You are my hope but leaves me lifeless

You are my strength but leaves me unmoving

You are my everything but I feel nothing

-

"How are you?"

"Yesterday was better than today, not saying it was any less worse but you get what I mean."

"Alright, let me ask again. Anything good that happened to you today?"

"Well, I'm still breathing, it can be considered good for you, right? I'm not sure I can say the same for myself."

Sunny sighs. Her friend's pessimism could be very irritating, but she knows well not to let it get to her. She needs to think of Taeyeon's state before her own.

"You know I'm here Taeng, don't beat yourself up. I know you have your way of coping up with things so I won't push you to tell me everything. Just know that I am here for you. You can start telling me anything you want to say when you feel like it, I'm not going anywhere- well not for six more days. I only got a week off before I need to go back to work. But for the next six days I'm all ears for you."

"Thanks Sunny, but I don't want to be a bother." Taeyeon replies lifelessly.

Sunny looks at her friend dejectedly. "No Taeng, don't think like that you're never a bother." And she hopes Taeyeon knows she's sincere with her words- a friend will never be a bother, especially not Taeyeon.

-

Taeyeon decided to take a whole month off from work and spend it brooding at home, well there's an entire week with Sunny trying to keep the older girl talking before she will be left alone. She's not getting much out of her, but she responds which is good enough for the shorter blonde.

And Sunny took the liberty to schedule at least two check ups for Taeyeon with her doctor before she go back to Korea. It's been their second - and last visit - to the doctor this week and Taeyeon's nth time for the past three years, also Sunny's last day of stay in LA before going back to Seoul tomorrow. The two are currently having lunch at a local pizza house after Taeyeon was done with her counseling.

"Hey Taeng, I'll be going back tomorrow, you sure you can take it from here?" Sunny asks tentatively, she wouldn't want to offend her friend.

"Yep, I'm cool. I'll take you to the airport tomorrow." Taeyeon replies.

Sunny lets out a heavy sigh. "Can't help but worry about you, you know. I don't like leaving you alone."

Taeyeon puts her fork down and looks up to her best friend who is now looking sullen, and she felt bad and lighter at the same time. Bad that she's causing distress to her and lighter at the thought that she isn't really alone in this battle. Sunny has been with her ever since they were kids, and she never left her alone no matter how hard she pushed everyone away. Unbeknownst to their friends, she has kept in touch with Sunny during the time she's away. Her slightly shorter friend wouldn't let her leave and disappear to deal with her problems all by herself and she's thankful.

Taeyeon grew up in a competitive and calculating family, despite being supportive of her and her siblings decisions in life, their parents always expected that their children excel in all aspects in life, get things done on time having no room for mistakes and delays. They are strict and had taught their children the concept of independence at early age, making sure they know how to do things on their own and knows how to take responsibilty. So Taeyeon grew up fearing mistakes and failure, always keeping to herself and wears a dorky smile in order to mask her vulnerabilty.

And it eventually took its toll on her. When Taeyeon never wanted to be emotionally attached to anyone, Jessica was the first she had ever felt she wanted to be close to someone - to keep that person to her side all the time that when she found out she was one step too late to getting the girl's heart it drove her mad.

Taeyeon feared being left behind so she always the first one to run. She never wanted to feel how it's like to be abandoned so she would be the one to leave, but at the back of her mind, a nagging voice would always tell that no matter how far she ran it doesn't change that the truth is she's the one who was left alone -she may have escaped the people that's causing her pain but they aren't the one alone - she is.

"You heard the doctor, it's only mild BPD (borderline personality disorder), I can still keep myself in check so don't worry too much Sunny-ah, I'll be okay." Taeyeon assures her friend. And Taeyeon is really grateful to Sunny for sticking around despite the numerous times she had lash out on the girl. During those heavy moments when Taeyeon was on the heights of everything when all the symptoms of her illness takes control over her sanity Sunny didn't leave her to wallow in her own fears and emptiness. She wouldn't want to go back on those days where she lets her anger take charge, or the feeling of emptiness sets in and she'd cut herself to make her feel alive- no she don't want that, not when she saw how much in pain her friend was during those times because of her.

And Sunny can see Taeyeon's eyes looking lifeless, like a blackhole that takes everything in but there's nothing and she can only sigh but she will trust her friend on her words.

-

Back in Korea.

Jessica is about to go mad at a standstill. She's been aching to fly off to California and follow Taeyeon but Hyomin is deliberately piling more documents on her table to work on and keep her busy. Suddenly every report and papers are of urgent attention not to mention how she's also needed at Blanc & Eclare.

It's been ten days since Taeyeon took off and ran away from Korea, and Jessica is missing the blonde so much that it hurts. She no longer sleep to get all her work done so she can chase after Taeyeon.

It's already 8 pm on a Wednesday and Jessica is still signing off some contract for B&E that Seohyun will be picking up early tomorrow morning. Working on two roles and at two companies at once is getting harder especially now that B&E is expanding and Jessica's thinking of giving up her position in their hotel and focus on her clothing brand, she can always nominate someone to take over her position - someone she's aching to have by her side.

Yes, Jessica is planning to endorse Taeyeon to take over her position if it means having the woman she loves near- she knows Taeyeon wouldn't easily reject such a big offer of promotion and Jessica will do everything to convince Taeyeon. This hotel business is not to her interest at all, she's already amazed she lasted more than a year handling work when her real passion and interest lies in fashion.

So despite the late hour and lack of food in her stomach, Jessica is still keenly reading each and every documents related to B&E - she's tired but she's not complaining since the work is to her liking. Just two more unsigned contracts and Jessica's done for the day.

Five minutes to reading the last contract, a knock followed by the slow creaking of her door startled Jessica- she's not expecting visitors at this hour and Hyomin already bade her good night an hour ago. So Jessica