As long as I can remember being alive on this damn planet, I've been poor. I barely have what I need to survive and to top things off, there is no bread winner for this family, if you can call us a family. It has always been ma, Luhan and I. My father? No idea, and I honestly don't give a flying and never want to meet him.

I know the only logical way of getting out this miserable place is through intellect. I know I can achieve my goal by being the top of my class and staying there. 

But with Luhan's ruckus going on, how can I possibly concentrate. I suppose he's making something in the kitchen to eat, if we have something good  to eat that is.

Not a moment later, I hear light tap-tap on my door. I groan internally. Why can't Luhan understand not to bother me when I'm studying? Can he not see I'm busy?!

“Yifaaaan, come and eat," trills my older brother Luhan through the door. I grit my teeth and set my textbook down.

Stupid idiot. He is so whiny sometimes I can't stand it. 

I open my door and saunter my way through to the kitchen. Not that there is much to walk through since the apartment itself is basically one small floor with tiny cramped rooms and an even tinier kitchen.

Argh, I can't stand it, I will get out of this hellhole.

I sit down and see whats on plate, more like what's inside the white foam cup and grimace.

Ramen. Again. 

“What is this ? You expect me to eat this!?” I look expectantly at ma. Luhan tries to reason with me, “Come on di, money is tight you know that. Let's eat our ramen in peace for once."

Money. Money. Money. I am sick and tired of hearing that same, dreaded excuse.

I seethe back, “No. She is just not trying hard enough! She loses one job and now she can barely put a meal on the table, Luhan! 

She looks at me through a harden gaze and snaps back, "You never appreciate what I do Yifan. Nothing I ever do is right! It's always criticism with you! You don't know what I have to do every single, mother.ing.day. You think it's easy just to wake u—

I slam my fist on the table.

“SHUTUP! You are just worthless and unfit to be called our mother! And don't feed me that bull crap about trying because clearly the results are not showing!"

I grab my cup and spill the contents on the table. “I rather eat nothing.” That’d teach her.

I return to my room and slam the door shut. I delve under my covers and try to get some shuteye. Hopefully my dreams will be better than this nightmare.

Why?

Why was I born to such a desolate life. I deserve better than this.

--------

Luhan does not understand his brother whatsoever. Does he not see their mother working her off to keep their heads protected under a sheltered roof? Does he not see her trying to provide Yifan with his every need? Is he not happy their single mother did not abandon them even in the face of misery? Even when that sorry excuse of a father, more like seed donor, left them?

Sure they can't afford most things. But the hardwork is there. The relentless drive of their mother to provide her boys with the necessties is there. 

Luhan sighs and cleans up Yifan's mess. He doesn't understand how his dear mother, bless her soul, keeps up with her son’s tantrums and downright disrespectful behavior. 

He puts the disregarded ramen cup into the trash and washes his hands. Sensing his mother, who was most likely shaken up due to the Yifan's recent episode, he decides to make some tea to soothe her nerves.

Pulling out the rusty kettle, he fills it up with water and sets it on the stove on medium heat. 

Tiptoeing his way to his mother room, as to not disturb Mr. Perfect, he knocks softly.

“Hey ma? Can I come in?”

He leans in and hears a sniffle. That's his cue.

“Come here baby, you know I love you right? I love both you and your brother. Alot, alot. It's just that sometimes, it's hard. I try baby, I do, I really do. But I just want you to know you are the reason why I'm still living. Still enduring. Still fighting. Never give up the faith, ok?” 

Luhan immediatley walks over and hugs her tightly. 

“I'm sorry, ma. Yifan can be such an . But I know he's just fed up living like this. But I promise you. Things are going to get better. I know I'm not as smart as Yifan but I know imma do great. I'm going to get a job and Yifan with his big head is probably gonna be some famous lawyer or whatever and we can finally give you the life you deserve. And just between you and me, you know he needs a good whoopin."

Ma giggles a bit and hugs Luhan tighter. After a while, she pulls back and cups his face tenderly.

“Oh, baby-yah. You always know how to make me feel better.”

Luhan smiles and shrugs, “What can I say? I’m yo man, mama dearest.”

A shrill whistling goes off and breaks up their moment. Oh crap the kettle!

Aya. Yifan' s going to whoop his

--------

Today is different or atleast I sense a feeling akin to it.

The school bell rings and snaps me back to reality. It's back to the hellhole. I hate that shabby place. I wished it burned down into ing flames so I wouldn't have to see it again.

Not that this ty school is any better. It's full of lazy brats and wrong-doers. They probably don't even have the brains to fathom what the quadratic formula even is or what it even means.

I walk down to the bus stop and hop on the bus. After reaching my stop and getting off, I walk down to the apartment. Nobody is home yet,  I presume.

Ma is out working and Luhan is probably out still looking to be employed.  Tch, his head is so empty and his resume is lacking. Nobody in their right mind is going to hire an unskilled idiot like him.

Chuckling, I check the mail and see an envelope addressed to me.

From Tsinghua University...

I immediatley rip out the letter and scan it greedily.

Dear Yifan,

On behalf of the admissions committee, it is my pleasure to offer you admission to the Tsinghua class of xxxx. You stood out as one of the most talented and promising students in one of the most competitive applicant pools in the hist—

The rest is a blur. I sit down before yelling out with an excited whoop. 

I did it. My efforts payed off. I did it. 

I reread the letter over and over, my eyes still unbelieving.

Yes! I got in! 

This is it. My ticket out.

Beijing is full of promise. I can feel it.

I am finally getting out of here.