot him a warning look.

“What job, Jae?”

Jae tensed and I frowned as Junsu ran a stressed hand through his hair.

“Bom, stop. No more,” Junsu said and he looked at her with warning in his eyes.

Jae set cold eyes on Bom too and for the first time since meeting Jae, I feared him. I wanted to shrink from the rage etched in his eyes. I didn’t know how Bom maintained her stubbornness all throughout this.

“You really want to go there, Bom?” Jae hissed. It was a deadly, if I ever heard one.

Bom’s bottom lip twitched and she sighed in defeat.

“I’ll give you more time, Jae. But you better let it out soon. She’s my best friend,” Bom replied but she wasn’t snapping at him. The way she said it wasn’t even a warning. It was somehow – I could be wrong – but it sounded like she was pleading.

“Or else what, Bom?” Jae answered back. His brow raised and he took a heavy step toward her.

I watched as Bom instantly moved to her feet behind Junsu. He stepped between them.

“Whoa! Jae,” Junsu said. His eyes were wild and I felt a shiver travel the length of my spine. “Relax. Bom’s not trying to egg you or anything. She’s just concern.”

What?

“Wait, what the heck is going on?” I yelled and they all turned to look at me.

My hands were shaking in my lap where I sat on the floor in front of the pile of clothing. I still hadn’t stood.

“What are you all talking about? I feel like I’m in an alternate universe or something. Am I even included in your discussion? I’m here and it’s obviously about me but why are you all ignoring my presence?” I continued, irritation was obvious in my voice.

Jae went back to staring at Bom. Junsu was obviously trying to pacify the man by making sure Bom was behind him. I wasn’t sure but I felt fear on Junsu. Bom’s shoulders slumped and she was trying to avoid looking at Jae.

“You know I love her like a sister,” Bom murmured from Junsu’s back.

“Can I talk to you in private?” Jae growled his question and Bom nodded hesitantly.

“Um, sure,” she said. She took a step away from Junsu’s back and then walked toward the hall and I instantly scrambled to my feet.

“What are you guys talking about? If someone doesn’t let me in on this, I’m not going anywhere with any of you,” I called out as Jae walked toward the door ignoring me. “Jae! I won’t move in with you unless you explain this mess to me!”

Jae suddenly froze. He turned around and threw me an icy glare over his shoulder.

“Don’t go there, Angel,” he said in a tone that is low yet alarming. “You can’t back out now. It’s too late.”

I shook my head. “It’s never too late, Jae.”

“There are things you don’t need to know yet. Things I’d rather keep you from knowing – to protect you. Pack the rest of your things,” he said as he glanced around my small place. “We only have one more load before we’re done and you’re officially moved in with me.”

“I don’t like secrets, Jae,” I told him in a shaky voice.

“I know, Angel,” he said slowly. “The day will come that you will know everything.” His eyes flickered to Junsu. “And that will be the day I will fight harder for you than I have ever before.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked through clenched teeth. “You’re talking nonsense.”

My heart was thrashing in my chest and my nerves were on high alert.

“The day you know about my secrets will be the day I will lose you,” he said in sad and somber voice.

I didn’t like hearing him speak that way. If he thought he was going to lose me because of his ‘secrets’, then he didn’t know me at all. Hadn’t he been listening to me last night – when I told him I loved him?

I shook my head, maintaining my eye contact on him.

“Haven’t you ever heard that the truth will set you free, Jae?” I asked sincerely. “I won’t walk away from you for telling me the truth – whatever that is.”

“We’ll see about that.”

With those cryptic words, he stepped into the hall where Bom waited. The door closed behind him and I looked at Junsu who stood awkwardly.

“How long have we known each other, Junsu?” I asked him.

“Not long enough for me to tell you what you want to know, Dara,” he said softly. “I love you like a sister, Dara, but Jae…I’ve known him longer than you.” He shook his head and I knew his lips were sealed.

“Is it really as bad as he’s making it out to be?” I asked as I twisted my hands.

Junsu thought for a moment, nibbling the inside of his cheek.

“It depends, Dara. Bom is overprotective of you. She’s always been that way about you. Jae, well, he is what he is. He can’t change the way he is and it’s hard for him to…well, it’s hard for him to tell it all. It isn’t easy, I guess. He’s probably ashamed of it as well.”

“Why would he be ashamed?”

Junsu breathed out deeply. “Because you’re a good person. You’re better than he is and he knows it.”

“I’m not better than him,” I said as I frowned. “When my parents were still alive, God knows I tried to be the best daughter for them but I was a brat too. I was spoiled and I didn’t appreciate what I had then until they were all gone. So, I have no right to pass that kind of judgment on him.”

Junsu snapped his finger, pointing at me.

“That right there is a proof of what I just said. You’re a good person, Dara. Sure, you were a brat but so is Bom. But you’re a good girl, a good daughter, a good friend – overall a good person. Do you understand that?”

I winced. “But so is Jae! People are judging him without knowing the real him.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” he stated matter of fact. “Even I know that.”

“Then tell me what do I deserve?”

“You deserve to marry a doctor, an accountant, an architect…a behaved man, a model citizen, Dara, who spends their weekend volunteering at charities and ,” he chuckled. “Not some tattooed, club owner with a bad reputation. Not one of the gods of Club JYJ who rules the night.”

“You’re being ridiculous. Every one of you is ridiculous,” I said as I shoved the remainder of my clothing into the bag without folding it. There was no point anyway. I would just be unfolding it later.

“Dara,” Junsu said softly as he took a few steps toward me. “Don’t be mad at us, okay?”

“I’m not mad. I can’t be mad at all of you. Not when you’re all helping me,” I said as I rubbed my forehead in frustration. “I’m just exhausted. I want to get somewhere I feel like the floor isn’t going to fall out from under me for once. I just want to go to sleep and have dreamless night. I want to wake up without worrying about money, the house, where I’m going to be living in a week. I want to have a day that has no shocking news or mind boggling secrets to discover. I just want peace.”

When I was finished with my outburst, I blushed and dropped the moment as fast as it appeared.

“I…I’m sorry for that,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to take that out on you.”

“Dara, don’t be. That’s what friends are for,” Junsu said as he rubbed my back.

“Thank you,” I said as I looked up to him. “Um, can you help Bom not be so worried about me? I’ll be fine, you know. Jae isn’t bad, not to me, at least.”

He winced. “I don’t think anyone can do that.”

I groaned. “She’s too much sometimes.”

“She loves you.”

“I know.” I nodded. “I love that crazy too.”

The door suddenly opened and Bom walked in, looking furious as Jae followed her. There was no doubt they fought about whatever it was Jae wasn’t ready to tell me yet, but I didn’t want to car